Puppies and Lollipops (2893 hits)
Category: GeneralRating: -0.66 on 116 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by <joe.momma.at.jm.com> (View user info) at 2003-11-18 22:03:27 EST
If you're a guy and you clicked on this post you are a fucking fag. If you're a girl and you clicked on this post you need to grow the fuck up. Either way you're an asshole. Way to go.
User Reviews
Submitted by JoeAverage (user info) at 2008-08-28 15:04:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You definitely have some classics to Schlongster.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2008-08-28 14:49:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
That's what I think all of Shlongy's posts are, too. Classics.
This was a good one.
Submitted by JoeAverage (user info) at 2008-08-28 14:38:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
This is a fucking classic.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2008-07-16 09:54:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
My kind of post.
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2008-07-16 09:21:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
lol im
Submitted by JoeAverage (user info) at 2006-03-07 15:15:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Nellypaal is a fucking faggot, but this is a work of art.
Submitted by Nellypaal (user info) at 2006-03-03 18:49:25 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by Mr._Positive (user info) at 2004-01-22 09:49:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Great!
Submitted by smokymtcsw (user info) at 2004-01-16 11:08:37 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Your writing sucks, and you are a closet case.
Submitted by JoeAverage (user info) at 2003-11-28 15:33:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Herpes, you faggot motherfucker. Why don't you get a fucking life you fucking loser. You are obsessed with me and I see you respond to all of my posts and you know what's great about that? You don't fucking get it. You are my favorite kind of asshole and I want you to read everything I write. Guess what fuckwad, you're hooked.
Thanks for making me the most heated writer and thanks for being such a dipshit. I will continue to step on pathetic losers like you on my way to the top. Please keep reading and writing to me because you'll keep me #1. I couldn't do it without you.
The average Howard Stern fan listens to the show for 126 minutes, while the average Howard Stern hater listens for 220 minutes. Guess who's contributing more to his success?
Submitted by Herpes (user info) at 2003-11-27 02:08:04 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
http://www.ubersite.com/cgi-bin/message_get.cgi?message=10699168326303421
Submitted by JoeAverage (user info) at 2003-11-25 19:07:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Istaros, you are too kind. I will try to deliver excellence as much as possible.
Submitted by JoeAverage (user info) at 2003-11-25 19:06:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Hairsphincter, thanks for the compliment . . . I think. Some people also say I'm like VD.
Submitted by Istaros (user info) at 2003-11-22 06:46:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Murphy1844, I apologize. "...don't like(even for good reason)..." was SUPPOSED to be, "...don't like something(even if for good reason)..."
Submitted by Istaros (user info) at 2003-11-22 06:44:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"You are like Melanoma, slowly growing on me and before I know it, then *POW*! It's too late. Taken over."
This seems to be a pretty common occurrence with you, Hairsphincter... *ahem*
Submitted by Istaros (user info) at 2003-11-22 06:43:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"'Fag' sort of lost it's punch in the Civilized World some time ago."
I'm afraid not, buddy. Just because you don't like(even for good reason), doesn't mean it doesn't exist.
Incidentally, more excellence from JoeAverage...
Submitted by Bellebrown (user info) at 2003-11-21 20:37:59 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Fag? You're a cigarette?
Does anyone still use the word fag as an insult.
Murphy is right - that is so... 1998 (or something).
Submitted by Murphy1844 (user info) at 2003-11-21 19:36:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
"Fag" sort of lost it's punch in the Civilized World some time ago.
Submitted by ckyhimself (user info) at 2003-11-21 14:16:02 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
hey i got a question for you.... shut up
Submitted by Hairsphincter (user info) at 2003-11-21 02:30:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
You are like Melanoma, slowly growing on me and before I know it, then *POW*! It's too late. Taken over.
Submitted by JoeAverage (user info) at 2003-11-20 21:03:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Enjoy the joke everyone?
Submitted by Random Joe at 2003-11-20 18:09:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by JoeAverage (user info) at 2003-11-18 22:05:53 (#)
Ranking: 2
DJMatt, I think you want to give me a lot of attention you fruit. Why would you click on a post called Puppies and Lollipops?
__________________
Why did you? Why did I? Why did any of us?
Submitted by JoeAverage (user info) at 2003-11-19 23:46:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Hairsphincter I've only had two names on this site, read this explanation originally posted on the Canada Sucks (I Hate Canada) post.
Valacosa, I'm the one that wrote this. It was my first time to this site and I read a post from a Canadian about how America sucks and we deserved the Oklahoma City bombings. Direct quote, "Mcveigh's, grievances were legitimate and his beliefs genuine." In case you didn't know Tim McVeigh was the mastermind/bomber in Oklahoma City.
The post was poorly written and it was clear that this Canadian was a moron. I thought it would be funny to pose as an even bigger moron and reel off every Canadian stereotype I could think of (and I invented a bunch of them also). It was fun for a while arguing back and forth (people should realize that you can't win an argument with a moron) and then I started to say things that were more and more outrageous. A few people called it a hoax but for the most part people bought it hook line and sinker.
I got tired of playing around (I also kept forgetting to mispell words and one person noticed one of my responses was eloquently worded) and I didn't know how to stop the post so I pretended to be an improv actor and say the whole thing was a joke. I figured that could be a plausible explanation and then everyone would laugh and it would be done, but I was wrong. When I came back to the site I tried to log in again but I couldn't remember my password (I just made up the name FuckCanada and hit a bunch of keys for the password so I could quickly right a rebuttal story to that crappy Canadian post).
