Here ya go, Cup of Joe: A sexy tail (1623 hits)
Category: RomanceRating: 1.87 on 35 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Natalie <nataliefortin.at.yahoo.com> (View user info) at 2003-12-18 16:23:55 EST
I knew I shouldn't have opened my mouth (http://www.ubersite.com/m/20965). Cup of Joe said I should write this, and since I rarely have ideas of what to write... Well, call me monkey and tell me to dance. Here you go.
At a much too young age, I met the guy I wanted to be with forever and ever (haha *snort* Sorry, Luther, I had to steal it.). It was all hearts and puppy love and big cheap rhinestone bracelets for about six months with darling Brian. No, I lie. It was that obsessive thing young'uns do when they think they're in love. You know: "You shove your head up my ass, I'll shove mine up yours. It'll be great! We won't be able to tell who's who anymore." It's a sign of true love when you sneak out of the house regularly to meet in the middle of the night.
After six months, he broke up with my crazy ass. He came crawling back after two weeks (a sign of HIS mental instability), then I broke up with him maybe a month or two later. We each dated and broke up with others, and for some odd reason decided it would be a good idea to get back together. There were two problems with that. One, it hadn't worked the first TWO times. Problem #2 was that he hadn't actually broken up with his girl, who I later found out was sitting right next to him the first time I called to ask him out. You'd think that would make a person refuse the offer. You'd THINK.
Thus began more back and forth stuff, which consisted mostly of my sitting around torturing myself over whether he was going to call or not. He was busy with his girlfriend, but he SAID he'd caaaaallwhinewhinewhine. It was your typical teenaged drama complete with each doing horrible things to each other, but of course *I* was the one who been done wrong. Wrong, I tell ya!
I don't remember how things finally got called off. It could have been finding out about and meeting face to face with the girlfriend, each of us trying to out loud-and-obnoxious each other for attention. Who knows. Either way, it ended. Again. For a while. A mutual friend told me one day that Brian had never stopped talking about me and about how I was the best thing to ever happen to him. Poor guy. Suddenly it was as if I were possessed! I could get him good! Basically I made a booty call. My one and only strictly booty call ever. Completely out of character. I remember setting it up for that night and hearing my voice as if it were someone else talking. "I don't want this to only be a one-nighter," he said. I lied, "Oh nooooooooo! I promise I wouldn't do that!"
Oh, but Karma got me and she got me good! That night was the first time I ever thought, "Is that IT?" after sex. We fell asleep. Afterall, it was the middle of the night. Sneaking out is true love! My friend came to pick me up and her boyfriend fucking HONKED the car horn! BUSTED! I threw on my clothes and unbuckled shoes and dashed out the front door taking a nice split leap over the porch and surrounding flower bed. CRACK! When my foot made contact with the wood around the flower bed, the part of my foot that was in the shoe stayed in place while the part that should have been buckled in twisted in a completely different direction.
I have no idea how I managed not to scream because I saw stars, tweety birds, rainbows, leprechauns, marshmallows, and everything. With my hand clamped firmly over my mouth I hobbled into the car, shut the door, and let out a blood-curdling scream. My foot was broken and the swelling was incredible. Worse than that, how was I going to hide this from Mommy Dearest? And I'm not being facetious when I compare her to Mommy Dearest. My friend and I went back to my house where we were supposed to have been spending the night. I wrapped my foot and propped it up on a pillow while we came up with a really shitty plan. In the morning I would tell my mother that I had to pee in the middle of the night and jumped over Belinda and landed on a chair while getting out of bed. That's the ticket! Oddly, she still doesn't know the truth to this day.
The moral of this story? Girly shoes suck. Always wear sneakers for sneaking. Also, I am crap at revenge.
I used to grin at the cast on my foot, but as you can tell now I'm not grinning so much at my evil ruse as laughing at myself for having been a bumbling oaf.
User Reviews
Submitted by Natophelia (user info) at 2004-01-29 14:42:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"It *almost* makes me not want to have a booty call with you. Your curse and all..."
So you're saying there's a chance?? nyucknyuck
(Dumb And Dumber)
Submitted by William_Q_Percy (user info) at 2004-01-29 14:24:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
It almost makes me not want to have a booty call with you. Your curse and all...
Submitted by Natophelia (user info) at 2004-01-28 13:32:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by TheRef (user info) at 2004-01-26 17:59:59 (#)
Ranking: 2
how did you get him back again?
