Rizzo's Top Ten Fucked Up Christmas Holidays (1831 hits)
Category: Quotes & StoriesRating: 1.56 on 69 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Rizzo <rizzo.at.efmovie.com> (View user info) at 2003-12-23 11:56:47 EST
10. 1984 - Received a brand spanking new train set from Santa. Unwrapped it and immediately noticed the giant yellow tag on the box which read, "LIONEL KIDDIE CITY - SALE $17.98." This was followed up by my mom yelling at my dad, "Tony, why the hell did you have to go and get him another train set?" The charm of Santa had exploded in a fiery, destructive holocaust in a matter of minutes.
9. 1990 - Asked for a Game Boy and four games. Received one fucking game for my Nintendo Entertainment System. Beat it in four hours, then spent the rest of the Christmas holiday bored out of my skull. All my friends got Game Boys and a shitload of games. Everyone made fun of me. Then I got beat up by some bullies right before New Year's Eve. Went into school the next week all bloody and bruised and everyone made fun of me again.
8. 1997 - Didn't get a single present or acknowledgment that it was Christmas. Not a fucking thing. Not even a card. Played golf all by myself because it was 70 degrees that day, then drank myself into oblivion for the next fourteen days. Eventual nervous breakdown led to me missing a semester of college.
7. 2001 - Drank so much and spent so much money in the weeks leading into Xmas that I was forced into AA on Christmas Day. Spent the day still somewhat drunk talking to old-timer AA dudes in a smoke-filled freezing cold basement in a church. Would spend New Year's Eve in a smoke-filled shithole living room with total AA strangers in Wildwood, NJ. Would proceed to relapse eight days into the New Year. It would take me the entire year of 2002 to climb out of the debt mounted during that Christmas holiday season.
6. 1995 - Decided to drive to New York City for no apparent reason on Christmas Eve day. There was a party on Christmas Eve night. My parents couldn't find me, so they called the state police. Came home to police cruisers surrounding my house. I was interrogated on my trip to New York for three hours. We missed the party. Everyone noticed why we weren't there. Everyone eventually found out why. The neighbors were suspicious I was a coke runner for the next six months. I couldn't even hang out with my fucking friends for the first half of 1996.
5. 1979 - I was one. I don't remember a fucking thing about this Christmas. But I have pictures. And I look devastated in every one. So as far as I'm concerned this Christmas fucking SUCKED. Fuck you.
4. 1982 - Bitched and moaned for days because my dad hadn't set up the train set. Finally he did, but against his wishes because it wasn't grounded right or something. He just did it to shut me up. Five minutes into it running, the train set started an electrical fire in our house which ignited the fake Christmas tree. Fortunately the house was saved, but it smelled like burnt electricity for a month and we had to get new rugs. My mother blamed me for ruining Christmas every day that December. I wasn't allowed to plug in the train set ever again.
3. 2002 - I got one Christmas present - Eagles playoff tickets. Eagles win first playoff game against the Falcons, then blow the NFC Championship and a ticket to the Super Bowl in the biggest disappointment ever in Philly sports. I was so devastated from the loss I missed work the next day. I still get pissed off every time I think about that game.
2. 1999 - Broke up with my girlfriend 15 days before Christmas. Got my first phone bill at my new house the day before Christmas - $1,149.76, thanks to AT&T charging me 99 cents a minute for regional toll calls. Barely had enough money to pay rent. Didn't eat for four days so I could pay my bills off. Kept the heat off for a week to keep the gas bill down. Slept for days fully clothed and with a winter coat on. Ex girlfriend called every day to tell me how awesome her new boyfriend was. My New Year's Eve Millenium date snubbed me at the last minute to go out with another guy. That's how I'll remember my millenium celebration. Fuck the millenium, and fuck Christmas. Oh, yeah, ex-girlfriend calls six days into 2000 to tell me my unborn child had died because she was unaware of it and because she had snorted too much blow up her nose. Happy New Year!
