STDs are A-OK ! (1626 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.03 on 30 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by <X_treme78.at.yahoo.com> (View user info) at 2003-11-24 16:18:23 EST
Over the years we have been taught that sexually transmitted diseases are evil, dirty things. They hurt, they smell, and are generally unattractive. To this I say HORSE SHIT! STDs have unfairly gotten a bad rep over the years and I'm here to do something about it. I mean shit, they can't be all bad. You have to be fucking to get one after all.
So this series will be my gift to the world. No longer will you have to be ashamed of the STD(s) you picked up from that one-nighter with some random skank. Fuck no! Instead hold your head up high and be proud for you have been blessed.
Chlamydia (a.k.a. The Clap)
Symptoms:
-Incubation after infection is at least 7 days.
-May be similar to gonorrhea but usually milder (Take that gonnorrhea!)
-Increased vaginal discharge (Do they normally discharge?)
-Painful urination
-Unusual vaginal bleeding or bleeding after sex (Unusual?..I thought they do that once a month.)
-Lower abdominal pain
Men's Symptoms:
-Many men have no symptoms, but they can still transmit the infection. ( Haha, dumb broads)
-Burning during urination ( oh no ..we suck again)
-Urethral discharge appearing 1-3 weeks after exposure
Now here is a classic case of piss poor marketing if I have ever seen one. The Clap has the potential to easily be the biggest, baddest STD around, but for some reason it has no where near as much heat as some of the heavy hitters like...lets say AIDS, HIV or Genital Herpes.
Why you ask? Ill tell you why. Its because The Clap has no street cred. That's right street cred. With just a little bit of bling bling, a Glock or two, and a 40, The Clap could be the hottest STD on the scene.
So here is my proposition. A collaboration... Ok stay with me now. I'm thinking big, huge...epic even.
Picture a beach. All of today's biggest rap stars, P- Diddy, the Neptune's, Nelly, Ludacris , Eminem ...fuck it we will even throw in 2-pac and Biggies corpses holding margaritas.
So they are all on this beach right. Big booty bitches in thongs shaking their asses, drinking Crystal (Sp?), sipping Henney, and eating fried chicken. Every body is drinking, dancing, you know.. getting jiggy with it and such. Then out of nowhere BAM!!! Fucking explosions everywhere. They all scatter like cockroaches, everyone is running, jumping, ducking, shitting. It's like World War fuckin three...Then just as fast as it begun there is silence....
The camera pans to P-diddy, Luda, then Nelly. Shock apparent on all of their faces. *Fade to smoke* As the smoke clears a silhouette takes form. A small sparkle visible in the haze. * Zoom in sparkle*...hold..2....3.... *Focus in on iced out "C" medallion*... *Pan out* then ...BIGIDDY BLAOW! It's The mother fuckin Clap YO!
Everyone goes fuckin bat shit. Women start throwing under garments, black turns white, up is down, human sacrifice, dogs and cats living together, mass hysteria!
I can see it now... The Clap bumper stickers, T-shirts, cologne, toilet paper, breakfast cereal, cough syrup, baby formula, condoms, it will be complete insanity. You will be nobody unless you got the clap.
"So what do you want for Christmas baby?"
"I want the Clap Mommy."
"Your fuckin right you do, because your nothing without it!"
*Disclaimer* In no way do I have, or promote the use of any STDs.
Any names or likeness of STDs in this article are purely coincidental.
If you do happen to have any of the STDs mentioned in this article you are dirty, nasty ass mother fucker and you need to kill yourself now.
Next Submission: Gonorrhea
That is all
User Reviews
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2003-11-25 10:49:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
"If I eat this, will I get AIDS?"
I think its from South Park, it was funny as hell
Submitted by nazislut (user info) at 2003-11-25 10:12:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
thats fucking sick lol cant wait to read the next
Submitted by MickGinny (user info) at 2003-11-25 01:23:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by hidden101 (user info) at 2003-11-24 20:11:02 (#)
Ranking: 0
i've had AIDS a couple times. it's not pretty.
FOCBMHROFL!!
Submitted by Franger (user info) at 2003-11-25 01:19:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Maybe he means he has aides.
Submitted by hidden101 (user info) at 2003-11-24 22:32:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
no way, dude. i had it twice. it sucked, but i just took some tylenol and it went away.
Submitted by Electro (user info) at 2003-11-24 22:16:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Hidden101: "i've had AIDS a couple times. it's not pretty."
What the hell?
What do you a couple times? AIDS is not curable. Its a life-long disease and it will kill ya.
