The time I almost killed a 4 year old (36556 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.8 on 274 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by ReallyBored (View user info) at 2003-12-19 10:57:57 EST
When I was a junior in High School I use to work at a local arcade/lazer-tag place. This place was broken down into three different sections. In the front were 6 or 7 machines set up for the HS lunchtime crowd with games like Tekken, Mortal Kombat, Capcom vs Marvel etc etc. The middle and back sections were for kids having birthday parties and the actual lazer-tag arena.
Now you may be thinking that this was a pretty sweet setup, I mean who doesn't like lazer-tag and all, but it was designed for younger kids. Our lazer-tag arena was barely the size of a HS classroom and really would have been silly for anyone over the age of 10. However, the work itself was pretty easy and the pay was good considering, so all in all I liked my job. Plus when you add young children, teenage workers, video games, pizza, tons of caffeine filled soda, you can get some interesting happenings. Here is one of those times.
As an establishment dealing with children, pizza, and soda we were well stocked in the paper towel department. Brawny I think was the brand name we used, the really good shit. The paper itself was pretty thick and a brand new roll had some weight to it, so it made for a perfect throwing tool. During our stints in the lazer-tag arena watching the kids we thought it would be a great idea to use this handy item for a game. Our game consisted of us grabbing a roll and throwing it as hard as possible as the other guy, while he tried to dodge. Many an hour I have spent perfecting my paper towel dodging techniques. I know the double feint dive move, the two step forward one step back spin-off, and I even designed a signature jumping semi-split dodge. Offensively I consider myself pretty decent. The trick was to throw the paper towel roll like a boomerang and whip it downward with a strong wrist and arm movement. If you tried to throw it like a baseball it would just fuckup because of aerodynamics. The key is getting it to move in a spinning Chinese star type style.
So one day we were in the back playing our game like normal. It was getting pretty heated, my opponent (Omo) had been using this new fake and had tagged me a couple times with it. However, I persevered and with 1:30 left in lazer-tag regulation I had tied it with a lucky shot nicking his arm.
Sweat glistened on my brow as I watched my enemy retrieve the weapon. The sounds of fake explosions and children screaming drowned out in the deafening nothingness that was my concentration. Omo looked at the clock, looked back at me, at the clock, at me. He wanted to time it perfectly so that he would get the last shot.
1:00 left...he pump-fakes, I stutter-step but hold my ground.
45 left....he tosses the roll back and forth between hands, eyeing me up
30 left....he hip-checks a 3 year old into a plastic embankment, trying to get the perfect angle.
25 left.....he looks one last time at the clock and fires.
I saw it coming before it even left his hand.
I was in the zone, time was slowing down.
There was no spoon.
As the towel spun around in a perfect 35.5 degree angle I moved my off-hand into position. I was going to try to pull off the most unstoppable move I had in my arsenal. The fabled Catch - N - Toss. It used properly it was unstoppable. It was my crane kick....As I caught the towel in my left, I spun around counter-clockwise while switching it to my throwing arm. With a triumphant GRRRRAAA, I threw it back at him with all my might.
It would have hit him squarely in the nuts if that 4 year old hadn't stopped at that exact moment to tie his shoelace. It was watching a cars engine die, right in the middle of the train tracks.
WACK!
It hit the kid so hard in the head a temporary vacuum formed and I was sucked a good 5 feet forward.
THUMP!
The kid's head was the first thing to hit the ground. His heels were the last.
In 2 nanoseconds I covered the remaining 5 feet of area between the child and me to ascertain whether to call the ambulance or the morgue. As I kneeled the children sat up, looked at me, looked at Omo, looked at the gathering crowd and smiled happily. He then coughed twice, spit out a tooth, and let out the greatest death-cry I have ever heard in my entire life.
I told the mom he tripped.
User Reviews
Submitted by Phallic_Cymbals (user info) at 2007-11-24 20:37:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Laugh out My Ass
Submitted by mikethescottish (user info) at 2007-11-24 18:36:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Hehehe.
Submitted by Ltap (user info) at 2007-11-24 17:52:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"I saw it coming before it even left his hand.
I was in the zone, time was slowing down.
There was no spoon."
+2 for the totally random Matrix quote inserted into your story.
Submitted by podium (user info) at 2005-03-22 22:15:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by urbaneruralite (user info) at 2005-02-23 21:14:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by BigCore (user info) at 2005-02-15 23:31:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Sure thing. Where/when?
Submitted by Tigre (user info) at 2005-02-15 23:17:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Bear my children?
Submitted by BigCore (user info) at 2005-02-15 22:59:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Oh man, that was awesome. I'm nearly crying with laughter.
The kid had it coming. Stopping to tie his shoes in the middle of that warzone?
Submitted by bossk (user info) at 2005-01-06 14:39:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Funny. Yep.
Submitted by Ed_0150 (user info) at 2004-12-22 04:46:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Scarlett13 (user info) at 2004-12-01 07:50:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2004-11-30 23:40:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Holy motherfucker of god....
I woke up my entire building I think...
Submitted by dennis <hotroddb2001.at.yahoo.com> at 2004-09-16 00:38:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Holoman (user info) at 2004-09-07 13:08:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
That's pretty fucking sweet.
Submitted by Val (user info) at 2004-07-26 07:57:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
best. post. evar.
Submitted by Stormlord (user info) at 2004-07-15 19:01:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by repsik (user info) at 2004-06-29 18:57:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Where was the lazertag place?
Submitted by Stabkill (user info) at 2004-06-23 18:52:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Now THIS is a real "kicker of all ass" story. Well written and very, very funny.
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2004-06-22 10:02:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by antiLemming (user info) at 2004-06-10 00:16:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This deserves another.
Submitted by Spiral_Abraxis (user info) at 2004-06-10 00:08:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Really good shit RB.
Submitted by Rosencrantz (user info) at 2004-06-09 06:58:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
(Best Marge Simpson voice) Oooh Brawny, you're insatiable...
Should have checked the kid for any money before his mum came.
Submitted by Random Joe at 2004-05-13 07:01:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
You should've eaten the kid
Submitted by pimpstar <superfly.at.hotmail.com> at 2004-04-30 03:37:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
man that four year old is one sweet piece of ass
bad work nigga
Submitted by Kichigai (user info) at 2004-04-29 09:03:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
awesome
Submitted by mystiamoon (user info) at 2004-04-21 04:59:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by DamienX (user info) at 2004-04-16 15:57:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Nothing beats a tale about a hapless 4 year old getting clocked with a role of Brawny. Nice shot.
