Discriminatory Parking Practices of the Mongoloids (1193 hits)
Category: PoliticsRating: 0.62 on 46 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by <ann_landers.at.abortionstickle.com> (View user info) at 2003-12-04 10:03:21 EST
I worked in a retail mall as a store manager once, and during the holiday rush, I found out how shitty life could get for those of us that aren't crippled from the start.
My district manager requested that I ship him something via a carrier that did not typically attended our store. Well fucking thanks buddy, this means I get to enjoy leaving the mall and coming back to search for a parking spot for a few hours. I shipped the package and returned to the mall, not being a lazy fuck, I parked on the outer edge of the mall's parking lot on the opposite (and typically dead) end of the mall from where my store was located. I took this shitty spot because it was the first available spot after having circled the entire parking lot once. Well, that and the fact that it also substantially increased my chances of an urban housed hood-rat thief encounter upon trekking back to my vehicle in the cold night when we finally closed for the evening. Wherein I could have some destitute fuck beg of me for my hard earned scraps, and finally threaten my safety upon my refusal. Thinking I'd done my civic duty by swallowing the shit spot and not fucking the corporation that employed me by riding the clock waiting for a plush spot near the entrance of my store, I went on to complete my shift and come out to my vehicle, newly outfitted with a huge spiked dildo mounted to the fucking driver's seat. At first I thought it was Asians with their kinky bukkake exploits and their fascination for modifying cars, but alas, it was even worse... I was fucked not by Asians, but by Uncle Sam; a malformed representation of him.
I had parked in what was apparently a bus unloading zone for the handicapped. Somehow, I wasn't towed for this offense, and instead I was ticketed to the tune of $350.00. Sure, practically a week's worth of my pay once every applicable branch of government was done using my paycheck as a cum rag by itemizing on its stubs what they stole of mine in order to provide services for all good citizens; services such as the good policeman who fucking ticketed me for said offense. Now I would appear to be in the wrong... until you recognize the fact that the typical jerry's kids unloading stripes weren't on the fucking ground, they had been re-marked, marred, and about 85% black-topped over. Well, I couldn't allow this raping of my pocket book, so I got a camera, took a picture of the spot the next day, and established a court date to defend myself.
Of course in court I was laughed at, and told that I had obstructed the safe routes of handicapped individuals the world over. Well excuse the fuck out of me, I don't remember having the opportunity to vote on whether or not I want to give up the best parking in the free world. Apparently some government fucks took it upon themselves to assume that we weren't interested in keeping it for ourselves. I mean if a gimp can get their ass to a public place, then they can apparently travel as well as any able-bodied folk. Ultimately, I paid the $350.00, sat on the figurative cock that "Officer Fucktard at the Discretion of Uncle Samtard" placed under my windshield wiper, and I even found the spot painted in a brilliant blue soon thereafter.
So what does this amount to beyond me getting fucked in the ass by a mangled vestige of our very own Big Brother?
Cripples, mongoloids, fucktards, ree-rees, donkey punch recipients, people on the short bus, jerry's kids, fuckers who embrace slip & fall lawsuits to get little blue and white parking passes and $200.00 settlements, kid in the wheelchair nicknamed wheeler by your classmates, lazy eyed folk , and all other people harboring gross deformities that qualify them for the blue and white quick pass, listen the fuck up:
I don't hate all of you, at least not the ones that were "born that way." I hate the ones that acquired a deformity at some point later in life, because 9 out of every 10 of you are would be candidates for a Darwin Award, had you only finished the job, you could've had a nomination. I'm taking it upon myself to offer you an honorary Darwin Award now, and to inform you that we don't owe you jack fucking shit! Also, we're tired of you expecting anything of us, I'm not sorry that you stuck your hand in a meat grinder, I'm not sorry you put your dick in a vacuum, and I'm not sorry that your mom is your dad's sister and you suffer the consequences of it.
