New Improved Formula (419 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.16 on 6 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Aladdin El Salhadin <gaiijinninja.at.yahoo.com> (View user info) at 2003-11-30 18:34:23 EST
When the words 'New Improved Formula' appear on a box in the supermarket, hardware store or pretty much anywhere that a product can indeed become New and improved subconciously many people think that this is an indication that the product is good.
To my eternal shame I was one of these people, one of the group that i now colourfully refer to as "New & Improved Chumps" and while I have taken steps to distance myself from this large group of people, I unfortunetly am predisposed to stupidity and will probably find myself back here soon enough but for now let me discuss what has pissed me off most recently.
I went to purchase some wood stain, a product that is necessary to give a woodworking job one has made a certain darker colour (At least the stain i was purchasing was intended for this purpose).
Upon the side of the can proudly boasted a 'New Improved Formula', Well I thought happily, this product is alive, constantly changing and updating so as to meet my needs as a consumer individually, I shall purchase this product, NAY, I must purchase this product !
So I picked up the can of stain and went to the counter, It was worth paying the extra money to get such a higher quality product, a product which men and women of science had gone to the effort of researching, of discovery, this was the product of countless hours of work and sweat.. it must be good.
So now at home the moment comes to open up my stain, to place it on my wood which will transform my okey work into a piece of art the likes of which the earth has never seen, to change the simple wooden chair i built into a throne of darkened wood, for I the king of men who had spent that little bit extra on stain to enjoy.
So I am applying the stain, the smell is just as repugnant, the colour seems to be the same pigmentation as before, I see no sight of the aformentioned improvements, this stain seems to lack the simple luster that my everyday stain had.
My first instinct was to believe they lied, I instantly countered that, why would they lie, what do they have to gain, they must have improved the formula, THEY MUST HAVE !
Perhaps the product used to be hemmeroid cream and now with a few slight changes they had made it into wood stain, I loathe to think just how shitty the product was before they improved it, unimaginably shitty i wager, more shitty then pop bands... no I exagerate and digress, nothing is worse then pop bands.
It hit me like a javellin to the crotch, I had been lied to.. I had been taken in by the New and Improved formula, never again will I be taken in by a corporate ruse ! I will take up arms and fight against everything that is New and Improved !
So next time something goes wrong, your partner leaves you, your dog gets eaten by a very obese viking or a pop song comes on the radio you know who to blame... Those two and a half DAMN words
User Reviews
Submitted by 1.5gramsPureEvil (user info) at 2003-11-30 23:10:01 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
fuckjob
Submitted by hcp28 (user info) at 2003-11-30 19:57:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
someone... I thought you were supposed to be dead? don't tell me you chose life.
+2 because I have fallen victim to the new and improved lingo of the advertising empire from time to time.
Submitted by someone (user info) at 2003-11-30 19:34:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by El_Guapo (user info) at 2003-11-30 18:43:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
hahahah, i like it
Submitted by potatomanjack (user info) at 2003-11-30 18:38:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Hahahaha!!!
I hate that javelin to the crotch feeling.
Submitted by Persecuted (user info) at 2003-11-30 18:37:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
HAHAHA