Sex Record Attempt (2392 hits)
Category: Humor -> Dirty HumorRating: 0.45 on 22 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by <rbarriga2003.at.yahoo.com> (View user info) at 2003-11-20 06:23:13 EST
I'm not sure what it is about records, but setting one is always cool.
It means you have accomplished what no one else ever has. You break a
record, it's set, then you brag about it until some wise-ass lucky bastard
does you one better.
Get to the point self. Okay hold on. So a few years ago I had me this
great idea. It's the one where you bag a chick in every state of these
Great United. The big 5-0. Then I thought, nah...that's a lame idea. I'm
sure someone has done this already. Besides, I'm not allowed back into
Nevada, but that's a completely different story.
So I think, what other record could I set. For one, I tell myself, it has
to involve sex because that's the biggest bragger of them all. There's no
way that I can compete in the quantity or even the quality category because
of bastards like rock stars and professional basketball players. Then it
hits me. I know...I'll be the first guy to bag a chick in the not so popular
age range category. What the hell am I talking about? It's the act of laying
pipe in chicks who's ages vary per decade. Not sure if that's correct
terminology, but right now it's late and I care very little. So by this, I
mean a chick who's age is from zero to nine years...from eleven to nineteen...
from twenty to twenty-nine...thirty to...you get the picture, all the way up
to the impossible ages of ninety to ninety-nine. No way am I going past
ninety-nine, that would be gross.
Before you get the wrong idea, the first range slaying didn't happen anytime
recently. I was five years old at the time. She was seven. That's right...
older chick, yeah baby. I know what you might be thinking, but since I was
only five I wasn't yet hip to the bald beave...so you guessed it. Did her
in the pooper! My mother actually caught me on that one, surprising to say,
I'm still here amongst the living. The next range was an easy one. Eleven
through nineteen. Plenty of teen-age girls getting bagged around this little
hick-ass town. So I joined in the fun. Peer pressure and all.
Cut to the chase already. Twenties, no prob. Chickies in their thirtees, easy
as can be. Forties...they play games again like, "My gosh, I could be your
mother...blah,blah,yada,yada,suck,suck." Okay, so I'm working my way up. Or
down? Either way, last week I landed me a chick who's clearly in her fifties.
Yes, the amount of alcohol consumed by your truly was immense to say the least.
Some might go as far to describe it as winnebago-like in nature and stature.
I decided that this great step in my quest needed documentation. Apparently
it's the reason for this long as post. So I have Uber for written and I have
photo for visual. Please forgive me.
What's even sadder I must say at this moment is that I went back for more. I'm
actually typing this on her computer. She's one satisfied, passed-out fifty-five
year old granny. I'm starting to think that I'm going to require a sponsor
from let's say...Jose Cuervo among others if I am to be successful in this
hellish attempt at record setting. How far into the golden years will I follow
the little helmet? Sixties?...that's very probable. Seventies?....Gag reflex
just kicked in, excuse me for a minute. Eighties, nineties?...those will be
the tough ones.
I have no clue how to go about it but I have caught myself recently driving
really slow throught retirement communities. By the way, the pic does me no
justice. I'm huge.
Why am I doing this again?
User Reviews
Submitted by Death_Metal_Dude (user info) at 2004-01-20 06:00:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Is that the grandma from Bad Santa?
Submitted by Franger (user info) at 2003-11-20 20:26:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Bwahahahah, you manwhore!
Submitted by GrizzlyHunter62 (user info) at 2003-11-20 14:48:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Ugh. Have the old chicks. I'll stick with the My-age category.
Submitted by danifestmestiny (user info) at 2003-11-20 13:05:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
"all the way up to the impossible ages of ninety to ninety-nine. No way am I going past
ninety-nine, that would be gross."
But 80-89 year olds get you off?
Submitted by themonkey (user info) at 2003-11-20 11:04:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I recently bagged some older poon'anny and I say, GO FOR IT!
But really, you don't get the +2 for that...
You get it for this, "so you guessed it. Did her in the pooper!"
Submitted by SpikeGoddess (user info) at 2003-11-20 10:42:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I feel violated.
Maybe this is a sign that I should be doing work, since I'm at a 'real job' now.
Nah....
SpikeGoddess
Submitted by El_Guapo (user info) at 2003-11-20 10:24:47 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
i want that 30 seconds that i wasted reading the first paragraph back, bitch!
Submitted by reallybored (user info) at 2003-11-20 09:27:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
You better get on Jenny Craig cause your almost at the "My belly hides my dick" size. Which is bad, fyi.
Submitted by Manfre (user info) at 2003-11-20 08:57:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Dude...
Im hung better then you...
This coming from someone who thinks his dick is of midget proportions.
Thats sad.
Submitted by DeathJester (user info) at 2003-11-20 08:55:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Sorry!
Submitted by DeathJester (user info) at 2003-11-20 08:55:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Sex Record Attempt (69 hits) <== Ya gonna give grandma some pussy love?
Category: Humor -> Dirty Humor
Rating: 0.36 on 11 reviews (Rate this item) (View all ratings)
Submitted by <rbarriga2003.at.yahoo.com> (View user info) at 2003-11-20 06:23:13
Submitted by Insanethemind (user info) at 2003-11-20 08:48:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Disturbed. That's a good thing, you sick fuck.
Submitted by Hairsphincter (user info) at 2003-11-20 07:12:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Mmm K... you rested your beer on her head while taking this immortal and immoral image. So +1.
And never do this again.
Ever.
Submitted by blujnbbyqn (user info) at 2003-11-20 07:12:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
No no no no no. This must stop. Jesus, my mom is 55, My granny is 75. Please, please tell me that I don't have to worry about having one of them introduce you to the family at Christmas.
Michelle
Submitted by drink_DDT (user info) at 2003-11-20 07:07:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
This is by far the most disgusting thing I've ever seen in my life. Bravo, you sick freak.
Submitted by kgbpasha (user info) at 2003-11-20 06:59:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
hey sphinct...you got me all wrong...
that's not fat..that's all the beer that I had
to drink to get to that stage.
I'm also not white, but pretty white
for a brown guy.
Submitted by Hairsphincter (user info) at 2003-11-20 06:52:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
The title should have been "Fat white boy fucks old slore"
Submitted by QueenAshlee (user info) at 2003-11-20 06:32:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Yeah, Moe, that team sure did suck last night! They just plain
sucked! I've seen teams suck before, but they were the suckiest bunch
of sucks that ever sucked!
-- Homer Simpson
Team Homer
I found it appropriate. Because, you know, she's sucking.... nevermind.
Submitted by Otter (user info) at 2003-11-20 06:31:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
One of the best first posts I'd read, right up to the picture.
I'm not so disgusted at looking at your member as I am the woman you chose to take a picture of.
Dude, that is somebody's gramma!
That is some trailer's owner!
Keep up the good work, and you shall go far in the Überhood.
Submitted by Choppa (user info) at 2003-11-20 06:28:03 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
mate, i think she's dead. or very sick and dieing.
Submitted by kgbpasha (user info) at 2003-11-20 06:27:06 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
for not learning how to edit...
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2003-11-20 06:26:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Amusing but could have been written.