Whether your deformity manifests itself in the mental, physical, emotional, or "other" category, I would like to implore you to do a service to the rest of us able-bodied, ablie-minded, independent folk, and throw yourselves from a cliff. If there are none in your area, then playing in traffic will suffice, or wade into a bathtub with 4 inches of water; just be sure to evade the meddling grasp of whatever caretaker has been assigned to stop you from causing yourself any harm beyond your existence. Understand that you're a burden in more ways than you can currently fathom, your deformity stretches into society like a hidden cancer plaguing the bowels of a 45 year-old heterosexual male caught in the mortal grasp his first rectal exam.
Because of you fucks, myself and the rest of my genetically sound mates must spend our days dodging your wheelchairs, parking further from our destinations, looking away from your deformities so as not to offend you with our stares, and generally going out of our ways in some bullshit attempt to appease your evolutionally fucked existence. Well, I say fuck you and fuck the fact that the government feels that you deserve special attention. Every business owner on this planet curses your existence when some fucktard government employee (usually a fucking retard him/herself, since the government strives to make it so nice for all of you) walks into their business and determines that they need to spend a few extra thousand dollars to have hand rails installed, gimp ramps instead of steps, wide-mouthed crappers, lower urinals, goose-necked sinks, or any other gimp accommodations installed. Basically, you're all a pain in someone's fucking ass, and that's no way to live now, is it? Kill yourself or not, my whole point here is:
You fucks owe me $350.00, my defense was solid in court, and I took a misplaced gimp cock because you fucks have even made your way onto buses.
If anyone disagrees with me, I want you to know right now...
User Reviews
Submitted by Random Joe at 2004-05-22 12:41:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Pretty good post. I know someone who's father was high on acid and crashed his car, thus making himself quadripalegic. For the last 28 years he has lived off of the government. For something he'd done to himself! Unfuckingbelievable!
Submitted by Titan (user info) at 2003-12-08 03:34:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
nice post.
And im saddened that no one pointed this out yet but, Mr. Willard, i would be worried if your car had disabled tickets on it, mostly because YOUR PARTIALLY FUCKING BLIND!.
Submitted by Aprilrachelle <Aprilrachelle.at.zoomtown.com> at 2003-12-08 03:31:11 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Hopefully you will grow up
Submitted by ann_landers (user info) at 2003-12-08 03:29:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I'd like you all to understand something, I'm not sorry for what I wrote and I still fucking laugh at it, it was a joke; I have people very close to me who are handicapped. Maybe we're fucking sickos, but we all joke about it, to us it is the irony of life that shit happens. We are close enough to laugh at such shortcomings and thus I can write this kind of shit with a good heart. It's a joke, I'm not sorry for it, and fuck you if you don't like it.
Submitted by ann_landers (user info) at 2003-12-08 03:29:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
tshia, I see this is your application for an assault... you passed, fucktard.
BUS UNLOADING ZONE, when's the last time you saw a city bus cut through a fucking parking lot?
Dipshit, city buses drop people off on the fucking street. Because they don't care about the impoverished handicapped folk that can't afford vehicles, who's the bastard now? Now what the city has done for these unfortunate folk is provide a nice little walk way (that isn't wide enough for a wheelchair mind you) for handicapped people to access the mall from the bus and make their way to the mall.
Submitted by tshia (user info) at 2003-12-08 02:57:10 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
There are countless things wrong with this post aside from your horrible perspective and personality. First of all you claim you parked "on the outer edge of the mall's parking lot". I may be wrong but why the hell would "a bus unloading zone for the handicapped" be on the outer edge of a parking lot? I would think that an unloading zone for the handicapped would be very close to the mall, not on the outer edge.
You use names like "Cripples, mongoloids, fucktards" as if you did not personally belong to those groups, which is clearly wrong. Allow me to explain to you how to test if you are mentally handicapped; if you are so stupid you cant tell the difference between a parking space and a bus unloading zone you are retarded.
In order to keep this short I will close with my critique of your statistic, "because 9 out of every 10 of you are would be candidates for a Darwin Award, had you only finished the job". What the hell? Way to make up stupid baseless statisics dipshit.
Submitted by cshape (user info) at 2003-12-08 02:29:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
hot first post.
Submitted by ann_landers (user info) at 2003-12-08 02:12:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
"Jesus Christ Mr. Hat"
Submitted by coley (user info) at 2003-12-08 02:11:21 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
And why don't you direct your anger at the fucked-up blacktop job, instead of the people it was supposed to help?
