Waffle House Meltdown (627 hits)
Category: HumorRating: 1.86 on 20 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by misterskimpy.at.excite.com (View user info) at 2003-12-23 09:06:57 EST
It was my second year of college and I was up late with a friend of mine slaving on a very useless and inane project for a GenEd class. Once our frustration reached a breaking point we decided to call it a night by treating ourselves to Waffle House (for those of you Northern/foreign types Waffle House is this all night greasy-spoon breakfast joint, think a fast food version of IHOP). No better way to deal with your collegiate woes than by drowning them in a plate of greasy hash browns.
So we get there, grab a booth, and order our food. Since I went to school in a pretty small town in Virginia the Waffle House is one of the only food places open all night. And since it was near the interstate, that makes for a pretty busy place to get a bite to eat. Maybe it was because they were understaffed, or maybe it was just a bad night, but the cook there was obviously in a pissed off mood (another side note for you Northerners and people from other countries: Waffle Houses are small buildings where the cooks are essentially right in front of the seats and booths where you eat: basically it looks like a bar with a big ass stove where the taps would be). He's got an irritated scowl on his face and he's snapping at the servers, but considering the fact it was past midnight on a Tuesday and this dude was stuck cooking breakfast food I couldn't really hold it past him.
So I'm sitting at the booth with my friends, smoking and eating our food. They have their backs to the cook, so they miss out on this very entertaining spectacle that unfolds in front of me. The cook is getting continually more frustrated as time goes on, but does his best to keep it together since he's at work. But the orders keep coming in, things get more hectic, and his ability to control his anger gets clearly more difficult. At one point he reaches for this stainless steal container of waffle batter, and accidentally knocks it off the counter, spilling its contents all over the floor. At the same time a bit of grease splatters off of the stove and into his eye.
Thats when the transformation began.
I think I was the only person in the place to notice, maybe because I had already picked up on his bad mood. But as I sat there I watched his last shred of control finally melt away as his temper got the best of him. His eyes start to twitch and his teeth clench. He finally spins around and screams:
"MOTHERFUCKING SON OF A BITCH!!!!!!!!!!!!"
It had happened.
The cook had lost his shit.
The Waffle House grew totally silent. It was like those scenes in a movie where someone says something embarassing and you hear a record scratch as the music cuts out and everyone stares at the person. After simply screaming this string of obscenities the cook kicked the batter container, sending it flying down the cooking area and splattering batter all over the place. He then stormed down the runway shaped cooking area, with servers frantically ducking out of his way (hilarious considering how narrow this area is). When he got to the door he kicked it open, walked out, and slammed the door.
Now Waffle Houses aren't good places for awkward silences, but an impressively heavy one had just descended on this one. Everyone just stared at each other in disbelief, with the jukebox and the sizzling bacon the only sounds in the room. That was about the time we started cracking up. Once the cook's fit had ended and nobody had been harmed (save his grease filled eye) we decided it was pretty fucking hilarious. Our waitress, all sorts of embarassed, apologized to us and promised to give us a huge discount. So my subtlely gracious friend orders another meal, which of course the Waffle House Hulk was going to have to cook. By this time he had composed himself and was helping clean up the mess he left in his enraged wake.
We paid our bill (after waiting for my dick friend to finish greasy midnight breakfast #2) and were on our way out the door when one of the servers accidentally dropped a pile of plates on the floor. We didn't think twice, we just hauled ass out the door and to our car. One breakfast-induced tantrum is enough for a Tuesday night.
User Reviews
Submitted by dacygrl <dacygrl.at.hotmail.com> at 2003-12-23 15:29:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Furious,
You crack me up, Waffle House is definitely an experience.
Hey LaNa,
We have WH here in Ohio, the plague is spreading, it won't be long till they are all over MI.
Submitted by FuriousGeorge (user info) at 2003-12-23 13:36:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I'm, I'm sorry rickscales.
It's.....well, its my first time. I'm kind of embarassed to admit it, but it is. And I guess I got too excited and couldn't control myself. I didn't mean to climax that soon, but I couldn't help it.
We can try again later.
Submitted by rickscales (user info) at 2003-12-23 13:30:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Why does the climax occur halfway through the story?
Submitted by FuriousGeorge (user info) at 2003-12-23 13:19:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
reallybored, I think your choice of words is more grammatically correct.
