How to win friends and influence people. (1014 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 0.57 on 29 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Franger (View user info) at 2003-11-25 01:15:28 EST
http://www.ubersite.com/cgi-bin/message_get.cgi?message=1069332682559324960
I thought long an hard about this challenge and while initially I was intending to write a serious article about the pyschology of influencing people, how to get inside their head and make them react the way you wanted I decided that was far too boring. Instead I thought I would just write an anecdote from my younger years about me and my best friend. Its long.
It is pretty much my first real memory of him, I know that we had talked much before this and had been friends for quite a while as well but I can't really remember anything significant about him before this. I moved to a new school when I was in grade 5, as had my best friend moved there the same year, just earlier in the year, it would make sense that we would become friends eventually, although I didn't know till years afterwards that he only started there the same year, I just always assumed he'd been there for longer.
I travelled to school each day on a bus and the ride was often unpleasant, for a longtime I thought that my cousin who lived down the road from me was a good friend, he wasn't really but at the time I was too lonely to notice having moved to a new town and livign out on a farm far from most people. I often tried to sit with him but after a while he became too clever at making ways I couldn't sit with him, even though we hung out on weekends he was ashamed to sit with me, to this day I don't know why, then again I no longer care for while I have a good job and many good friends he is a no hoper druggie who will probably never amount to anything.
By a month or 2 into grade 6 I was sitting by myself on the bus, sometimes subjected to having the retard kid sit next to me or something like that, a lot of prnaks got played on me by other people on the bus, I felt most depressed when I rode that bus. I still had friends at school but none of them rode the same bus as me if they took a bus at all. However my best friend did and I think merely due to the fact that we were both shunned on the bus we came to start sitting next to each other towards the end of year 6, strength in numbers I guess.
We didn't really talk that much, but I know at least for me it made me feel like less of an outcast even if we weren't really friends yet. After a month or 2 we did start to become friends, however it was pretty much I think at the end of year 6 that something important to me occurred. I can't remember where he found it, whether it was before we got on the bus or if it was on the floor as he got on something but he had a woodchip and was staring at it, me being the selfish person I am became annoyed as he was ignoring me to look at this thing and asked him what it was. He said that the woodchip looked like a chair and he gave it to me to see, and it did indeed look remarkably like an armchair. I gave it back to him and he proceeded to look at it again admiring his find. I became agitated due to my short temper back then and asked to look at it again. In that moment I betrayed him as I threw it out the window I pointed out that it was just a stupid woodchip, and in a way I still feel I was correct, however I was too foolish to understand that some people enjoy the simple hobby of collecting things, no matter how mundane. Of course after that he wouldn't talk to me for the rest of the busride home and my plan to get his attention had backfired. Back then I couldn't understand the concept of looking into the future and planning and I had just reacted immediately without thinking how he'd react.
Pretty much as soon as I got home I set to work, I asked my father if I could use some stuff over the shed and he even offered to help me since I was finally showing an interest in the stuff he often had to do for a living, I declined thoguh asking merely that he provide me with a piece of wood. He agreed to my strange request and gave me a small block of wood. I then set to work with the saw and clamp and cut it down to about 5cm x 5cm x 5cm (5cm=2inches). Normally at around this point in time my short attention span would have given out and I would have gotten bored with any project but I worked on as I didn't ever want to go back to being alone again on the bus. So I then used various tools in my lack of knowledge, I used chisels, a grinder, small saw (and not even a wood one as I didn't know the difference), and even a screwdriver in my attempts and finally after a couple of hours I had crafted a small chair. I cleaned it up and even used sanded it down to make it smooth and round off the edged for a better appearance.
The next day I presented it to him moments after I got on, he thanked me awkwardly and put it in his bag, I don't think he ever kept it for more than a couple of days, I doubt he even remembers it anymore but it had repaired the damage that I had done in my jealousy of a piece of wood and my need for attention. To this day he is still the only person I really think I can truly call my friend and can count on, I have had other friends that come and go, and even someone else I once dared to put on the same level as him and call them both my best friends, a mistake I paid for as she had been lying to me for so long, our friendship was broken. But still to this day my best friend and I remain honest and open about everything and I know he will always be there, as I will be for him. Our personalities have rubbed off on each other in some ways, he has taken up a lot of my cynicism and practicality I think, not to mention my alcoholic tendancy and I think hanging around me even made him first begin to like computers and he has just graduated as an B.I.T., and someof him has rubbed off on me, his chatting on the net, carefree attitude, the belief that others opinions don't matter, that in particular was a valuable lesson he taught me.
There is a secret to making friends, the real sort anyway that will stand by you for everything, it requires several things: trust, honesty, and forgiveness. These are qualities I don't have for the general population but I do for my truest friend. A good friendship can be more than you'll ever find in a lover in fact I'm reminded of a saying I saw on a calendar at a hospital I used to work at, I wish I could remember who stated this equation: love = friendship + sex - reason. Rearranging the equation is simple: friendship = love - sex + reason, which I think is extremely appropriate and true.