If I wanted to log in I had to make up a new name so I typed JoeAverage and logged back in (sadly FuckCanada will be a one hit wonder because I can't figure out what the password was). When I found that my post had become the most heated post on the site I couldn't stop laughing. It was never my intent to be #1 (I didn't even know what the most heated was, I had only read one post on this site and then decided to write my first post in response) and I had even tried to stop the joke before it got out of hand (if you scroll down and read the posts by FuckCanada you can see that I'm telling the truth).
As JoeAverage I decided to fan the flames a little more and I created two more posts (Women SHUT THE FUCK UP and Puppies and Lollipops) and then they went to the top ten most heated. Although, I got in trouble with Women SHUT THE FUCK UP because I advertised it on other people's posts (OPP) and I learned that was bad etiquette (being a link whore). Then I created a prank post called Puppies and Lollipops (without doing any link whoring) just to see if it would be popular and almost as soon as I posted it, it went to the top ten (I think it's a funny prank too).
That's the real story, I may post again or I may not, I haven't decided yet. I won't post for a couple of days because I now see that the rules say one post a day. I've had a funny first experience with web posting and I do know one thing, a lot of people were entertained by this.
ALL LINKS IN THIS STORY ARE BELOW:
American's (Original Post That I Made the Counterpost too, if you scroll down the page a little you can see that as JoeAverage I even posted a link to this post as a counterpoint, because I had already forgotten the password to FuckCanada)
http://www.ubersite.com/cgi-bin/message_get.cgi?message=1068692798804428564
Canada Sucks (I Hate Canada):
http://www.ubersite.com/cgi-bin/message_get.cgi?message=1069104224514727984
Women SHUT THE FUCK UP:
http://www.ubersite.com/cgi-bin/message_get.cgi?message=106920231026572212
Puppies and Lollipops:
http://www.ubersite.com/cgi-bin/message_get.cgi?message=1069211007196532274
Submitted by JoeAverage (user info) at 2003-11-19 23:43:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
If you get the joke and laugh then you have a sense of humor. If you get angry then the joke gets you. I think the latter is much more entertaining for me. To those of you that laughed I laugh with you, to those of you that got pissed I laugh at you.
Submitted by MOssiah (user info) at 2003-11-19 23:00:44 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Oh shit.
I'm a fucking fag.
Thanks for clearing that up. I was unaware of this fact until your consise and poignant writings showed me the true path.
Oh well, now that I know my destiny... anyone for some man love?
Submitted by Hairsphincter (user info) at 2003-11-19 22:20:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
JoAverage - 3703
Fanofpoop - 3725 (no original submissions)
JeremySpokeInClass - 3726 (no original submissions)
Canada Dry - 3738 (no original submissions)
Hmmm...
Submitted by Zeccs (user info) at 2003-11-19 20:14:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
My best friend was my tv,
game shows and cartoons, substitued for
puppies, rainbows and balloons.
Submitted by JoeAverage (user info) at 2003-11-19 18:02:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Party03: Oh god, Why did I come back? While it is nice to see Loki doing some ass kicking
JoeAverage: First of all, you came back because I'm interesting and exciting (both are qualities you lack) and because you're frustrated because you got owned (and claim to not even know what it means) and can't compete on the same mental level with me or CanadaDry (who I don't know, but I don't like Gingerale). No one is trying to egg you on, but if you talk shit about me on my post you're gonna get it right back. You also said you have a mini-schnauzer, I bet he is bored to tears being around you too. Don't be suprised if he runs in front of a car on purpose to get away from you. Second of all, Loki didn't do any ass kicking and neither did I. I did my asskicking on the football field or in a fistfight with a random drunk fraternity guy that ran his mouth too much. You can't kick ass by typing, although I must come the closest.
Party03: JoeAverage, you waste of fucking space, shit eating, gold fish raping pile of shit. You have resulted to childhood insults in trying to insult Loki's looks. I bet you were on the debate team in school weren't you? After all that's how all of us settle arguements.
JoeAverage: Gold fish raping? Do you see what I mean, you are just not on my level. Your work is insipid and uninspired. To your second point, no I was not on the debate team, that was for fucking losers. I'm glad you acknowledged that I'm funny though, I appreciate that and that is why you keep coming back to this page. You don't think you should laugh at this stuff because you are marching rank and file with the liberal, PC thought police and the feminazis but you are a man and you're going against nature by suppressing your feelings. Be a fucking man and laugh at stuff that's not PC, you'll feel better about yourself and you may find you're not so boring after all.
Submitted by PropaGumby (user info) at 2003-11-19 17:49:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
so close
Submitted by JoeAverage (user info) at 2003-11-19 17:37:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Loki, Loki, Loki, well I did agree with one thing you said in your post, "You should be able to find plenty of ammo in that little manifesto somewhere." Oh how right you are:
Loki: Yes I am a feminist. Deal with it. So is my boyfriend and yes he has a dick. Not only does he have a dick, but he has a pretty dick (mick hates it when I say that) and if I might say so, he's quite good with it.