And put a picture of the parking spot up here, not some kid who was born with Downs syndrome and can't help it.
Jesus fucking Christ, I hate people like you.
Good day.
Submitted by coley (user info) at 2003-12-08 02:10:09 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
well-written,
but you are a fucking idiot who ought to be shot.
PAS, I think we can take him.
Submitted by KoolMang (user info) at 2003-12-07 17:42:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I fucking hate tards, they should be shot in the head.
If people called me a tard, I would expect a bullet in the head.
They should be put to the ultimate test: in their wheelchair, be pushed
off a mountain, tumbling down the side. If they can actually survive, and
actually drive down the rockey mountain face, then they can fit back
into society. Otherwise, that's another $20,000 taxpayers get to save.
Submitted by PeopleAreStrange (user info) at 2003-12-07 17:19:18 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Hmm, yeah abuse the disabled. What's next, putting babies on spikes? Killing anyone over the age of 50?
I think smart-arse male middle class white fucktards with the pseudonym ann_landers should be fisted, rimmed and arse raped by one of the gimps they love to hate. Bitch.
Submitted by MickGinny (user info) at 2003-12-06 07:47:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
one observation;
why is the handicap spot in a parking lot always vacant?
when you do see someone using it, they appear to be able bodied.
Submitted by Ingsoc (user info) at 2003-12-05 21:54:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Semper fi!
Submitted by ann_landers <ann_landers.at.abortionstickle.co> at 2003-12-04 15:36:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Okay, I lied, JannyB, if ever I've seen someone whose entire existence should be devoted to swimming under outhouses, wallowing in shit, and tonguing the leftover crap particles trapped in the hair of my manly ass, it's you. Go fuck yourself, your dog, and the fucking lamma on which you ass pounded your way into my post. Your fucking history on this site is littered with less content than one fucking paragraph of my first post, and yet you've the fucking audacity to waltz in here like the meadow prancing gimp bastard broken winged fairy you are and trifle with my obvious "Kicker of all ass" worthy editorial on most everyone's thoughts regarding a group of society's best protected leeches under the guise of a legitimate need... May your very own god curse you with the blight of interaction/reprecussions of dealing with these insensitive people.
Christopher Reeve wasn't in court backing me, and he won't be there for you when you cross these people!
Go to hell, you insensitive fuck.
Submitted by ann_landers (user info) at 2003-12-04 13:33:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
hahahaha, kudos bubut.
Comedy lifts the soul from its deepest wallowing moments of self-loathing/self-pity and you have once again kept me afloat, friend. Thanks.
Submitted by jinx (user info) at 2003-12-04 13:15:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"two very enthusiastic thumbs up"
Submitted by bubut (user info) at 2003-12-04 12:59:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
What's the hardest part of a vegetable to boil?
The wheelchair.
Why do farts smell?
So deaf people can appreciate them, too.
Why do blacks smell?
So blind people can hate them, too.
What do you call a guy with no arms or legs in the swimming pool?
Bob.
What do you call the same guy at your door?
Matt.
What do you call the same guy tacked up on your wall?
Art.
Golden my friend......+2
Submitted by Manfre (user info) at 2003-12-04 12:41:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Make it so Number 1.
Submitted by ann_landers (user info) at 2003-12-04 12:32:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Gratzi Seniore ;-)
Submitted by potatomanjack (user info) at 2003-12-04 12:26:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
ann (if I may call you that), don't pay any attention to those who are just hurling insults here. This is a well written post, and I have yet to see an actual argument against your opinion. This just may be the best first post that I have seen here on uber in my few months here.
Submitted by ann_landers (user info) at 2003-12-04 12:22:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
For the preceeding and all other negatively ranked and null comments, see the picture above, no more of my attention will be available to you, I wasted enough time on you advocates of gimpdom in writing the fucking article itself.
ann_landers - an insensitive male misrepresenting himself in the hope of further shitting on the good name of that conservative whore.
Submitted by JannyB (user info) at 2003-12-04 12:19:49 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
die
Submitted by JannyB (user info) at 2003-12-04 12:19:15 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
die.