2 points for the story, 10 for telling the mother he tripped.
Submitted by Dead_0hi0_Sky (user info) at 2004-04-15 18:57:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
this is the greatest post i have ever read in my entire life. no bullshit. +2,000,000
Submitted by TripinDayZ420 (user info) at 2004-03-17 17:24:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
awesome... cant say anything else.. just awesome
Submitted by mikethescottish (user info) at 2004-03-17 17:06:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Good stuff.
Submitted by jumpinjellyfish (user info) at 2004-03-05 16:26:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
My god that was funny!!!
Submitted by Dazd1 (user info) at 2004-03-05 16:19:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by McMuffin <dkjfgijs.at.ashdgbk.co.uk> at 2004-03-01 13:43:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Halarious. all i have to say is that.
Submitted by Xotica at 2004-02-11 15:12:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I thought this was good humor...It's cute and entertaining. Kudos for that one! :)
Submitted by Mario (user info) at 2004-01-30 13:34:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by hundred_reasons (user info) at 2004-01-28 13:55:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
really funny, well done!
Submitted by apsmif101 (user info) at 2004-01-25 10:17:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Mwaahaaha...
Submitted by Seymone (user info) at 2004-01-16 23:26:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This completely changed my mood right now, good stuff.
Submitted by Bob_Dole (user info) at 2004-01-14 13:17:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
LOL Fucking histerical
Submitted by cchero (user info) at 2004-01-14 13:02:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Mac told me you were good - this shit is hillarious!
Submitted by Robert_of_Duluth (user info) at 2004-01-13 20:18:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
fuck off shay, this was funny
Submitted by Shay (user info) at 2004-01-09 11:06:23 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
You suck. I'm glad I wasn't a dork in highschool like yourself.
Submitted by reallybored (user info) at 2004-01-09 10:39:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Will - Dont retired. Just take vacation. Everyone needs to get away for a bit. Then come back when your all inspired and shit and make some bad-ass posts.
TMA - No you didnt. Idiot.
Submitted by WillZone (user info) at 2004-01-09 10:24:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This post is great.
i'm beginning to think of retireing from uber....it has changed...not as fun anymore. the great posts (like this) are few and far between...and there are too mnay people out there to destroy ratings and posts...sending them into oblivion.
Cheers to this post!
Submitted by The.Masked.Assailant (user info) at 2004-01-08 20:41:24 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
thief!
Submitted by The.Masked.Assailant (user info) at 2004-01-08 20:41:14 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by The.Masked.Assailant (user info) at 2004-01-08 20:41:02 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
you stole this! i read this story about 2 years ago off of some website.
Submitted by Flogging-Molly (user info) at 2004-01-08 11:34:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
That kicks ass, and Random Joe is a fuckhead
Submitted by Fiore at 2004-01-05 23:48:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"There was no spoon." Priceless!
Submitted by Random Joe at 2004-01-02 09:50:44 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Just not worth it.
Submitted by youarsoghey (user info) at 2004-01-01 15:19:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
That'll teach him to tie his shoes
Submitted by Ryan Again at 2003-12-31 12:45:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
And whats with my spelling.
-There
+They're
Submitted by Ryan at 2003-12-31 12:44:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Whats with 10 year olds? there industrucable.
Now I know what type of Paper Towel to use when I want defend myself against an intruder.
Submitted by Leigh4 <Leigh4.at.hotmail.com> at 2003-12-29 06:23:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
lol...it sounds just like my work...i work at lazerzone in penrith...we get up to stuff like that all the time
Submitted by PropaGumby (user info) at 2003-12-26 01:25:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
...
Submitted by Random Joe at 2003-12-26 00:09:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Brilliant :)
Submitted by Marcos <Mrboogie23.at.yahoo.com> at 2003-12-24 16:29:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
good stuff.
Submitted by the_holloway (user info) at 2003-12-23 21:42:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
quality friend. quality.
Submitted by enemy (user info) at 2003-12-23 20:37:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
in the zone...
Submitted by Random Joe at 2003-12-23 20:36:43 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
more fucking laser tag http://www.ubersite.com/cgi-bin/message_get.cgi?id=21326
Submitted by Bellebrown (user info) at 2003-12-23 20:33:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by ess2s2 (user info) at 2003-12-23 19:19:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
The fact that this is 1.96 on 232 reviews is a testament to its total awesomeness.
Submitted by drstrangedhruv (user info) at 2003-12-23 14:48:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"Where HAVEN'T I been? WOOF!"
Submitted by Insanethemind (user info) at 2003-12-23 14:31:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by WillZone (user info) at 2003-12-23 14:24:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I was tempted to give it a -2, just to see if it would change the ranking of 1.96...but the story was good enough to bypass that mathematical experiment.
Submitted by judah1134 (user info) at 2003-12-23 12:46:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
i like all the details you put in the ending. the time measurements, the distance, ect.
Submitted by Beer_bong (user info) at 2003-12-23 04:41:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Ingsoc (user info) at 2003-12-23 01:35:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
PMJ isn't black!
Submitted by Otter (user info) at 2003-12-23 01:03:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Are we still talking about chili dogs?
I used to work at a restaurant that served hot dogs. It was called "Franks for the Memories." Great place, for you Chicagonites, it's was modled after Flukey's.
Anyway we had a dog called the Coney Island. It was our chili, cheese and onion dog. We steamed our buns and used only Vienna all beef hot dogs. I'd put a hot dog into the bun, put the chilie, cheese and onions on it, wrap it back up and put it back into the bun steamer, letting the cheese and whatnot get all melty.
We'd make about four of these a piece. After about five minutes in the steamer, we'd unwrap them and wolf them down as fast as we could. Who ever lost had to do the dishes. We made it challenging sometimes by using Polish sausages or jumbo dogs. Good stuff.
Submitted by brad robbins <berizzle23.at.yahoo.com> at 2003-12-22 17:48:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
funny, i once hit a kid in the face with a bat, he was in 6th grade, it was my senior year, he cried and told his mom, but my 2 brothers covered for me saying he tried to kill himself with it, and hit himself, they said i wasn't even home when it happened, but the kid deserved it because he called my girlfriend a slut, he was about 5 even and probobly around 150 lbs, i was only 6 even bout 180.
