How to rob a bank and get away with it. (28980 hits)
Category: NoneRating: -0.86 on 35 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by <lexlutherin.at.hotmail.com> (View user info) at 2003-12-05 20:22:20 EST
Haven't you ever wondered what is going through the heads of these people that walk into a huge downtown bank and just ask a cashier for money, waving a handgun around. Do they really think they could EVER get away with it? No. The answer is simple, you can't get away. Or can you?
The following is a basic plan that details how a person if they went crazy and had nothing to lose could rob a bank. The only prerequisite being that they would have to have some technical skills. Given the task at hand, I believe had I not the necessary skills already I would take it upon myself to learn.
Part One: Physical Fitness: This is very important. You will most likely be subjected to highly physically and mentally stressful situations during the robbery, and therefore will need to be in peak physical condition. This is essential.
Part Two: Choosing Location: This is also important. You only get the chance to rob ONE bank these days, so it has to be a big score. The bank or what have you should have enough money inside of it to give you enough cash to live for the rest of your life. I'm talking in the two to five million dollar range. Most banks probably don't have that much cash around so you'll have to do research. Perhaps you could rob a casino?
Part Three: Detering Law Enforcement: The first thing you need to realize is that you can't outrun the cops. You can't get away, and you can't hide. If they think you are going to get away, they will try to kill you and you probably don't want that to happen. If you do happen to get away, there are going to look for and successfully find you. The best way to stay alive would be to hook your body up to a dead man switch. Have a heart monitor or two hooked up to yourself and have it set to blow up different things when it detects that your heart has stopped. Have your monitor poised to send signals to bridges and buildings all over the city. Also, make sure you can demo your abilities to the police, because they would probably not beleive you otherwise. This is basically the key to the whole heist. You could even wait until there is an electrical storm, and have the device trigger rockets that are connected to copper spools of super thin wire and force lightening to strike whatever you choose. (Seen it done on discovery channel, it can be done pretty easily with big model rockets).
Part Four: Escape. You can eighter flee to a somewhere where the governemnt can't get you such as a non extradition treaty country, or you can hide forever assuming you get that far. Personally, I beleive the best way to get away would be to fake your own death (I would do all three). While this may be a daunting task to say the least, it's also safe to say it would be the most likely to make your post crime spree life easy. You would need to die in a fashion that totally destroys your body. A plane crash, being sucked into a hydro electric dam, falling out of a plane over water; any of these things would to fine. One somewhat elaborate setup would be to get a Cesna and fly out over the ocean. Have the plane explode in mid air over the water, or just crash into the sea. Do this via remote control, and make sure that you are thought to be in the plane when it crashed. This actually would't be overly hard to set up given a reasonable amount of time to work on the plane.
So there you have it. The police won't kill you or detain you, and they think you're dead so the won't try to look for you anymore. I seriously doubt that anyone could come up with a better plan than this. See any flaw?
User Reviews
Submitted by LexLutherin (user info) at 2004-11-12 07:38:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by tshia (user info) at 2004-04-08 21:32:26 (#)
Ranking: -1
correction i meant to say bomb squad defuses your explosives
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Submitted by tshia (user info) at 2004-04-08 21:23:55 (#)
Ranking: -2
also what stops the police from shooting you in the leg and dragging your stupid ass to jail while the bomb defuses your explosives?
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Why would I have to tell the bomb squad where my explosives are?
Submitted by LexLutherin (user info) at 2004-11-12 07:34:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
BTW, I'm not saying I would try this obviously. I'm just saying I can't think of a better way besides an inside job. Besides, you could always just take the bridge out from under an brinks truck and go at it with a cutting torch and scuba gear:-) Scratch that, I just realized the people inside the car probably wouldn't fare too well on that deal.
Submitted by LexLutherin (user info) at 2004-11-12 07:29:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
You should LURN how to spell.
Submitted by Mafia <Mafia.at.yahoo.com> at 2004-10-29 01:29:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
You are an IDIOT,
if you want to rob a bank, you shuld lurn human psychology, that is the key...
simple is the way.... even a gun is not needed
you should be lockey i wasted my time on you...
Submitted by xxBurnxx <x_x_x_stone_x_x_x> at 2004-08-11 15:05:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Look, this is the way it is :
No one will EVER get away with robbing a casino.