"Hold it past" I think is better used to say you'd expect something. For instance, "I wouldn't hold it past an angry cook to throw a shit fit". "Hold it against" is better used to denote blame. In hindsight I should have used that. But alas.
Kristen, my take on it is that Virginia is geographically Southern, but not culturally (at least not enough). There are definetly some spots that are pretty Southern, but for me it doesn't give off that vibe that makes it feel so.....well, so fucking Southern.
Then again this might just be because I come from a part of VA that's pretty damn liberal for the area, so I've never felt the urge to drink mint julips and "rise again"
Submitted by the_holloway (user info) at 2003-12-23 12:49:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
worthy of the first +2 ive ever gave out. impressive.
Submitted by White_Vampire (user info) at 2003-12-23 12:30:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Oh yeah, Waffle House stories.
Submitted by Kristen (user info) at 2003-12-23 12:22:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm in Louisiana and I consider Virginia to be part of the south! My granny lives there and has the sweetest southern accent you ever heard. I think, like it was said earlier, if you live toward D.C., then you're a Yankee.
Submitted by Sunny (user info) at 2003-12-23 12:09:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
As my dear friend from South Carolina reminds me on a regular basis, "My deah, Virginia is NAHT the South". Northern Virginia should form its own state, as we are so completely different from the rest of Virginia in accent, temperament, and political leanings.
Of course, we aren't Northern either, being below the Mason-Dixon line. We need a new term. "Midlantic" would suffice, I think.
+2 for Waffle House.
Submitted by reallybored (user info) at 2003-12-23 11:58:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I couldnt hold IT against him.
I need a vacation.
Submitted by reallybored (user info) at 2003-12-23 11:57:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
George - The problem is thats not the way the saying is said in the North.
Its said, "I couldnt hold him against him."
Submitted by jinx (user info) at 2003-12-23 11:50:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
good showing
Submitted by FuriousGeorge (user info) at 2003-12-23 11:02:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Thank ya thank ya, you're making this first time poster blush.
That incident in the Waffle House was probably the only time grease splattering ended up funny.
Fucking grease takes all the fun out of cooking naked.
Submitted by antluvdog (user info) at 2003-12-23 11:00:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Nice first post.
I ate at Waffle House once. On this particular day there was no running water in the establishment. I never ate there again.
Submitted by Kristen (user info) at 2003-12-23 10:38:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
You, sir, are off to a great start.
I made an omelete this morning and got popped in chest with hot grease when I was frying bacon to go alongside my breakfast. I can't even imagine getting it in the eye. Little bastard grease spatter. If it had an ass, I woulda kicked it.
Submitted by LaNa (user info) at 2003-12-23 10:26:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Two-hundred-thirty-nine pounds?! I'm a blimp! Why are all the good
things so tasty?
-- Homer Simpson
Brush With Greatness
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That basically sums up Waffle House hashbrowns... the BEST hashbrowns in the country. It makes me sad to live in Michigan and not have access to a Waffle House.
*sniffle*
~LaNa :)
Submitted by FuriousGeorge (user info) at 2003-12-23 10:05:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
"I couldn't hold it past him" bascially means "I couldn't blame him for it". More or less a statement of empathy.
I had no idea that that saying was specific to the South, I thought everyone used that expression. Even though I'm from Virginia I consider myself a pretty non-Southern Southerner. In fact, a lot of Virginians don't have the Southern culture going on, especially closer to DC. And as anyone who has been to Alabamba or Mississippi can tell you, VA isn't all that Southern.
But I'll have to keep that in mind on my next post.
Submitted by reallybored (user info) at 2003-12-23 09:59:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
But what exactly does:
"I couldn't really hold it past him"
mean?
It must be a southern thing...
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Since i understood it, does that make me a southerner? Say it aint so, say it aint so!
Submitted by Loren1 (user info) at 2003-12-23 09:43:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Good post.
But what exactly does:
"I couldn't really hold it past him"
mean?
It must be a southern thing...
Submitted by Natophelia (user info) at 2003-12-23 09:36:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Not bad, there, first timer! Those trashy little breakfast places are awsome!
Submitted by jordanna (user info) at 2003-12-23 09:31:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Ahahahahhahahahahaahahahahaha and so on and so forth.
j