We Love Women (891 hits)
Category: HumorRating: 1.12 on 32 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by <mister_roboto.at.hotmail.com> (View user info) at 2003-12-02 23:08:52 EST
Recently I turned single and it gave me the opportunity to re-assess certain things. Trying to list positive and negative things about the opposite sex, I happened to write a speech on the issue. I cut out the negative, most of it anyways, and made it "user friendly". What follows is a list of fifteen things that most men would agree upon, fifteen things we like about women.
Brains. Most women outrank men in this department anyway, but so few of them show it. Ladies, don't be afraid to speak up when your man is trying to see into the gas tank with a lighter. We rely on you to keep us from being really, really stupid.
Curves. Kate Moss would be a terrible boink. If I wanted a bruised pelvis, I'd dry hump a garden shed. Women were designed to have a little extra padding. Nature said so. Don't starve yourself to look like a twelve-year-old boy: Women are supposed to have curves.
Class. There is nothing as wonderful as a woman in The Perfect Little Black Dress gliding down a flight of stairs. Hair done, makeup, tinly little purse and she wants to go out with you.
Singing. The contented sound of a woman, humming or singing to herself while she works. Even if she couldn't carry a tune in a box with a string handle, a woman idly singing for her own pleasure is a joy.
Strength. We don't mean the ability to bench press 300 lbs., although that's fine in my book. I mean the ability to grab a hold of an ugly job and just plain do it. Moving ten cubic yards of topsoil around with us in the yard, or taking the base of the ladder while we climb up to fix the burnt out light bulb on the ceiling.
Balls. Not in the literal sense, as that could be a bit off-putting. But if she takes no guff from anyone. An example: her car breaks down and the mechanic tries to talk her into a complete overhaul of everything except the cigarette lighter and the antannae. If she says "Oh, OK mister mechanic, whatever you say." She doesn't have a set of them.
Watch how she complains to a government department, or a counter person at Rays. If the phrase "I'll cut off your head and spit down your now dead skull" comes out of her mouth, she's got a big set and they rumble when she walks.
Cleavage. Be it bosomy cleavage in that blouse that is cut just right, wearing the lucky bra that hold Thelma and Louise just so, cleavage is old fashioned and wonderfully erotic.
Common sense. Baby, if you have a snake tattoo on your face and more piercings than a voodoo doll, you're kind of restricting your career options, aren't you?
No sense at all. You'll know if she says, "Lets go skinny dipping in the neighbor's pool" at 3 a.m.
Forgiveness. You come home at two in the morning from a buddy's going away party, smelling like a brewery and wearing a stripper's g-string around your neck, she simply asks if you had a good time with no heat or sense of "I'm going to kill you."
Smell. Women smell nice. There is something indefinably intoxicating about that soft tang of a woman's scent on a hot day. To quote Garrison Keillor: "There's nothing like the smell of a hot woman when some of the sweat on her, is yours." And ladies, find a perfume that you like, use it sparingly and strategically. Drenching yourself with Eau Du Civet just makes you smell like the perfume counter at Woolworth's, or that creepy lady that's always hanging around the street corner near Umpqua Bank.
Passion. Believe in something. It doesn't have to be the same things that your man believes in. in ffact, you get some good vibrant discussions going with your man by taking a contrary view and backing it up with sense, logic, and a passion about the subject.
Self-esteem. To quote Ray Blount Jr. "This is what I got, I can shake it, and I can bake it. If you don't like looking at it, who asked you?" If you whine about your lack of this, or too big that, it just makes you look weak.
Humor. No, ladies, you don't have to like The Three Stooges, but if you can tell a joke, or laugh at one your man has told before, then you get points.
Trashiness. If you go to a costume party, dress up as Sister Roxanne, the Trashy Nun, who smokes, drinks, and carries on like a brothel worker. That's fun trashiness.
Ladies, the battle of the sexes is over. Women won a long time ago, but the rules keep changing. Men try and keep up as best as we can. We're not perfect, and we occasionally forget the difference between the G, H, I, and J spots. Let us know and let us make up for it in our own way.
User Reviews
Submitted by Degreeless_Capibara (user info) at 2004-10-10 22:14:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Awesome.
Submitted by Falconer (user info) at 2003-12-25 07:58:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
You'll know if she says, "Lets go skinny dipping in the neighbor's pool" at 3 a.m.
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I'd do it.
Submitted by hamilton (user info) at 2003-12-24 18:38:04 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
death
Submitted by hamilton (user info) at 2003-12-24 18:37:59 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
horrible
Submitted by hamilton (user info) at 2003-12-24 18:37:52 EST (#)
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a
Submitted by hamilton (user info) at 2003-12-24 18:37:43 EST (#)
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die
Submitted by hamilton (user info) at 2003-12-24 18:37:26 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
to
Submitted by hamilton (user info) at 2003-12-24 18:37:18 EST (#)
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you
Submitted by hamilton (user info) at 2003-12-24 18:37:13 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
want
Submitted by hamilton (user info) at 2003-12-24 18:37:03 EST (#)
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i
Submitted by hamilton (user info) at 2003-12-24 18:36:56 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by Scorpiolova (user info) at 2003-12-03 17:21:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
lawd I cant spell today!
Submitted by Scorpiolova (user info) at 2003-12-03 17:20:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
"Curves. Kate Moss would be a terrible boink. If I wanted a bruised pelvis, I'd dry hump a garden shed. Women were designed to have a little extra padding. Nature said so. Don't starve yourself to look like a twelve-year-old boy: Women are supposed to have curves."
Ok, I totally feel this statement and am sooo glad that men like this quality on a woman cuz I got curves, but you just contradicted your very own statement by putting that picute up, she looks like Kate Moss's red headed sister! But nonetheless, well said!
