DO NOT READ just another rank about love (855 hits)
Category: GeneralLabels: pointless ranting
Rating: 0.24 on 46 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by shadow (View user info) at 2003-12-03 13:43:30 EST
Sometimes I have to ask myself, "what the fuck" it's not an unusual question to be heard from me, in fact it's how I live my life, never entirely sure of what's going on. Right now I am about $5 shy of a cab ride to alcoholism because I don't know exactly what it is that I've done, but I've just been the recipient of a grand karmatic bitchslap. (Ok, that's a bit dramatic, so let me get to the point already)
I have a significant other, let's call this person "N". N and I have been together for nearly three long bizarre but happy years. (Ie more good than bad) Last Feb. we broke up for a bit, mostly because I was an undeserving prick who was tired of compromising about things like cigarettes and booze, and time spent on certain activities. I played the separation game, trying to see if distance would make the heart grow fonder, and instead we broke up. And I slept with someone. That was royally fucking stupid, I know.
But because we have this great bizarre relationship, we got back together, I begged forgiveness and a very tenuous sort of peace was achieved. But we've had problems. Most of our problems initaily stemed from the fact that I like certain things that N doesn't, and vise versa. My idea of a good time includes things like smokey pool halls and such, and up 'til recently, N was a non-smoking non-drinking no-drug-at-all-using-straight-edge-cat. Which was cool, even honorable, but it just doesn't mesh to well with intimacy and a person like me. But we're adults, we can work things out.
Now we have a different kind of issue, (that requires explanation) before N and I broke up, I was sort of seeing someone, not sexualy at that point and not behind N's back, and N said that it was cool. Then when things got a bit heavier, suddenly it's wasn't cool and N told a few people about it, including one of my best friends, and i got a verbal beatdown from someone I respect as much as my own father. I was distraut that N could feel so strongly and not tell me, that I had to hear it from someone else in a way that just broke my heart. After that, the thrid party was gone for awhile. Later when we broke up, as I said, I slept with someone.
So we got back together and things seemed ok for a while, we just had our regular issues and things were pretty much ok. This summer passed by and N started a new job, and began hanging out with some cool new people. N was happy, and when N is happy, generally I am too. Sometime in August or Sept. N began seeing an old friend, let's call them "M", and it turns out M has had a huge crush on N for a long time. That's cool with me, just means my baby is hot. Then along came another old friend (D) and D's sig other R. R states that they would very much like to *ahem* fuck N. Ok, whatever, I'm cool, I'm not jealous and I think of it as a compliment.
One morning as I lay sleeping on the couch ('cause I don't have a bed) N comes up to me and says "uh... sweetie, can I borrow your towel? I want to take a shower."
Me:(sleepy) oh, sure... yeah (continues sleeping)
N: oh, and uh.. I left my toothbrush at home, do you mind if I use yours?"
Me: no, go right ahead
N: ... ... ... and do you mind if I sleep with R?
Me: (not sleeping anymore) huh?!
N: would that be ok with you?
Me: ...
N: it's just that R has a crush on me and D wanted to know if it was ok
Me: ... uh... it's fine, I guess... D asked?
N: yeah, they have an open relationship
Me: ducky
N: what?
Me: nothing... look, just do what makes you happy, if that's what you want, then do it.
N: ok (walks toward bathroom)
Me: what the fuck?
So the thought of my N sleeping with someone else fucks with me a little bit, but I think I'm ok with it. After all, I was the one who got us into the open relationship department, and it would be hypocasy to back out now. In addition, part of me thinks that if we were really ready for the kind of relationship with monogamy and shit, that question would have never come up. So for now, I'm just going to chill with my feelings of inadequecy and let the chips fall where they may.
Has anyone out there been in an open relationship before? Tell me how it turned out.
-shadow
User Reviews
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2008-04-17 14:27:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 for you!
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2007-11-10 10:37:40 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by Anansie (user info) at 2007-11-10 10:14:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Well, I wonder how all this turned out.
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2007-11-10 07:48:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
N was a douche for not telling you how he felt.
