A Dirty Old Man (1947 hits)
Category: HumorLabels: songposts
Rating: 1.39 on 25 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Bigmike (View user info) at 2003-11-23 03:58:51 EST
Women have a sixth sense, I swear to god.
I was walking in the hallway at the mall the other day and I had somewhat of a terrifying experience.
I was minding my own business when I happened to look up in front of me and there, right before my very eyes was a beautiful piece of feminine anatomy.
About 15 "people lengths" in front of me was a girl walking with her friend and this girl had on the shortest skirt I have ever seen. Maybe 1 to 2 inches below what looked like a nice, round butt.
To top it off, she had the kind of legs that go right up and make an ass out of themselves. I shit you not, this girl was hot.
So being the guy that I am, I kept watching her because, I'm a girl watcher, I'm a girl watcher, watching girls go by, my, my, my. And I was thinking to myself, "Self, I wonder how a girl like that gets off wearing a skirt that short". She's maybe 20 and really lithe and attractive.
So now, as I am watching her, inexplicably the song "The Boys are Back in Town" comes into my head. Don't ask ME why, I cannot tell you. So I am watching her ass swing back and forth and I am singing in my head:
"Guess who just got back today?
Them wild-eyed boys that had been away
Haven't changed, haven't much to say
But man, I still think them cats are crazy"
And I am still watching.....
"They were asking if you were around
How you was, where you could be found
Told them you were living downtown
Driving all the old men crazy"
And 10 feet go by. And I'm still ogling as her ass swings back and forth in that little short skirt.
10 more feet go by:
"You know that chick that used to dance a lot
Every night she'd be on the floor shaking what she'd got
Man when I tell you she was cool, she was red hot
I mean she was steaming"
And I'm still looking. Now I am not really paying attention to what's going on in front of her, but a revelation comes to me as I finally look and see where she is going. She is bearing down on the escalator. Now I am kinda getting all revved up about this and I am thinking, "Man, there's the escalator, if she decides to take it, I am going to get a good look at whats under that skirt.
10 more feet,
"And that time over at Johnny's place
Well this chick got up and she slapped Johnny's face
Man we just fell about the place
If that chick don't want to know, forget her"
And she's heading right for the escalator.
I see she's going to mount the escalator and I plot out my path to the right of it so as to have the best viewing advantage possible. 10 more feet and she's on the first step,
"Friday night they'll be dressed to kill
Down at Dino's bar and grill
The drink will flow and blood will spill
And if the boys want to fight, you'd better let them"
Now my head turns up to meet the trajectory of the escalator. I am standing almost right next to it.
"That jukebox in the corner blasting out my favorite song
The nights are getting warmer, it won't be long
Won't be long till summer comes
Now that the boys are here again"
She mounts the escalator and begins her upward journey. I am just coming around the side of the escalator and my world turns into slow motion.
3 feet up............
I walk 2 steps, concentrating on the bottom edge of her skirt.
6 feet up........
A little closer to heaven.
10 feet up.......
Man, she's almost there. I can almost see the point where her legs meet her ass.
12 feet up........
Man oh man, here it comes.
Then, for no explainable reason, she, and her friend turn and look directly at me.
Here's where that sixth sense thing comes into play.
My heart skipped a few beats as I realize what she's thinking:
"Look at that DIRTY OLD MAN trying to get a look up my skirt".
I look away, ashamed at what I know she must be thinking of me.
The boys are back in town
boys are back in town....
I then walk away, knowing in my heart that I could have just as easily smiled at her and kept on looking until my eyes reached the promised land. Alas, I couldn't bring myself to violate her personal space.
Gosh, she was pretty.
In retrospect, I should have acknowledged my defeat, smiled, and kept on looking. But hey, you can't win them all. You can only hope to win a few and go on with life.
And besides, imagination is a billion times better than real life when it comes to stuff like that.
There's a million girls and there's an escalator.
My time will come.
User Reviews
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-06-15 06:02:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I got eric rice vibes from that picture.
Submitted by versus_god (user info) at 2004-04-25 16:18:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
hahah this gets a two for this alone:
So now, as I am watching her, inexplicably the song "The Boys are Back in Town" comes into my head
Submitted by Payforfun (user info) at 2004-04-16 19:57:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by 1215 at 2004-04-07 16:26:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
pretty cool article. funny song.
from
www.twelvefifteen.com
Submitted by TatteredAndTorn (user info) at 2004-02-09 12:56:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I would have started drooling and made bug eyes and maybe even made some weird noises, just to get a reaction
Submitted by Istaros (user info) at 2003-11-25 02:47:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Death_Metal_Dude's right, that song is the suckage.
