Who are you? I'm.....................Santa Claus! (1307 hits)
Category: Quotes & StoriesRating: 1.79 on 32 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by El Fucking Guapo (View user info) at 2003-12-22 15:54:11 EST
At work, I wear many hats. Enought to require at least a couple hatracks if they were literal and not figurative. Internal/External network support, Internal/External PC/OS/Software support. Departmental liason. Mentor, technical know-it-all, boss, you name it.
And now I'm...........................
SANTA CLAUS!
Seriously. The marketing geniuses on the other side of the office decided it would be real neato to have someone reply to all the emails sent to santa.at.yeahrightlikeimgonnatellyouthedomain.com. any permutation of santa claus possible. And they picked ME to answer them.
at first i was a bit apprehensive about it, seeing as how i:
1. lack imagination
2.don't really like kids that much
3. don't get all that into the Christmas cheer thing
but the weird thing is that it's fun! i never really thought it would be, but i started to see the innocence of little children. the emails are so freaking cute it's funny. after a trial run i've been given carte-blanche to respond to them as i see fit. this is so much fun, aside from the fact that this is concurrent with all the other crap i'm supposed to do every day. i guess this is kind of a Grinch type story since my first reaction i had was "How gay!". But since it's christmas season i figured I'd share the cuteness with all at uber, full names ommitted of course. i'm totally gonna get flamed for this.
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Dear Santa,
Did you really call Jordan Maynard? I know the names of your riendeer,
Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, Vixen, Comet, Cupid, Donner, Blitzen, Rudolph!
Merry Christmas!
Love Carson
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i love that one, the kid didn't even ask for anything!
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Dear Santa,
Can you please not give my brother Eddie Michael the 2 Fast 2 Furious DVD because I already bought it for him. This year I would like a Chia Pet, a little teddy bear, a nutcracker, & a big Strawberry Shortcake doll. This year I have been good. Please help God look after people in need. Thank you.
Love,
Kaitlin
in North Richland Hills, TX
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Dear Santa,
I love you very much and I hope you are feeling good with rudolph and I hope your wife is doing ok and your reindeer is doing ok and you can bring presents to us at nighttime and you don't eat too much candy. Rudolph is my favorite reindeer. And I hope your house is pretty with presents. I'm going to be dressed up pretty today. I want a Barbie tractor that can hold 10 people and I can drive it, and a little one that Ethan can fit in, and a big doll that's $4 and my own ticker-tocker cause I lost my ot her one (alarm clock) and my own barbie computer. I love you santa and santa loves me.
Kathryn
---------------------------
Merry Christmas! How are your elves? Have they been making toys? Did you know my baby brother is already 1 year old and my sister is 4? I am 6 1/2 this year. We have a twinkely snowman and a star on our house. Then we have a big tree with lots of ornaments and we can't hardly put any more on. We have a ton of presents under our tree that are for our grandmas and grandpas and people like that.
How are your reindeer?
Did you know that I want a big barbie doll that walks and talks and is as big as me and it's called babie swan lake? And I wnat a new flying kitty that's rainbow and a barbie jeep with hearts and a barbie on it. And some new PJs and I also want a Belle wig for my hair.
I love you Santa!
I love you elves and reindeer.
Goodbye,
Lauren
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those last two were from sisters.
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dear santa
How are you? I'm fine. I have been a pretty good boy this year. I would
like a scooter and a telescope
a new bike ( black ) a motorcycle, a remote control car.
thank you santa. love, Garrett
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and the creme-de-la-creme.......
Dear Santa Claus,
Jacey and Jorey wanted to write you an apology for not sitting on your lap at the mall. They were still a little afraid. They are now concerned that you will not know what to bring them for Christmas. So we have decided to write you an email. We hope this gets to you in time.
Jacey Gail would really like a Barbie, a Cinderella scooter and a Hello Kitty purse.
Jorey Rose would really like Hello Kitty stickers and crayons, a purse and a pink bike with a basket so that she can carry her Hello Kitty things with her.
Jorey Rose would also like to see if you would not mind parking your sleigh in our front yard instead of on the roof. She is a little concerned that your sleigh maybe to heavy for our roof.
We will be leaving you some of our favorite cookies and milk. We also will have snacks for the reindeer.
Thank you so much for your time. We promise we will see you next year at the mall.
Jacey and Jorey
Richmond, Texas
and the whole time i read these i'm thinking "Thank god these kids aren't posting on uber.....they'd get torched for the spelling and formatting!" hahaha.
ok, now i think i need to kick a pigeon or push a bum down to make up for all this silly cuteness.
User Reviews
Submitted by esso_merda (user info) at 2003-12-24 16:29:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"I don't want to sound like a queer or nothing..."
But that was cute. Liked it!
Submitted by El_Guapo (user info) at 2003-12-24 16:09:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
more more more!
Dear Santa,
Christmas is my favorite holiday because the birth of Jesus and because it is just a family tradition. I have been a very good girl and for Christmas I would like an American Girl Doll. I want Kaily because she is only out for one year. I hope that you give her to me.