JoeAverage: You say that your boyfriend is a feminist and has a dick, okay, you say it's a pretty dick (is that because you make him wear a pink bow-tie on it?) and I think Mick will not be the only one that hates when you say that . . . every guy would hate that, except your boyfriend tinkerbell. You say that he's quite good with his dick, but how can he use it when you make him tuck it between his legs while you boss this fairy around the house with your castrating feminazi ways? A real man, first of all, would make you grow long hair because no guy likes a girl with super short hair. Second of all, he would stop letting you fuck him in the ass with that 10 inch strap-on. Third of all, you say that in the real world you don't have to be a woman to be a feminist and I agree with that . . . you can also be a transexual. Fourthly (that sounds funny), in his house you say he's not allowed to use the guest towels, but if he was a real man he would use your guest towels as jerk-off rags while he looked at lesbian porn, just to mark is territory and show you that he is still the man of the house and he will use whatever goddamn towel he wants.
Submitted by PropaGumby (user info) at 2003-11-19 17:35:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Michael Jackson at 2003-11-19 16:44:56 (#)
Ranking: 2
Gay uber-users (this means all of you), heed my call. Your king of pop needs a place to lay low. Who will help me?
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Submitted by JoeAverage (user info) at 2003-11-19 17:23:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Michael, you reminded me of another joke.
What's Michael Jackson's favorite hobby?
Blowing Bubbles.
Submitted by JoeAverage (user info) at 2003-11-19 17:21:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
rondo_mondo thank you for the words of encouragement. The truth of the matter is, I don't know Loki, I don't care about Loki, I'm sure she's a nice person (even if she does look like a blonde Q-Tip). I'm sure we'll become fast friends.
Submitted by Michael Jackson at 2003-11-19 17:19:25 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
AverageJoe, why don't you stop by Neverland sometime in the near future. I'm sure we could have a good time. Bubbles says hi.
Submitted by JoeAverage (user info) at 2003-11-19 17:14:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
What's the difference between Michael Jackson and a plastic bag?
One is made of plastic and is dangerous to children, the other is used for carrying groceries.
Why was Michael Jackson kicked out of Boy Scouts?
He was up to two packs a day.
What's black and comes in a little white can?
Michael Jackson.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Little boy blue.
Little boy blue who?
Michael Jackson
What's the difference between Neil Armstrong and Michael Jackson?
Neil Armstrong walked on the moon, Michael Jackson FUCKS LITTLE BOYS IN THE ASS!
Why did Michael Jackson go to Wal-Mart?
He heard little boys underwear was half off.
Submitted by Party03 (user info) at 2003-11-19 17:09:09 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Oh god, Why did I come back? While it is nice to see Loki doing some ass kicking, I have to say, there's nothing like two people (with VERY similar writing styles...I think I'll call shenanigans) speaking for the entire uber community.
First I'd like to address, CanadaDry. I haven't been back here because I figured you were going to try and egg me on to wasting time into showing how much of an idiot you are. Well now that I'm here I'll just leave it at, I may be boring, but if you're so fucking interesting where the fuck are all your posts? The dog story never actually happened by the way. I've only had one dog and that was a mini-schnauzer. However, it is nice how you claim that I was owned. Thanks for the attention even though you don't care about me.
Second, JoeAverage, you waste of fucking space, shit eating, gold fish raping pile of shit. I can only repeat what I said to CanadaDry to you since you had nothing original to say so you basically just re-wrote what he said. You have resulted to childhood insults in trying to insult Loki's looks. I bet you were on the debate team in school weren't you? After all that's how all of us settle arguements.
While you two are good for a laugh, I really do feel more stupid for having indulged you both. For christ's sake, you had me resorting to name calling. Yep, it's official, I've lost IQ points from indulging you two.
Submitted by JoeAverage (user info) at 2003-11-19 17:06:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
OK, since I've gotten two Michael Jackson posts, here are some off the wall (get it) jokes:
Why did Michael Jackson go to Wal-Mart?
He heard little boys underwear was half off.
What's black and comes in a little white can?
Michael Jackson.
What's the difference between Neil Armstrong and Michael Jackson?
Neil Armstrong walked on the moon, Michael Jackson FUCKS LITTLE BOYS IN THE ASS!
What's the difference between Michael Jackson and a plastic bag?
One is made of plastic and is dangerous to children, the other is used for carrying groceries.
Why was Michael Jackson kicked out of Boy Scouts?
He was up to two packs a day.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Little boy blue.
Little boy blue who?
Michael Jackson
Submitted by rondo_mondo <lessthanron.at.yahoo.com> at 2003-11-19 16:57:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Joe, you are a funny man, indeed. The last post made me chuckle a bit, but this post has made me laugh with your responses. Especially the response in the thread of that "Bad Girls" post where you introduced yourself.
"Loki, apparently you have never met a man before, so I would like to introduce myself . . . fuck you"
That made me laugh way too hard. You're a funny guy. But I do also support Loki, as she does post quality material. So maybe you guys can find a compromise?
Keep being funny, Joe.
Submitted by Amish_Amos (user info) at 2003-11-19 16:48:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Mr. Jackson, you can stay in our community. You'll have to work for your room and board though. Perhaps you could work with our children in some way? Do you like children?
Submitted by Michael Jackson at 2003-11-19 16:44:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Gay uber-users (this means all of you), heed my call. Your king of pop needs a place to lay low. Who will help me?