Submitted by ann_landers (user info) at 2003-12-04 12:14:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Correction, I worked there, and no, as I stated, the fucker was 85% black topped, open your eyes.
Submitted by AlwaysAnEagle (user info) at 2003-12-04 12:14:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Great first post!
Submitted by kartel (user info) at 2003-12-04 12:14:07 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
How sweet it would be if you became physically challenged.
Not mentally, since then you could not fully appreciate the irony.
Just a quadripeligic would do.
Submitted by The_taste_of_goats (user info) at 2003-12-04 12:04:06 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Im surprise they ticketed you, since clearly you yourself are a grade #1 Tard.
Submitted by DrunkMonk (user info) at 2003-12-04 12:02:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
You know, aside from wanting to rape my unborn daughter, what an excellent response.
You work at the store, shouldn't you know what areas of the lot you can park in?
Submitted by ann_landers (user info) at 2003-12-04 11:57:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
DrunkMonk, do me a favor, have a daughter...
so I can cripple her with my hulking cock *(consentually)* while I gag her using the carbon copy of my $350.00 ticket which I can drench in the tears you shed for me in utter mockery, you fucking prick. You're such an advocate for the handicapped, then fucking ante up on their dues... my post was a request, dipshit... 350 clams. Lemme know if you need a paypal address.
Kudos on the one-upping of handicapped people as my most revered bunch of aggravating piles this morning, you've managed to assume position #1, sir :-D
Submitted by DrunkMonk (user info) at 2003-12-04 11:51:31 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
"wah wah wah. I parked illegally and got a ticket."
Chances are you could've used the walk from a spot farther out.
To quote myself from every rank I give to those mocking the handicapped:
FUCK YOU!
Submitted by blujnbbyqn (user info) at 2003-12-04 11:47:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I feel your pain. In fact, I'll go you one better -
You should see the note sent home from school when some kid there has a food allergy. Apparantly peanut allergies are the worst. This allergy can be so severe that just sitting next to a kid that's eating peanut butter(or HAS eaten peanut butter that day)is enough to send poor allergy boy into anaphylactic shock! Parents are warned of the dangers hiding in PB&J sandwiches, cookies, candy, granola bars, etc., that might, MIGHT, contain ANY kind of nuts. Even having peanut butter for breakfast is forbidden.
So, for the next 70-80 years of that kid's life EVERYONE around him/her has to alter their eating habits? For what? So that he or she can grow into adulthood and breed even more runny-nosed, red-eyed, pasty-faced, skinny-armed, allergic mutants? Is this really a gene that we want dominant? As far as I'm concerned, this 'food allergy' disorder is somewhat on par with hemophilia and other (now)biologically avoidable disorders.
Doesn't it seem odd that these allergies are the most severe and most abundant in the most prosperous of countries? I'd be willing to bet no one in Rwanda is complaining about being "lactose intolerant". How many children in Russia are allergic to wheat? But you better bet we got all those and many, many more right here in the states. We fucking encourage them! Ah shit, now I'm all pissed off and I can't do anything about it, again.
Michelle
Submitted by ann_landers (user info) at 2003-12-04 11:31:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
A-fucking-men, you hit the nail on the head, MrWillard.
"My wife is not the issue here.
I hope that my wife will someday learn
to live on her allowance, which is
ample, but if she doesn't, sir, that
will be her problem, not mine, just
as your rug is your problem, just as
every bum's lot in life is his own
responsibility regardless of whom he
chooses to blame. I didn't blame
anyone for the loss of my legs, some
chinaman in Korea took them from me
but I went out and achieved anyway.
I can't solve your problems, sir,
only you can."
--Mr. Lebowski, (not the Dude) The Big Lebowski
Submitted by Cup_of_Joe (user info) at 2003-12-04 11:25:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Oooops my fault...umm Ann? Or The guy who hates Ann Landers. Fuck it I'll just call you Brock...Brock Landers instead. Shit, that's the second time I thought a dude was a chick.
My apologies again.......dude.
Still a great post though
thank you and drive thru
"Next post on who the hell is Ann landers with pics. I'm curious now."
