My revenge on AT&T (OR) How to annoy a telemarketer just as much as they annoyed you by calling (1591 hits)
Category: NoneRating: -0.03 on 37 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Luther (View user info) at 2003-12-02 11:45:57 EST
You know, I didn't sign up for the "Do Not Call List" to be interrupted during dinner. I have gotten so sick of those arse holes calling JUST as I sit down to dinner, that I decided that revenge was in order. See if Mr. AT&T will be calling ME back at 6 o'clock ever again! I'll bet they put me on their "Do Not Call" list! This particular call happened a few weeks ago, but this is how I remember it...
- Me: (swallowing) Hello?
- AT&T: Hello, this is AT&T...
- Me: Is this AT&T?
- AT&T: Yes, this is AT&T...
- Me: This is AT&T?
- AT&T: Yes This is AT&T...
- Me: Is this AT&T?
- AT&T: YES! This is AT&T, may I speak to Mr. Byron please?
- Me: May I ask who is calling?
- AT&T: This is AT&T.
- Me: OK, hold on.
At this point I put the phone down for a solid 5 minutes thinking that, surely, this person would have hung up the phone. I ate my salad. Much to my surprise, when I picked up the receiver, they were still waiting.
- Me: Hello?
- AT&T: Is this Mr. Byron?
- Me: May I ask who is calling please?
- AT&T: Yes this is AT&T...
- Me: Is this AT&T?
- AT&T: Yes this is AT&T...
- Me: This is AT&T?
- AT&T: Yes, is this Mr. Byron?
- Me: Yes, is this AT&T?
- AT&T: Yes sir.
- Me: The phone company?
- AT&T: Yes sir.
- Me: I thought you said this was AT&T.
- AT&T: Yes sir, we are a phone company.
- Me: I already have a phone.
- AT&T: We aren't selling phones today Mr. Byron.
- Me: Well whatever it is, I'm really not interested but thanks for calling.
When you are not interested in something, I don't think you can express yourself any plainer than by saying "I'm really not interested," but this lady was persistent.
- AT&T: Mr. Byron, we would like to offer you 10 cents a minute, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year.
Now, I am sure she meant she was offering a "rate" of 10 cents a minute, but she at no time used the word "rate." I could clearly see that it was time to whip out the trusty old calculator and do a little ciphering.
- Me: Now, that's 10 cents a minute 24 hours a day?
- AT&T: (getting a little excited at this point by my interest) Yes - sir, that's right! 24 hours a day!
- Me: 7 days a week?
- AT&T: That's right.
- Me: 365 days a year?
- AT&T: Yes sir.
- Me: I am definitely interested in that! Wow!!! That's amazing!
- AT&T: We think so!
- Me: That's quite a sum of money!
- AT&T: Yes sir, it's amazing how it adds up. - Me: OK, so will you send me checks weekly, monthly or just one big one at the end of the year for the full $52,560, and if you send an annual check, can I get a cash advance?
- AT&T: Excuse me?
- Me: You know, the 10 cents a minute.
- AT&T: What are you talking about?
- Me: You said you'd give me 10 cents a minute, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year.
That comes to $144 per day, $1,008 per week and $52,560 per year. I'm just interested in knowing how you will be making payment.
- AT&T: Oh no, sir, I didn't mean we'd be paying you. You pay us 10 cents a minute.
- Me: Wait a minute here!!! Didn't you say you'd give me 10 cents a minute? Are you sure this is AT&T?
- AT&T: Well, yes this is AT&T sir but......
- Me: But nothing, how do you figure that by saying that you'll give me 10 cents a minute that I'll give you 10 cents a minute? Is this some kind of subliminal telemarketing scheme? I've read about things like this in the Enquirer, you know. Don't use your alien brainwashing techniques on me.
- AT&T: No sir, we are offering10 cents a minute for.....
- Me: THERE YOU GO AGAIN! Can I speak to a supervisor please!
- AT&T: Sir, I don't think that is necessary.
- Me: Sure! You say that now! What happens later?
- AT&T: What?
- Me: I insist on speaking to a supervisor! - AT&T: Yes Mr. Byron. Please hold.
So now AT&T has me on hold and my supper is getting cold. I begin to eat while I'm waiting for a supervisor. After a wait of a few minutes and while I have a mouth full of food:
- Supervisor: Mr. Byron?
- Me: Yeth?
- Supervisor: I understand you are not quite understanding our 10 cents a minute program.
- Me: Id thish Ath Teeth & Teeth?
- Supervisor: Yes sir, it sure is.
I had to swallow before I choked on my food. It was all I could do to suppress my laughter and I had to be careful not to produce a snort.