Please be safe on your travels here.
Love,
Mary Helen
Submitted by El_Guapo (user info) at 2003-12-24 11:25:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
awwwwww, look at this one!
Dear Santa,
How are you? I'm fine! Thankyou very much for last years presents. I really like my Polly Pockets that you gave me. The thing that I want the most this year is for my Mom's neck to get better. Ever since the car accident this sumer my Mom's neck has really been hurting her. That is why I really want her to get better.
The other things that I want for Christmas are: The Girls of Many Lands: Isabel Doll & Book, Felicity's Spring Gown & Pinner Apron, Felicity's Traveling Gown, Coconut the American Girl Dog, Bowling Party Outfit, A Book of Html, Zoo Tycoon Marine Mania, and The Sims Unleashed.
I was wondering if you could give my sister, Sarah, the American Girl Doll Kailey's Dog, Sandy. I know that she really wants that for Christmas, too. And for a gift for Sarah and I to share: The Polly Pocket Designer Mall. Sarah and I have been really wanting that!
Love, Emily =)
P.s.We'll leave some cookies, milk, and carrots out for you and your reindeer!! =)
she wants an html book? haha!
Submitted by Natophelia (user info) at 2003-12-23 13:58:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Pencils over paper clips??? huh? heh..kids
Submitted by El_Guapo (user info) at 2003-12-23 13:44:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"Submitted by Kristen (user info) at 2003-12-23 13:32:02 (#)
Ranking: 2
OH MY GOD!!!
That Des kid is sooooo great. I love selfless kids.
...must.pinch.cheeks. ...."
actually, i know that kid's papa (actually he and his wife are her guardians), he works with me :)
she's such a sweet little girl, they fought pretty hard to get her out of foster homes to take care of her.
here's another good one :)
Dear Santa,
I have been very good this year. There are a few things I want for Christmas. Most of all, I want a pet. If you can bring one down from the North Pole, I would like that a lot. I also want books and crafts. You can never go wrong on those. I would like a unicorn, preferably an Animal Alley one. Also, I really want is an under-the-sea hideaway or the Let's Play School set. I prefer pencils over paper clips. Merry Christmas!
Sincerely,
Sarah
Submitted by Kristen (user info) at 2003-12-23 13:32:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
OH MY GOD!!!
That Des kid is sooooo great. I love selfless kids.
...must.pinch.cheeks. ....
Submitted by El_Guapo (user info) at 2003-12-23 13:12:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
and here's another good one:
Dear Santa,
Mine name is Des, I am 6 years old. I have been a good kid all year long, you can ask my Mama and Papa and even my Daddy. They Tell me I Rock!!
Santa, My Mama and I are baking cookies especially for you, what kind of cookies do you like the best?
We are going to the store for drinks, what is your favorite drink? Regular or chocolate milk or do you like hot coco best? Please let us know before Christmas so we can the right stuff.
Santa is it ok to leave carrots for the reindeer?
Dear Santa I have been really good, I would like some rollerskates but if a poor kid needs them instead I can wait til next year. I would also like some leappad books to help me learn more.
I love you Santa and hope you have a safe nite. (ps my papa help me write
this)
Love
Des
Submitted by Lord_Of_The_Strings (user info) at 2003-12-23 10:10:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Please give us the domain, it would be really funny if we sent you emails
Dear Santa,
I hope you choke on a turd and die, no, make that a hairy turd. Santa you suck Rudolph's cock.
Rgds
Billy the dickhead.
Submitted by Deisangua (user info) at 2003-12-23 09:56:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
If reindeers posted on Ubersite:
Why does everyone think Rudolph is that great? Everyone acts like he's this popular reindeer when he's really just a punk! But it's like anything he posts is fucking gold. For what? Hey Rudolph, no one cares about your goddamn nose! Go put yourself through a meat grinder!!
Prancer (ATTN GHEY BUCKZ)
Submitted by Loren1 (user info) at 2003-12-23 09:49:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Oh boy, you're in trouble now. You are going to be bombarded with "please write back Santa" emails for the rest of your natural life...
Submitted by Natophelia (user info) at 2003-12-23 09:49:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"how old are you? How long is your beard?"
hahahaa That's cute. And I don't even like kids.
Submitted by El_Guapo (user info) at 2003-12-23 09:37:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
man, this is just too freaking cute. some of the kids replied!
Hi Santa!
Its Marissa and Erika again!! we just now received your email. we were very glad to receive the letter because it proved to us that you are the real Santa. We had been talking to a fake Santa on aol. He did not know how to speak Spanish at all!! Santa, habla espanol? my mom said that she was being good. so was my dad but he got deployed to Spain and will not be able to spend Christmas with us this year. So please leave him a nice gift while he is there. Our brothers have been kinda good also. Don't forget to bring our dogs something for Christmas too!!! They believe in you too!!! And we will definitely leave carrots and celery for your reindeer!! We will try our best to get you peanut butter cookies, if not we will make them for you! Just wondering, how old are you? How long is your beard? Thank you!! Please write us back!