Submitted by PeopleAreStrange (user info) at 2003-12-22 17:15:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I was starting to get a bit bored hearing all the detail about how you played catch with paper towels but the ending deserves a +5 - hilarious.
Submitted by potatomanjack (user info) at 2003-12-22 16:56:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Ya, I got really bored with being suicidal and found that it wasn't the healthiest of hobbies so I gave it up. If you did some good 'go to hell'ing then I'm proud of you Kristen. That's the kind of keeping of uber in check that I like to see.
As for no more long absences, I'm not sure I'll be able to comply. I'm supposed to go on training for a week in Toronto in January, and also to go to Florida for a week in March. But hey, don't you get like some crazy huge holiday right about now seeing as schools get this couple of weeks off? If so, why aren't you out galavanting all over the place with the wee one?
Anyway, I'm headinf off work, so I'll catch you later skater.
Submitted by Vicky at 2003-12-22 16:52:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Kids and toilet roll violence, the perfect combo....
Submitted by Mac (user info) at 2003-12-22 16:52:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
PMJ,
did you try the Viper Rum?
oh yeah, the post kicks ass, good job blah blah blah.
Submitted by Kristen (user info) at 2003-12-22 16:49:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Everything rocked EXCEPT almost drowning? See, that would have been the highlight for some people. Good to know you're not suicidal. :P
Did I keep anyone in check? Not so much, I tried to channel the spirit that is PMJ but wasn't very sucessful. So I mostly did lots of lame, "Go to hell"'s and whatnot. Sorry if I let you down. I will now run and severely flame the biggest tool on Über today, to get back in your good graces. (I just have to find him/her...any suggestions?)
But I am glad you're back, as evidenced by the "YAAAAAAAAAY" I gave you earlier. No more longass vacations like this, ok? Agreed?
Submitted by potatomanjack (user info) at 2003-12-22 16:39:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Kristen (user info) at 2003-12-22 16:32:25 (#)
Ranking: 2
YAAAAAAAY! PMJ is BACK! How was your trip?
------------
Hehehe, thanks, it's nice to feel the love.
The trip totally and absolutely rocked except for almost drowning one night while swimming drunk in a fast flowing jungle river.
How's everything been going around in the uber world? Are you keeping everyone in check Kristen?
Submitted by Kristen (user info) at 2003-12-22 16:32:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
YAAAAAAAY! PMJ is BACK! How was your trip?
Submitted by Slopster53 (user info) at 2003-12-22 16:22:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
That this doesn't have a perfect 2 is a shame.
Submitted by Systematicevil (user info) at 2003-12-22 15:44:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Great post.
Submitted by potatomanjack (user info) at 2003-12-22 15:43:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Awesome Oppossum.
Submitted by glam_daddy (user info) at 2003-12-22 15:17:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
+2 for the story...
-100 to ashlee for being an idiot.
Submitted by Hans_Moleman (user info) at 2003-12-22 15:07:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I registered just to rate this post, awesome story man
Submitted by lucid (user info) at 2003-12-22 14:56:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
If it were possible, and had you killed him, I would rate this +3.
Submitted by Mac (user info) at 2003-12-22 13:35:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"it doesn't count when the same person rates over and over again"
Sure it does.
Submitted by LacyFace16 (user info) at 2003-12-22 10:37:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
ok i actually took the time to read this and it was pretty good. however, don't brag about all your reviews since i read them ALL and it doesn't count when the same person rates over and over again. They took a good post and turned it into a damn spam contest. Anyway, you need to look into a career change...data analysis isn't gonna do it for ya when you can write stories like this for fun.
who loves ya?!? see you soon!
Submitted by Franger (user info) at 2003-12-22 07:43:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Fucking good story. Its a pity that there are fucking post whores spamming this when I think it could have made it on its own.
Also, since when is laser spelt with a 'z'?
Submitted by Queen (user info) at 2003-12-22 06:27:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This was great!!
+2 for the brawny combat Matrix style I had invisioned....lol
Queen
Submitted by bob (user info) at 2003-12-22 01:40:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
i know. that browny man is just so studly.
whoa wait, what?
oh shit.
Submitted by Greg <mmmkay.at.owc.net> at 2003-12-22 01:24:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
That was awesome! Especially the part where you lied to avoid trouble. YOU ROCK! Man I hate kids.
Submitted by reallybored (user info) at 2003-12-21 22:44:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Bart - I apologise for the post. Apparently Brawny towels bring out the wackos.
Submitted by QueenAshlee (user info) at 2003-12-21 22:23:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Sorry. Weird numbers just really really irk me.
Submitted by bart (user info) at 2003-12-21 22:11:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Ashlee, knock it off
Submitted by QueenAshlee (user info) at 2003-12-21 22:03:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Motherfucker. Now I have to start over.
Kidding. Hey, Matt, did you know you have three posts on the most heated list?
Submitted by QueenAshlee (user info) at 2003-12-21 21:57:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
199? Oh, fuck no.
Submitted by QueenAshlee (user info) at 2003-12-21 21:55:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
HUNDRED!!!!!!!!!!
Submitted by QueenAshlee (user info) at 2003-12-21 21:54:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
TWO
Submitted by QueenAshlee (user info) at 2003-12-21 21:53:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I HATE ODD NUMBERS!
Submitted by bob (user info) at 2003-12-21 21:53:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
since...
Submitted by QueenAshlee (user info) at 2003-12-21 21:52:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Ubercon!
Submitted by QueenAshlee (user info) at 2003-12-21 21:52:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
since
Submitted by QueenAshlee (user info) at 2003-12-21 21:52:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
drinking
Submitted by QueenAshlee (user info) at 2003-12-21 21:52:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
without
Submitted by QueenAshlee (user info) at 2003-12-21 21:51:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
hours
Submitted by QueenAshlee (user info) at 2003-12-21 21:51:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
twelve
Submitted by QueenAshlee (user info) at 2003-12-21 21:51:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
than
Submitted by QueenAshlee (user info) at 2003-12-21 21:51:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
more
Submitted by QueenAshlee (user info) at 2003-12-21 21:50:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
gone
Submitted by QueenAshlee (user info) at 2003-12-21 21:50:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
not
Submitted by QueenAshlee (user info) at 2003-12-21 21:50:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
have
Submitted by QueenAshlee (user info) at 2003-12-21 21:49:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I
Submitted by ExplodingGopher (user info) at 2003-12-21 21:49:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I'd give you more points if I could, very, very nice.