THE BOYS ARE BACK IN TOWN
THE BOYS ARE BACK IN TOWN, THE BOYS ARE BACK IN TOWN
THE BOYS ARE BACK IN TOWN, OOH-OH OOH-OH, THE BOYS ARE BACK IN TOWN
THE BOYS ARE BACK IN TOWN
THE BOYS ARE BACK IN TOWN, THE BOYS ARE BACK IN TOWN
THE BOYS ARE BACK IN TOWN, OOH-OH OOH-OH, THE BOYS ARE BACK IN TOWN
THE BOYS ARE BACK IN TOWN
THE BOYS ARE BACK IN TOWN, THE BOYS ARE BACK IN TOWN
THE BOYS ARE BACK IN TOWN, OOH-OH OOH-OH, THE BOYS ARE BACK IN TOWN
THE BOYS ARE BACK IN TOWN
THE BOYS ARE BACK IN TOWN, THE BOYS ARE BACK IN TOWN
THE BOYS ARE BACK IN TOWN, OOH-OH OOH-OH, THE BOYS ARE BACK IN TOWN
THE BOYS ARE BACK IN TOWN
THE BOYS ARE BACK IN TOWN, THE BOYS ARE BACK IN TOWN
THE BOYS ARE BACK IN TOWN, OOH-OH OOH-OH, THE BOYS ARE BACK IN TOWN
THE BOYS ARE BACK IN TOWN
THE BOYS ARE BACK IN TOWN, THE BOYS ARE BACK IN TOWN
THE BOYS ARE BACK IN TOWN, OOH-OH OOH-OH, THE BOYS ARE BACK IN TOWN
THE BOYS ARE BACK IN TOWN
THE BOYS ARE BACK IN TOWN, THE BOYS ARE BACK IN TOWN
THE BOYS ARE BACK IN TOWN, OOH-OH OOH-OH, THE BOYS ARE BACK IN TOWN
THE BOYS ARE BACK IN TOWN
THE BOYS ARE BACK IN TOWN, THE BOYS ARE BACK IN TOWN
THE BOYS ARE BACK IN TOWN, OOH-OH OOH-OH, THE BOYS ARE BACK IN TOWN
THE BOYS ARE BACK IN TOWN
THE BOYS ARE BACK IN TOWN, THE BOYS ARE BACK IN TOWN
THE BOYS ARE BACK IN TOWN, OOH-OH OOH-OH, THE BOYS ARE BACK IN TOWN
THE BOYS ARE BACK IN TOWN
THE BOYS ARE BACK IN TOWN, THE BOYS ARE BACK IN TOWN
THE BOYS ARE BACK IN TOWN, OOH-OH OOH-OH, THE BOYS ARE BACK IN TOWN
THE BOYS ARE BACK IN TOWN
THE BOYS ARE BACK IN TOWN, THE BOYS ARE BACK IN TOWN
THE BOYS ARE BACK IN TOWN, OOH-OH OOH-OH, THE BOYS ARE BACK IN TOWN
THE BOYS ARE BACK IN TOWN
THE BOYS ARE BACK IN TOWN, THE BOYS ARE BACK IN TOWN
THE BOYS ARE BACK IN TOWN, OOH-OH OOH-OH, THE BOYS ARE BACK IN TOWN
THE BOYS ARE BACK IN TOWN
THE BOYS ARE BACK IN TOWN, THE BOYS ARE BACK IN TOWN
THE BOYS ARE BACK IN TOWN, OOH-OH OOH-OH, THE BOYS ARE BACK IN TOWN
Submitted by Death_Metal_Dude (user info) at 2003-11-24 01:52:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"Submitted by Bigmike (user info) at 2003-11-23 08:51:06 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Death_Metal_Dude (user info) at 2003-11-23 04:55:57 (#)
Ranking: 2
I really don't like that song. It's like, 7 minutes of redundancy. And they play the whole goddamn song on the radio all the time.
Of course you don't like it. Look who you are."
I'll have you know that my handle is not indicative of any exclusive musical taste, but rather just one that is very prominent. I love classic rock too, and old school punk (DK). Thin Lizzy is just one of those bands I can't stand listening to, especially that song.
Still a good post.
Submitted by kgbpasha (user info) at 2003-11-24 01:48:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
oh yeah...that's it...yeah,baby....
mmmmm...oh yeah...
kinduv...harrd to rype with one hand.
Submitted by dakingisdead (user info) at 2003-11-24 01:34:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 for telling it like it is
Submitted by InSaNeSna1L (user info) at 2003-11-23 22:48:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Mick and Mike...