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2003-11-19 16:35:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
**Fundamentalism uses the bible to control their women because they fear the strong woman. If women start questioning the authority of men, the men would have to start using logic and reasoning and then where would they be? Obviously that can't happen so they have to make it blasphemy to use your fucking brain.
Oh they will pull this crap about how they honor women, but who are we kidding here. They start in with this mantra when these kids are young and keep pounding it into them all their lives. They blame women for all the ills of the world even though throughout history they have been the ones "in charge". Pretty neat little game all the responsibility but none of the authority.**
I don't know where you found this but it's fucking brilliant. I agree with me here 100%. You are dead in the water about my hating men though. Sorry that I don't fit into your neat little stereotype but when you grow up you'll see that things are not as simple as you would like them. Yes I am a feminist. Deal with it. So is my boyfriend and yes he has a dick. Not only does he have a dick, but he has a pretty dick (mick hates it when I say that) and if I might say so, he's quite good with it. He's also a feminist by his own admission. See out in the grown up world, you do not even have to be a woman to be a feminist. He's also not a prancy little metrosexual (no offense insanethemind). He's pretty much a beer guzzling, belching, sports car driving, rabid Carolina basketball fan who still does not understand why he is not allowed to use the guest towels and would rather be boiled alive than sit through a chick flick or it turns out Thanksgiving parade with his younger cousins. (personal issue that I get to deal with next week)
In fact I don't hate most men. I just hate whinny little pussy men who lack the balls to compete and therefore demean women. See that's the secret, if you were confident in your masculinity like Sam is, you would not be afraid of strong women.
I also don't hate christians - not across the board. I hate people who think that they have all the answers and that whatever it is that works for them is what everyone should believe. If someone is a christian, then great, I'm glad for you enjoy that. I personally am not and don't care for it when people who are try to shove their ideology down my throat. The bible is not my sacred text, no it is not and therefore cannot be used to prove a point to me. That's just how it is.
I do not totally hate stay at home moms. What I hate are women who want nothing more in life than to marry a rich man and be taken care of. I pretty much don't respect anyone who can't take care of themselves, that's just the way I am - sorry. If someone turns out to get married, have kids and decide to stay home with them great, enjoy. I have nothing in common with them and probably would not be friends and every single stay at home mom I have personally met has some sort of midlife crises. To me it seems like throwing your life away but hey if I won the lottery, I'd be damned if I would even show up here to get my scorpion paperweight and magic 8 ball.
There you have it. You should be able to find plenty of ammo in that little manifesto somewhere.
Now let's see what we know about average joe. We know that he is an obvious attention whore who likes to play games much like the one you are playing now. Does it surprise you to know that I know good and damn well that you are only baiting me to add to your hit count?
Oh hey, glad I could make your day a little brighter.
Submitted by JoeAverage (user info) at 2003-11-19 16:27:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Steven Hawking, thanks for the advice but you're too late, the middlefinger post is further below. By the way if you had cheesy covered hands I bet it would be string cheese (get it, the String Theory).
Submitted by JoeAverage (user info) at 2003-11-19 16:24:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
PropaGumby, I'm glad somebody gets it. Thank you for being a stand-up guy.
Submitted by Stephen Hawking at 2003-11-19 16:21:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
careful, we uber-users may just crawl out from under our rocks and menance you with our cheesy-covered fists. You can also expect a thorough tongue lashing complete with links to somebody giving you the finger...heavens!
Submitted by PropaGumby (user info) at 2003-11-19 16:21:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
JoeAverage I judged you too soon i havent laughed that hard in awhile
Submitted by JoeAverage (user info) at 2003-11-19 16:14:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Loki you are a very hateful person (maybe because of your haircut) and Loki hates the following:
Men - Because the leadership of the firm are a bunch of limp dicked men, they assumed that all the women who left were doing so to be mommies
The Bible - Oh fuck me not this bible shit again. Why is it so hard for you people to understand that not only is this piece of crap not my sacred text
Stay at home moms - As someone who has to deal with these big baby men who expect women to wipe their asses for them, I resent the hell out of stay at home mommies.
Submitted by Random Joe at 2003-11-19 16:12:20 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
stop hitting on each other
Submitted by JoeAverage (user info) at 2003-11-19 16:09:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Loki, you said I took you out of context? Okay how about this direct quote from you (you manhating feminazi):
Fundamentalism uses the bible to control their women because they fear the strong woman. If women start questioning the authority of men, the men would have to start using logic and reasoning and then where would they be? Obviously that can't happen so they have to make it blasphemy to use your fucking brain.
Oh they will pull this crap about how they honor women, but who are we kidding here. They start in with this mantra when these kids are young and keep pounding it into them all their lives. They blame women for all the ills of the world even though throughout history they have been the ones "in charge". Pretty neat little game all the responsibility but none of the authority.
Submitted by turdburglar (user info) at 2003-11-19 16:02:18 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Dude, my favorite band is the Frogs... look 'em up shithead.
Submitted by Rupert Everett at 2003-11-19 15:58:54 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
No bush for me thanks.
Submitted by Steven Tyler at 2003-11-19 15:56:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm obsessed with bush too.
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2003-11-19 15:54:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Why am I taking the time to respond to this why lord why?