And now to finish up I'd like to share a short poem my mother has had in her lounge for as far back as I can remember but I never realised how true it was until just a couple of years ago.
"True friends are like diamonds,
Precious but rare.
False friends are like autumn leaves,
Found everywhere"
User Reviews
Submitted by Franger (user info) at 2003-12-16 01:02:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Actaully cocksucker, I gave myself mostly +1s because that was the closest number to the average at any given time.
Submitted by krabapple <jenn8164vr.at.hotmail.com> at 2003-12-16 00:59:09 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
This deserves a lot more -2 ratings to balance out the ones the author gave himself, the cocklick.
Submitted by QueenAshlee (user info) at 2003-11-27 22:59:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Nope, that's just how she says it. We've talked about that...
Submitted by Franger (user info) at 2003-11-27 01:43:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Yes, yes he is. Especially if you take into account the fact that I'm about 6' tall and hes hunched over.
And a fagina? that makes it even more obvious your a man, you can't even spell the female genitalia.
Submitted by QueenAshlee (user info) at 2003-11-25 23:09:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
That guy is REALLY tall.
Submitted by Kristen (user info) at 2003-11-25 22:59:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
You're a woman. How loose is your fagina?
Submitted by Hairsphincter (user info) at 2003-11-25 07:37:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Then she's cross eyed.
Submitted by Franger (user info) at 2003-11-25 07:32:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Um not she's looking at the camera
Submitted by Hairsphincter (user info) at 2003-11-25 07:17:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
You can always tell a person by their eyes. And she is looking at herself.
Submitted by Franger (user info) at 2003-11-25 07:00:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Oh and to lend my article some credibility, here is a picture
http://www.joshuabarnard.com/gmo/images/gmo31.jpg
I'm on the right, my best friend on the left and the chick in the middle is the one I spoke of who betrayed my trust.
Submitted by Hairsphincter (user info) at 2003-11-25 06:55:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Perception is reality. Enjoy.
Submitted by Franger (user info) at 2003-11-25 06:52:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I don't expect to really meet people I talk to on a forum, some people that I know through actual IMing I intend to meet someday. Most people come to see what I'm really like after a time though, although some see it straight away, they come to understand that I'm not just a random flamer and what I do does often have a purpose, even if they don't know what it is until I reveal it.
I keep coming back because this is entertainment, I enjoy reading the articles and posting my comments, if I was looking for companionship I would spend more time in the clubs and pubs around here.
Don't hit on me you FAG!!
You getting the point yet? (no pun intended) Let me put it simply, its a good way to joke around, I even say stuff like that in front my actual gay friends, they know that to me when I say something is gay or someone is a fag I'm usually just saying I don't like it, they understand that my intention is not to insult gay people even if that may be the result.
Submitted by Hairsphincter (user info) at 2003-11-25 06:41:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
"Oh just for note, I'm not homophobic, I am in fact bi-curious and I certainly don't hate myself."
Then why do you say homophobic things? I am openly bi and don't really have a lot of gay friends (I don't like camp men, they annoy the fuck out of me, I don't watch Queer as Folk and Queer Eye for the Straight Guy annoys me). I hope not to be homophobic, but I really don't dig on gay men or culture all that much.
I am not hitting on you, by the way.
Submitted by Hairsphincter (user info) at 2003-11-25 06:35:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
"I'm just an arsehole and I don't know any of you people and its not like you can affect me..."
Do you realise this is a way of meeting people? It used to be pen friends and painfully difficult, but people have been letter writers for hundreds of years. This is just a quicker way of doing things.
I have met people in real life and unsurprisingly they were very similar to the people I have "met" online, just in the flesh and more fun. I had a great time in Texas with Andrew and EH, it was like I actually had known them for a while, but the first time I had met them in person. It was surprisingly comfortable.
People can really be affected by people they meet in different ways, it's not "just the internet", it's an emerging medium.
If you weren't affected, you wouln't come back, same with me.
The future is Uber.
Submitted by Franger (user info) at 2003-11-25 06:25:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
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Submitted by Hairsphincter (user info) at 2003-11-25 06:12:40 (#)
Ranking: 0
You puzzle me, franger.
You can be boorish, then you can write something that makes you seem like a healthy, functioning and rational human.
What you wrote here was fiction, right?
If not, why don't you live some of the concepts you discuss?
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I have many levels.
No this is very real, it is what really happened, everything I felt and did. I try not to write fictional stuff, real stories are so much more interesting to read I think.
Which concepts do you refer to?
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Submitted by MOssiah (user info) at 2003-11-25 06:07:35 (#)
Ranking: 1
It's nice to see you write a serious piece.
The following made me think:
"I became agitated due to my short temper back then"
So you don't have a short temper anymore? Really? Have a look at some of the replys you send to other people. For example, have a look at the one you wrote on my last piece. You called me a fag for wearing make-up. I used to feel the same way as you do when I was younger (and I was homophobic too), so it doesn't bother me, but to outward appearances your replies in general show that your temper is still on a relatively short leash.
