Jinx vs. The Toliet (kinda long) (660 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.77 on 12 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Laina (View user info) at 2003-12-03 14:08:48 EST
Inspired by http://www.ubersite.com/m/19798
Both were Inspired by JD.
Well this is one of my most embarrassing stories but since I don't know any of ya who cares?
Rewind to September of 1998, my freshman year of college. Like every other frosh, I had plenty of items emblazoned with my Institute's insignia and font, my favorite of which was the 2.5 oz shotglass. My night went as many others did, playing up the river down the river, high low and other immature and silly drinking games with an icehouse keg. For those of you who don't play in the "house" as we called it (being 18 and "cool") Icehouse is a gross ice brewed beer that gets you drunk quick and the kegs were cheap. The night progressed. In comes my friend Tim who we called the midnight poker (because he would have sex with his girlfriend while she was passed out). Poker says hey Lains I got you that Jack. "Jack?!? Fuckin poker! I told you I wanted a pint of Captain I only have 6 bucks and that looks like a handle you tard, I've never even tried jack" (famous last words....)
Poker wanted to share the bottle and said its best to take shots and get it over with. A coke chaser is the best. Whatever you say poker. At last, my monogrammed shotglass can see a little action! Goooooooo College!
I try this Jack and decide I love him. He is so smooth and gentle. Someone I can trust, I can flirt with, Someone who knows how to have a good time. Little did I know the consequences I would endure and how even the smell of the hickory smoked death whiskey would make me nauseous forever. I'm 7 shots deep now and completly shitfaced. I keep screaming obnoxiously at Poker to do more shots with me. A person I don't know asks why I call him poker and I spare NO detail. Turns out his girlfriends friend was there and she was pissed I made it sound like it was a frequent occurance. Then I tell her to shit in her hat and wear it. She gets pissed and pushes me like she wants to fight. I drunkenly throw her into the bay window which is open and she flys out of it and breaks the screen. We're on the first floor so its not like "tears in heaven" or anything. She was fine. Thats strike one against Chris' house. I was just warming up for my title bout in the bathroom.
I continue to act like an asshole. Theres about 70 people there now. I realize I have to piss. Badly. I see someone coming out of the bathroom and walk right in as they are coming out. By doing this I piss off the 15 or so people in LINE.
From what I can vaguely remember I have difficulty with my jeans (because Phew! pants are tricky!)and fall over into the Shower tub which was to the right of the toliet, ripping down the cute photographic showercurtain of tropical fish in a coral reef. My best friend CJ hears the sounds and comes in to find me pants down feet in the air covered in a coral reef hysterically laughing. He Puts the curtain back (sort of) helps me up and goes out, having to explain to all the pissed people whats going on.
Again there is noise, thud thud BOOM CRACK! He comes in for round 2. Aparently I have fallen. Again. I am in the tub with the fishies, pants down only this time the toliet appears to leaning to the right, uprooted somehow. The top tank lid is in the tub with me and it is in 3 pieces. There is also a chip on the side where the flusher thing is. CJ comes running to my rescue again. There's really no getting me out of this one. He helps me with my pants which are on but not buttoned or zippered because I can't be bothered i guess. Puts the curtain back up again puts the toliet in its right spot and gathers the pieces of the lid. I am now hysterically CRYING. I keep telling CJ to Get Chris, Get Chris, Get Chris! because I have to tell him I really "licked a bums ass" on this one. He gets him and I panic. Through my tears and drunken haze I come up with the following explanation:
Uh Chris, Uh.. um.. I don't know man....I flushed the toliet twice and this is what happened.
That Jack Daniels is one fucked up individual. I blamed it on him.
- Jinx
User Reviews
Submitted by smokymtcsw (user info) at 2004-01-05 15:39:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Good story.
You post pictures by opening them and saving them as a JPG. Then you hit attach file, find it and attach. That is about it.
The line about Tears in Heaven was AWESOME.
Go Red Sox!
Submitted by Luke <Garret_Jax88.at.msn.co> at 2003-12-03 18:20:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
great story. By the way thanks for reading my story about the pellet guns.
Submitted by Cup_of_Joe (user info) at 2003-12-03 17:26:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
You are a silly little girl but I laughed at this. I like your style.
Thank you and drive thru
Submitted by jinx (user info) at 2003-12-03 16:07:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
insane -
I'm from the good ole USA !
Boston born and bred. What gave you these international ideas?
I don't party like that so much any more (although I do have my nights where I am in rare form)
and I never EVER drink Jack. I'm 23 now so it's bars and not off campus apartments/frathouses but it's a "college" story ya know?
Submitted by Insanethemind (user info) at 2003-12-03 15:41:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Are you from the USA, Canada, the UK or Australia? All your colloquialisms are confusing me!
Funny story, do the same things still happen?
Submitted by Phinch (user info) at 2003-12-03 15:21:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
party.
Submitted by Mr-Boo (user info) at 2003-12-03 15:10:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Reminds me when I used to have a life and had fun.
Submitted by engine13 (user info) at 2003-12-03 14:58:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I flushed the toilet twice and this is what happened
Nice.
Submitted by shadow (user info) at 2003-12-03 14:46:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
that was the funniest thing I've rear in a week. I've got fucking tears of joy from your drunken antics.
+2 for you my friend
Submitted by AlwaysAnEagle (user info) at 2003-12-03 14:35:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
You're the reason I partyproof my house. Nice work.
Submitted by jinx (user info) at 2003-12-03 14:24:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I tried to post the JD label but it didn't work
Can someone tell me how to post a pic correctly? Soon please because the short bus will be here any minute.............
Submitted by reallybored (user info) at 2003-12-03 14:21:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Bart: Can I be a boozehound?
Homer: Not till you're 15.
Simpsoncalifragilisticexpiala(annoyed grunt)ocious