have yourself a tacky little christmas (1135 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.61 on 30 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by loki (View user info) at 2003-12-16 10:45:37 EST
We were having one of those water cooler discussions at work this morning about tacky Christmas gifts. One of my employees, who not only is an accountant, but it also married to one said that the first year they were married, he gave her a fire extinguisher. The next year, he gave her a vacuum cleaner. I thought it was a joke, but no shit, he really gave her a vacuum cleaner.
Here is a hint guys, unless she specifically ASKS for a kitchen or household item - don't do it - just no, don't. Think about it this way: locked in the bathroom crying does not lead to holiday sex. Now granted, I got a bread machine one year, but I asked for that and cooed excitedly when I got it. What I did not ask for was a blender, but it was not a problem because it came with margarita mix, tequila, and glasses. He even bought salt and limes - that does lead to holiday sex if anyone is curious.
SeaDog gets a maglight every year from and uncle of his that owns a hardware store. We have 5 of these things - all identical, huge, black, symbol of police brutality everywhere flashlights. Oh by the way, I tried that trick of running over one like they do on the commercial. It does still work, but then you can't get it unscrewed to replace the battery. They leave that part out of the commercial but fuck it, we have 4 others and are just two short weeks away from our brand new one.
I have gotten some odd things that I think of as charitable contribution deductions waiting to be dropped off at goodwill. One year my grandparents got me a new tent. They didn't know that, they thought they got me a tennis racket, but I don't play tennis so it was more of a Sports Authority gift certificate.
I think the worst thing I've ever gotten was the year my sister gave us matching Iowa State football shirts from some bowl game. They were living in Iowa at the time, but as far as I know nobody from my entire family has ever gone there or is a fan of the school. The thing that irritated me about that was that it was the year they bought a house and I gave them a basketball goal. Now I realize that Christmas is not a quid pro quo but they knew about the goal way in advance because it was too big to ship so we sent it through family channels. I would have rather gotten cookies if they didn't have any money.
The idea that "it's the thought that counts" only works if you put thought into it.
So, as we near the fun filled holiday season, pray tell, what is the tackiest thing you've ever gotten or given as a gift?
User Reviews
Submitted by IronChef (user info) at 2003-12-24 18:20:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
In 6th grade we had to do a Kris Kringle Secret Santa thing for three days. You would leave the gift in the persons cubbie secretly. The first day I gave him a pencil I found on the ground. The next day I took it out of his desk and gave it to him again. I felt sort of bad so on the third day I gave him a lego or something.
My big sister is a vegetarian, war-protesting hippie. This year I got her a big beef stick. I am going to eat it with some crackers, cheese and mustard after she opens it. mmmmmmmm
Submitted by hendrixjrr (user info) at 2003-12-17 10:12:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Lisechen (user info) at 2003-12-16 17:53:03 (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm getting my best friend a multicolored tinsel tree for her house (and roomates, who are my friends simply by association. But, really, they rock).
And, of course, beer. Can't have too much beer.
===============================================================================================
I hate you already. I can just tell.
Jason.
+2 For the original post.
Submitted by slyphter (user info) at 2003-12-17 10:09:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Every year i get socks. FUCKING SOCKS. FROM HALF MY FUCKING FAMILY. Fine... I need socks. IF i get them for christmas i don't have to buy them. Fine. I can deal with fucking socks. Ok, so i'm a bit bitter. but i have reason. Around once a year my socks get so faded/dingy/tornup/grow too much fungus, that i throw them all away and buy like five packages of socks, these last me until december. As you might guess, these socks all match. So i throw them all in a drawer, grab two, and wear them in the morning.
My relatives all get me socks on christmas. NONE OF THEM FUCKING MATCH EACH OTHER. Six months of my life per year is wasted matching up fucking socks. If thats not bad enough half of my relatives by me FUCKING ANKLE SOCKS.
</randomcapitols>
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2003-12-17 09:52:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Does it make me a geek that I'm secretly a tiny bit jealous of the binary clock?
don't answer that
I already know the answer, come on don't tell me Phinch and Yes wouldn't want one too.
Submitted by Belle <no.at.hotmail.com> at 2003-12-16 21:28:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
When I was 19, I was seeing a guy that was 31... he bought me a dress designed for a 50 year old.
It was awful, I nearly died when I opened it.
I later found out it was stolen from his mothers collection as he'd spent all his money on his real girlfriend (that I wasn't told about).
My mother made me keep it as a reminder to not believe a word any guy tells you (ever) without evidence and corroborating witnesses.
