I think I just shat myself... (1692 hits)
Category: HumorRating: 1.17 on 18 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Mr. Boo (View user info) at 2003-12-23 10:46:48 EST
I'm at the mall last week to do my banking and grab some lunch. The usual for a payday, go to bank #1 to remove money, go to bank #2 to deposit money, go to bank #3 to pay my VISA, and stop in the food court for some greasy pizza. After all my running around, I begin to head back to work, when "IT" happens. I don't recall this ever happening to me before, although I'm quite sure that I would have remembered if "IT" happened to me before. Why would I remember? Because it's scary, very very scary.
Sure, some may say that they've done many times before. Some may say they do it for fun. But when it happens and you aren't aware of the gas prior to it happening, it well....scares the shit out you. That's right, you're minding your own business, walking along when *COUGH, PPPHHHHT*. You stop dead. Why? Because when you fart and cough at the same time, it's like turbo boost for your ass. And when you aren't expecting it, you aren't entirely sure whether you've just passed gas or left a deposit in your shorts.
So there I am, in the middle of the mall surrounded by unsuspecting Christmas shoppers, unsure whether or not I've got "excess baggage". My mind begins to race...what do I do, where do I go? I can't reach around in the middle of the mall to grab my ass to check if it's squishy. The washroom is on the other side of the mall, it would take too long and if there was something there, the sediment may begin to seep threw. The escalators...yes, I'll use them to hide my ass grabbing. I walk about fifteen feet to the escalators and turn my back to side of the escalators and reach around, ever so stealthily. My hand feels my ass...hmmm, a little warm...but...YES, no poopies.
When I returned to work, I went into the washroom and pulled my pants down for a more thorough inspection. I'll tell you, I was very careful coughing for the rest of the day.
User Reviews
Submitted by seanfogy (user info) at 2003-12-23 14:55:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
When I was 3 or 4 I shat my pants in a Builders Square. It wasnt a shit where you thought it might be a fart, but a genuine shit and I knew it. I was wearing shorts and my little friend landed on the floor. Of course I just left it there in the middle of the aisle. I sometimes wonder what the guy who had to pick up a butt nugget off of the floor was thinking.
haha, just kidding. that happened last week.
Submitted by the_holloway (user info) at 2003-12-23 12:32:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
that was http://www.ubersite.com/m/21201 for you lazy bastards (sorry)
Submitted by the_holloway (user info) at 2003-12-23 12:31:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
sucks doesnt it friend? read some of my similar tales
www.ubersite.com/m/21201
Submitted by Kracka (user info) at 2003-12-23 12:12:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
AAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!
Dooder.
Submitted by Kristen (user info) at 2003-12-23 11:24:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
SNART=a simultaneous sneeze/fart.
SHITCHOO!=a simultaneous sneeze/dooder.
Submitted by jordanna (user info) at 2003-12-23 11:20:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
What loren said.
Altho I am very proud of you for refusing to wipe your ass on your 50 t-shirt.
Who's my daaaaaaaaawg??
Submitted by Loren1 (user info) at 2003-12-23 11:13:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Apollo, that was gross.
Submitted by Random Joe at 2003-12-23 11:06:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
'Loren isn't that spelt faeces? '
-either spelling is accepted. I looked something up!
Submitted by drky (user info) at 2003-12-23 11:03:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Loren isn't that spelt faeces?
Sorry couldn't resist...
Submitted by Cup_of_Joe (user info) at 2003-12-23 11:02:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Yes, this was isck but funny. Whateven more freaky is when you sneeze and fart. That's when the panic really happens.
Thank you and drive thru
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2003-12-23 11:02:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
http://www.ubersite.com/m/15064
I've been there man.
I sympathise.
Submitted by whataefag (user info) at 2003-12-23 11:00:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
That was funny. Once I was taking my grandmother out to lunch and had to stop by the grocery store before returning her to the (alzheimer's patient) nursing home. Sure enough, on aisle two things started to run, so she insisted that I find a bathroom and she left me by the hotdogs and salty meat section. I couldn't go in the ladies' room, being a guy and all, so I patiently waited outside until some teenage girl came out and leaned over to her mother, waving her hand in front of her face, "that was SO gross!" I knew it had to be my grandmother, so I grabbed a store manager, who was nice enough to go in and relay the exact situation to me. I then walked to Walmart (next door) and picked up some underwear and sweatpants so she could forget about the whole situation. It was a very impressionable circumstance for me. I was only 17 at the time. I felt really bad for her; she had just lost her husband, been diagnosed with alzheimers, and now this. The only solace I can claim is that maybe she doesn't remember the incident as vividly as I do. OK, now I want to cry.
Submitted by drky (user info) at 2003-12-23 10:59:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
When you cough and burp at the same time it feels like your throats imploding and your adams apple is about to get ejected through your mouth.
Submitted by Loren1 (user info) at 2003-12-23 10:58:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
There is way too much talk about feces on this site.
Submitted by antluvdog (user info) at 2003-12-23 10:58:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I actually shat myself once in the mall.
Submitted by Walrus_King (user info) at 2003-12-23 10:57:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Thanks for sharing
Submitted by Lord_Of_The_Strings (user info) at 2003-12-23 10:52:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
sick but honest
Submitted by hendrixjrr (user info) at 2003-12-23 10:50:05 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
This post gave me the runs.