Goodbye, I'm home... (940 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.53 on 15 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by cellar_door (View user info) at 2003-12-17 23:11:43 EST
Quick intro: I recently returned from deployment to Iraq. My long time girl picked me up from the airport and then broke-up with me. Not unheard of, but it was a shock nonetheless. The rant that follows is a product of this recent heartbreak:
Angry.
Angry and sad.
Yes, yes, I know. These two emotions are always thrown together and I might as well say something like, "Angry and sad and confused." They're the driving force behind most of my poetry. They fuel my drinking, my insomnia, my apathy. Angry and sad. And confused.
Sure I want to be mad at her. I want to hate her. I want to be able to say with all my heart that she never loved me, that our whole relationship was a ruse. Unfortunately, I can't. I don't really hate her, damn it. If I did I wouldn't be writing this rant. She did love me. That's what hurts so much. She loved me, I love her, and she gave up the comfort of knowing that I would always be there for her for the unknown of dating a loser. It's not fair, but when are the odds ever in your favor?
I want to ask her why, why, why. To what end, I do not know. I want to go back in time and say something, anything, different. Maybe the right mix of words would change the future. I want to say, "Just give us a chance." I want to say, "Time apart? We just spent four months apart!" I want to say something, anything to change her mind. Science is not on my side.
Mostly I just want to cry. I want to lie next to a bottle of tequila and cry about how unfair life is, about how foolish I am for being so trusting, about the fact that I am again alone, one little man making his way through this big world. Self-pity can feel so good.
But here I am writing to vent. Writing to get these feelings of loss that float between every other thought onto paper so I can sit back and read them, making them seem farther away. With every relationship that fails, I realize that it isn't the last one. There will always be another. And although self-pity can feel so good, you, I, have to move on. If you're always crying in your pillow, you can't see the next opportunity present itself.
It's o.k. to feel angry.
It's o.k. to feel angry and sad.
Just remember that happy is always an option.
User Reviews
Submitted by cellar_door (user info) at 2004-04-01 19:34:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Thanks Cass. At least he will get some vacation time to come see you. The hardest part of being away for those few months was not being able to see her clearly in my mind. I had photos, but I really missed just closing my eyes and seeing her smile, or clearly remembering her laugh. In the end my dedication to her was all for naught. Yours, I am sure, will be reciprocated.
Submitted by Cassiopeia (user info) at 2004-03-26 16:56:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Wow. I'm just going to comment here, so hopefully you will read it. (Reffering to my post http://www.ubersite.com/m/28545)
You were gone for only 4 months and she ditched you? Wow, I'm so sorry. I'm still in the beginning stages of this temporary seperation (only 1 week down) and i'm already going crazy. But I could NEVER cheat on him. I will admit, sure, everyone has their temptaions, but I would NEVER EVER even be able to IMAGINE actually cheating on him.
I am in the military (air force, if that counts... haha), so I know that me waiting for him is a plus, because he is the man I am madly in love with, and if the time comes when he has to wait for me, I want him to have the same dedication as I am putting forth. (Actually the crappy part is if he stays for the whole year contract, when he comes back, I should be getting deployed... very shitty timing)
The good news is that he gets a 2 week break every 4 months, so we will be taking a few vacations this year!
Hope that everything goes well for you.
Submitted by William_Q_Percy (user info) at 2004-03-25 01:47:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by lawryde (user info) at 2004-03-23 21:22:09 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
yeah
Submitted by Christ (user info) at 2004-01-02 22:52:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Natophelia (user info) at 2003-12-18 12:30:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Not that I know what was going on in her head but SHIT! Don't be with someone in the military if you can't handle seperation. Girls, buy a dildo or something for crapsake. You'll be fine.
Submitted by angrykoz (user info) at 2003-12-18 09:52:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I've bee through it a couple times, be patient, because revenge is best served up cold. The last one that this happened with I ended up screwing a week after she got married, I played it off and when she left my place and was on her way home I left her husband a voicemail and clued him in on what just happened...... she is now living with her parents again-----god I love my life!!!
Submitted by Hairsphincter (user info) at 2003-12-18 06:03:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
What a slore. Kick her in the cunt.
Submitted by Lord_Of_The_Strings (user info) at 2003-12-18 05:02:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Sorry to hear it man
Submitted by GodChicken (user info) at 2003-12-18 01:08:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 because I'm recovering from exactly the same situation.
Submitted by Otter (user info) at 2003-12-18 01:08:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Bit harsh here bro, but if she's the type of chick that would dump you like that (you never did give a reason why) she's not worth it.
If it was because you were gone for four months, and she hooked up with another guys, she's not worth having a broken heart over.
Dude, chicks dig a man in uniform, go out there find a better one.
Carnation Insta-Bitch...I like that.
Submitted by Yes at 2003-12-18 00:01:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
that... sucks? sorry, im at a loss for words. i feel like loosening a couple of her teeth... hope you at least got to do her in the pooper.
Submitted by Sunny (user info) at 2003-12-17 23:28:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Dude, that girl at a bowl of carnation instant-bitch.
Terrible. You'll find someone who next time won't dump her man after he spent a few months defending our nation.
That's as bad as sending a Dear John letter. This is me angry on your behalf.
Submitted by hcp28 (user info) at 2003-12-17 23:24:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I feel your pain. It's always confusing when the girl you think you've fallen in love with just doesn't want to be with you anymore...
WHY? there is never a good reason why. It's always something you didn't think of, or maybe something you shouldn't have said. You can't live in maybes though, hell you can't live in probablys you can only live in reality and the reality is she has moved on and you haven't... well at least that's what I tell myself.
Submitted by Persecuted (user info) at 2003-12-17 23:23:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
How can you dump a guy after he just came back from active duty?
Your ex-girlfriend is a sadist and probably has Saddam sympathies.