You took that completely out of context, typical. That comment was in response to Mick saying that he was tired of the fact that I post too much about politics. I merely pointed out that if he is tired of politics and he sees that I have a post with oh say "BUSH" in the title then he does not have to read it. I also pointed out that it was complete bullshit for someone who has posted what 31 fucking pictures of vampy soft porn on here to complain about anyone posting too much of anything.
When Mick takes the time to write something, it's usually good. I just don't care for pictures of naked women and so when I see "red on the head like another fucking post with naked chicks in it" I simply skip it.
Much like I am going to do to anything you post.
Since you have a thing for me, here is a hint there are quite a few pictures of me on here. Hell I even have my own video game on here.
Submitted by Tweety Bird at 2003-11-19 15:51:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I taut I taw a puddy tat, errrr.....
Submitted by JoeAverage (user info) at 2003-11-19 15:48:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I just thought of one more Loki look-alike, Ann Heche after she got her face slammed in a cardoor.
Loki's pic:
http://www.ubersite.com/cgi-bin/message_get.cgi?message=1066422418379922595
Submitted by JoeAverage (user info) at 2003-11-19 15:44:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Loki is a fucking hypocrite, look at her advice to someone who disagreed with her bullshit story about what a bad person President Bush is and how he's a murderer (and more bullshit):
Loki says: Mick - Guess what you don't like politics and I don't like nude pictures of red heads. Do I log into your post and bitch about it? NO, I just skip it and you can do the same when you see my name and Bush in the title.
Hey Loki, if you don't like my post, why don't you take your own advice and skip it. By the way you also look like Tweety Bird.
Loki's pic:
http://www.ubersite.com/cgi-bin/message_get.cgi?message=1066422418379922595
Submitted by Random Joe at 2003-11-19 15:43:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
ouch.
Submitted by JoeAverage (user info) at 2003-11-19 15:36:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Well Loki what we have here. As it just so happens Loki's picture can be seen by all at the same link that has Hairsphicter and Loren1. And accordingly, here are a couple of ideas I got from your picture off the top of my head:
1) Hey look David Spade got another bad haircut
2) Your teeth are so yellow it looks like you brush with a butter knife
3) Somebody got a Flowbee for Christmas
4) Your teeth are so yellow, when you closes your mouth, your stomach lights up
5) 1974 called they want their haircut back
6) I didn't know SuperCuts had a drive-through (I keed, I keed)
7) Your teeth are so yellow traffic slows down when you smile
To see Loki click here:
http://www.ubersite.com/cgi-bin/message_get.cgi?message=1066422418379922595
Submitted by the Dalmations at 2003-11-19 15:31:37 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Fuck you Cruella Deville.
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2003-11-19 15:20:30 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Oh wait, I'm wrong he does have one. He must now walk the plank.
ooh looky another -2 for you
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2003-11-19 15:19:20 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Hmmm - notice that not a single one of party03's posts has an overall negative rating. How is that owned? I clicked on this because it hit most heated and I figured something was up. I was wrong. I will be more careful in the future.
CanadaDry
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Submitted by Beau (View user info) at 2003-10-30 14:43:36
Shit Post Thursday (Rating: 0.88 on 9 reviews, last by Party03 20 days ago)
Submitted by Beau (View user info) at 2003-10-30 11:26:20
WOO HOO!!! Shit Post Thursday! (Rating: 1.26 on 19 reviews, last by GodChicken 27 days ago)
Submitted by Beau (View user info) at 2003-10-23 14:26:31
For those in supervisory postions how do I handle this?(this is gonna be long) (Rating: 0.17 on 17 reviews, last by Party03 28 days ago)
Submitted by Beau (View user info) at 2003-10-21 23:29:30
Differences in Public Restroom Usage (Rating: -0.77 on 9 reviews, last by sublime 28 days ago)
Submitted by Beau (View user info) at 2003-10-21 15:09:10
Uber fuckin rules (Rating: 0.18 on 22 reviews, last by Party03 18 days ago)
Submitted by Beau (View user info) at 2003-10-13 21:39:55
It reminded what my Grandfather once told me, "You show me a piece of passion fruit and I'll show you how we used to suck cock in the Solomon Islands." (Rating: 1.25 on 12 reviews, last by lowsodiummonkey 48 days ago)
Submitted by Beau (View user info) at 2003-10-01 17:59:14
Burning Bridges. (Rating: 0.94 on 18 reviews, last by bonus 36 days ago)
Submitted by Beau <Beau92082.at.aol.com> (View user info) at 2003-09-04 19:55:37
Ways to Amuse Yourself During A Urinalysis (Rating: 1.23 on 13 reviews, last by Insanethemind 92 days ago)
Submitted by <Beau92082.at.aol.com> (View user info) at 2003-08-18 19:59:16
Qustions for the British out there. (Rating: 0.23 on 56 reviews, last by oddbob 62 days ago)
Submitted by <Beau92082.at.aol.com> (View user info) at 2003-08-14 18:20:10
Nothin really exciting (Rating: 1.08 on 12 reviews, last by sam_el 34 days ago)
Submitted by <Beau92082.at.aol.com> (View user info) at 2003-08-11 19:50:33
Submitted by Random Joe at 2003-11-19 15:16:53 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
JoeBelowAverage, in terms of cock length and IQ.
Submitted by JoeAverage (user info) at 2003-11-19 15:14:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Party03 I see your back talking shit again, even after some guy already owned you! I read your little story about your fucking dog and the complex relationship you tried to have with him and zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz, no I really did't read it because I collapsed in my chair from boredom. You suck, your posts suck and nobody cares about what you write.
