Pigeons vs. Me (957 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.9 on 19 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Apathesia <dreamkrafter.at.hotmail.com> (View user info) at 2003-11-25 11:46:13 EST
Pigeons are the most useless bird on the face of the planet, hands down. Whereas most other birds prefer something at least similar to the forest, these wretched birds would rather coat everything under them in a glistening pile of CRAP.
These birds have no fucking purpose whatsoever. Except piss me off, of course. They are absolutely hideous. Eye candy they are not. Just...grey. Solid grey. It's not that I'm not appreciative of anything unless its beautiful, It's that I hate anything that CONSTANTLY SHITS ON MY CAR NO MATTER WHERE I PARK THE MOTHER FUCKER.
And if that isn't enough, people actually encourage them to stay in the city by feeding them! FEEDING THEM! What the hell?!??!
DONT FEED HELL SPAWN! Feed the birdseed to the homeless. They're more hungry and more worth the time to feed and help. And they wont shit on my car.
The next pigeon I find shitting and cooing on my car is going to be served to the homeless for thanksgiving as a "miniature grey turkey".
User Reviews
Submitted by andrewlovespidgons (user info) at 2005-02-16 09:52:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I am Andrew Loving of Oklahoma City and I would like to say almost a year after the fact I still enjoy to fuck pigeons
Submitted by Cousin It <cookamonga11.at.hotmail.com> at 2004-02-08 13:39:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
i just want to say that u spelt pigeons wrong dumbass..and i agree your father is a worthless shit bag.
Submitted by andrewlovespidgons (user info) at 2004-02-08 02:58:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Andrew Loving of Oklahoma City is a proud fucker of pidgons
Submitted by QueenAshlee (user info) at 2003-11-29 23:27:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Seagulls steal food right out of people's hands. Therefore, seagulls are more worthless than pigeons.
Submitted by chicagogirl (user info) at 2003-11-25 12:48:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
HA! Pigeons looklike little gravy boats when they are sitting.
Submitted by Bob_Dole (user info) at 2003-11-25 12:29:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
fuckin birds.
Submitted by potatomanjack (user info) at 2003-11-25 12:25:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Feed them rice, it kills them when it expands in their stomach.
Submitted by Kris (user info) at 2003-11-25 12:25:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I parked my car under a lonely tree in the parking lot yesterday. I came out after work and had 10 bird droppings splattered all over my car. It had to have been the damn pigeons. Now the pigeon shit is frozen onto my car.
Submitted by Apathesia (user info) at 2003-11-25 12:14:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Your father was a worthless shitbag? I'll buy that.
Submitted by Random Joe at 2003-11-25 12:12:03 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Two.Minus.Assigner
hey fag, my father was a pigeon!
Submitted by bonus (user info) at 2003-11-25 12:05:30 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
Interesting fact: if you see a pigeon flying low and flat it means it's headed towards water for a drink. So next time you're dying of dehydration somewhere and you see one, follow it for salvation. I bet then you won't be thinking that they're not the most gangsta of all birds.
You might also be able to catch it for food, because they are notoriously stupid fucks.
Submitted by reallybored (user info) at 2003-11-25 12:03:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
In florida i really dont see many pigeons. Maybe they dont like the heat.
But fucking lovebugs. OH my god i hate those fuckers. THEY GET EVERYWHERE. Hey bitches, stop your humping and get the fuck out of the way of my car.
Submitted by Phinch (user info) at 2003-11-25 12:01:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
you are jelous of jareds ability to control the pigeon shit.
Submitted by mox9 (user info) at 2003-11-25 12:00:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
'DONT FEED HELL SPAWN!'
-haha
Submitted by Random Joe at 2003-11-25 11:58:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
rats with wings.
Submitted by El_Guapo (user info) at 2003-11-25 11:56:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
hahahahahah, do you work downtow? those fuckers are EVERYWHERE around here!
Submitted by T.chow (user info) at 2003-11-25 11:55:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
i say lay down some uncooked rice for the fuckers
this rant really captured your anger, nice
Submitted by Luther (user info) at 2003-11-25 11:53:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Depends where you live... a homeless person just might shit on your car. Or worse, in it. I had a friend who was teaching in inner city NYC a few years ago. She was visiting a friends house in the somewhat suburbs. She left her car unlocked. About 1 in the morning when she went to leave she saw an obviously homeless guy in her car. She called the cops because she thought he was stealing her stereo. Nope. He mistook her 96 celica for a port-a-potty. He pissed right there in her driver's seat.
Crazy homeless people.
Submitted by JMG114 (user info) at 2003-11-25 11:51:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Heh. What's with the pigeons today?
Do you want to know what inspired my post? I was doing an Elmo show in Long Island this past weekend and when I came out, I found what looked like splats of mustard all over my car. Apparently, a bird chose my car to be sick upon. It was so gross!