Merry Christmas!
Erika and Marissa
P.S. Tell Mrs. Claus Merry Christmas too!
Submitted by iddqd (user info) at 2003-12-23 00:18:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
i apologise profusely el_guapo. the negative two waas to reinforce the anti-christmas sentiment of my reply - would you see ebineezer scrooge handing out +2s?
i think not.
besides - the sanctity of the perfect 2 post has long since been sullied. until very recently there was i think one (1) post that had an overall rating of 2. now there is about a page and a half of them...
Submitted by cellar_door (user info) at 2003-12-22 20:02:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Ahhhh..innocence.
Submitted by beer-turtle (user info) at 2003-12-22 19:59:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by potatomanjack (user info) at 2003-12-22 16:50:53 (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm not a big fan of the whole cuteness and innocent kid thing, but some of that is pure gold.
I wnat barbie swan lake too.
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Because it walks and talks and is the same size as an 8 year-old....
sick man...sick... love dolls are from Bad Santa, pedophilic loves dolls are from evil santa.
-Turtle
Submitted by mox9 (user info) at 2003-12-22 18:42:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Kids are funny cute. Reminds me of a saying my daughter told me...she said "I can touch my own eye." Well what father wouldn't be proud about that one. Anyways, +2 for the innocence. We don't get that much here on Uber.
Submitted by El_Guapo (user info) at 2003-12-22 17:31:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"Submitted by iddqd (user info) at 2003-12-22 16:48:07 (#)
Ranking: -2
bah fucking humbug"
thanks. and people wonder why every other week we have some dipshit like -2man show up........
does this have anything to do with your writers block dude?
Submitted by whataefag (user info) at 2003-12-22 17:01:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
That's awesome!
Dear Santa: Please don't let me get fired this year or bitched out by my boss too much. I'd really appreciate it if my retirement fund appreciated and if I my bills + rent didn't total more than I make annually.
Submitted by potatomanjack (user info) at 2003-12-22 16:50:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm not a big fan of the whole cuteness and innocent kid thing, but some of that is pure gold.
I wnat barbie swan lake too.
Submitted by iddqd (user info) at 2003-12-22 16:48:07 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
bah fucking humbug
Submitted by DrunkMonk (user info) at 2003-12-22 16:30:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I got to play Phone Santa for some friends' 4 year old a few weeks ago. It was, dare I say it, real cute. He was so excited that Santa called him.
Good post.
Submitted by Natophelia (user info) at 2003-12-22 16:29:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
That did it! I'm starting to feel Christmassy!
Submitted by Luther (user info) at 2003-12-22 16:18:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
this really put me in the christmas spirit. Remarkable considering my day today (see lacyface's post about chemo in which I act like a sphincter). Thanks!
Submitted by El_Guapo (user info) at 2003-12-22 16:17:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"Submitted by MickGinny (user info) at 2003-12-22 16:05:16 (#)
Ranking: 2
when you write back to them do you sign it Santa or el fucking guapo, Santas helper"
El Fucking Santo?
Submitted by PeopleAreStrange (user info) at 2003-12-22 16:08:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
That's so sweet.
Submitted by GodChicken (user info) at 2003-12-22 16:08:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 because its something nice for the kids.. even when you don't give a shit, everyone still gives a shit about the kids.
I recently played Santa on the phone for a family out in Georgia.
A longtime friend of mine from IRC asked me a couple years ago to do it for her kids, and she is now living with a soon-to-be husband.
They have 5 kids between the two of them. Two of them have never gotten to a shopping center or anything where they could see and talk to Santa.
They didn't believe the other 3 when they said Mom knew Santa, and that he was going to call and talk to all of them. She called me later to thank me, and told me how the kids were just bouncing around after talking to me. She also demanded to know why I'd told them Mom was naughty, and not to give her any cookies... my personal bonus for playing Santa, I get to torment her.
I myself am pretty well alone for the holidays, and I do remember how nice it was to watch my stepson tear open his presents. I may not celebrate it anymore, but I'll always do something good for the children.
Submitted by Kristen (user info) at 2003-12-22 16:07:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Ok, the cutest thing ever in the world?
El_Guapo.
A close second?
This post!
Submitted by MickGinny (user info) at 2003-12-22 16:05:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
when you write back to them do you sign it Santa or el fucking guapo, Santas helper
Submitted by MickGinny (user info) at 2003-12-22 16:03:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
those letters are so cool!
Submitted by El_Guapo (user info) at 2003-12-22 16:01:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"Submitted by reallybored (user info) at 2003-12-22 15:57:33 (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 for the picture alone.
Id like to see what you wrote back to them...."
ohhhhh no buddy, no way. the replies are gay, gay gay!
actually it's a lot of fun :), i chose not to because it would take up too much space
Submitted by Fabish (user info) at 2003-12-22 16:01:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
A 6 1/2 year old knows how to work the internet?
Either way, nice post.
Submitted by reallybored (user info) at 2003-12-22 15:57:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 for the picture alone.
Id like to see what you wrote back to them....