Submitted by QueenAshlee (user info) at 2003-12-21 21:47:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
reviews!
Submitted by QueenAshlee (user info) at 2003-12-21 21:47:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
hundred
Submitted by ChelseaStewart (user info) at 2003-12-21 21:47:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This is by far the funniest post I've read in a long time. Congrats on getting onto B@W!
Submitted by QueenAshlee (user info) at 2003-12-21 21:47:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
two
Submitted by QueenAshlee (user info) at 2003-12-21 21:47:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
make
Submitted by QueenAshlee (user info) at 2003-12-21 21:46:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Must
Submitted by Mac (user info) at 2003-12-21 21:22:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
bored at work, eh? You may just get that 7 thousand after all, in which case, Biff Tannen came through after all.
Submitted by El_Guapo (user info) at 2003-12-21 18:09:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
""I told the mom he tripped.""
you rule
Submitted by gibson082284 (user info) at 2003-12-21 17:52:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Good post. Stupid kids always getting in the way though. At least the kid wasn't hurt.
Submitted by daidoji (user info) at 2003-12-21 14:03:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
sweet "It was my crane kick utterly unstoppable"
Submitted by PropaGumby (user info) at 2003-12-21 10:11:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
25
Submitted by PropaGumby (user info) at 2003-12-21 10:11:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
24
Submitted by PropaGumby (user info) at 2003-12-21 10:11:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
23
Submitted by PropaGumby (user info) at 2003-12-21 10:10:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
asshole
Submitted by PropaGumby (user info) at 2003-12-21 10:10:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
veiny
Submitted by PropaGumby (user info) at 2003-12-21 10:10:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
dirty
Submitted by PropaGumby (user info) at 2003-12-21 10:09:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
her
Submitted by PropaGumby (user info) at 2003-12-21 10:09:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
in
Submitted by PropaGumby (user info) at 2003-12-21 10:09:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
coconutGRL
Submitted by PropaGumby (user info) at 2003-12-21 10:09:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
fuck
Submitted by PropaGumby (user info) at 2003-12-21 10:08:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
also
Submitted by PropaGumby (user info) at 2003-12-21 10:07:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
monkey
Submitted by PropaGumby (user info) at 2003-12-21 10:07:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
flak
Submitted by PropaGumby (user info) at 2003-12-21 10:07:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
gay
Submitted by PropaGumby (user info) at 2003-12-21 10:07:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
are
Submitted by PropaGumby (user info) at 2003-12-21 10:06:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
you
Submitted by PropaGumby (user info) at 2003-12-21 10:06:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
ever
Submitted by PropaGumby (user info) at 2003-12-21 10:06:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
and
Submitted by PropaGumby (user info) at 2003-12-21 10:05:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
forever
Submitted by PropaGumby (user info) at 2003-12-21 10:05:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
nuts
Submitted by PropaGumby (user info) at 2003-12-21 10:05:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
licking
Submitted by PropaGumby (user info) at 2003-12-21 10:05:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Love
Submitted by PropaGumby (user info) at 2003-12-21 10:05:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I
Submitted by PropaGumby (user info) at 2003-12-21 10:04:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by PropaGumby (user info) at 2003-12-21 10:04:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
FlakMonkey I love licking nuts where do I sign up...
Submitted by Awko (user info) at 2003-12-21 09:08:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Jeriko2k3 (user info) at 2003-12-20 16:36:47 (#)
Ranking: 2
Good Story. We had a laser tag arena out here that was about that size. Sucked major ass for us older kids. Also has anyone noticed that when playing laser tag, and you just happen to being playing with little kids. That they are like ants. I swear if you shot one, it's like kicking an ant hill over, you get swormed by the rest of them. I hate playing Laser tag with people 8 and under. Little Bastards.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Me and my Dad had the same problem the first time we played. We just happened to arrive at the same time as an 11th birthday party filled with little girls. 15 of the bitches had us cornered up on a bridge all screaming "Get the big guys!!" (We're both 6'3). Man that game sucked.
And FlakMonkey, I hope that you get a big fat lump of coal in your stocking this Christmas.
Submitted by ess2s2 (user info) at 2003-12-21 02:11:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Jeeeeezus Christ, I leave for a while and I come back and it's anarchy, by the way RB, congrats on getting this thing on B@W. Here's to you.
Submitted by coconutGRL (user info) at 2003-12-21 02:10:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Dude thats haggarad. . .
Submitted by FlakMonkey (user info) at 2003-12-21 02:04:02 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
hey nicko, you could have saved some breath and just called me a felcher. that is after all what an ass licking cum sucker is...i pointed that out for you because youre obviously too pathetic to realize that on your own.
you felcher.
Submitted by nicko (user info) at 2003-12-21 01:53:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
A great post.
Good to see that even the internet is not free of arse licking cum suckers. (That would be you Flak Monkey, just pointing it out because you'd be too pathetic to notice)
Submitted by FlakMonkey (user info) at 2003-12-21 01:46:36 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
i don't care if it was a dissapointment or not, i just don't think this piece of trash is worth this many +2s, if i could whittle this posts rating down to about a one, i would be one happy mother fucker.
fuck everyone out there wiht nothing better to do than arrest santa claus!
(i'm watching "the santa clause" right now...)
Submitted by Deisangua (user info) at 2003-12-21 01:41:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Us alphas dont get along with you betas.
---------------------------
Hahahahaa....seriously though, FlakMonkey...how the hell could a -2 that late in the run really have turned this into a disappointment?
Submitted by QueenAshlee (user info) at 2003-12-21 01:40:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Fibber.
I was a sorority girl... I think it's written somewhere that you have to be nice to me.
Submitted by FlakMonkey (user info) at 2003-12-21 01:34:48 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
im a goddammed LAMBDA you jock sonofawhore!!
ps, its not 1 in the morning where i live...you get a life, you are on the comp at 1 in the morning!!
I am getting ready to go to bed with my new gorgeous girlfriend.
Submitted by QueenAshlee (user info) at 2003-12-21 01:22:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
You're right! How, oh how, will I ever go on with life, knowing that I don't understand your senseless babbling?
I think it'll be easier than I imagined. Tool.
Submitted by reallybored (user info) at 2003-12-21 01:13:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
is english your second language?
----------------------------------------------------
Sorry buddy i have been drinking alittle tonight and my english is not top notch.
I know you on the other hand with have no problem with your sentence structre grammar.
Heres alittle tip my good buddy.
ITS SATURDAY AT 1 IN THE MORNING! GO OUT AND GET A LIFE.
....and if i did meet you in real life, i probably wouldnt like you. Us alphas dont get along with you betas. Ciao!
Submitted by FlakMonkey (user info) at 2003-12-21 01:07:55 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
and i won't go away just because you wish i would. you cant ignore something you disagree with and make it go away, if you check, real life is the same way.
try contributing to my cack!!
Submitted by FlakMonkey (user info) at 2003-12-21 01:05:31 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by reallybored (user info) at 2003-12-21 00:58:28 (#)
Ranking: 0
FlakMonkey - Honestly i was waiting till somebody negative 2 this post. It was just a matter of times.
Guess what, it doesnt bother me a bit. I had a great run, got my shit on Bored At Work, and in a month or two I will be on the most authored list.
Your a fucking nothing. Your post nothing. Your fucking worthless. You have contributed nothing to this and you are a fucking failure in life.
I pity people like you.
is english your second language?
i see, your major goal in life is to be on bored at work, and get on the most authored list.
and you pity people like me. this site is a diversion to me, i have no goals on this site. if you knew me in real life, you would probably like me, because i am a sociable person, but here on uber, i can be an asshole. you assume i am a failure in life, you are a fucking presumputous moron. just because i come up here and act like a dickhead, you want to pigeonhole me into a fantasy world and say my hole life is a waste.
whatever fucker, have fun on bored at work, enjoy your stay in the most authored list, im sure both will be life enriching experiences.
assfucker.
Submitted by bob (user info) at 2003-12-21 01:01:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
wow. reallybored took the high road on this one. good job man.
Submitted by reallybored (user info) at 2003-12-21 00:58:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
FlakMonkey - Honestly i was waiting till somebody negative 2 this post. It was just a matter of times.
Guess what, it doesnt bother me a bit. I had a great run, got my shit on Bored At Work, and in a month or two I will be on the most authored list.
Your a fucking nothing. Your post nothing. Your fucking worthless. You have contributed nothing to this and you are a fucking failure in life.
I pity people like you.
Submitted by Yogimus (user info) at 2003-12-21 00:57:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Hehehe. Almost as much fun listening to dildo over there as it is to read the post.
Submitted by FlakMonkey (user info) at 2003-12-21 00:55:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
does prison bitch fit you better? you fucking pebble.
Submitted by bob (user info) at 2003-12-21 00:47:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
you fucking pebble
______________
oh shit that was awsome. damn, i am owned. i mean, im just so like a pebble, you got me.
Submitted by bob (user info) at 2003-12-21 00:45:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
queen aslee: i doubt the barb wire is long enough to do much damage. though she could wait and get tetanus.
that would take too long.
she should try a large, rusted nail to the chest.
Submitted by FlakMonkey (user info) at 2003-12-21 00:43:31 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
here ya go bob, you fucking pebble.
Submitted by FlakMonkey (user info) at 2003-12-21 00:42:50 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
WHOOOOSH!!!! there it goes again ashlee, over your head.
arent all these flybys making you naseus? you should go lie down.
Submitted by bob (user info) at 2003-12-21 00:40:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
i know but i tried.
bob, you are licking RB's nuts and just fucking LOVING it. look at you, you are slavishly trying to counter all the minus twos i am giving him by plus toing it. you little homo, stop being his lap dog.
_____________
im not doing this for him, i doing it against you. fuckface.
*whips another roll of Brawny at FlakMonkey*
Submitted by QueenAshlee (user info) at 2003-12-21 00:38:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Again I must say that I just don't see a rusty coathanger being useful in the endeavor of hanging one's self. Now maybe if you'd said rusty barbed wire, you'd have something. Alas, you did not.
Submitted by neomage (user info) at 2003-12-21 00:37:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
bob, I'm sorry but it's a lost cause. It goes by average, so all the +2s in the world won't get it back up to a perfect rating. I applaud your effort though.
Submitted by FlakMonkey (user info) at 2003-12-21 00:36:56 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
ashlee, coatHANGER! HANG yourself with a coatHANGER!!
stupid slut.
Submitted by QueenAshlee (user info) at 2003-12-21 00:36:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
And what is your basis for this accusation?
Submitted by FlakMonkey (user info) at 2003-12-21 00:34:36 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
ashlee, you are one dumb cunt.
STFU
bob, you are licking RB's nuts and just fucking LOVING it. look at you, you are slavishly trying to counter all the minus twos i am giving him by plus toing it. you little homo, stop being his lap dog.
Submitted by bob (user info) at 2003-12-21 00:30:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
9
Submitted by bob (user info) at 2003-12-21 00:30:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
8
Submitted by bob (user info) at 2003-12-21 00:29:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
7
Submitted by bob (user info) at 2003-12-21 00:28:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
6
Submitted by bob (user info) at 2003-12-21 00:27:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
5
Submitted by QueenAshlee (user info) at 2003-12-21 00:27:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I don't think a rusty coathanger would be the most effective tool, were I to decide I wanted to hang myself. In fact, I don't think it would be of any use at all. See, if I were pregnant (which I'm not), a rusty coathanger remark might be somewhat funny in an attempt to insult me. However, since I am not, all it managed to do was confuse me and/or convince me of your stupidity. Notice, if you will, that my previous reply did not contain any implication that I thought you were a moron who should die, but rather an observation that you were giving a post a -2 to annoy bargled, without seeming to realize that it was not, in fact, bargled who wrote the post. Or, something to that effect. I totally forgot where I was going with that, so I'm going to stop now.
Submitted by bob (user info) at 2003-12-21 00:27:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
4
Submitted by bob (user info) at 2003-12-21 00:27:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
3
Submitted by bob (user info) at 2003-12-21 00:27:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
2
Submitted by bob (user info) at 2003-12-21 00:27:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
1
Submitted by FlakMonkey (user info) at 2003-12-21 00:21:35 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
im on my period.
Submitted by FlakMonkey (user info) at 2003-12-21 00:20:56 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
no, im just jealous because i cant slap you in the head from my computer.
Submitted by bob (user info) at 2003-12-21 00:19:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
/
Submitted by train_wreck (user info) at 2003-12-21 00:19:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
you're just jealous because you cant write anything people care about
Submitted by bob (user info) at 2003-12-21 00:19:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
,
Submitted by FlakMonkey (user info) at 2003-12-21 00:18:08 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
shit, im giving -2s out like santy claws, heres one for really bored. and heres a rusty coathanger for you ashlee...hang yourself withit
Submitted by bob (user info) at 2003-12-21 00:17:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
.
Submitted by bob (user info) at 2003-12-21 00:17:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
what an excellent display of intelligence on the part of flapmonkey.
Submitted by bargled (user info) at 2003-12-21 00:16:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Ashlee, it just shows the intelligence these assholes have.
Submitted by bob (user info) at 2003-12-21 00:15:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by QueenAshlee (user info) at 2003-12-21 00:15:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Dude.... bargled didn't write this...
Submitted by FlakMonkey (user info) at 2003-12-21 00:14:08 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
marry x-mas bitch.
Submitted by FlakMonkey (user info) at 2003-12-21 00:13:33 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
fuck you back with a minus 2!
go dry hump your grannies tombstone.
Submitted by bargled (user info) at 2003-12-21 00:10:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
We all knew some dickhead was going to do it eventually.
Fuck you, Monkey boy.
Submitted by FlakMonkey (user info) at 2003-12-21 00:10:16 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
shut the fuck up neomage, theres no way this shit was worth 90 fucking +2s. you homos are just licking up on bargleds nuts and for that you all should be shot. FUCKING SHEEEEEEEEEEP!!!!!
Submitted by neomage (user info) at 2003-12-21 00:05:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Awww, someone's a party pooper.
*whips a roll of Brawny at FlakMonkeys balls*
Submitted by FlakMonkey (user info) at 2003-12-20 23:57:31 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
oh fuck no, this stops NOW!!!!!!!!!
Submitted by bob (user info) at 2003-12-20 23:54:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
HOLY SHIT!!!!!
i just noticed the 2 rating w/ 93 reviews.
this is uberhistory in the making.
possibly the best post in uberhistory.
Submitted by Chad_Sexington (user info) at 2003-12-20 23:41:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Haha, this reminds me of where I got my name from... Homer's name for the Burly Paper Towels actor.
Submitted by QueenAshlee (user info) at 2003-12-20 23:23:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This is by far the most ass kicking post I've seen in quite some time.
Submitted by Random Joe at 2003-12-20 23:20:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Random Joe at 2003-12-20 23:19:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
LMAO.
I swear that's a cig. This isn't as good as Bad Ass Australian Cows though (the absolute best post ever).
Submitted by ess2s2 (user info) at 2003-12-20 21:40:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I was just at the store and I looked at a roll of thost paper towels, there is no cigarette, what we all see in the picture above is probably a wrinkle in the plastic wrap catching the lights just right, after all, if you're on a paper towel roll, pictured in front of a forest, do you think people would let you get away with smoking a cigg?
...And what meathooksodomy says is true, you can beat the shit out of a kid, as long as you're all like: "Dude! You were awesome! You're like superman! Glad you aren't hurt!!" They won't even cry, they'll just spit on the ground and strut around like a moron.
Submitted by Mac (user info) at 2003-12-20 20:20:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
CDizzle,
The cigarette thing- I mentioned that earlier in the thread. Thansks for noticing, I thought I was going crazy.
reallybored,
Once again, congrats on the kick ass post!
Submitted by neomage (user info) at 2003-12-20 20:15:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Ingsoc (user info) at 2003-12-20 19:41:46 (#)
Ranking: 2
Best rated post on the site. Also second most heated.
----------------------------------------
See, if you say something like that, some bitter asshole is going to come and give it a -2......
But not me! I remember when I was 5 my cousin let me play with live wires from his sound system. That could explain a lot.
Submitted by Spike_Lincoln (user info) at 2003-12-20 20:04:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
That was wonderful.
Submitted by Ingsoc (user info) at 2003-12-20 19:41:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Best rated post on the site. Also second most heated.
Tell me how you did it!
Submitted by Nicole3 (user info) at 2003-12-20 18:34:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Magno (user info) at 2003-12-20 18:02:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Nice.
Submitted by Sunny (user info) at 2003-12-20 17:24:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
It's like that video of the snotrag getting brained by the basketball from across the court.
Where is it, let me see. Oh yes, here.
http://www.funvids.net/funny-video-clips/player/1/Kid-gets-slam-dunked.htm
Kids getting hurt...priceless.
Submitted by meathooksodomy (user info) at 2003-12-20 17:00:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
really enjoyed this post, specifically "there is no spoon", and the description of the kid getting smoked in the melon.
There really is a fine art to hurting young children. the key is that kids really have no concept of pain, and so will only cry if they see physical evidence of being hurt. so unless the skin breaks or there's a bruise or something, just run up to the kid and say "wow, dude! that was awesome! good thing YOU'RE NOT HURT!" make sure you emphasize that last part and the kid will be convinced that they're really not injured at all. no tears!
Submitted by bargled (user info) at 2003-12-20 16:43:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
#80.
Awesome story, thumbs up.
Submitted by Jeriko2k3 (user info) at 2003-12-20 16:36:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Good Story. We had a laser tag arena out here that was about that size. Sucked major ass for us older kids. Also has anyone noticed that when playing laser tag, and you just happen to being playing with little kids. That they are like ants. I swear if you shot one, it's like kicking an ant hill over, you get swormed by the rest of them. I hate playing Laser tag with people 8 and under. Little Bastards.
Submitted by Yogimus (user info) at 2003-12-20 16:17:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Mortals tremble in the path of Towel gods.
Submitted by RB at 2003-12-20 16:12:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Just want to say thanks to everybody who didnt kill this out of spite.
The morale to the story? Hurt little kids and get famous.
Submitted by PropaGumby (user info) at 2003-12-20 16:11:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Kristen (user info) at 2003-12-20 15:56:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Good story.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Submitted by MickGinny (user info) at 2003-12-20 15:33:39 (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 cuz i dont want to be the dick that screws this up.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Exactly.
Submitted by Ingsoc (user info) at 2003-12-20 15:42:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I would think that someone will come along to fuck this up very soon.
If that happens, can Bart change it so that the spiteful rating does not count?
Submitted by MickGinny (user info) at 2003-12-20 15:33:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
the jolly green giant could kick the brawny dudes ass!
+2 cuz i dont want to be the dick that screws this up.
Submitted by bart (user info) at 2003-12-20 15:15:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by ess2s2 (user info) at 2003-12-20 13:42:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 on over 70 reviews...70!!!!
Has this *ever* happened before? Congratulations!
Submitted by DrunkMonk (user info) at 2003-12-20 11:01:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Persecuted (user info) at 2003-12-20 10:32:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Excellent.
Submitted by CDizzle (user info) at 2003-12-20 09:50:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Am I the only one that realizes that the brawny guy is smoking a ciggarette?
Submitted by Awko (user info) at 2003-12-20 07:21:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Ah the toddler death-cry, a noise only rivalled by Mariah Carey's air-raid sired of a voice.
Submitted by coley (user info) at 2003-12-20 04:25:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by cellar_door (user info) at 2003-12-20 01:07:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Good story. Down with children!
Submitted by Bigmike (user info) at 2003-12-20 00:47:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Nice story. Normally I might not +2 this but seeing that I am number two on the list right now, I don't want it to look like sabotage.
I am laughing however. It's the Brawny dude.
Submitted by Sunny (user info) at 2003-12-20 00:32:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Amazing.
You are a giant among men.
Submitted by Slovin (user info) at 2003-12-19 22:56:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Rightly rated "Best Ever."
Submitted by cshape (user info) at 2003-12-19 20:20:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
very hot story
Submitted by Death_Metal_Dude (user info) at 2003-12-19 19:56:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
59
Submitted by PWNstar (user info) at 2003-12-19 19:50:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Yeah, I've nearly killed a couple of kids before. The closer you come the better of a story it makes.
Submitted by Korik (user info) at 2003-12-19 19:16:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Like you need another +2!
Funny stuff. Glad it wasn't my kid, I'd have laughed later, after beating your ass!
Just kidding.
Submitted by ess2s2 (user info) at 2003-12-19 19:16:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 worthy?
Sure, I'll buy in...
Submitted by Zeccs (user info) at 2003-12-19 19:14:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by joeblow <ass.com> at 2003-12-19 18:56:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
fuckin rules
Submitted by Ingsoc (user info) at 2003-12-19 18:35:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Dear God.
Submitted by CobraCommander (user info) at 2003-12-19 18:25:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Yeah, that rocks the house.
You should have tried to get the kid banned from the joint afterwards for running. Teach the little bastard a lesson.
Submitted by Phinch (user info) at 2003-12-19 17:32:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Griff would kick even mr miyagi's ass.
Submitted by Deisangua (user info) at 2003-12-19 17:25:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Well +2 on 50 reviews, same difference.
Still, congratulations.
Submitted by Deisangua (user info) at 2003-12-19 17:25:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Biff. And I hate chilidogs. And this has 50 straight +2's.
Congratulations.
Submitted by Acarnis (user info) at 2003-12-19 17:17:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
What a great job.
Submitted by Phinch (user info) at 2003-12-19 17:16:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
what the hell is a chilidog pizza?
Submitted by Faceless (user info) at 2003-12-19 17:06:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
You. Rock.
-Faceless like you
Submitted by NotApologizing (user info) at 2003-12-19 16:59:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Mac-
Oh, definitely with a dog.
Chili on a bun, strangely enough, is a nickname of my ex-girlfriend. Seriously, she had the most foul smelling ladyjizz that I've ever come across. After breaking up, she was known first as stinkyjizz, then later as chilidog because of her thick, oderiferous chili jizz.
But you definitely need a dog in there.
Submitted by Mac (user info) at 2003-12-19 16:55:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
NotApologizing,
But is a chilidog a hot dog with chili or just chili on a bun (no hot dog)? That's the importnant question.
Submitted by reallybored (user info) at 2003-12-19 16:54:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
In college the big thing was to go down to Toms (its one of those brightly lit stores in gas stations) and get chili cheese dawgs.
After smoking a blunt or seven, those things tasted fan-fucking-tastic.
Submitted by NotApologizing (user info) at 2003-12-19 16:51:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
mac-
chillidogs just don't make me want to argue. They are too yummy!
What i don't like, is hot dog slices on chilidog pizza. It's just not right.
Submitted by NotApologizing (user info) at 2003-12-19 16:50:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I believe that children are our future,
Teach them well and LET them lead the way,
Show them all the beauty they posses insiiiiiide.
I have my own signature move when it comes to table tennis. It's called the scissors kick forehand. Basically, I jump up and quickly put one leg foreward and one leg backward to the left and right, while keeping my torso turned straight towards the table. As the ball arrives, I strike it quickly with the paddle. The kick does nothing except throw off my opponent. I used the move in high-school tennis, and I kicked to hard with the forward leg. This caused me to fall flat on my back with nothing to break my fall. Because of that, I weigh over 350lbs now.
Submitted by Mac (user info) at 2003-12-19 16:47:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Nothin' on the chilidogs, huh?
No respect I tell ya. No respect.
Submitted by oddbob (user info) at 2003-12-19 16:27:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
About 96% of four year olds deserve something like that most of the time. So +1 for the shot and +1 for the brazen lying.
Submitted by Mac (user info) at 2003-12-19 16:17:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Ok. I'll do it. But this is going to require a topic that will create more heat than any of the most heated topics in Uber history. I was saving this, but just for you I'll leash this hit creating beast right here, right now.
Chilidogs. Are they-
A hot dog with chili or chili on a bun?
Now fight it out you jackals.
Submitted by reallybored (user info) at 2003-12-19 16:11:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Sorry, I don't think I can get you your 7 thousand...I've failed you.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
There is do, and there is do not. There is no try. - Yoda
You either walk on one side of the street or you walk on the other. If you walk in the middle you get SQUISH, just like grape. - Mr. Miage
Submitted by Mac (user info) at 2003-12-19 16:08:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
7 0r 8 thousand more? Damn. I thought I could buy you some heat with the whole Biff thing, but it seems we're the only two people in the world who care. Sorry, I don't think I can get you your 7 thousand...I've failed you.
Submitted by hcp28 (user info) at 2003-12-19 16:06:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
that story rocked my cock off... and I mean it too it literally came off.
Submitted by reallybored (user info) at 2003-12-19 15:49:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
That's only because there's a rumor that we're discussing the greatness that is Biff Tannen on this post.
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If you want to see Biff in all his glory you need to go to Unversial Studios and go on the back to the future ride. Biff is pretty badass in that.
I think i have i need like 7 or 8 thousand more hits before i get it.
Submitted by Mac (user info) at 2003-12-19 15:47:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
(This is Number 1 on the best ever list...pretty sweet.)
Seriously, congrats. This was a great post. How many more hits until you get on the most viewed authors?
Submitted by Mac (user info) at 2003-12-19 15:46:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"My question is could the Laruso take the chick from the next karate kid?"
No. Hillary Swank would bite his head off with her snaggle tooth.
"(This is Number 1 on the best ever list...pretty sweet.)"
That's only because there's a rumor that we're discussing the greatness that is Biff Tannen on this post.
Submitted by reallybored (user info) at 2003-12-19 15:41:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
(This is Number 1 on the best ever list...pretty sweet.)
Submitted by reallybored (user info) at 2003-12-19 15:39:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Johnny beating Biff? That's about as funny as a screen door on a battleship. Now make like a tree and get outta here.
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That was great.
My question is could the Laruso take the chick from the next karate kid?
Submitted by Mac (user info) at 2003-12-19 15:31:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
reallybored,
Mike Barnes was the kid that was trained by Terry Silver. He had the Quick Silver art of defense, based on the leg sweep. True that he could have put up a fight with Biff, what with the Quick Silver and all, but Johnny? Come on. Johnny had nothing. Nothing! Biff would smack his ass around like John Kreese did in Karate Kid 2. "Mercy is for the weak!"
William_Q_Percy,
Johnny beating Biff? That's about as funny as a screen door on a battleship. Now make like a tree and get outta here.
Submitted by reallybored (user info) at 2003-12-19 15:09:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I think the guy from the third(?) karate kid would kill them both. He was Mike Stone or something like that. He was badass.
Submitted by William_Q_Percy (user info) at 2003-12-19 14:54:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Hello McFly! The Kid would wax the floor with Biff.
Submitted by Mac (user info) at 2003-12-19 13:55:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
crane kick...
Hey who do think would win in a fight- Johnny from Karate Kid or Biff Tannen from Back to the future? Biff was pretty bad ass.
Submitted by Herpes (user info) at 2003-12-19 13:52:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
There was no spoon... it was your crane kick...
BWAH HAH HAH HAH
Submitted by reallybored (user info) at 2003-12-19 13:18:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Manfre - Actually we had to go and get a different roll. The roll we were using was all torn up and i hid it behind a plastic barrier so the mom wouldnt see it.
Loki - Cmon Ref! What are you blind! Thats a re-do atleast.
Submitted by Manfre (user info) at 2003-12-19 13:15:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Brawny is one of those not-so-lethal killers.
Ive heard of people having a brawny paper towel roll lodged in their chest.
Did you use the paper towels to grab the tooth up?
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2003-12-19 13:12:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
In this case, I would say that the kids have to be considered part of the playing field like a ref so no interference - you lose.
Submitted by Mac (user info) at 2003-12-19 13:01:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Great post. Is the Brawny guy smoking a cigarette?
Submitted by reallybored (user info) at 2003-12-19 12:58:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Normally Omo and I were pretty good at not hitting the kids. Omo kinda did a shuffle step and i lead the throw alittle. It would have been prefect if not for that kid.
Stupid fucking kid.
Submitted by FATMANTPK (user info) at 2003-12-19 12:55:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
That should teach him to get in the way.
Submitted by WeAre138 (user info) at 2003-12-19 12:54:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Hurting a child and then lying to the parent about it is always funny.
Submitted by mox9 (user info) at 2003-12-19 12:41:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
haha. Throwing stuff at kids are funny.
I used to love laser tag...I probably still do, but I've graduated to paintballing. Its more satisfying when you can inflict actual pain and get some in return.
Submitted by Perplexd (user info) at 2003-12-19 12:38:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
sweet
Submitted by distressedjester (user info) at 2003-12-19 12:26:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
oh good lord
awesome.
Submitted by jwlmar10 (user info) at 2003-12-19 11:55:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Sweet.
Submitted by sublime (user info) at 2003-12-19 11:50:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
awesome
Submitted by Natophelia (user info) at 2003-12-19 11:48:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Falconer (user info) at 2003-12-19 11:20:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Cool.
Submitted by audjgirl (user info) at 2003-12-19 11:19:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
**I was in the zone. There was no spoon.**
hehe awesome.
Submitted by Muiro (user info) at 2003-12-19 11:15:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
That was so funny I don't think it would be fair of me to follow it up with a comment of my own.
Submitted by reallybored (user info) at 2003-12-19 11:15:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
so you grew an ass in college?
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I think i had in it my earlier years, but i didnt really blossom until college.
In the words of Randy the Helpful Pineapple, "Thats the gist!"
Submitted by Lord_Of_The_Strings (user info) at 2003-12-19 11:15:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Diamond
Submitted by Phinch (user info) at 2003-12-19 11:13:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
so you grew an ass in college?
Submitted by reallybored (user info) at 2003-12-19 11:09:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Did you stick your bare ass in the mom's face afterward?
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That was pre-ass days. I think i got the ass thing in college.
Submitted by Milkman (user info) at 2003-12-19 11:08:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I hate 4 year-olds.
Submitted by antluvdog (user info) at 2003-12-19 11:07:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Did you stick your bare ass in the mom's face afterward?
Submitted by smokymtcsw (user info) at 2003-12-19 11:07:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Wow...the tooth fairy is coming tonight!
Submitted by GodChicken (user info) at 2003-12-19 11:04:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Deisangua (user info) at 2003-12-19 11:00:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Lazer tag kicks ass.