I have to agree with you guys...im 22 and have always found a WOMAN to be attractive....
just something about an older woman...
thats not to say that if one of the young Uber girls or any for that matter...asked me out, that i wouldnt say yes...cause i wouldnt :)
Submitted by K.M (user info) at 2003-11-23 22:34:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I agree with ashley. I will stare, as creepy as i want too, if they are wearing extremely short skirts. What the fuck do i care? They are the half naked ones, its what they get.
Submitted by QueenAshlee (user info) at 2003-11-23 22:15:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Girls wear skirts that short for a reason.
Submitted by Bigmike (user info) at 2003-11-23 21:51:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by MickGinny (user info) at 2003-11-23 10:36:47 (#)
Ranking: 2
Godamnitt mike! you are bringing home the fact that girls in their twenties consider me an old man.
Oh well, they are nice to look at, but they manufacture way too much drama.
I'm wondering if I am alone in thinking that women in their thirties and sometimes into their forties are much sexier than young girls?
Even as a lad, 17 or 18 years old I preferred a WOMAN, not the girls.
I always preferred a more mature woman Mick. You are not alone. There are some girls however, who have their shit together and are worth being with. I married a woman 5 years my junior. I love her more now though because she's a woman, not a girl.
Submitted by UrbaneMischief (user info) at 2003-11-23 19:17:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
hahahahahahaha
you could have kept looking. 50 bucks says having you stare at her ass made her feel a little sexier than she first thought
Submitted by Franger (user info) at 2003-11-23 16:42:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Geez I'm a better dirty old man than you and I'm only 21.
Submitted by smileyfacepicnic (user info) at 2003-11-23 14:00:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Haha. Very funny.
I remember one time, in high school, I was staring at a locker, thinking, and the girl who owned the locker came by and opened it up. I didn't notice, 'cause I was spacing out, but my eyes were pointed straight at her ass. I got caught, but I didn't even get a good look because I wasn't paying attention. That sucked.
Submitted by Cassiopeia (user info) at 2003-11-23 13:36:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
***PRICELESS***
Submitted by MickGinny (user info) at 2003-11-23 10:36:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Godamnitt mike! you are bringing home the fact that girls in their twenties consider me an old man.
Oh well, they are nice to look at, but they manufacture way too much drama.
I'm wondering if I am alone in thinking that women in their thirties and sometimes into their forties are much sexier than young girls?
Even as a lad, 17 or 18 years old I preferred a WOMAN, not the girls.
and you are damned right! you should have smiled like chester the molester from hustler magazine, started singing another thin lizzy song, jailbreak for instance, and stepped on that escelator.
Submitted by Bigmike (user info) at 2003-11-23 08:51:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Death_Metal_Dude (user info) at 2003-11-23 04:55:57 (#)
Ranking: 2
I really don't like that song. It's like, 7 minutes of redundancy. And they play the whole goddamn song on the radio all the time.
Of course you don't like it. Look who you are.
Submitted by Jaineix (user info) at 2003-11-23 05:41:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Death_Metal_Dude (user info) at 2003-11-23 04:55:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I really don't like that song. It's like, 7 minutes of redundancy. And they play the whole goddamn song on the radio all the time.
Submitted by jwlmar10 (user info) at 2003-11-23 04:33:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
kind of creepy
Submitted by GrizzlyHunter62 (user info) at 2003-11-23 04:20:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Oh how I loved going to a Catholic Private school. All the short skirts. And stairs. Oh yes. The stairs. The trick was staying far back enough so as not to let her know you're there, but not tilt your head as you look up. Well, I didn't, since I'm not a big fan of full-fledged staring. My eyes were really sore, you know, like looking straight up with them without tilting your head. Gives you a headache.
But for a peak at those pretty white panties, it was worth it.
+2 for the post
+1 for not being a dirty man and continuing to look.
-1 because that's a stupid song.
Submitted by Kristen (user info) at 2003-11-23 04:15:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Hahahaaaaaaaaaaaaaahahahahahahahahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhahaha!
You were CAUGHT! That's GREAT! I used to catch a guy in my French class looking up my skirts whenever I would put my feet on the basket of the desk in front of me. Used to piss me off. I'm so glad you looked away. Otherwise I'd take out all that angst on you.
Really, good post. It felt nice to laugh WITH someone instead of AT someone.
Submitted by Cicciro (user info) at 2003-11-23 04:02:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I love that song, and it's a funny post.
Women like that don't deserve to have thoughts like that though. If they are going to wear a skirt that easily reveals all of them, then by all means you have the right to look.