Ubercon-Saturday, another tale by txyankee (1194 hits)
Category: RomanceRating: 1.42 on 30 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by txyankee (View user info) at 2003-12-17 12:33:04 EST
So I wake up Saturday morning, check all my vitals, everything was still there. (Whew!)
No one is up yet so I smoke a bowl and turn on the radio, noting like a little hip-hop to get
your and your asleep roommates awake. So we agree to go get some breakfast at the buffet before
we go I put on some baby powder and cool water cologne. We get to the buffet and it is closed,
so off to the café of slow service. After eating ocean and me decide to go play some more poker
and what, who, is that insane. Where ya been dude? What happened to you last night? Why do you still look all fucked up? Where did you stay?... the list could go on.
So we head back over to the borgada and ocean and me get separated again, even though we were in the same room. So I lost about 200 playing poker and was not about to lose more. So in order to
get my money back I went over to the blackjack with my last 100 and turned that back into 400. So its about 5 o'clock time for dinner. I swear to you with
Bart sitting in the middle of the table and everyone else looking at him you could have compared that with the last supper. I can't remember his name but we did have a kick ass waiter this time. This cat remembered in his head the orders of about 18 people and even put them in front of us,
no mistakes. So next it's off to a table of uber blackjack which razor has set up.
I'm not going to say much about this because everyone one at the table lost money
So everyone goes back to the Wave (Yeah!), So I recruit a few people to go to hooters to get
drunk on cheap pitchers first. One by one we filter on down to the club. Except for ocean, and
me this dude has been hitting on the hooters staff for two days now, and when I come back from
the bathroom he is passed out at the bar. Wake up Dude! So we head on down to the club and reallybored comes up to me and is like dude I've been makin out with this married chick all
night. That's great buddy, hey lets go to a different club all the women are over 40 in here
(except for the sexy uberhotties) So Apollo and I and Steve and matt decide to go make some quick club money buy putting 200 on black at the roulette table. God Damn Mutha Fuckin Red!!!!! Ok so
we go back to the room for a little bit to chill out and what do we do next, order a porno. So
were watching barely legal #24, you would think by the 24th time they would have gotten it right
by now. Oh well. So we head down to the 21st floor for a little while longer when ocean decides
we need to go to the club still. It is now 3.30 in the morning and the club closes at 4, so
about half way we decide its too late and we should go to the massage parlor instead.
(Sorry ocean, I couldn't keep the cat in the bag, but what it cost is still between us)
We go to the back of some abandoned warehouse that the cabbie knows all too well where it is.
And the cabbie had some kind of VIP or something because he rings a bell and we get escorted
to a waiting room. They are kind enough to put ocean's eleven on the television to keep us entertained while we wait. Similar to rush hour 2 girls were brought out one by one for us to choose, 1, 2, 3, go buy when all of a sudden this beautiful sexy tall Asian woman with black lingerie comes out and Ocean nearly hit his head on the ceiling he jumped up so quick. So off he goes to the back. Now it's my turn, I picked this petite one with white bra and panties and
proceed to the back.
She started off with an oil massage around my shoulders down my back and then she started
massaging other places as well. After about ten minutes she tells me to lie on my back and she
goes under the bed into her bag of tricks and pulls something out. I can't quite make it out as
she is crawling up the bed towards me. She has a condom in her mouth and proceeds so put in on. Guys if you have never had this done I suggest you try it!! The next 45 min. (I know your
thinking yeah right, but I was extremely intoxicated and any guy knows when your wasted you're
a stud.) So the next 60 min. was the best 90 min. of the trip. You could have nick named me the Kama sutra because for the next hour and a half I was folding this poor little Asian girl all
over the room. So when the 2 hours were up. I proceeded to get up and go about my way. And you think I was in there for a long time when I came out Ocean was still in there and he went in
before me.
Now that's what I call a Happy Ending!