- Me: No, actually, I was just waiting for someone to get back to me so that I could sign up for the plan.
- Supervisor: OK, no problem, I'll transfer you back to the person who was helping you.
- Me: Thank you.
I was on hold once again and managed a few more mouthfuls. I needed to end this conversation. Suddenly, there was an aggravated but polite voice at the other end of the phone.
- AT&T: Hello Mr. Byron, I understand that you are interested in signing up for our plan?
- Me: Do you have that friends and family thing because you can never have enough friends and I'm an only child and I'd really like to have a little brother...
- AT&T: (click)
User Reviews
Submitted by DCWoody (user info) at 2004-01-08 05:47:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by dontwanttotellyou (user info) at 2003-12-10 16:51:46 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
eat poop
Submitted by itchy (user info) at 2003-12-02 14:10:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
eh . . . I forgive you. I thought that part of your reply to Apollo was kinda funny too, the part about "the sharing and the laughing." Very "Friends"-esque, which again means unoriginal, but hey, who doesn't steal things. RB gets props for ripping off Seinfeld in the same list of replies that blast you for not being original. Gotta love fickleness.
Submitted by SpikeGoddess (user info) at 2003-12-02 13:27:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
My uncle is the king of messing with telemarketers. The king.
This isn't bad though.
SpikeGoddess
Submitted by volklcess (user info) at 2003-12-02 13:07:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Luther (user info) at 2003-12-02 12:21:30 (#)
Ranking: -2
fine you're all right, I didn't mention where it came from. That's the problem though I DON'T KNOW. So here's my -2 for me for being a dumbass, and now I'm gonna go cry in a corner...
heh heh *snort*
----------------
I was laughing my ass off when I read your post and wouldn't have known it was plagiarized were it not for the reviews.
It was, nonetheless, funny as all hell, and I'll give you a +2 since you actually gave yourself a -2. I'd never give myself a -2. Ever. Kudos to you :-)
Phoenix
Submitted by Cup_of_Joe (user info) at 2003-12-02 12:49:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Sorry but I had to give a +2 for the Soup Nazi thing that RB does. Everytime I see that I just think of damn Seinfield episode.
Thank you and drive thru
Submitted by reallybored (user info) at 2003-12-02 12:45:55 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Cunt bubble
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA That was great
I cant wait to meet this guy in two weeks.
NO SOUP FOR YOU!
Submitted by dacygrl <dacygrl.at.hotmail.com> at 2003-12-02 12:39:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I used to work for Victoria's Secret Catalogue as a fashion consultant which is a glorified title for order taker. As you can imagine we got lots of perv calls. One night I got the same guy who had called million times before and I decided to play instead of releasing his call.
Him: Do you like long hard cocks?
Me: I'm sorry sir we don't sell chickens
Him: Do you like long hard cocks?
Me: Does it peck?
Him: No a man's cock
Me: No sir, we don't sell roosters, we're a lingerie company?
Him: Bitch <click>
Me: ROFLOL
My coworkers were all looking very confused until someone nearby gets him
Him: Do you like long hard cocks?
Her: Excuse me?
Him: Do you like long hard cocks?
Her: <light dawning and laughing> We don't sell chickens
Him: Bitch <click>
He tried one more time:
Him: Do you like long hard cocks?
Her: We don't sell chickens
Him: Bitch <click>
He never called back again
Submitted by Luther (user info) at 2003-12-02 12:35:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
if it bothers you so much apollo, don't let my blaring plagarism (which was somewhen unintentional- I didn't think about it before I posted) bother you, and simply don't read my posts.
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2003-12-02 12:31:50 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
""""Submitted by Luther (user info) at 2003-12-02 12:13:49 (#)
Ranking: 0
Well I didn't say it was mine, exactly... Sorry about that. I just thought it was funny, that's why I posted it. I didn't realize it was so well circulated. My apologies, just trying to share a laugh.
Oh, and apollo, I'm sure you've posted unorigional things before, fuck you very much. Even if you haven't- don't read my posts anymore. That simple. I was merely trying to share a luagh. Obviously, that's something you're incapable of- the sharing and the laughing. """"
Nope. Never.
I have never, ever posted somehting unoriginal and if I had I would have clearly marked it as such.
Loser.
Oh and let me 'share' something with you, I will rate any post I fucking want to. Cunt bubble.
Submitted by Murphy1844 (user info) at 2003-12-02 12:27:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I can actually HEAR a shovel piercing and pitching dirt. You don't know where this came from yet somehow managed to
Ctrl + C
Ctrl + V
Uhhh...
Submitted by GodChicken (user info) at 2003-12-02 12:27:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Here's a +2 for trying. We know its the Christmas music doing it to you Luther.