Submitted by GodChicken (user info) at 2003-12-03 11:35:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
http://www.ubersite.com/m/18204
related material.
Submitted by SpikeGoddess (user info) at 2003-12-03 10:47:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
THANK-YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AT LAST SOME FUCKING RESPECT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Oh, and by the way, don't say "a woman has balls". Say "she's got eggs." Or better yet, "she's got some badass fallopian tubes." "Her labia are fierce". Or, if you dare, "she has an explosive clit."
SpikeGoddess
Submitted by Loren1 (user info) at 2003-12-03 09:57:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"Remember a sense of humor does not mean that you tell him jokes; it means that you laugh at his."
- I love that quote.
This was very sweet. I appreciate good, honest, common sense as opposed to name calling, childish insults, assumptions, misconceptions and stereotypes about women. It's so rare these days.
A man I dated for a while last year gave me what I took as a very nice compliment. He said "Loren, do you know what I love about you?"... "You never give me any shit." I believe he was slightly amazed at this finding. I often wonder what the women he was with where like prior to me to make him so appreciative/worn out... meh..
I'd like to make one adjustment in your list though - I prefer it when the man holds the ladder for me, because in my experience, when one climb up, a lot of cursing, screaming, bodily injury and breakage is usually the end result.
Submitted by Choppa (user info) at 2003-12-03 09:29:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
red is my favourite colour too.
Submitted by AlwaysAnEagle (user info) at 2003-12-03 07:44:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This was good times. Would have liked if you made it a little less list-like, threw in a few transitional sentences between subjects, but you also said it was the best parts from something else, so it worked for what it was. Nice work!
Submitted by GrizzlyHunter62 (user info) at 2003-12-03 01:58:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Funny, you're describing my girlfriend.
Too bad you'll never get a girl that amazing. She's mine, sucker.
Submitted by InSaNeSna1L (user info) at 2003-12-03 01:12:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
you have way too much time.....BUT...you were spot on
Submitted by kimisssajerk (user info) at 2003-12-03 01:00:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I agree with most of it.
I could write a novel on what is wrong with men (as well as chicks. ALSO what is great about them, actually), though. So this just boosted my imaginary self-esteem that you were saying women should have (it's rare).
Submitted by bargled (user info) at 2003-12-03 00:52:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Love the sweat quote.
Submitted by ugaly <UG_A_LY.at.hotmail.com> at 2003-12-03 00:52:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Brains- I can see where you are going, but I wouldn't want a woman that is hella smarter than me.
Curves- Hell yes.
Class- Not too much, preppy people piss me off
Strength- Can take jokes and not get all emotional
Singing- Nice voice is good, but I could go with a crappy one too, I've got one, why shouldn't she?
Balls- As long as they aren't the hangy down thingies.
Common Sense- Helps a lot
Cleavage- mmmmmmmmmmmmm....YUMMY
Smell- Hella important, don't want a toilet smelling wife.
Submitted by LucidCognition (user info) at 2003-12-03 00:09:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Brains-I dont get why chicks think it's cute to act dumb, or are they just dumb? I think this goes along with...
Self-esteem-So fucking important. Just that.
Curves-Amen.
Class-Good Stuff.
Singing-I guess.
Cleavage-Hmmmmmmm...
Smell-Possibly one of the most important characteristics of a woman.
Submitted by slyphter (user info) at 2003-12-03 00:04:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Umpqua bank? You're from oregon arent you... Scary.
Submitted by mgstearate <mgstearate.at.yahoo.com> at 2003-12-02 23:53:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
this is in reference to the post before mine ....
brains -------> shows what kind of women you attract and date
strength -----> the fact that she is willing to do something, rather than sit on her ass and complain about some stupid and trivial matter that means nothing whatsoever
common sense -> again, shows what women you date
forgiving ----> yeah, at first, the reaction may not be the best, but sooner or later, you get away with it, and maybe if you didn't do such stupid shit, you wouldn't have to worry about getting yelled at ... a little consideration goes a long way!
++++
great post ... it's wonderful when one sex can appreciate the other, both ways!!
Submitted by DJMattB241 (user info) at 2003-12-02 23:37:32 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
Brains. Most women outrank men in this department anyway, but so few of them show it.
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BULLSHIT.
Strength. We don't mean the ability to bench press 300 lbs., although that's fine in my book. I mean the ability to grab a hold of an ugly job and just plain do it. Moving ten cubic yards of topsoil around with us in the yard, or taking the base of the ladder while we climb up to fix the burnt out light bulb on the ceiling.
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Yeah, holding a ladder. really fucking tough job.
Common sense. Baby, if you have a snake tattoo on your face and more piercings than a voodoo doll, you're kind of restricting your career options, aren't you?
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HAHAHAHAHAHA you've GOT to be kidding.
Forgiveness. You come home at two in the morning from a buddy's going away party, smelling like a brewery and wearing a stripper's g-string around your neck, she simply asks if you had a good time with no heat or sense of "I'm going to kill you."
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You have NEVER met a female in your LIFE, HAVE YOU!
Self-esteem. To quote Ray Blount Jr. "This is what I got, I can shake it, and I can bake it. If you don't like looking at it, who asked you?" If you whine about your lack of this, or too big that, it just makes you look weak.
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Most women have NO self esteem at ALL.
Submitted by MOssiah (user info) at 2003-12-02 23:31:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by dakingisdead (user info) at 2003-12-02 23:16:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I kind of like the fact that they have pussies as well.....
Submitted by Quartermain (user info) at 2003-12-02 23:16:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Raimee (user info) at 2003-12-02 23:12:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Thanks...I possess most of those qualities!
Submitted by Kool_Kontakt (user info) at 2003-12-02 23:09:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
WE LOVE THE REDHEADED WOMEN!