Submitted by Party03 (user info) at 2003-12-16 21:10:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
The most lame present I've ever recieved? I'd have to say a souvenir beer cooler from a place I'd never been to. I bought a bunch of lame shit for my family this year. Since I'm over in England, my mom had the wonderful idea that I should get my all my cousins little souvenir type gifts from England. I hate giving souvenirs as Christmas presents. I know my cousins would much rather get something they'd actually asked for rather than some Buckingham Palace snowglobe.
Submitted by Lisechen (user info) at 2003-12-16 17:53:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm getting my best friend a multicolored tinsel tree for her house (and roomates, who are my friends simply by association. But, really, they rock).
And, of course, beer. Can't have too much beer.
Submitted by volklcess (user info) at 2003-12-16 16:52:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"Here is a hint guys, unless she specifically ASKS for a kitchen or household item - don't do it - just no, don't."
Hahaha. My brother got his fiancee a new set of pots and pans for Christmas last year and she just sat there and stared at them like they were the plague. I'd just *die* if my boyfriend got me something like that...probably not mad, but I'm sure I'd piss myself laughing.
Phoenix
Submitted by Quartermain (user info) at 2003-12-16 14:39:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
**Never give a sex-toy as a surprise gift. Just don't do it, guys. Especially when it is straight out of the blue, to a conservative type girl...**
AHAHAHAHAHAAHAH! That would almost be worth it just for the expression on her face. Especially if its a family Christmas.
Loki-You're right about those Mag-Lites. That's the best thing about them, that you can thump some rowdy drunken bugger with it and it'll still work. I think they make them like that on purpose.
I can't think of a bad gift, but the best one I've ever gotten was a bathrobe my mother made for me when I was 16. She made it big enough to grow into, and she used such a generous measurement, that even now at 6'6, 250 lbs, its still half again too big.
Submitted by TiaWashington (user info) at 2003-12-16 14:39:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
my great grandma once got me a plastic watch with painted on hands
and my aunt once got me a package of underwear
Submitted by antluvdog (user info) at 2003-12-16 14:08:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I've never gotten a really bad gift. Everyone seems to put extra thought into my gifts. I guess I'm just a generous person.
Submitted by LabRat (user info) at 2003-12-16 14:02:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
The idea that "it's the thought that counts" only works if you put thought into it.
------------------------------------------
By "thought", I think they mean "Hey, I should get so and so something", not "what would they really like..." If they would have not thought about it, you would have gotten a bunch of nothing.
Submitted by Natophelia (user info) at 2003-12-16 14:01:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Aw gawd... My mom always made me smile and say thank you and generally put on a big act about how much I looooooooved whatever I got. If I got clothes I hated I had to wear them anyway. When I was 15, her husband's mother and sister got me a white turtle neck. If that wasn't bad enough, it had little green daimond shaped stars all over it. Still not bad enough? The neck had a wooden pasture fence all the way around it with sheep inside the fence and one sheep jumping over. As soon as company left, I threw it away with my mom's blessing.
Submitted by Zod (user info) at 2003-12-16 13:44:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Back in elementary school, the students used to have secret santa buddies. This one year, I was all excited because my buddy was one of my friends. I told my mom to get him something really good, since I was still too young to shop/have money/have a meaningful opinion, etc.
So I get this fucker TWO Ninja Turtle figures, because Ninja Turtles kicked all kinds of ass at the time. His mom got me a watch. Not a real watch, mind you, but one of those fake plastic ones with the little indentations on the inside that you had to get the little balls to stay in. She splurged and prolly spent about 15 cents on me. I was touched.
Needless to say, I broke that thing open and poured the balls into my buddies milk at lunchtime. That'll teach him.
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2003-12-16 13:38:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
NO a real singing fish? I got a chia pet once but it was a joke. I forgot about the Christmas sweater that is two sizes too big in the attic. I can't get rid of because my mom and both of my sisters have ones that match. We can all put them on and look like a 70's gospel singing group.
Submitted by Fartknocker (user info) at 2003-12-16 12:10:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 For those pics you always add.
That +2 is worth a lot coming from uberuser #3000, YEAH! I both kick and kiss ass!
Submitted by jinx (user info) at 2003-12-16 12:01:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This is great! My sophmore year in College I started seeing a kid who told me how his nana always got him the strangest gifts. He had recieved First aid kits one year, A car saftey pack another year with Jumper cables S.O.S. signs fuses flashlights etc. And that year it was a fire extinguisher kit and an umbrella. I think she was just really paranoid but it sprouted the idea of the "Tacky Xmas (yes, we had to spell it Xmas) Party". We all got holiday theme sweatshirts and gold lame' or sequinns (sp?) dresses and the guys got smoking jackets and bow ties all from the Salvation army and then there were Christmas socks and the stupid santa hats. We have done this for the last 6 years or so. The costumes aren't required but are so fun. We do a secret tacky santa swap.
