Burning Jeff Bridges (921 hits)
Category: Movies & TVRating: 1.36 on 27 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Beau <Party03> (View user info) at 2003-11-20 10:50:45 EST
http://www.ubersite.com/cgi-bin/message_get.cgi?message=1069332682559324960 (This has a more difficult title that I thought it would be.)
I have met several famous people in my life. I've met Billy Bob Thorton, Bruce Willis, and many many more. I have never hated any of these famous people like I hate Jeff Bridges.
Jeff Bridges and I met in a fateful thursday evening. I had stopped by my grandmother's house after a long hard days work in the landscaping industry. My grandmother has always been the sweetest of ladies. She saw it as her duty to spoil every single one of her grand children, and her door is always open to anyone that wants to come in.
There was a purpose to this visit. My grandmother, in her old age, is not always able to take care of her own needs, so I stop by on occasion to make see if she needs me to run to the grocery store and pick her up anything. When I walked through her front door, instead of seeing the usual grocery list consisting of a fifth of Jack Daniels, a carton of Marlboro Reds, and a one pound bag of sour gummy worms, I found a list that had on it, a bunch of bananas, two light bulds, a spray can of whipped cream, and a jar of marachino(sp?) cherries.
Not thinking much of it, I took the list and left without saying a word thinking that my sweet old granny was probably sleeping. I rushed to the store, purchased the items on the list, and hurried back to her place.
I walked through the door to see my grandmother bent over the couch, Jeff Bridges railing her from behind and Sean Connery filming with the same camcorder I gave her a year ago for Christmas.
"Granny?" I asked, knowing that from here on out, family reunions would never be the same again.
I assume noone heard me because instead of my grandmother answering me, I heard Jeff Daniels say "Take it like the slut you are granny!"
That was it! I am a family oriented kind of guy through and through. Noone disrespects my family while I'm around. I took the can of whipped cream, shoved the tip into Jeff's ear, and proceeded to spray the inside of his cranium with whipped dairy goodness. This distracted him long enough for me to take one of the light bulbs and break it underneath his chin, and hit him across the face with the jar of cherries. Then I ate one of the bananas.
I dragged Jeff's bloody pulp out to the fire pit in the back yard. I threw him on the pile of kindling and yard debris, and set the whole thing on fire. I sat there and adored the aroma of burning yard debris, lingering with the odor of burning Jeff Bridges.
As the pile went up in flames, I could hear Jeffy boy screaming for dear life, and I thought to myself "Well, shit, there go the chances for a sequel to Tron."
User Reviews
Submitted by Perplexd (user info) at 2004-01-02 17:14:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
hahahahaha
Submitted by Party03 (user info) at 2003-11-21 10:10:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Nat- The Bog of Eternal Stench was cool. I liked the birds that could take of their arms, legs and heads better though.
Trout- Sean's cool in my book, so I let him off the hook with a stern talking to.
Submitted by Trout (user info) at 2003-11-21 09:51:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Very funny, what happened to Sean though?
Submitted by Natophelia (user info) at 2003-11-21 09:39:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Ha! I like the Bog of Eternal Stench and those farty rocks they cross.
Submitted by Party03 (user info) at 2003-11-21 08:59:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Damn! I was hoping noone would catch that little mistake. Oh well.
Submitted by defender0417 (user info) at 2003-11-20 21:49:01 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
Ya said jeff daniels was screwing yer grand ma there...
Submitted by dakingisdead (user info) at 2003-11-20 21:32:52 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
Think you rushed this one dude.
Submitted by Party03 (user info) at 2003-11-20 17:47:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Who couldn't love Labrynth with characters like that little worm...
"Allo!"
"Did you just say hello?"
"No, I said Allo, but close enough."
or Bluto! Bluto was awesome! Let's not forget Sir Didemus (Sp?). That little dog knight that had the bigger dog as his faithful steed! Yep, I'm gonna go home and watch that movie tonight.
Submitted by Natophelia (user info) at 2003-11-20 17:40:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I *heart* Labrynth!