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Exactly :p
Submitted by JoeAverage (user info) at 2004-01-26 18:07:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I guess it's worth reading, but mehhh.
Submitted by TheRef (user info) at 2004-01-26 17:59:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
how did you get him back again?
i wouldn't be surprised if he was scheming with you "mutual" friends to get an easy lay.
Submitted by Natophelia (user info) at 2004-01-20 14:57:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Cup of Joe- What ever happened to this: "Damn, I owe Insaneinthemind a post. He wants to know I get called Sexual Strawberry Chocolate by gay guys...with a pic included. Natty that's really taking a risk. I can see atten ghey menz replies, right now."
I want to read that!
Ruin- thanks, I think!
Submitted by ruin (user info) at 2003-12-29 23:01:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
you know...
when i was growing up watching up american films like 'ET' and 'back to the future' and 'the boy who could fly' i always dreamed of wanting to live in those places, those lands...
sometimes i feel the pain of something i should have and have lost, living here in the deadness of the old world and loving what i've always felt from seeing america, hearing the best of country music, feeling the american soul...
I HATE THE EUROPEANISTA'S, I HATE THEIR SCHEMING AND LYING AND PLOTTING AND DEVISING, DESTROY NEW LABOUR, CRUSH THEIR IGNORANCE AND ARROGANCE AND RECLAIM THE LAND!!!!!!!!!
but i digress horrifically...
here is my point: I LOVE AMERICAN GIRLS, AMERICAN GIRLS ARE THE GREATEST FEMALES EVER TO EXIST...
NUFF SAID!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Submitted by angrykoz (user info) at 2003-12-29 22:45:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
because you linked me.... now I'm gonna lick you!!
Submitted by jinx (user info) at 2003-12-19 13:05:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by Phinch (user info) at 2003-12-19 12:43:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
climbing pic nat:
http://www.ubersite.com/m/21065
Submitted by Natophelia (user info) at 2003-12-19 09:41:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Ha! I was trying to be all clever and stuff, Zod. Me smort.
Submitted by Phinch (user info) at 2003-12-18 19:10:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
i'm pretty sure that she has a sexy tail.
Submitted by Zod (user info) at 2003-12-18 18:51:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"A Sexy Tail"???? Don't you mean, a sexy TALE! You stupid bitch, you're so getting a -2 for that!
Ha, yeah right. Funny shit.
Submitted by Cup_of_Joe (user info) at 2003-12-18 17:41:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Damn, what is this? Confession Thursday? Oh well. Funny stuff. I'll shut up now since it's almost time to go home!
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
Yeah, it is now Confession Post Thursday. Not enough people made shitty posts today especially you.
Thank you and drive thru
Submitted by Natophelia (user info) at 2003-12-18 17:31:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Phinch (user info) at 2003-12-18 17:03:02 (#)
Ranking: 2
to quote a slightly scary, freaky animated christmas special...
"I'm cute!!!!!!"
my nose is glowing and a wierd high pitch noise is coming from it as well.
------------------------------------------
HEY That only just now showed up! HAHAHAHAAAA I love it!
Chicken- Yes he knows. Mostly ;) He knows about everything but my one and only true one night stand. I'm too embarrassed to tell him! I was on Beale Street with some friends and we ran into a bunch of special ops guys who were in the area for training at the Midsouth Shooting Institute. We all had a genuinly fun time all evening, and I took one home! I told him about that night, and before I could get to the part of me taking a guy home, he started cracking jokes about how they probably weren't Green Berets and were lying to try to get some. I don't know EVERYTHING, but I do know enough to be able to call someone out on a lie like that. I grilled the shit out of them. And my friends and I started speaking different languages and they joined right in. I know for a fact they weren't lying, but I felt stupid, so I left out the part about me being the only one to go for it and laughed right along with him. "Har har yeah. Silly guys."
Damn, what is this? Confession Thursday? Oh well. Funny stuff. I'll shut up now since it's almost time to go home!
Submitted by angrykoz (user info) at 2003-12-18 17:21:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Bless you my child
Submitted by GodChicken (user info) at 2003-12-18 17:12:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Nat: you're just too evil.
Does your soon-to-be know how evil you are?
wait.. ok yes, answer that. ;)
Submitted by Cup_of_Joe (user info) at 2003-12-18 17:11:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Natty-No you didn't but it's cool, though. YOU GO GIRL!