It IS not that difficult to rob small bank branches, but you have to be realistic about what kind of money you are going to be able to pull out. Unless you plan on doin a few, don't bother. The idea of a "perfect score" is just that, an idea, although I do know a man who lucked out, and happened to rob a small bank on the day the recieved a $250,000 shipment of cash. Yes, he did get caught, he used no firearms, did 6 months in a federal bootcamp, was let out on parole, and never turned in the money. If you alter your appearance, pre-plan an escape route with no possible stops, like the path of least resistance... and maybe even a little bomb-threat for a diversion, you probably could pull it off... plan on only gettin up to $10,000 though... and movies aren't reliable... the best way to do research is to get a job as a teller, and don't be dumb enough to rob your own bank! Oh, and don't ask me how I know this, cuz I ain't talkin! hit me up if you wanna know anything else x_x_x_stone_x_x_x.at.yahoo.com
Submitted by LexLutherin (user info) at 2004-07-16 03:26:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I wouldn't rob a bank with less than 5 million. That way, when you consider inflation, you'll still be able to live on the equivalent of 50k in todays dollars for the rest of your life. As far as carrying it, just don't plan on jogging to safety. You will obviously need a vehicle. My recomendation is to get a sea plane (30-50k dollars, but hell you can steal one). Also, as to what is to stop the cops from just shooting me? A dead man TIMER as well as a dead-man-switch. IE: If I don't broadcast a signal with code that changes dependant on the time of day in a non sequential way in order to prevent the police from noticing a probably very noticable signal that would be very easy to eavesdrop on and extrapolate future codes and therefore circumvent the need for ME PERSONALLY to reset the timer. Amatuers just can't build equiptment good enough to be undetectable. The key? They're not going to call your bluff so you only need the transmitter if you want to play it risky.
Make sure they know all this though, or it will be like non of it exists. Perceived power is acheived power.
Submitted by Cheeba_puff (user info) at 2004-04-08 21:55:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
fuck it. dog day afternoon is definately the movie that told me robbing banks is bad.
Submitted by tshia (user info) at 2004-04-08 21:32:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
correction i meant to say bomb squad defuses your explosives
Submitted by tshia (user info) at 2004-04-08 21:23:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
my responce was too big so i made a new post here it is http://www.ubersite.com/m/29840
also what stops the police from shooting you in the leg and dragging your stupid ass to jail while the bomb defuses your explosives?
Submitted by Dale <Dale.at.hotmail.com> at 2004-01-25 13:26:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Lets face the facts: Bank robbery creates three major problems.
A. You can never show your face in public again. Three words: America's Most Wanted. They are extraditing guys from all over the fucking world. And for what? 50k 100k?
B. Do you know how much 3 million dollars weighs? More than you can lift. We're talking about a hundred pounds.
C. What are you going to do for the rest of your life? You cant rob banks forever. And even if you had a reasonable abount of money, it's not going to last even 10 years. Things are cheap in south America, but they're not cheap enough that you can live on 50k for the rest of your life.
Also, banks are triple protected with the silent alarms, painted cash, and guards with guns. Oh, you forgot about those. Most bank robberies are done by those people with a substance abouse problem. aka crack, meth etc. Then they knock over a couple of mini marts and they get arrested.
The best idea if you want to get rich is get a union based trade job. Then buy a house and rent it out or something. Bank robbery is not the key to a long and fruitful life, unlike what you see on television. Unless of course you like getting ass raped in prison...
Submitted by BRICKHOUSE (user info) at 2004-01-10 14:09:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Moving 2 to 5 million by yourself would be extremely difficult, you would have to figure out someway to transport the money.
If I were to rob a bank, I think I would choose a small, one located in a small town with little to no law enforcement. The security system will be nothing compared to the higher pay-off banks and you won't have to worry about guards or paint explosives.
The escape will be all about your timing, make it quick and the police will not have showed up by the time you leave. Get out of the town and never come back.
Of course you will not reap near the rewards, but who couldnt use and extra 50,000.
Submitted by ben <veron9137.at.hotmail.com> at 2003-12-31 21:21:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Well i think it's a good idea, ignore everyone that doubts u they suck ass
well i would be grateful for any more plans u have if u could please send them to me (e-mail)
ben
Submitted by ann_landers (user info) at 2003-12-06 14:05:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Agreed on italian job sucking, but it would at least reveal to our author that you have to have multiple people in on such an ordeal, and thus his plan is shot to shit because they would probably turn on him... that was the message I'd have liked him to get out of it... go figure.
Ann Landers betrayed the Italian Job... greedy whore.
Submitted by GrizzlyHunter62 (user info) at 2003-12-06 14:03:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Why not do some research: Find out everyone who's robbed a bank in the last 2 years or so and find out who HAVEN'T been caught yet, and research how THEY did it.
That idea is as stupid as yours.
Get a job.
Submitted by virgil (user info) at 2003-12-06 13:29:05 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
This is too stupid to bother laughing at.
It boggles the mind that you could have written this thinking 'wow... I thought of a great way to rob a bank! I should tell everyone!'
Idiot.
PostScript: robbing a bank is a losing proposition. Not quite as bad as kidnapping someone and trying to get a ransom, but close.
The only thing dumber is trying to rob a casino.
Submitted by MickGinny (user info) at 2003-12-06 07:50:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by jordanna (user info) at 2003-12-06 07:25:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
im with kgbpasha.
I like the way you think kgb.
Unlike this guy.
Submitted by kgbpasha (user info) at 2003-12-06 06:35:59 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Lame as can be.
If you are smart enough to pull all this crazy shit
just to rob a fucking bank or casino and can figure
a way to get away with the millions of dollars in loot,
then you should be smart enought to do it legally.
That's the American way. You either work, work it, or
get worked.