By the way that list of titles of your boring ass posts from CanadayDry was real, I checked them out on your profile. I can't imagine why nobody wants to read about the Dewey Decimal system you fucking dork.
"Don't you know the Dewey Decimal System?" - Conan the Librarian, UHF
Submitted by JoeAverage (user info) at 2003-11-19 14:33:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Hello everyone, I'm back. I see that I've picked up some allies that have been defending me and putting the assholes in check. Thank you.
Submitted by CanadaDry (user info) at 2003-11-19 13:21:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
You got owned bitch. I showed what a boring fuck you are and detailed the reason you hate this Joe Blow so much - your submissions are boring as fuck and you are a tool shed. Owned motherfucker OWNED!!!!
Submitted by Amish Amos at 2003-11-19 13:16:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Check out my site, it's powered by windmills!
http://amishrakefight.org/gfy/
Submitted by Amish Amos at 2003-11-19 13:09:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Ye heathen are going straight to hell with all of this talk of puppies and lollipops.
Submitted by Party03 (user info) at 2003-11-19 13:07:57 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
HAHAHAHAHAHA! CanadaDry! You're not even worth my time. Please explain to me how I got owned? What the fuck does that mean anyway? Did someone buy the title to me?
I tell you what, why don't you make a few submissions before talking to me. Either that, or go back to school.
Submitted by CanadaWet at 2003-11-19 13:07:21 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Go back to welding class you little homophobe
Submitted by Random Joe at 2003-11-19 13:00:28 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
I see this is the place where the closet flamers come to hang.
Submitted by Random Joe at 2003-11-19 13:00:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I see this is the place where the closet flamers come to hang.
Submitted by PropaGumby (user info) at 2003-11-19 12:59:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
HAHAHA This was so gay it was funny, I hate you JoeAverage you are a fag you are the worst uberuser ever
Submitted by CanadaDry (user info) at 2003-11-19 12:58:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
To further prove this point, check out the actual titles of Party03s posts (yawn):
How to get jiggy with the Dewey Decimal system
The Hair that Wouldn't Die
Brain Snacks
Cold and Clinical
Boo boo b'jew means I love you
sappy love story. maybe.
Frostbite in Albino Forest
Shocking Ordeals and Contagious Diseases.
A Case to Put My Visage In
YOU JUST GOT FUCKING OWNED SO SHUT THE FUCK UP!!!
Submitted by CanadaWet at 2003-11-19 12:54:54 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Hey homo, nice to see you again.
Submitted by CanadaDry (user info) at 2003-11-19 12:53:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 for this post and -2 for this dumb fucking post from Party03. You are a complete fucking tool box dude. You are so jealous because some noob is getting alot of attention and all you can do is talk about the maturing relationship between you and your stupid fucking dog. No wonder nobody gives a shit about you, you're a fucking bore. You named yourself Party03 because that's exactly the number of parties you've been to in your whole boring fucking life. You are a shithead and I'm a new JoeAverage fan.
Submitted by George Micheal at 2003-11-19 12:50:37 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
I picked up on your subtle fag-speak. What's up?
Submitted by Willy Wonka <charlie.at.choco.fac> at 2003-11-19 12:49:08 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Just because I really despise puppies.
Submitted by Willy Wonka <charlie.at.choco.fac> at 2003-11-19 12:47:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Well fuck you, I don't care for puppies.
Submitted by Party03 (user info) at 2003-11-19 12:47:13 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Just so that this post isn't a complete waste of space, I think I will generate my own post for this title, and leave it here as a reply...You hear that fucker! I'm stealing your title!
Puppies and Lollipops
Category: General
Rating: no reviews (Rate this item)
Submitted by Beau <Party03> (View user info) at 2003-11-18 22:03:27
I remember my very first pet. He was a beautiful Siberian Husky pup named JD (Just Dog). When we got him, I was of the ripe young age of about 5.
Although it didn't really seem like it, I loved that dog. As any youngster that has no better idea, I thought the best way to show my affection towards this puppy of ours was to terrorize the hell out him. I would notice how he would shy away from my talking scooby doo plush doll because he was afraid of it, so I would chase him around the house pulling scooby's string, and making scooby yell "Rat's Right Raggy," at poor JD. I would put JD on our tile kitchen floor and spin him around in circles until he was so dizzy that he stumbled around more than a drunk homeless guy in an asylum.
Most noteably, I came home from school one day with a tootsie pop that I had gotten for doing such a wonderful job on my latest spelling test, and couldn't help but to see if Jd would like to try it. Of course I had already started munching down on this delicious piece of candy wrapped around chocolatey goodness.
Needless to say, JD wasn't to terribly trusting of me, so when I called to him, he didn't show up. I looked everywhere for the little fella. Finally, I looked under my parent's bed and found him there. However, my hand had stuck out further than I thought it would and next thing I knew, poor JD had my tootsie pop stuck on his shoulder.
"MOM!" I yelled, "JD stole my tootsie pop!"
My mother was curious as to what I meant by this so she came in, saw the candy stuck to our dog, and immediatley blamed me for it! I couldn't beleive it. This dog had not only stolen my candy, but he also got me in trouble for it.