Submitted by firefly (user info) at 2003-12-17 17:03:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
i guess i will not never talk to him again.
Submitted by korthrun (user info) at 2003-12-17 16:52:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
after reading the comments I would like to
s/her/him/g
on my last comment.
Submitted by korthrun (user info) at 2003-12-17 16:44:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
" and instead we broke up. And I slept with someone. That was royally fucking stupid, I know. "
False. The difference is plain. You were broke up, during this period you met someone else you were interested in, it didn't work out.
You are together, and she wants to fuck someone else. That is fucked up. Plain and simple. Of course I am one who is big on monagamy and does not have sex outside if a relationship. I tried an 'open' relationship once. If it is not open on both sides then it only leads to a lot of hurt. I disagree with what you said about you haveing been the one to get you into the open relationship thing. When you did what you did, you guys were not together. That is all.
If you can, in a relationship also fuck other people, then it may work out with you guys. If the thought of her with someone else makes you sick, and you know you yourself couldn't fuck someone not her while your with her, then spare yourself the extra pain and can this open relationship crap.
Korth
Submitted by firefly (user info) at 2003-12-17 16:26:31 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
i am never talking to your boyfriend again.
Submitted by shadow (user info) at 2003-12-03 19:06:00 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Razor... wtf? i want to change my friggin username now.
i think i'll post as "the artist formerlly known as shadow"... wouldn't that be silly.
my head hurts. i'm going to go home and take a couple Excedrin. and lay off the bottle for a few days... or hours. i'm not in a good state of condition, man.
"I can forgive and I'm not ashamed to be the person that I am today"
-Stained (sp)
Submitted by Wiccket (user info) at 2003-12-03 17:33:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Well, I think Razor pretty much summed it up, I would listen to my friends if I were you. There really isn't anything I want to say except that you play the pronoun game quite nicely. I would have thought something completely different were it not for Razor informing us of whom is which.
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2003-12-03 17:28:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
nincompoop
nutsack
numbskull
nut case
I'm just trying to help out here.
Submitted by Cup_of_Joe (user info) at 2003-12-03 17:23:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
This is advice for all people, Not just you and N. Why the hell did you pick "N" for him anyways? "N" is no initial of his that I know of. He is certainly not black, though you wouldn't use that word anyway.....I don't get it.
Sorry but I just found that so funny.
Thank you and drive thru
Submitted by jonukah (user info) at 2003-12-03 17:16:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Shadow, sometime soon I'm going to write a long post about my experience with open relationships. Having one doesn't make me an expert by any means, but we did survive through it, the good and the bad. In a world without jealousy and loneliness (not to mention STDs), open relationships would be fine. But because of jealousy and loneliness, and the emotions and actions they produce, open relationships are generally best not explored.
In order for an open relationship to work, there has to be complete honesty, an absence of jealousy, and totally mutual intentions and desires on both parties.
This is advice for all people, Not just you and N. Why the hell did you pick "N" for him anyways? "N" is no initial of his that I know of. He is certainly not black, though you wouldn't use that word anyway.....I don't get it.
And you and "N" will always have me as a friend. Regardless.
Submitted by vergedor (user info) at 2003-12-03 16:15:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Up until 3 weeks ago, I have been in an open relationship for 7 years.
It is always a little bizarre and hurting when you get confronted with your partner's desire. Later, it is kind of flattering when others are bad in bed and she comes back to you with renewed desire and passion and tells you how much better then the others you are.
But, inevitably, this chips away at the relationship and you should consider yourselves nothing more than fuck friends, not lovers.
If you were really in love, you would not even consider an open relationship.
Submitted by volklcess (user info) at 2003-12-03 15:51:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
My head is spinning. This was kind of confusing, but here's my advice: always go w/ your first instinct 'cause it's usually the one that's right.
That's all.
Phoenix
Submitted by gascs (user info) at 2003-12-03 15:37:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
This could have had a +2 if you didn't say 'rank' instead of 'rant' and it was a bit shorter and more to the point. Kind of fucked up though. Good luck.
I feel inadequate enough without competition.