Submitted by Franger (user info) at 2003-11-24 20:16:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Heh, the funniest thing is there is a chick I sorta know who is a completel slut, in fact its been said that she has NEVER said no. Also she apparently doesn't have protected sex cause she doesn't like the feel of condoms, and I was like "WTF, mate" to her friends who told me and they said that she thinks that because shes about to become a fucking naturopath in a couple of months that she'll be able to cure in STDs she gets anyway. She must be the fucking dumbest person ever.
Submitted by hidden101 (user info) at 2003-11-24 20:11:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
i've had AIDS a couple times. it's not pretty.
Submitted by Lost_Gator_Fan (user info) at 2003-11-24 18:03:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
+1 for making me laugh
+1 for the Ghost Busters reference
Submitted by Hairsphincter (user info) at 2003-11-24 17:47:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Lisa (user info) at 2003-11-24 17:34:33 (#)
Ranking: 1
I said I'm fucking sorry, all right, Hair?
It's OK baby... it's OK.
Submitted by sam_el (user info) at 2003-11-24 17:41:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Just for the Ghostbusters reference and Notorious DOA's and Tupac's corpses. The rest wasn't that great.
Submitted by Lisa (user info) at 2003-11-24 17:34:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I said I'm fucking sorry, all right, Hair?
Submitted by kgbpasha (user info) at 2003-11-24 17:25:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I actually stood up and "clapped" for this one.
Yeah, coworkers were like.."What's going on?" and "What you got there?"
and someone even said.."Encore!"
I just clapped some more. I'm outta here in 25 mins.
Fuck it,after reading this post, i'm outta here now....gotta get
the Clap.
Submitted by FATMANTPK (user info) at 2003-11-24 17:17:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
LOL, a post about the Ninja!
+2
Submitted by sam_el (user info) at 2003-11-24 17:12:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I didn't read this. I think it's Short Attention Span Monday for me. But I love the title. Did you borrow it from the Simpsons (USA A-OK)? Unless I read tha article (which I may), I probably won't read the thread, so you don't have to answer me. Just take your +2 and smile.
Submitted by Hairsphincter (user info) at 2003-11-24 17:06:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
It's not all that funny, I woke up with my knob stuck to my boxers not all that long ago.
I had to stand dressed under the shower to get it unstuck, then visit my doctor.
She told me how dirty I was, laughed and gave me some meds to clear it up.
The following week I saw her at a concert a mutual friend was playing for (Chamber Music, I was thrilled). My Doctor was making clap jokes and thinking she was hilarious.
So did everyone else.
I hate crazy, zany and funky medical professionals. They should all be humourless, clinical geeks that don't socialise with me.
Meh.
Submitted by SpikeGoddess (user info) at 2003-11-24 17:05:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Fuckin' good.
You are one promising Nuber.
SpikeGoddess
Submitted by EvilZurr (user info) at 2003-11-24 16:49:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by tito (user info) at 2003-11-24 16:46:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
-Many men have no symptoms, but they can still transmit the infection. ( Haha, dumb broads)
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA........I think I just soiled myself.
Submitted by Lisa (user info) at 2003-11-24 16:42:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Never mind, you aren't real. I hate you fuckers.
Submitted by Lisa (user info) at 2003-11-24 16:41:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Kill yourself, you stupid whore.
Submitted by jewels=) <girlracer23.at.asianavenue.com> at 2003-11-24 16:40:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
ewwww.. ewww.. ew.. ewww..
"-Increased vaginal discharge (Do they normally discharge?)"
heheheheeeee... if it's normal, then it's the fun kind of discharge ("discharge" sounds nasty, no?hehe)--sorta like juicy tube--if it's not.. well.. ewww!!
that's funky, yo!!
Submitted by Lisa (user info) at 2003-11-24 16:40:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I love crazy shit.
Submitted by Herpes (user info) at 2003-11-24 16:37:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
It is my duty to +2.
Even if mentioning me was only coincidental.
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2003-11-24 16:33:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I thought this was very funny. And I love giving out -2's like candy.
Submitted by reallybored (user info) at 2003-11-24 16:33:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Remember folks.
The clap is temporary.
Good sex lasts forever.
Submitted by Lowspeed (user info) at 2003-11-24 16:30:08 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
I read this to the end. I saw it was going nowhere in the middle but I just kept reading. I'm in a masochistic mood I guess.
Chase
Submitted by Da_WooD (user info) at 2003-11-24 16:29:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Kinda funny. But I am an evil mother fucker. I think people who get penis enlargement spam is fucking funny.
Submitted by mox9 (user info) at 2003-11-24 16:28:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
'BIGIDDY BLAOW! It's The mother fuckin Clap YO!'
HAHAHA! I was awed just reading it.
Submitted by Zoidberg (user info) at 2003-11-24 16:28:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Ummm well, it's good writing, just not all that funny. And I have a realllllllllly weird sense of humor