Thinking back on the situation, it would have made more sense if we would have just used a pair of scissors to cut the hair off where the candy was, but my mother would not have her beautiful dog with one ugly spot. So she took JD to the groomer's, and had all of his beautiful coat shaved off. From that moment until I reached the age of 12 my mom never let me have candy again, and would tell me that I'm just allergic to sugar.
I'm pleased to say, that as maturity set in, I became more friendly toward the dog. We would still play, but I was no longer the little hellion that I was.
Now isn't that alot better than your terrible waste of space?
Submitted by Lassie <bone.at.me.com> at 2003-11-19 12:45:35 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
I really don't care for lollipops.
Submitted by Micheal Jackson <thriller.at.j5.com> at 2003-11-19 12:44:31 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Is this where all the little boys are?
Submitted by Heimdallsman (user info) at 2003-11-19 12:06:40 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by Random Joe at 2003-11-19 11:59:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
What about hermaphrodites? Where do we fit in?
Submitted by Phinch (user info) at 2003-11-19 11:49:44 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
wow. you are creating multiple users to give yourself postive ratings.
You are the biggest asshat I've seen here in a long time.
Here is how to earn respect on uber:
go to the hardware store.
by a box of razorblades.
when hungry, snack on the razorblades.
or save some time and just die.
Submitted by potatomanjack (user info) at 2003-11-19 11:05:45 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
First and last post I'll read by this poster.
I thought he was total BS yesterday.
Now I know, this is one definite BS call from yours truly.
Submitted by chicagogirl (user info) at 2003-11-19 10:52:38 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
but i love puppies and lollipops...........
Submitted by ember <hatethisshit.at.greenpeas.com> at 2003-11-19 10:35:11 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
does anyone else here hate computers?
Submitted by ember <hatethisshit.at.greenpeas.com> at 2003-11-19 10:35:11 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
does anyone else here hate computers?
Submitted by cheesedick (user info) at 2003-11-19 04:06:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I am amused at the name "Christpuncher" even though twas moe sizlack who said it first. Still makes me chortle!!
Submitted by chipolatte (user info) at 2003-11-19 01:51:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
there is no joke. there is no punchline here. it's sort've a funny idea, but other than that..
i'm sorry, but you're just a tool, i'm afraid.
Submitted by bargled (user info) at 2003-11-19 01:01:14 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
i think i forgot to rate...
wait...i did rate. fuck it.
Submitted by bargled (user info) at 2003-11-19 01:00:29 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
drink a big glass of bleach and go to bed.
Submitted by MeGizzle (user info) at 2003-11-19 00:40:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
There are 180 hits to this post at the time I'm posting this and only a handful of people actually owned up to being an asshole. So I think we are not the real assholes, they are. What the hell was everyone thinking, going to Puppies and Lollipops though? It's so fucking funny, I'm going to keep checking back here to see how many more people get sucked into the joke.
Submitted by MeGizzle (user info) at 2003-11-19 00:37:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA I'm an asshole, I feel better because there are so many other assholes that replied also. Great post.
Submitted by IndianOcean (user info) at 2003-11-19 00:24:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I LOVE THIS GUY.. MY PERSONAL ANTI-HERO.. GO DOG.. I AM WITH YOU. I GOT YOUR BACK.. I LOVE ANTI-HEROS.
ROCK ON..
Submitted by Yesteryear (user info) at 2003-11-19 00:13:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
hahaha
nice one
Submitted by governorcommonsense (user info) at 2003-11-19 00:13:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
hahahaha good shit
Submitted by JeremySpokeInClass (user info) at 2003-11-19 00:08:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Shit I got nailed. I'm a moron okay, leave me alone. Funny.
Submitted by Kristen (user info) at 2003-11-19 00:04:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Matt's not gay...what are you doing, Matt?
I know this because...
Right.
Submitted by Fanofpoop (user info) at 2003-11-18 23:57:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Don't be so sensitive, I don't think he means fag in a derrogitory term, I think he just means "girly". It's a common insult in the states that doesn't have anything to do with sexuality. It's meant to be a joke, not an insult, but I'm not going to change my opinion, it made me feel stupid and then I laughed at it, so did several other people. Lighten up and live your life. Don't sweat the small stuff. Especially when the guy hasn't said anything homophobic, racist or sexist. I think it's just a joke. Best of luck to you.
Submitted by DJMattB241 (user info) at 2003-11-18 23:52:53 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
stop giving this +2's and i may wish you the best too.
Submitted by Fanofpoop (user info) at 2003-11-18 23:51:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm just kidding, I don't have a problem with gay people. I think you can do whatever you want with your life (no matter how revolting and disgusting it is). I wish you the best DJMatt.
Submitted by Fanofpoop (user info) at 2003-11-18 23:49:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
As a matter of fact I knew you were a fag the whole time, because you tried to IM me just now. Here's DJMatt's IM:
DJMatt: Hey fanofpoop, I'm a big fan of poop too! I like to get poop all over my helmet. What are you into? I'm into every guys butthole I can find. lol I'm just kidding (sort of). I'm into Puppies and Lollipops.
Fanofpoop: Beat it fag.
Submitted by ChristPuncher (user info) at 2003-11-18 23:49:16 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
So much violence and hate.
Can't we all just get along?
GO BEARS WOO!!!
Submitted by DJMattB241 (user info) at 2003-11-18 23:45:25 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
go for it asswipe.
what if i AM gay? you ever think of that you fuckin nazi?