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2003-12-03 15:27:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
jebus this was already confusing and then razor waded in here and really garbled it up.
I just want to say that if you decide to be in an open relationship, make sure you have established parameters going in. I've never seen it work out - never.
Submitted by Razor (user info) at 2003-12-03 15:19:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Oh, and I'm here if you need to talk.
Submitted by Razor (user info) at 2003-12-03 15:19:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
shadow, if anyone looks over your posts even cursorily they would know that you were friends with Jonukah and I... no avoiding that. If you really wanted to remain anonymous, it would have been best to post under a different username. I probably would have picked up on it being you anyway, but I would have also picked up on the idea that you were writing under a ghost name.
Submitted by SpikeGoddess (user info) at 2003-12-03 15:18:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
GOOD LORD, I KNOW TOO MANY PEOPLE ON HERE IN REAL LIFE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
DAMN IT ALL TO HEL!!!!!!!!!!!
I *think* I know who you are, shadow. (Oh, and the exclaiming above isn't because of *you* just because so many people from your tribe of friends are on here and it's so fucking weird because I'll never see you guys again and would have forgotten completely about you except that YOU'RE ALL HERE!!!) Anyway, hang in there. I promise you that this guy you're with now, as great as he may be, is NOT the only one who will do for you whatever it is that he does to make you want to be with him. There are lots of other people out there who will blow your mind if you give them the chance and if your current situation isn't working out.
I know all about feeling overwhelmed and like major shit is hitting the fan all at once. I wish you the best in everything, and I wish I could be of more help... If things could work out for me as amazingly as they have after the badness that I went through in July, then I believe they will for you too. Sometimes everything has to get knocked down so that new and better things can be built up.
Something has to change and that's why there's all this discomfort and weirdness? If things feel less-than-great in the relationship now, it's because something needs to change, and it will probably suck at first because you were used to the comfort of the routine, but later things that are better than you imagined could happen. That's been very true for me, anyway.
SpikeGoddess
Submitted by Phinch (user info) at 2003-12-03 15:14:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
let ABC have the sex with XYZ. then stay in the relationship and write about it here.
This will help you grow as a person. if you live a fucked life for a while it will make you stronger and an awesome writer. Read some of turtle's older stuff when he was going out with the stripper.
open relationships = good uberposts about how fucked up your life is.
morom :P
Submitted by reallybored (user info) at 2003-12-03 15:12:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
And reallybored, shadow is a girl, which kind of makes you look like an asshat for rambling on about being pussywhipped.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Just so you all parties involved know, i ripping into this post because i was ordered to. Secondly, if shadow was a guy id still be an asshat. It came with the pair of shoes i just got. Nice shoes.
Submitted by Cup_of_Joe (user info) at 2003-12-03 15:04:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Razor is right. If you swing "Do not fuck friends. Especially if you are better than the friend's lover." That is asking for a stalker and she/he will ruin your shit.
As a swinger myself I can relate. I fucked my girl's bestfriend and her boyfriend sucked in the sack so now I have to deal with her and when we go out to swinger clubs. Perosnally it's not it cracked up to be.
Thank you and drive thru
Submitted by jinx (user info) at 2003-12-03 14:57:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I can't give you any advice because I'm not good with algebra and there are too many letters....but I think the term "karmatic bitchslap" will creep into my vocabulary and if anyone asks about it (and this is the coolest part) I can say...."the shadow knows....."
Submitted by shadow (user info) at 2003-12-03 14:54:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
thanks Razor, that should fuck things up nicely.
I'm sorry Razor, you're my friend, and I love you. I just wanted to get this off my chest without everybody knowing who I am and what the deal is with my Sig Other.
I'll talk to you about it later... I need to talk to you anyway, seems like my life's shit hit the fan. Not that you don't have problems of your own to deal with, I know.
Razor, i love you man. I drank too much Chateau St. Michelle. That's all.