Submitted by Insanethemind (user info) at 2003-12-04 11:19:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Your anger sounds justified, you should kill the first "handicapped" person you see.
Submitted by potatomanjack (user info) at 2003-12-04 11:18:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Awesome fucking post.
This reminds me of my roommates cousin. He was born retarded. A nice guy and all, but fate said, sorry jack to him and that's the way it is. Well, through the public education system, and ton more money was spent on his 'special' education than was on my roommates regular public school. He had special smaller classes, access to better learning tools, and more personal attention from educators. What did this all lead to? Him bagging groceries in the local supermarket. So IO ask you, rather than spend all this extra money in a futile attempt to 'make things right' why not from day one, school the boy in bagging groceries. Listen, no matter what you do, he's not getting any further in life than that. So why!? Why waste all this extra time and money!? It just doesn't make any sense to me. No amount of special eduction will remove Down Syndrome, and that's a fact.
Anyway, once again, great fucking post.
Submitted by MrWillard (user info) at 2003-12-04 11:09:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I also dislike the ones that go to college. I don't mean the able bodied handicapped (or "mobility challenged, visually impaired...ect.), the ones that can actually get out of bed every morning, take a shower, and dress themselves. I'm talking about the ones that have no chance at ever making a contribution to society. But yet, my taxpayer and tuition dollars goes to pay for these people so that they can get an education. Really, if you're scary to look at, and can't even dress yourself in the morning, who's going to hire you?
The other type that annoy me are the learning disabled who instead of trying to excel beyond their mental challanges, milk it for all its worth. These are the ones that have someone take notes for them because they're ADD and things like that. These people should also not be in college. What, are they going to get a job and have someone else do all the work for them?
I would also like to say before everyone calls me an insensitive bastard, that I myself am handicapped. I'm legally blind and I have a bad leg. But I don't go bothering everyone. I don't have a handicapped sticker in my car, I don't have an aide that chases me around all day, I don't get someone else to take my notes and copy them for me, I don't even use it to my advantage (probably like I should because I could get some killer scholarships for it). I do the best I can in spite of it.
With the exception of trying to get out of a bullshit one credit phys ed class. But thats a different post.
Submitted by ann_landers (user info) at 2003-12-04 11:02:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
You can always fuck yourself :-D
Shit, just got look in your newspaper and crank it to Ann Landers while you're on the crapper.
Submitted by hairycoo (user info) at 2003-12-04 10:54:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
damn I just read below.... in that case no I dont want to fuck you anymore
Submitted by hairycoo (user info) at 2003-12-04 10:50:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
my type of woman. bet you go like a dyson as well....
Submitted by ann_landers <ann_landers.at.abortionstickle.co> at 2003-12-04 10:40:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
>>>Cup_of_Joe>>> I'm not a lady, I'm a guy, and I fucking hate Ann Landers enough that I figured if I was going to rile around in this literary sewer drain of squandered potential, then I'd best be doing it with a pen name that abused the existence of one of my least favorite cunts in modern journalism ;-)
To the rest of you veterans, sorry about the picture, my roommate turned me on to Ubersite less than a week ago. I haven't had the exposure to know better than to have used something that has been used so frequently, but thanks for the warm welcome(s) ;-)
Submitted by T.chow (user info) at 2003-12-04 10:33:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
bravo
Submitted by marc01 (user info) at 2003-12-04 10:30:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
they are a blight on society and a drain on my wallet. kill the fuckers now and be done with it. nature never intended for them to live anyway.
Submitted by reallybored (user info) at 2003-12-04 10:25:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Great First post. Good work!
Gonna have to take a point away because of the overused picture.
Submitted by Cup_of_Joe (user info) at 2003-12-04 10:23:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Someone is bitteeeeeeeer! I thought you was a little too harsh but the story was pretty funny though. $350 for a improper parking spot. That is just fucking great! And you sure a potty mouth on you, not very ladylike...........I like your style!
Oh yeah..someone posted that pic already but since its just so funny I don't care. That pic still makes me my ass off.
Thank you and drive thru
Submitted by Kristen (user info) at 2003-12-04 10:21:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Pretty good first post! But I hate that picture, it's so overused.
Sorry about your ticket.