Most of us are working and getting worked at the same
time. Few of us can work it. I could go on, but I've
wasted enough time on this lame shit....
Submitted by kgbpasha (user info) at 2003-12-06 06:35:59 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Lame as can be.
If you are smart enough to pull all this crazy shit
just to rob a fucking bank or casino and can figure
a way to get away with the millions of dollars in loot,
then you should be smart enought to do it legally.
That's the American way. You either work, work it, or
get worked.
Most of us are working and getting worked at the same
time. Few of us can work it. I could go on, but I've
wasted enough time on this lame shit....
Submitted by IndianOcean (user info) at 2003-12-06 06:00:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
i did like the idea of faking your own death.. i haven't thought of that.
Submitted by Thanatos (user info) at 2003-12-06 01:40:47 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Post sucked, and whoever recommended watching Italian Job should be shot. That movie was terrible, and made me want to vomit.
Submitted by ann_landers (user info) at 2003-12-06 00:52:07 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Speaking of Dog Day Afternoon, some fucking cunt in the video store the other day was kind enough to bill it as "a comedy with a bit of drama to it." A fucking "dramadey" she called it... I beg to differ... filthy shit.
Anyway, yes, you should see Swordfish, Dog Day Afternoon, Ocean's 11, and that other new one... The Italian Job before you ever talk or think about robbing a bank again, and those are just to name a few.
Submitted by Choppa (user info) at 2003-12-05 23:49:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Al Pacino in Dog Day Afternoon. awesome.
Submitted by oddzandendz (user info) at 2003-12-05 22:26:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
"Submitted by LexLutherin (user info) at 2003-12-05 22:20:01 (#)
Ranking: 0
apparently i should watch swordfish."
Its on THREE TIMES at PRIME TIME this weekend. TBS is stupes.
Submitted by oddzandendz (user info) at 2003-12-05 22:24:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I was with ya right up to the heart monitor.
Submitted by alveenie (user info) at 2003-12-05 22:23:09 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
what a waste of time
Submitted by LexLutherin (user info) at 2003-12-05 22:20:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
apparently i should watch swordfish.
Submitted by downtime <j-houston.at.sbcglobal.net> at 2003-12-05 22:12:49 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
The only plots better than this are the pizza delivery bomb dude, and perhaps the bandit who forgot to cut eyeholes in the bag he put over his head.
Submitted by PinkFuzzyMice (user info) at 2003-12-05 21:55:48 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Don't make me kick you in the hemorrhoids, you dumb father-fucking ass clown.
Submitted by bravo_foxtrot (user info) at 2003-12-05 21:48:34 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
A heart monitor that remotely sets off explosives?
1. Where do you get the explosives? Oh, so you want to make em, well that will cost you and fertilizer fuel mix bombs which are the easiest to make are large to say the least, so where do you hide them? If you're spreading your bombs around, how do you keep them all within transmitting distance of your scrapped together heart monitor detonating device? Radio waves don't go as far as you think through a city.
2. How are you gonna carry all that cash?
3. Rob a casino? Obviously you have'nt seen Ocean's 11.
4. How big of an explosive device will a model rocket carry? How will you get said explosives to detonate on impact?
5. Force lightning to strike where ever you chose? What the hell? Do you suddenly think you're Storm or something?
6. To fund the elaborate plan that you are putting up would imply that you have some serious cash to begin with. Most people who rob banks don't.
7. I say good day.... I say good day!
Submitted by bravo_foxtrot (user info) at 2003-12-05 21:34:46 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
You are retarded, you also watch too many movies.
Submitted by ann_landers (user info) at 2003-12-05 21:28:55 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Getting a plane = telling people and rousing suspicions, through what means would someone acquire a plane if they needed to rob a bank for cash in the first place? Through what means would they acquire all of the nifty electronics crap you speak of? They have nothing and nothing to lose, great idea if you have an assload of money and you're about to file bankruptcy. Then again, rich people do that to preserve assets and thus it remains a shit idea.
Swordfish was better, Ann Landers is a prostitute.
Submitted by LexLutherin (user info) at 2003-12-05 21:06:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Hardest things to do would be to hook up the airplane. The rest would be cake, you could make all of what I said with off the shelf products and a little electronics know how.
Submitted by LexLutherin (user info) at 2003-12-05 21:04:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Oh, c'mon. Who would you 'have' to tell about anything?
Submitted by ann_landers (user info) at 2003-12-05 20:40:49 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
The flaws are obvious.
Nothing this elaborate could be pulled off by an individual alone. Thus you would have to inform someone at some point in the planning, and poissibly even enlist their aid. If you did that, then you're subject to an inevitable ass reaming because if it was me, I would sell you out to the feds for a 10k+ reward as I'm sure would be offered in the case of such a major (financially speaking) heist.
Swordfish was a better idea, it looked cooler than yours would, and it had less flaws.
Stick to eating corn and peanuts out of shit, such endeavors appear to be way out of your league.
Fuck ann landers, fuck her in her stupid ass.