Submitted by Razor (user info) at 2003-12-03 14:44:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
SpikeGoddess, you know who shadow is. I'm not sure how to descibe her without using names... you just didn't know the person was attached to the Uber-User name. My friends have been creeping onto Uber lately. Shadow, you know who SpikeGoddess is. The semi-open relationship SG was talking about was with a certain gentleman who has the same first name as your boyfriend but is jewish and shorter than me (hahaha) - you know who I mean.
And reallybored, shadow is a girl, which kind of makes you look like an asshat for rambling on about being pussywhipped.
And it really isn't teeny bopper crap... I know everyone involved in this situation very very well, and I've never seen teenagers with drama like this... no, this shit is generally restricted to people between the ages of 20-30.
What's funny is that I'm sure all of you have dealt with things at least somewhat similar between guys and girls in your circle.
shadow, just so you know, D and R (or whatever initials you used) are freakin idiots, ok? The first rule of swinging is "No friends involved". That just ruins shit... ruins it. And it shows a disregard for others. You know that I know exactly who we're talking about here, and I think it was monumentally stupid.
As far as the "M" factor or your relationship goes, I think it is safest at this point for me to stay out of it. I love you both, and I've already given my opinions in prior times. I just don't want to lose any friends, and the best way to do that would be to get way involved in the resolution of this. I am happy to make sure people are doing alright, but I don't want to get entangled in this mess.
Submitted by Quartermain (user info) at 2003-12-03 14:40:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
**which is the guy in the relationship? R or D? too many letters! AAAARRRGHHHH!!**
Thats what I was thinking. This reads like the bastard love child of an Ann Landers column and an algebra equation.
Submitted by shadow (user info) at 2003-12-03 14:40:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by SpikeGoddess (user info) at 2003-12-03 14:28:32 (#)
Ranking: 0
Also, why was it royally fucking stupid for you to sleep with someone else after breaking up?
it was kind of like a trial separtion, you know, like when you're both still being asshats but the divorce hasn't gone through yet.
i don't know, it was complicated. When Sig. Other finally turned 21, (in oct.) "N" began spending a lot of time without me in the bar where "N" works and maybe we're just growing apart... I dunno
Sorry for all the damn letters!
Submitted by Random Joe at 2003-12-03 14:30:59 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
which is the guy in the relationship? R or D?
too many letters! AAAARRRGHHHH!!
Submitted by SpikeGoddess (user info) at 2003-12-03 14:28:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Also, why was it royally fucking stupid for you to sleep with someone else after breaking up? Um... YOU WERE BROKEN UP!!! You could do that if you wanted. (Maybe the person you slept with was a bad choice, but the fact that you had sex with someone else should be ok since you WERE BROKEN UP!!!) So why the hell did you have to beg forgiveness for that?
Oy...you give me a headache. Also, please NEVER EVER use all of those initials again in a post. God, that was maddening.
SpikeGoddess
Submitted by shadow (user info) at 2003-12-03 14:27:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
oh, shit. sorry RB.. let me try again
he he he --NO!
ha ha-NO!
shit, i just can't be offended by that. it was funny.
made me smile
Submitted by reallybored (user info) at 2003-12-03 14:24:41 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
I try. But when the person your ripping on doesnt get offended, it kinda kills the moment.
Hadooken would be so mad at me.
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2003-12-03 14:16:56 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Hahahahhahahaha;
RB Owns!
Insane : That was some funny shit and all!
Submitted by SpikeGoddess (user info) at 2003-12-03 14:16:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I've never been in an open relationship, but I've been in a relationship that was open in the sense that we did everything BUT have sex with other people. For me, it was great because the relationship itself was very chill, and there was very little pressure. We could have fun, have sex, and it was great. The problem came with the emotional intimacy. I just didn't want to be very open with him emotionally because there was no promise there, no guarantee he'd be there the next day. And then one day (coincidentally, when basically every other area of my life was sucking and I was very emotionally strung out...we're talking passing out at work strung out...) he wasn't there. A hookup with another girl he was seeing turned into sex, and that broke our deal, and it was over. All in all, it was a really great thing for me at that point, but there was really no way it could have lasted. Either you end up having more commitment, or something goes wrong.
