A Girl Called Andrea Part one: A New Case (764 hits)
Category: Quotes & StoriesRating: 1.42 on 9 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Sam (View user info) at 2003-12-03 12:23:40 EST
It was early December. It was raining outside. The rain was thick, like George Bush's stupider sibling. I've always loved the rain, but this was too much.
She walked into my office in something of a hurry. She was careful to close her umbrella only after she walked into the dryness of my office. She had legs up to her chin. That's if she had a chin; I couldn't take my eyes off of those long lovelies. When I finally did I was so shocked I almost dropped my Pall Mall into my lap. This girl was ugly. Not just ugly, but fugly. Like Sandra Bernhardt's less attractive sibling. I let my eyes drop back down to those legs. It didn't help. That face was still in my head.
"Mr. Anton?" she asked.
"That's me, sweetheart. What can I do for you?"
"You can start my looking at my face and not my legs."
I complied, but it was painful. I hoped my grimace wasn't obvious.
"My Pom's missing."
"Your Pomeranian? What do I look like, Jim Carrey? I ain't no pet dick, legs, I don't do animals."
"You don't understand." She turned around. The turn was elegant. She wore a skin-tight red dress with polka-dots and frills at the bottom. The dress came to her mid-thigh and accented her legs perfectly. The dress hugged her skin like Loki would hug a tree—-tightly, but not all in the same place.
Her back was to me and she was starting to unzip that dress.
This time I was so taken aback that I did drop my Pall Mall in my lap. The burn made me jump up. "Whoa! Sweetheart! What are you doing?!" It had been awhile since Delilah left me and I hadn't had my clocked cleaned since then, if you know what I mean. But did I mention this girl was ugly? If all the lights were off and I had a dozen paper bags, I would still know that face was there and it would bother me. I wasn't having any part of this.
But she turned her head to look at me. Despite the hideous, frightening face, her eyes were pretty. Pretty like Halle Berry's more attractive sibling. The only reason I noticed was because her auburn hair was covering much of the top of her face and the frill from the collar of her dress hid the lower half when she turned. Her eyes were large. Impossibly large. Loveable Disney character large. And brown. Not just brown, but almost black. I could see myself getting lost in those eyes. Happily lost. "Calm down, Mr. Anton. I won't do anything untoward." Her voice was like silk. No, like velvet. All soft and warm and inviting. Maybe I could be with her after all.
She turned her head back away and kept unzipping her dress. But where I was expecting to see soft, smooth flesh, there was a flesh-colored panel. With a deft twist of her wrist, she opened the panel and there were hundreds of tiny lights and circuits.
"What the hell?" I asked.
"You see, I'm an android."
"No shit!"
"And my pet wasn't stolen, but my power supply. P.O.M. stands for Programmable Operating Matrix." I can only last a few more days without it. After that, I will power down for good."
You wouldn't believe the sorrow in those words. If she were a robot, she certainly didn't sound like one. Despite that face and those circuits, I was starting to fall for this girl. I told her I would take the case.
To be continued . . .
User Reviews
Submitted by TaK at 2003-12-09 11:49:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I love it.
Submitted by sam_el (user info) at 2003-12-03 15:43:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I should have written the entire thing before posting any of it. I ended up abandoning that silly 1950s detective noir tone and went for a more traditional one. If I had written it all and then posted, I would have made some changes. Oh well. That's why serials are fun.
And to answer some concerns: this was more inspired by Charles Dickens than Razor. Despite any posts to the contrary by Razor, he certainly holds no patents on the serialized story. Sorry, old chap.
Tom, I've got nothing against Loki, and her tree-hugging ways; I just thought that while I was using all the bad detective noir analogies, I would throw in one about an uber user.
Phinch, I'm sure you're right. I know nothing about that sort of thing and just wanted something that fit an doggy anagram and sort of made sense.
Lisa, Pall Malls seemed like the type of thing a stereotypical '50s dick would smoke.
I figured I would stay one step ahead of things as far as this serial went, but I ended up writing it all. It works out to six parts. I say that because I always like to know how long something is so I know how much time I'm investing in it. And by the way, I think it gets a lot better. But I am biased.
Submitted by Quartermain (user info) at 2003-12-03 14:18:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
This reads like a pale imitation of Razor's opus.
Much like the 'Matrix:Reloaded' it's ok, I guess, but not as good as what came before.
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2003-12-03 13:52:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Don't incur my wrath.
http://www.ubersite.com/m/10675
Submitted by bravo_foxtrot (user info) at 2003-12-03 13:00:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Good, but I was kind of annoyed by the constant references to siblings.
Submitted by xLisaCatx (user info) at 2003-12-03 12:46:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Smoking Pall Malls? You must be like what, 60+ years old?!?
I don't even smoke and I know Pall Malls are reserved for the elderly.
Submitted by Phinch (user info) at 2003-12-03 12:39:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
good stuff.
sorry to pick the pepper from the fly shit but as an electronics guy, a power supply and a programable matrix would do two different things.
a battery is a power supply and the p.o.m. would be some kind of brain type thing.
+2 because its your story and you can make it whatever you want.
Submitted by Tom (user info) at 2003-12-03 12:27:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"The dress hugged her skin like Loki would hug a tree—-tightly, but not all in the same place."
+100 for that. Sorry Loki, but that's what you get when you try to be smart.
-98 because it realy isn't all that cool anymore.
So +2 is ok too, right?
-Tom
Submitted by reallybored (user info) at 2003-12-03 12:26:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Id fuck a hot robot.