Submitted by some guy at 2003-12-02 12:24:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Really funny. It's a great way to play with these folks.
Another fun one is to ask the caller if, as a little kid, telemarketer was the career they dreamed of having. It's fun to hear that disheartened voice. And, you're doing the person a favor by making them realize that they don't want to do this for a living any longer!
Submitted by Luther (user info) at 2003-12-02 12:21:30 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
fine you're all right, I didn't mention where it came from. That's the problem though I DON'T KNOW. So here's my -2 for me for being a dumbass, and now I'm gonna go cry in a corner...
heh heh *snort*
Submitted by Luther (user info) at 2003-12-02 12:19:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
alright fine. no more sharing funny stuff, I got it. You want origional, I'll give you origional.
I a few hours, maybe, IF I can come up with anything...
Submitted by Murphy1844 (user info) at 2003-12-02 12:19:09 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Sharing a laugh without giving credit where credit is due. That's TAKING CREDIT for making someone laugh.
Go eat hell.
Murphy
Submitted by Insanethemind (user info) at 2003-12-02 12:17:47 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
If I were going to plagarize I would at least try to look for something brilliant. This was not brilliant.
Submitted by Luther (user info) at 2003-12-02 12:13:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Well I didn't say it was mine, exactly... Sorry about that. I just thought it was funny, that's why I posted it. I didn't realize it was so well circulated. My apologies, just trying to share a laugh.
Oh, and apollo, I'm sure you've posted unorigional things before, fuck you very much. Even if you haven't- don't read my posts anymore. That simple. I was merely trying to share a luagh. Obviously, that's something you're incapable of- the sharing and the laughing.
Submitted by Cup_of_Joe (user info) at 2003-12-02 12:07:19 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
I am so disappointed in you. What happened? You are better than this. You know that plagerism is wrong. BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Thank you and drive thru
Submitted by Amish_Amos (user info) at 2003-12-02 12:06:33 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
... the first time I saw it.
Submitted by Apathesia (user info) at 2003-12-02 12:06:33 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
I should have known better. Damn. So much for those creative juices...
Submitted by Amish_Amos (user info) at 2003-12-02 12:04:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Hilarious
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2003-12-02 12:03:52 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
I think you get the picture.
Wankstain.
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2003-12-02 12:03:32 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
http://www.caribbeanavenue.com/cgi-bin/anyboard.cgi/discussion/jokes/?cmd=rA&cG=20
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2003-12-02 12:03:04 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
http://www.redwhiteandblue.org/general/humor/FUN08.HTM
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2003-12-02 12:02:43 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
http://www.netjeff.com/humor/item.cgi?file=telemarketers.txt
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2003-12-02 12:02:14 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
http://monster-island.org/tinashumor/humor/telemkt.html
I withdraw my +2.
Wanker.
Google has ended plagarism as we know it.
Cock.
Submitted by Gent (user info) at 2003-12-02 12:02:03 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Jesus Christ... if you are going to use someone else's work, don't take credit for it:
http://www.angelfire.com/tx4/scar/AT&T.html
http://members.tripod.com/linda6987/quote2/att.html
http://www.pmaco.com/humor/revenge.html
http://makesmesmile.com/fun/att/index.php
... and a million others.
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2003-12-02 12:00:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Funny. Very funny.
Submitted by Apathesia (user info) at 2003-12-02 11:59:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I must try this. Im going to try this. Oh, how the creative juices are flowing. At least I hope those juices are the creative ones, because my pants sure are wet.
Submitted by antluvdog (user info) at 2003-12-02 11:59:32 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
I hate to -2 you, but you plagiarized this.
http://www.goofball.com/jokes/business/INC20030902022643
Submitted by Herpes (user info) at 2003-12-02 11:57:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm almost that good off the cuff when it comes to telemarketers. I can ask the most outrageous questions without laughing. Years of practice, lying to people straight faced, has paid off.
Submitted by ohlookasquirrel (user info) at 2003-12-02 11:56:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
reality or fiction?... funny nonetheless
when telemarketers call my favorite tactics are either:
1. to start crying when they ask for mr something or other "my father/mother died,
yesterday, in a horrible accident"
2. try to sell them something, its good if youre "selling" something conspicuous, like
body bags
Submitted by T.chow (user info) at 2003-12-02 11:55:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
damn funny
Submitted by potatomanjack (user info) at 2003-12-02 11:55:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Teeheehee...
Submitted by gascs (user info) at 2003-12-02 11:50:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
That movie Luther was pretty decent.
Submitted by Razor (user info) at 2003-12-02 11:50:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This was very funny, but nobody is that good off the cuff.