"Back then I couldn't understand the concept of looking into the future and planning and I had just reacted immediately without thinking how he'd react."
You don't do this anymore either? Reacting without thinking how people will react? Or is it that you don't care about how most people will react. I suppose that would make sense.
Either way. I liked your piece.
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I think about reactions thats why I do post what I do, I'm just an arsehole and I don't know any of you people and its not like you can affect me, besides I enjoy a good argument.
Oh just for note, I'm not homophobic, I am in fact bi-curious and I certainly don't hate myself.
Submitted by Hairsphincter (user info) at 2003-11-25 06:12:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
You puzzle me, franger.
You can be boorish, then you can write something that makes you seem like a healthy, functioning and rational human.
What you wrote here was fiction, right?
If not, why don't you live some of the concepts you discuss?
Submitted by MOssiah (user info) at 2003-11-25 06:07:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
It's nice to see you write a serious piece.
The following made me think:
"I became agitated due to my short temper back then"
So you don't have a short temper anymore? Really? Have a look at some of the replys you send to other people. For example, have a look at the one you wrote on my last piece. You called me a fag for wearing make-up. I used to feel the same way as you do when I was younger (and I was homophobic too), so it doesn't bother me, but to outward appearances your replies in general show that your temper is still on a relatively short leash.
"Back then I couldn't understand the concept of looking into the future and planning and I had just reacted immediately without thinking how he'd react."
You don't do this anymore either? Reacting without thinking how people will react? Or is it that you don't care about how most people will react. I suppose that would make sense.
Either way. I liked your piece.
Submitted by Franger (user info) at 2003-11-25 04:52:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by Kristen (user info) at 2003-11-25 01:52:56 (#)
Ranking: 2
"True friends are like diamonds,
Precious but rare.
False friends are like autumn leaves,
Found everywhere"
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I have something very similiar to this in my bathroom of all places.
I think it was a great gesture to make him a chair after you threw his woodchip out the window. I vowed to never again be friends with a girl that pushed my face into my birthday cake when I was 13. She came to school with a whole new cake for me that she baked. We're roomates and best friends. Friendship is so great.
+2 for getting me all misty-eyed.
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I still think you are really a guy in disguise.
Submitted by GrizzlyHunter62 (user info) at 2003-11-25 04:21:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Best friends are overrated.
But a good piece, nonetheless. +2 because you tied your childhood story into iddqd's challenge.
Submitted by QueenAshlee (user info) at 2003-11-25 02:24:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I do have a bit more respect for you, though, for making that kid a new woodchip. Have a +1.
Submitted by dakingisdead (user info) at 2003-11-25 02:13:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Sometimes I let my cynicism run my life a leeetle wee bit much.
It's good to know when you have someone in your corner.
Nice one Franger.
Submitted by QueenAshlee (user info) at 2003-11-25 02:12:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
iddqd, I gave it the rating I thought it deserved. I wasn't particularly impressed by the peice, nor was I particularly disappointed. I'm not one to hold grudges for no reason. If I were, I would have said something to the effect of "this was the biggest peice of shit I've ever seen." I'm not, and It wasn't, so I didn't.
Submitted by Kristen (user info) at 2003-11-25 01:52:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"True friends are like diamonds,
Precious but rare.
False friends are like autumn leaves,
Found everywhere"
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I have something very similiar to this in my bathroom of all places.
I think it was a great gesture to make him a chair after you threw his woodchip out the window. I vowed to never again be friends with a girl that pushed my face into my birthday cake when I was 13. She came to school with a whole new cake for me that she baked. We're roomates and best friends. Friendship is so great.
+2 for getting me all misty-eyed.
Submitted by GodChicken (user info) at 2003-11-25 01:49:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Best thing I think I have seen you write, Franger.
(+1) for long term friends who give a shit about you even at your worst.
Submitted by iddqd (user info) at 2003-11-25 01:45:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
i thought that this was a quality piece of writing, and not really what i was expecting.
ashlee should be better than giving you a meh review just because youtwo dislike one another - good writing is good writing, and credit should be given where and when its due.
im glad i suggested that title.
Submitted by chipolatte (user info) at 2003-11-25 01:43:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
hard to read.
wood.
Submitted by Franger (user info) at 2003-11-25 01:42:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Well then blowdeadbears, why did you bother reading, just fuck off then.
I just wanted to see if I could write something serious instead of just a humourous event that happened, I don't think I did it very well, then again its still better than half the crap on here I think.
Submitted by QueenAshlee (user info) at 2003-11-25 01:31:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I've seen better, I've seen worse. Not quite what I expected from the title given, but, you know, whatever.
Submitted by blowdeadbears <blowdeadbears.at.mailinator.com> at 2003-11-25 01:28:42 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Reading long stuff hurts my brain...