Thank you and drive thru
Submitted by Natophelia (user info) at 2003-12-18 17:11:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Oh Joe, that's rotten! We were evil to each other, not just one to the other. Ouchie.
Submitted by Natophelia (user info) at 2003-12-18 17:09:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
He was my first, too. I'm not sure I made that clear. Well written you say, eh smoky? ;)
Submitted by Cup_of_Joe (user info) at 2003-12-18 17:05:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Ooooh Natty! You didn't mention you was his first. So you took his virginity and then dissed him. Man, that's hitting below the belt. I can't talk though the same crap happened to me. I lost my virginity to this cute italian girl. She only had sex with me because she wanted to use me to get her back at her boyfriend, plus he didn't like black people aaaand she wanted to know what it was like have sex with a minority. I was devasted as hell. She told me she loved me. How rude!
Thank you and drive thru
Submitted by smokymtcsw (user info) at 2003-12-18 17:04:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Well written, good stuff. Liked it very much. A girl who can laugh at herself is sexy. A girl who cannot is my ex girlfriend...
Submitted by Phinch (user info) at 2003-12-18 17:03:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
to quote a slightly scary, freaky animated christmas special...
"I'm cute!!!!!!"
my nose is glowing and a wierd high pitch noise is coming from it as well.
Submitted by Luther (user info) at 2003-12-18 16:59:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 for putting my name in
and for puppy love. I love puppy love...
*snort*
Submitted by Natophelia (user info) at 2003-12-18 16:54:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I grew up with mostly men around. It's no surprise. I've always thought I was a man in another life. But Lil Kim of Uber?? Oh please say it ain't so! hahahahahaa
I don't know what I did to the guy. I was his first, too, so who knows. Assuming that I really did twist a knife in his heart, thank you for your commendation!
Phinch, you are the cutest geek I have ever seen, and I'm not being a smartass!
Submitted by Cup_of_Joe (user info) at 2003-12-18 16:48:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Oh Phinch, you are good. I see I'm going to have to keep my eye on you.
Thank you and drive thru
Submitted by Phinch (user info) at 2003-12-18 16:46:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
what can i say joe, that flea market brainwave descrambler i bought works good.
Submitted by Cup_of_Joe (user info) at 2003-12-18 16:42:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Phinch, you took the goddamn words right out of my mouth. I was thinking the same thing. Damn you Phinch, that's second time you did that.
Thank you and drive thru
Submitted by Natophelia (user info) at 2003-12-18 16:41:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
"cleansing"
Aw, Phinch, you're so sweet!!
Submitted by Cup_of_Joe (user info) at 2003-12-18 16:39:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Well comes to think about it that would something a guy would do. It's really weirld hearing a girl saying how she "Hit it and then left it". He must have been really sprung on you. What did you do to him? Well either way I don't think you was being slutty or anything like that. I commend you on your revenge. Talk about reverse discrimination. In fact you are now the Lil Kim of Uber. She did the same thing to a guy who tormented her in high school.
Damn, I owe Insaneinthemind a post. He wants to know I get called Sexual Strawberry Chocolate by gay guys...with a pic included. Natty that's really taking a risk. I can see atten ghey menz replies, right now.
Thank you and drive thru
Submitted by Natophelia (user info) at 2003-12-18 16:38:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Joe, I was so beyond caring about him at that point that I truly can't remember! I hate to say it, but revenge (or perceived revenge) really can be clensing. I pretended it never happened, and I'm not sure that I ever spoke to him again. Sometimes the complete brush off is more painful than anything else. That was the hope anyway. Hell, that probably didn't work either.
Submitted by Phinch (user info) at 2003-12-18 16:34:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
if i'm ever single, i'm gonna try to piss you off so you can revenge me.
Submitted by Cup_of_Joe (user info) at 2003-12-18 16:31:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Different, That's a different way of getting someone back. But you forgot something. What happened when you met up with Brian again. What he pissed that you left him in the middle of the night or did he just blow it off?
Thank you and drive thru
Submitted by Natophelia (user info) at 2003-12-18 16:31:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Yeah! Show'd him, didn't I? hahahahaaaa
Submitted by Phinch (user info) at 2003-12-18 16:29:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
gosh i wish that people would revenge themselves upon me like that.
Nat, you rock, but he won, free sex for him.