Submitted by Party03 (user info) at 2003-11-20 17:27:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Nat- I guess that's why I'm still such a big fan of movies like The Outlaw Josie Wales, Labrynth, and Legend.
Ingsoc- Just luck of the draw I guess.
Submitted by Ingsoc (user info) at 2003-11-20 17:22:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
FUCKIN' A!
I could KILL for your User ID, given my username.
BIG BROTHER IS WATCHING YOU
Submitted by Natophelia (user info) at 2003-11-20 17:05:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Yeah, see. Things you liked when you were a kid are still good as an adult. No matter how crap they are.
Submitted by Party03 (user info) at 2003-11-20 16:29:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I loved Tron! My favorite part was when they were riding those bikes around. It was awesome. Like I said earlier though, I was really young when I saw it.
Knowing me, even if I watched it today, I'd still love it. For no good reason either.
Submitted by Insanethemind (user info) at 2003-11-20 16:27:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
DId you people really like Tron? That movie fucking sucks, but I guess since I saw it in like '95 and not when it first came out I have a different perogative.
:)
Submitted by Party03 (user info) at 2003-11-20 15:31:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Oh, I must have misunderstood then. Well...color me stupid.
Submitted by Natophelia (user info) at 2003-11-20 14:49:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I was mourning the loss of the sequal, although I barely remember the first one.
Submitted by jinx (user info) at 2003-11-20 13:02:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Funny, but I gotta go with Phinch's as the best so far. Where's your pic to prove it? Hee hee
Submitted by Party03 (user info) at 2003-11-20 12:49:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Natophelia (user info) at 2003-11-20 11:45:50 (#)
Ranking: 2
Oh no! Tron!
=======================================================================
Submitted by DJMattB241 (user info) at 2003-11-20 10:53:34 (#)
Ranking: 2
"Well, shit, there go the chances for a sequel to Tron."
well thank god. a sequel to that would SUCK.
What's wrong with Tron? I liked that movie? Sure the last time I saw it I was just barely able to see over the kitchen counter, but still it was a good movie!
Submitted by Phinch (user info) at 2003-11-20 12:38:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
love the ending line.
Submitted by Natophelia (user info) at 2003-11-20 11:45:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Oh no! Tron!
Submitted by JMG114 (user info) at 2003-11-20 11:44:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I have to go change my pants.
Submitted by Insanethemind (user info) at 2003-11-20 11:19:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
haha.
funny
Submitted by yidele (user info) at 2003-11-20 11:15:34 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
cheezy. it had no snap, pop, no crackle & no thud. I remember Jeff Bridges as a drunken asshole, though I have to say that he was right on in the big lesboski.
Submitted by Party03 (user info) at 2003-11-20 11:14:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by WillZone (user info) at 2003-11-20 11:02:05 (#)
Ranking: 2
OK, now as a Jeff Bridges fan, i love the title and hate that the focus of your anger was towards Jeffy. The story was funny, and hopefully false. Jeff was "the dude" for chrissakes. feel free to change the whole story and exchange Jeff for Beau Bridges....cause Beau is the granny raper...lets face the facts.
Nope, the story was completly true. I did not make this up to fit the title at all. (sarcasm)
Granny raper? Why do you say it like it's a bad thing? (again sarcasm)
Submitted by WillZone (user info) at 2003-11-20 11:02:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
OK, now as a Jeff Bridges fan, i love the title and hate that the focus of your anger was towards Jeffy. The story was funny, and hopefully false. Jeff was "the dude" for chrissakes. feel free to change the whole story and exchange Jeff for Beau Bridges....cause Beau is the granny raper...lets face the facts.
Submitted by itchy (user info) at 2003-11-20 10:57:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I also liked, "Then I ate one of the bananas."
HAR!!!!
Submitted by DJMattB241 (user info) at 2003-11-20 10:53:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"Well, shit, there go the chances for a sequel to Tron."
well thank god. a sequel to that would SUCK.
oh by the way: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA