College Story (838 hits)
Category: HumorRating: 2 on 9 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by <chateaudisaster.at.aol.com> (View user info) at 2003-12-22 12:02:39 EST
I don't know why I thought of this recently, but here's an amusing story from my Freshman year in college (15 years ago):
We had an interesting mix on our hall freshman year: we had jocks, nerds, druggies, tough guys - you name it. For the most part we got along fairly well - people learned to stay out of the way of people who didn't like them and we were mature enough - most of the time - not to pick on people too much. Notice I said "most of the time"...
My roommate and I were...well, I wouldn't say we were real trouble-makers, but we sometimes had fun at the expense of others. Mostly harmless fun, mind you - we never tried to physically hurt people or anything like that. There were a couple of nerds on the hall - as luck would have it, they roomed together! How nerdy were they? Well, our first night at school, we had a "hall meeting" and everyone introduced themself and told a little bit about who they were. One of these nerds said his favorite activity was "playing chess." Now, I like a good game of chess every now and then (although I suck at it), but I would *NEVER* tell anyone - especially people I'm just meeting in college - that chess was my "favorite activity." Unless I was a World Chess Grandmaster...and even then, I still might not. The other roommate was just a loser. He came from this very posh town on Long Island (NY), but couldn't buy a personality.
For the most part, we would occassionally bust on these guys a bit, a little harmless teasing here and there, but again, nothing major. For the sake of this story, we'll call the chess nerd "Nerd" (original, huh?) and the other kid "Loser."
One day, Loser was walking down the hall to the shower. It was always the same with him: towel losely wrapped around his waist, his flabby hairy chest dropping little pubes all over, flip-flops on his feet, and carrying his little basket of toiletries. (Now you know why I'm refering to him as "Loser.") My room is directly across the hall from the bathroom, so we see him go in and the plan hatches quickly...
We run down to his room and knock on the door. At "come in" we enter. Nerd is sitting on the floor playing a video game. He looks at us. It's like a deer looking in the headlights. But he's brave and asks, "What's up?" My roommate says, "We have a plan and we need your help. We want to play a practical joke on Loser."
Well, little did we know, but apparently Nerd hated Loser. I mean, HATED him with a passion. He quickly - and eagerly - agreed to our plan. We laughed the whole way back to our room...and wondered if maybe we had been too harsh on Nerd.
Finally - after a 30 minute shower - Loser walks back out of the bathroom, towel wrapped around his waist, flip-flops clopping down the hall, water dripping everywhere. He goes to his door. Turns the knob...or, at least, tries to turn the knob. It's locked. He tries again, as if it's going to suddenly be unlocked. Then he knocks. And knocks again. He shouts, "Hey, Nerd, open the door." Nothing. Louder now. "Nerd! Open the door! It's me, Loser!"
At this point, we come out of our room and look down the hall. My roommate shouts, "Hey! What's your fucking problem? Stop yelling!" Loser glares at him. "Nerd won't open the door." My turn. "That's probaby because he's not in the room." Loser's glare turns to shock.
"What?" he asks, as his towel starts to droop.
"He left a little ago," I answer. "Went out with some of his loser friends."
"But...but..." stammers Loser. "But I don't have a key."
"Looks like you're fucked then," says my roommate. "And pull up your fucking towel, we don't need to see your nasty ass." And with that, we walk back into our room.
Well, now Loser is mad...and wet and a bit scared. He walks down to the RA's (Resident Advisor) room and knocks. No answer there, either. He's at class! Perfect! Well, now Loser doesn't know what to do. So, he sits down outside his room - in his wet, droopy towel barely covering his ass -
and waits. And waits. After about 20-30 minutes, we go back out.
"What the fuck are you doing?" my roommmate asks. "Get dressed. You're making me sick looking at you."
"I can't get in my room," Loser responds. "What do you want me to do?"
My roommate - a wrestler who could fake a NASTY temper on a moments notice - flies into a rage. "I don't care what the fuck you do just GET OUT OF THE FUCKING HALL YOU FUCKING LOSER AND PUT SOME CLOTHES ON!!!" At this, we both stalk back to our rooms, giggles surpressed. So Loser finally decides to do something. He goes into someone else's room and calls campus security and explains the situation. About 10 minutes later, campus security (two of them) comes and he once again explains things. At this point, as luck would have it, the RA comes back from class and asks what's going on. Loser explains.
Finally, one of the security guys opens the door.
And there is Nerd, sitting on the floor, playing his video game.
Well...the campus security guys and the RA start yelling at Loser. "What the hell is your problem? Didn't you knock? Your roommate was in the room this whole time? You made us come all the way down here for NOTHING?!" Loser could only stammer and blubber. He had no defense. Nerd even said, "I was here the whole time. I never heard you knock."
A short time later, Nerd really did leave with some of his friends. We stopped him, thanked him, told him he was cool with us forever and that he never had to worry about us busting on him again. He just smiled and said, "No problem - glad to help."
I'll always remember that "chess nerd." He's probably working for some Fortune 500 company now, worth $10 million, and has a trophy wife.
User Reviews
Submitted by Sambuca310 (user info) at 2004-08-07 21:59:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
excellent
Submitted by Slopster53 (user info) at 2003-12-22 16:28:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
That nerd was Bill Gates.
Submitted by Bryan (user info) at 2003-12-22 15:36:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Nice.
Submitted by Sunny (user info) at 2003-12-22 14:28:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
brilliant.
Submitted by j0andre1 (user info) at 2003-12-22 14:19:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"Open the door, it's me, Loser!"
Submitted by Luther (user info) at 2003-12-22 12:56:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
priceless!
Submitted by settle (user info) at 2003-12-22 12:43:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I feel bad for loser too.
Submitted by antluvdog (user info) at 2003-12-22 12:27:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Awesome story, great ending.
Submitted by KoolMang (user info) at 2003-12-22 12:08:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Brilliant! But...I feel bad for Loser.
"Intergalactic Superstatic."