I have gotten A pink flamingo lawn ornament, a lawn gnome, A Yankees sweatshirt ( I hate the yanks I'm from Boston and have season Sox tix) A chia pet, A clapper and a singing fish. Oh yeah loke..you'll love this...A black maglight with no batteries.
Submitted by JinkyWilliams (user info) at 2003-12-16 11:51:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Are you saying that you don't like chocolate-covered crisps?
If that's the case, next time you get some, send them my way.
On a chip note, Tim's Cascade "Cracked Peppercorn" chips are the best, but only narrowly. Their ketchup chips rate right up there as well.
Stay orange.
--JW
Submitted by Kristen (user info) at 2003-12-16 11:46:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
My elementary school used to have this little store in one of the portables around Christmas time. I would buy my dad like, 5 pencils from this store. I thought they were soooo cool, because they would have hologrammed Christmas trees or holly berry leaves on them. Then, I would watch my dad really carefully the days following Christmas to make sure he stuck the pencils in his suit pocket to bring with him to the office. Poor dad.
The worst Christmas gift I've ever gotten? Really, I don't think I've had a worst Christmas gift yet. So far I've liked everything, even the "silly" stuff my Granny gets me, because she spends so much time picking things out for me and is always so excited to give it to me...it makes the presents better in a way.
Submitted by Lord_Of_The_Strings (user info) at 2003-12-16 11:45:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Loki it is always a pleasure to read your posts. I have to say I cant remember one bad gift I have ever been given...stupid mind controlling drugs.
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2003-12-16 11:42:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Some evil sick sadistic bastard sent us chocolate covered potato chips. I had one, you have to break it in half to see that there is a chip in there. We also have a huge tin of plain, cheese, and toffee popcorn. I'm planning to sneak the popcorn tin over here to my desk when everyone is at lunch. There are a couple of other tins that various venders have sent us but after that chocolate covered chip I had to leave the reception area.
sugar buzz
sugar buzz
wooohoooo
Submitted by Luther (user info) at 2003-12-16 11:39:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
how could I forget? Every year I give my dad a 4-pack of lightbulbs. My sister gives him a pack of gold-toe socks... poor guy!
Submitted by Phinch (user info) at 2003-12-16 11:29:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
i've given my dad a level, and lots of lights. flash lights, halogen work lights, another flashlight...
my girlfriend recieved this display plate that was all fancy with a unicorn sticking out of it. it looks expensive, but we have no idea what to do with it.
Submitted by GodChicken (user info) at 2003-12-16 11:21:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Good Morning Loki.
bahhahahahahha... I love this. Sunday my reserve unit had a christmas potluck and gift exchange.
I don't do Christmas anymore for myself, but I'll happily help out when it comes to the kids. I played santa on the phone saturday for an online friends' kids in georgia.
The tackiest gift ever given was this weekend at the gift exchange. Someone brought a USED candle gift set. The wick was already blackened!
My mom sent me a Binary Clock. http://www.realnerds.com/ Gee, thanks mom. (I got the red one)
Submitted by Yogimus (user info) at 2003-12-16 11:05:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Never give a sex-toy as a surprise gift. Just don't do it, guys. Especially when it is straight out of the blue, to a conservative type girl...
Submitted by Fartknocker (user info) at 2003-12-16 11:03:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I got a real size glass head, and an enormous mirror (funny thing to bring on the plane back where i live)
Submitted by smokymtcsw (user info) at 2003-12-16 10:58:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Tackiest thing ever given, regifting clothing. Tackiest thing ever received, handmade M.C. hammer looking shorts my grandma had made in a hawaiian floral print, based on my cousins measurements (he was two years older than me which may have explained the M.C. hammer look). Matching gloves and hat with little snowflakes and hearts on them was pretty bad for my cool 5 year old self, but I am happy now to have the pictures, they usually warm the heart of the girlfriend when mom brings out the album about 1 year into a relationship.
Submitted by fell-8-me (user info) at 2003-12-16 10:56:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I love coffee.
One year at least 3 different people must have thought "Well if he likes coffee, then he must realllly like flavored coffee..."
I hate flavored coffee.
Submitted by Luther (user info) at 2003-12-16 10:54:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Last year a friend gave me matching oven mits and dish towels. I don't cook, with the exception of lipton noodles or ramen... they made good chew toys for my dog, anyways...
Submitted by Deisangua (user info) at 2003-12-16 10:54:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Umm, a shirt, I guess...with some bright flames and dragons or something on it.
Lame answer, I know. But I barely pay attention to Christmas gifts. Now that think about it, I still have some unopened ones in my closet...