Ride the waves... (433 hits)
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Submitted by drky <drky.at.yahoo.com> (View user info) at 2003-11-27 07:07:02 EST
Sometimes, while i'm sitting at my desk, staring at my monitor, i
find myself in this place. Calm, yet intense at the same time. Its
kind of like i'm meditating, it locks my body and focuses my mind.
Sometimes its very brief. I just see it and then get sucked back,
back to myself, my physicality. Sometimes it'll overcome me and
i'll find i'm not quite where i thought i was.
It feels like i'm sitting on a chair and that chair is my body.
Then sometimes, while i'm not paying too much attention, i'll find
myself about two inches further forward than i actually am. Almost
like i'm sitting on the edge of my seat, my body. This is the point
i get the feeling, the feeling of deja vu, the feeling of some deep
memory about to be revealed to me. The feeling of glee, deep in the
center of my being. The feeling that i'm about to discover it,
unravel the secret. Then as soon as i know its coming, i know i'm
about to discover it. It goes. Lost again. Leaving only feelings
of despair and malcontent.
I had it. I've almost had it so many times. I should have had it by
now.
At this point it hits me that perhaps its not the edge of some
great revelation. Perhaps i'm not riding the crest of the wave of
enlightenment. Perhaps i'm a bit tired or i was just really into
what i was reading and my mind sank into a trance like state.
This is when i realise i'm still in the same place i was, staring
at the screen. Waiting for the revelation to wash over me. I look
down, and there i am, falling. I can see my eyes, staring blindly,
focused on a point about half a metre in front of me, as my nose
barely misses the edge of my desk and i go on gracelessly falling
towards the cold, hard floor. I try to stop myself, try to put my
arms out. Nothing, i'm trapped in the anonimity which it is to be
formless.
I can see myself laying on the floor, bleeding from my forehead.
Still breathing. Not moving. Eyes closed.
Then i'm sucked backwards two inches and there i am staring at the
screen. Watching it flicker. Waiting for the revelation to wash over
me.
More coffee, i think.
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