Submitted by Fanofpoop (user info) at 2003-11-18 23:44:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
bargled I noticed you did the same thing, so stop being a butthole bandit!
Submitted by Fanofpoop (user info) at 2003-11-18 23:43:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
DJMattB241 last one, because this makes it even (not including your first post)
You are a man fucking ass gobbler.
Submitted by EvilZurr (user info) at 2003-11-18 23:42:47 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
whats that say about the person who wrote it? he is trying to attract gay men to him?
Submitted by Fanofpoop (user info) at 2003-11-18 23:42:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
DJMattB241 is a dick eater.
Submitted by bargled (user info) at 2003-11-18 23:42:08 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
mace, face, base, lace, taste, paste, case.
Submitted by Fanofpoop (user info) at 2003-11-18 23:41:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
DJMattB241 is a hiney licker.
Submitted by Fanofpoop (user info) at 2003-11-18 23:41:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
DJMattB241 is a bottom feeder.
Submitted by Fanofpoop (user info) at 2003-11-18 23:40:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
DJMattB241 is a fairy godfather.
Submitted by Fanofpoop (user info) at 2003-11-18 23:39:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
DJMattB241 is a butt jumper.
Submitted by Fanofpoop (user info) at 2003-11-18 23:39:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
DJMattB241 is a sausage swapper.
Submitted by Fanofpoop (user info) at 2003-11-18 23:38:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
DJMattB241 is a bone smuggler.
Submitted by Fanofpoop (user info) at 2003-11-18 23:38:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
DJMattB241 is a pole smoker.
Submitted by Fanofpoop (user info) at 2003-11-18 23:37:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
DJMatt you are a poor sport, it is clear that you were fooled by this email and then you got mad about it, so you are deliberately trying to sabotage this. That is the act of a coward (and probably a closeted homosexual). I am going to cancel out your bullshit (except your first post because you are entitled to that opinion). Stop being a fag.
Submitted by daidoji (user info) at 2003-11-18 23:17:13 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
i don't get it. And it wasn't particularly funny. And i wonder why you would waste bandwidth with a post like this?
Submitted by SoxSexSax (user info) at 2003-11-18 23:12:49 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Fag.
Submitted by bargled (user info) at 2003-11-18 23:09:14 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Bicycle rider, just see what you've done
to the church of the American Indian
Submitted by Heimdallsman (user info) at 2003-11-18 23:07:50 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
As if Trevor Johnson had written it.
Submitted by DJMattB241 (user info) at 2003-11-18 22:55:56 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
around the world around the world
Submitted by DJMattB241 (user info) at 2003-11-18 22:55:39 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
my milkshake brings all the boys to the yard
and they're like its better than yours
Submitted by DJMattB241 (user info) at 2003-11-18 22:55:08 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
i get by with a little help from my friends
i get high with a little help from my friends
Submitted by DJMattB241 (user info) at 2003-11-18 22:54:38 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
skibbedity be bop a christopher reeves
Submitted by DJMattB241 (user info) at 2003-11-18 22:54:17 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
shibbidy boo bop a lop bam boom
Submitted by DJMattB241 (user info) at 2003-11-18 22:53:55 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
smooooooooooooooke on the waaaaaaater
Submitted by DJMattB241 (user info) at 2003-11-18 22:53:45 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
riders on the storm
bawww baw baw bawwwww
Submitted by DJMattB241 (user info) at 2003-11-18 22:53:25 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
and we'll see you there on sesame streeeeeeet
Submitted by DJMattB241 (user info) at 2003-11-18 22:53:00 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
<whistling to himself>
Submitted by tweeter (user info) at 2003-11-18 22:36:15 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Too old, been done way too many times.
Submitted by MRMANPants (user info) at 2003-11-18 22:19:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
You bastard, you tricked me. Now I have to divorce my wife and find a guy to bang. How about DJMatt since he's an "Ass Pirate of the Carribean". That is great!!! Good job Joe.
Submitted by KellyJane (user info) at 2003-11-18 22:16:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Ok, I need to grow up. That is too funny.
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2003-11-18 22:14:54 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by ChristPuncher (user info) at 2003-11-18 22:14:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Jolly good show
Whoever doesn't admit the genius of this post is just afraid because it's author is so correct
GO BEARS WOO!!!
Submitted by ChristopheJ (user info) at 2003-11-18 22:13:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Shit, you got me. That is the funniest thing I've seen all day and the best part of the joke is I did it to myself. It's like an Andy Kaufman type joke.
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2003-11-18 22:11:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
hah, oh wait... this isn't funny.
But, god DAMMIT I laughed.
Submitted by JoeAverage (user info) at 2003-11-18 22:11:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Magno is an ass pirate of the carribean.
Submitted by Magno (user info) at 2003-11-18 22:10:40 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Ah, the classic "more than one post a day."
You suck.
Jackass.
Submitted by JoeAverage (user info) at 2003-11-18 22:05:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
DJMatt, I think you want to give me a lot of attention you fruit. Why would you click on a post called Puppies and Lollipops?
Submitted by JoeAverage (user info) at 2003-11-18 22:04:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
DJMatt is a fag!!!
Submitted by DJMattB241 (user info) at 2003-11-18 22:04:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
someones looking for attention.
they arent getting it from me.