Your case is ENTIRELY different. You didn't start out as a casual thing, like the relationship I was talking about did. You've been exclusive, and to basically move down a level is going to hurt. First of all, you deserve a spanking for telling your partner (I have no fucking clue if you're a guy or a girl) that s/he could fuck the other person when on the inside you were going "wtf". Also, if YOU slept with someone else, AND had another intimate relationship (though it didn't turn sexual) maybe you need to think about why that is. This other person probably isn't really fulfilling you, and that's why you two keep having issues. Maybe you're staying for comfort? Look at this very hard, and be sure that you really are getting what you want from the relationship. I seriously doubt that you are.
SpikeGoddess
Submitted by shadow (user info) at 2003-12-03 14:14:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
he he he... earn me a penis. I like that.
Keep 'em coming RB
Submitted by reallybored (user info) at 2003-12-03 14:13:22 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2003-12-03 13:52:14 (#)
Ranking: -2
Reallybored what has happened to you?
You would have -2'd the shit out of this a few weeks back.
With Hadooken being blocked and all there is a real opportunity for you to take over his mantle.
For shame.
This is teen drivel.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Your right apollo. Maybe its the exicitment over AC or because i just got the amp for my car or who knows. But im being a fucking bitch. Ok, heres my real answer shadow.
STOP BEING A FUCKING PUSSY WHIPPER LOSER. Tell your girlfriend shes a fucking whore whose going to get the clap. Slap the asshole who fucked her in the face and tell him shes got pregnant and wont have an abortion. Then go out and find a real girl and maybe in the process earn you penis.
Its a fucking PRIVILEDGE to have a dick, not a right. Bitch.
Submitted by Insanethemind (user info) at 2003-12-03 14:09:55 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
I almost went into convulsions trying to read this shit.
Submitted by shadow (user info) at 2003-12-03 14:07:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I know it's drivel, but i'm hungover, and i wanted to get this off my chest.
this place is like a big digital dysfunctional family, and I love it.
Submitted by Loren1 (user info) at 2003-12-03 14:04:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I'm close with a couple of swingers. It takes an extremely strong relationship, one where both people agree on absolutely everything, to handle it. Be careful, because moreoften than not, it will break up a couple super-fast.
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2003-12-03 13:56:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Oh sure I've been in open relationships. The only problem was that I didn't know it at the time and split when I found out.
Submitted by Cup_of_Joe (user info) at 2003-12-03 13:54:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by shadow (user info) at 2003-12-03 13:45:14 (#)
Ranking: 0
Fuck fucking typo!!! the tittle is suposed to say RANT not rank.
i apologize, i am a morom
====================================================================
+2 just for that. I found that so fucking funny. Especially if you say it out loud....Priceless
But I feel your pain. My girls likes to swing and ENJOYS it. What's up with that? She likes watching me have sex with older women and it turns her on. Fucking crazy! T
Thank you and drive thru
Submitted by angrykoz (user info) at 2003-12-03 13:52:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I feel for you.
Post your address so I can send you the 5 bucks --- enjoy the ride, it's all down hill
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2003-12-03 13:52:14 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Reallybored what has happened to you?
You would have -2'd the shit out of this a few weeks back.
With Hadooken being blocked and all there is a real opportunity for you to take over his mantle.
For shame.
This is teen drivel.
Submitted by reallybored (user info) at 2003-12-03 13:48:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Open Relationships are kinda like cell phone calling plans. They sound fucking great in theory, but in practice they suck the proveriable(sp?) dick.
I dont know man. I feel for you, but personally i would move on and get a solid steady non-open relationship with another girl. Seems like there is just too much baggaged already.
Submitted by shadow (user info) at 2003-12-03 13:46:00 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
fuck! i did it again! MORON not morom!
damn i suck
Submitted by shadow (user info) at 2003-12-03 13:45:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Fuck fucking typo!!! the tittle is suposed to say RANT not rank.
i apologize, i am a morom
Submitted by pot8tomanjack (user info) at 2003-12-03 13:44:27 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Rant Dumbass
Rant
Go jump off a trolley