Groin shot (1284 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.76 on 14 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by mrceltic.at.msn.com (View user info) at 2003-11-29 23:20:30 EST
Let me begin the story by supplying you with an overview of all the players:
Me
Pillow sham (if you're not sure ask your wife, mother etc)
The day began as any other; roll out of bed, take 2 minute piss, check mirror to make sure I still 'got it', make manly breakfast of eggs and bacon, eat with too much salt, read paper. Seems to be simple enough but now comes the challenge; I am going to attempt to be a good husband and make our marital bed to my wife's exacting standards, no mean task indeed.
1. Straighten flat sheet - check
2. Smooth creases in duvet - check
3. Place first half dozen pillows in appropriate spot - check
4. Insert remaining pillows in aforementioned pillow sham - hmmm some difficulty
5. Repeat step 4 - still no luck
Now picture this; I'm standing next to our relatively high king size bed, struggling to correctly insert the pillow into a new sham, tight fit... I try pushing it in, too bunched up. I try mashing it down, too flat. I finally decide the appropriate course of action is to firmly grasp the pillow sham with my left hand whilst I hold the pillow still, now pull as hard as I can on the sham... Sadly shams don't come with handles and my hands must have been slightly damp from my struggle because - WHAM - I drive myself square in the balls with a closed fist, drop like a ton of bricks, writhe in pain unlike any other I've ever experienced. You just are never really prepared to receive a surprise punch in the bag from yourself I guess.
Gentlemen before you respond with well thought out comments about my predicament I ask one thing: punch yourself in the sack, see if you can type now smart-ass! Ladies for you my best suggestion is have a friend hit you in the slats with a soup ladle, should simulate it.
Take it easy, pillow shams are for women and eunuchs.
User Reviews
Submitted by mikeyb <mikeyb.at.antisocial.com> at 2003-11-30 19:40:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Would have gave a -2 just for making the marital bed ( read pussy whipped ) but you get a + 1 for punching yourself in the bag. Would have thought being married was self torture enough ?
Submitted by Party03 (user info) at 2003-11-30 15:53:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
HAHAHAHAHA! Nothin like that early morning shot to the fellas to get your day started off on the wrong foot.
Submitted by El_Guapo (user info) at 2003-11-30 15:17:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
""You just are never really prepared to receive a surprise punch in the bag from yourself I guess. ""
hahahahaaaaaaaaaa!
i pity you. i still have nightmares about my ex complaining about the fucking dust ruffle being crooked......
Submitted by hidden101 (user info) at 2003-11-30 14:45:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
hahahahahahahahahaha
hilarious.
Submitted by hcp28 (user info) at 2003-11-30 14:33:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"Take it easy, pillow shams are for women and eunuchs."
Preach it brother!
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2003-11-30 13:53:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Laugh out loud.
Submitted by pilsbury (user info) at 2003-11-30 13:05:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
fuck duvet's, fuck beds, fuck getting a job and a big fuck off telly, fuck fashion, fuck life.
I chose not to choose life.
I chose something else, I chose heroin.
Submitted by DJMattB241 (user info) at 2003-11-30 10:23:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
i'm with that guy below. sheets, pillow, blanket. dont complicate my bed, i'll complicate your face.
haha!
Submitted by bob (user info) at 2003-11-30 00:52:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
try getting hit in the nuts with a lacrosse ball (made out of solid condensed rubber)
even w/ a cup on it hurt just as much if not more (keep in mind it was going at like 60mph)
broke the thing in half
Submitted by russizm (user info) at 2003-11-30 00:39:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I really need to stop trying to speed read and end up not understanding certain aspects of a story.
When I first read this, I thought to myself:
"What the fuck? Why would someone punch themselves like that for no reason?"
note to self: you still can't read.
Submitted by EvilZurr (user info) at 2003-11-30 00:06:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
thats gotta fuckin sting. either your wife sucks at picking out pillow 'shams' (whatever happened to cases?), or you need some help
Submitted by ess2s2 (user info) at 2003-11-29 23:46:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Fuck pillow shams, fuck duvets, fuck thirteen million pillows of assorted sizes, shapes and coordinated colors. Fuck dust ruffles, fuck curtain treatments, fuck throw rugs. Fuck any wall color other than white, black, or flourecent (with a blacklight). Fuck streamers, fuck chandeliers, fuck coasters, fuck sconces, fuck gel candles, and fuck scented tealights. Fuck potpourri, fuck flowers, fuck floral patterns, fuck tapestries, fuck couch covers, and fuck toilet seat covers.
That's all I have to say.
Submitted by Beer_bong (user info) at 2003-11-29 23:37:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Thats good shit.
This is why its good to be a teenager. Sheet to cover the mattress, pillow, pillow case, blanket. I don't even know what a duvet or pillow sham is.
Submitted by QueenAshlee (user info) at 2003-11-29 23:28:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
It's really not that hard. Really.