Back to the room, everyone passes out its five in the morning, I turn on the TV. and watch
goonies until I fall asleep, with a huge smile on my face.
-Alan
User Reviews
Submitted by txyankee (user info) at 2003-12-18 15:47:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
like i said to rick, we asked who wanted to come and nobody went except me and ocean
sorry bout your luck
-Alan
Submitted by reallybored (user info) at 2003-12-18 12:57:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
All im gonna say is FUCK YOU! You should have woke my ass up for some slutty massage pallor shit. Im all about paying for sex.
We played roulette? I dont remember that at all.
That waitor Carlos was pretty badass. I have a picture with him, i will have to post it sometime...
Submitted by LaNa (user info) at 2003-12-18 11:48:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
"Yo txyankee,
Hey dude, I need your help. I was searching for this quote and your Ubersite came up: "You go now. You here four hour." I remember him as a rather rotund guy with black hair who liked to lean way over the edge of the stage and scare the crowd. Who said it?
Sorry about posting this here, but I couldn't find an email link for you. Can you help, man?~~Dawg"
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The comedian's name is John Pinette. He did it in a bit where he goes to a chinese buffett and the owner is yelling at him. Not sure if ya'll are Seinfeld fans - but John was the guy in the very last episode that they called fat... and thats how they ended up in court.
http://www.johnpinette.com/
I *heart* stand-up
~LaNa :)
Submitted by Dawg (user info) at 2003-12-17 21:20:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Indoninja:
It's not Louie Anderson. I thought it might be but he's always been blond. This guy is black-haired. Appreciate the responses, though.~~Dawg
Submitted by indoninja (user info) at 2003-12-17 20:50:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
woo-hoo for happy-endings. I think the comedian you are talking about is Louey Anderson?
Submitted by PWNstar (user info) at 2003-12-17 20:38:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
" After eating ocean and me decide to go play some more poker
and what, who, is that insane."
you ate ocean? wow, you really experienced EVERYTHING.
Submitted by txyankee (user info) at 2003-12-17 20:37:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
hey dawg, i just remember some fat comedian saying that line from a show and it just stuck.
i tried to google with no luck either. just cant remember his name
-Alan
Submitted by Dawg (user info) at 2003-12-17 20:25:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Yo txyankee,
Hey dude, I need your help. I was searching for this quote and your Ubersite came up: "You go now. You here four hour." I remember him as a rather rotund guy with black hair who liked to lean way over the edge of the stage and scare the crowd. Who said it?
Sorry about posting this here, but I couldn't find an email link for you. Can you help, man?~~Dawg
Submitted by txyankee (user info) at 2003-12-17 19:14:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
hey rick, I'm pretty sure we tried to recruit you.
i know you wanted to eat out a hooker
-Alan
Submitted by Manfre (user info) at 2003-12-17 18:30:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Damnit I knew I shoulda gone.
Fuck I knew I shoulda looked for you harder.
Damnit.
Submitted by txyankee (user info) at 2003-12-17 18:07:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Thanks Bart, I new sombody would have remembered
-Alan
Submitted by bart (user info) at 2003-12-17 17:44:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
The waiter's name was Carlos.
Submitted by txyankee (user info) at 2003-12-17 17:03:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
ocean, suprisingly so huh?
What happens in Atlantic City, Gets posted on Ubersite.
-Alan
You think that was crazy wait until we go to vegas!
Submitted by IndianOcean (user info) at 2003-12-17 16:53:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
true true.. you got some good memory man.. that's pretty accurate stories...
Submitted by txyankee (user info) at 2003-12-17 16:46:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Insane, anytime dude, glad to see everything went ok, after i talked to you the last time i fell asleep and i think i missed a call from you, sorry dude.
hey email me what hapened txyankee.at.excite.com
-Alan
Submitted by txyankee (user info) at 2003-12-17 16:25:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by chicagogirl (user info) at 2003-12-17 16:11:55 (#)
Ranking: 0
WOW! You paid for pussy.
