My dog is a tool. Plain and simple. (843 hits)
Category: Quotes & StoriesRating: 1.64 on 15 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Creepy_Guy <saved_by_sin.at.hotmail.com> (View user info) at 2003-12-10 00:38:38 EST
I've always thought that my dog could be outclassed and outsmarted by a sack of rocks. Tonight I finally got my proof. My dog is a little black Springer Spaniel (hope I spelled that right) that moves extrememly fast and is pretty bad on ice. When he runs, he takes about ten big steps, then makes this huge jump forward, with all four feet hanging below him. He jumps about five or six times, then starts running again.
It's December, which means lots of snow and lots of ice. When December hits, my yard (I have a big one, as I live on a large farm) turns into a big skating rink. I came home at about 10pm from supper and pulled my car into it's usual spot in front of the house (garage space is all taken up with old cars and useless crap). I opened the door, got out and began gathering up my stuff to take into the house, when the dog starts running across the yard (from the barn, which is right across from the house) to greet me.
Well... The idiot takes his ten or eleven steps and leaps. He manages to get off one good jump, but on the second one, he hits the ground hard and nails my open car door with his shoulder. He keeps skidding past the car and slams into the closed garage door. Naturally the force of the dog hitting the car door makes it fly open. Now, when my car door flies open, it bounces closed...very, very fast. The shock of seeing and hearing my walking Gong Show of a dog smack the door totally freaks me out, so I don't notice the car door coming at me. Door hits me, I slip on the ice and fall flat on my ass. I glared at the dog, who glared right back, barked a few times, then ran behind the house and hid under the deck.
I'm not sure if the dog got the worst of this one, or if I did. Either way, he's a tool.
User Reviews
Submitted by Nicole3 (user info) at 2003-12-10 11:14:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
It is amazing how animals can be so agile and yet such clutzes at the same time. I thought I was bad...
Submitted by Ivegotfuckingtourettes (user info) at 2003-12-10 11:00:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Kristen, i salute you. puns are the fucking best.
Submitted by Kristen (user info) at 2003-12-10 10:44:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Dogs are bitches.
Submitted by Bellebrown (user info) at 2003-12-10 10:21:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I want a puppy......
Submitted by The_taste_of_Monkeys (user info) at 2003-12-10 10:19:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 for the title alone, well done.
Submitted by DrunkMonk (user info) at 2003-12-10 10:15:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2003-12-10 09:17:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Reading this did anyone else picture Mickey Mouse's dog (Pluto?) skidding along, legs akimbo?
Submitted by Bigmike (user info) at 2003-12-10 01:20:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I have three dogs. Only one of them is this stupid. Or maybe she's just a lazy fat ass. Anyway, I am still laughing as I write this.
Great job.
Submitted by Hairsphincter (user info) at 2003-12-10 01:11:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Wow, chip laughs in German.
Submitted by chipolatte (user info) at 2003-12-10 01:07:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
jajajjajajajaja
Submitted by TheRef (user info) at 2003-12-10 01:06:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
i love dags. great post.
Submitted by DJMattB241 (user info) at 2003-12-10 01:03:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
AAAAAAAAH HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
HA
Submitted by Hairsphincter (user info) at 2003-12-10 00:55:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
And THAT'S why I want a dog.
Submitted by Yogimus (user info) at 2003-12-10 00:52:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Good one. Made me laugh.
Submitted by siliconjesus <necron_7.at.undisclosedlocation.c> at 2003-12-10 00:48:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
My cats knock me over at times, but it's because I start it. I swear to god a few of them could play linebacker.