-----------------------------------------------------------
and it was worth it!
-Alan
Submitted by El_Guapo (user info) at 2003-12-17 16:24:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
so if all i did was take you to dinner Kristen, does that mean i could still get lucky?
Submitted by Kristen (user info) at 2003-12-17 16:17:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Save yourself $209.99. Skip the hotel room-have sex in the car.
Skip the carwash-because if she runs her finger along the hood and gets pissed at the grime, she's a bitch and you don't wanna have sex with her anyway. Skip the club and drinks, because dinner is enough for a first date.
Submitted by chicagogirl (user info) at 2003-12-17 16:11:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
WOW! You paid for pussy.
Submitted by Insanethemind (user info) at 2003-12-17 16:08:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Thanks for trying to help me out Alan.
Good story
I just tallied up my casino spending, and am sick to my stomach. I spent A LOT.
Submitted by El_Guapo (user info) at 2003-12-17 15:52:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
""well here is my take on this. your going to have to spent money to take a girl out. I just cut out the middle man.
short list of stuff you would have to buy and thats if you get laid on the first date
gas for date - $10
car wash - $20
new shirt - $30
new pants - $35
new shoes - $50
dinner and drinks - $100
club and drinks - $150
hotel room - $39.99
12-pack condoms - $8.95
$443.94 = way more that what I spent, and remeber HAPPY ENDING!
-Alan""
hahahahahaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!! that's a very good point.
Submitted by txyankee (user info) at 2003-12-17 14:55:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by El_Guapo (user info) at 2003-12-17 13:20:32 (#)
Ranking: 2
dude, you.....paid.....for......sex......
bravo on being able to admit that. if i had ever done it i sure as hell wouldn't admit it to anyone.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
well here is my take on this. your going to have to spent money to take a girl out. I just cut out the middle man.
short list of stuff you would have to buy and thats if you get laid on the first date
gas for date - $10
car wash - $20
new shirt - $30
new pants - $35
new shoes - $50
dinner and drinks - $100
club and drinks - $150
hotel room - $39.99
12-pack condoms - $8.95
$443.94 = way more that what I spent, and remeber HAPPY ENDING!
-Alan
Submitted by El_Guapo (user info) at 2003-12-17 13:20:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
dude, you.....paid.....for......sex......
bravo on being able to admit that. if i had ever done it i sure as hell wouldn't admit it to anyone.
Submitted by txyankee (user info) at 2003-12-17 13:13:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Random Joe at 2003-12-17 12:50:15 (#)
Ranking: 0
is this for real?
and how hot was the asian girl?
did you pay for sex?
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yes, very, yes
-Alan
Submitted by Cup_of_Joe (user info) at 2003-12-17 13:02:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Like a Rhinestoen COWBOY! YeeeeeehaaaaaaW!
Thank you and drive thru
Submitted by GodChicken (user info) at 2003-12-17 12:53:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
good story but goddamn dude, watch those run-ons.. few times in there it just sorta merged into this sort of..
andonetimeatbandcamp meandoceanwenttothemassageparlour andgotsomenicelittleLBFMPBR's andthenishaggedherforaboutanhourandahalf thenwentbacktotheroomandwenttosleep..
LBFMPBR.. if you don't know the definition, ask.
Submitted by Random Joe at 2003-12-17 12:50:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
is this for real?
and how hot was the asian girl?
did you pay for sex?
Submitted by shadow (user info) at 2003-12-17 12:47:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
sounds like i missed a damn good time, OK, I am SO coming to the next one, and hey I'm 21 now whoo! yay me!
uh.. sorry about that.
Are the rumors about Jonukah true? I need to know!
Submitted by Phinch (user info) at 2003-12-17 12:37:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
so thats what a texas tale sounds like.
Submitted by txyankee (user info) at 2003-12-17 12:35:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
and If you dont like this post
http://www.ubersite.com/m/20850
-Alan