1. 1993 - Celebrated Christmas in the midst of the worst bout of bipolar depression I have ever faced in my life. Spent Christmas Eve in semi-aware catatonia. I didn't speak a single word from December 22 to December 27. My parents wrote that off as teenage rebellion. Repeatedly asked my parents and my counselors for help in the weeks prior, only to have them all tell me there was no way I had a problem because my grades were still good. Would spend that entire holiday week paralyzed from the depression. Don't even remember what I got for Christmas. Nearly killed my mother with a butcher knife 53 days later in what was later ruled a bout of complete insanity and which would eventually lead me to being locked up in a mental instituion for three weeks.
Merry fucking Christmas.
*RZA*
User Reviews
Submitted by Velouria (user info) at 2004-01-08 16:52:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
One thing could be worse. You could be a Saints fan like myself, and freely admit it in public as I do. I haven't wore a bag over my head to a game in over 5 years.
Submitted by antluvdog (user info) at 2003-12-28 17:30:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Best Xmas ever. Yay!
Submitted by Raimee (user info) at 2003-12-28 16:56:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
We had a great christmas!
Now for a great New Years!
Submitted by Christ (user info) at 2003-12-28 13:55:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Aphrodite (user info) at 2003-12-27 15:12:32 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Whiner :P
As for 1993, I knew you by then and I don't remember it being like that... That was like 2 days before I was living right up the street from you.
Try spending your Christmas sitting in the ICU with your son, watching him stop breathing over and over again. Then the doctors come in and tell you he has brain atrophy, strokes, and subdural hemorrhaging, and will be dead in a matter of weeks.
Sorry for sounding bitchy-- sometimes it just seems to me like people don't realize how good they have it. I know at the time things seem bad, but damn-- I'd trade all of your "worst" Christmases for my one worst Christmas.
Submitted by hidden101 (user info) at 2003-12-27 04:21:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
ouch.
Submitted by antluvdog (user info) at 2003-12-26 16:07:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Merry Day After Xmas!
Submitted by Electro (user info) at 2003-12-26 01:54:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Rizzo, I feel sorry for your screwed up holidays man. Christmas and New Years should never have to be crappy.
To make it bettee for you, I give you +2. :)
Submitted by Freight_Train (user info) at 2003-12-26 01:47:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
i hate christmas
Submitted by Yogimus (user info) at 2003-12-26 01:33:34 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
Would you like a tissue for your issues?
Submitted by Luxe at 2003-12-26 01:29:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
That was the funniest sh*t I have read in months. I am sorry your life sucks.
Luxe @->--
Submitted by whataefag (user info) at 2003-12-24 12:00:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Happy Christmas! Time to pledge a new faith. Stay away from Las Vegas on New Year's.
Submitted by gbusman (user info) at 2003-12-24 03:09:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
If I were you, I'd go to bed on Dec 20th and not wake up til Jan 4th.
-Bus
Submitted by kgbpasha (user info) at 2003-12-24 02:23:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Avoid the vortex.
Submitted by Bellebrown (user info) at 2003-12-23 21:58:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Shadow_weaveR <none> at 2003-12-23 21:48:36 (#)
Ranking: 0
HAHAHA you stupid fuck, why dont you just kill yourself this christmas you stupid fuck!
****
right back at ya shadowweaver
Submitted by Shadow_weaveR <none> at 2003-12-23 21:48:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
HAHAHA you stupid fuck, why dont you just kill yourself this christmas you stupid fuck!
Submitted by Bellebrown (user info) at 2003-12-23 21:45:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by ruin (user info) at 2003-12-23 20:53:32 (#)
Ranking: 2
i love americans...
they remind me with stories like this that no matter how fucked up my own country (england) get's at least i don't live in america...
**********
What the fuck are you talking about - we're just as fucked up as they are!
Submitted by antluvdog (user info) at 2003-12-23 21:37:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by MickGinny (user info) at 2003-12-23 16:11:33 (#)
Ranking: 0
dude, were you going to the city to look for yogi?
===============================================
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Mick, you're starting to make me think I really AM Yogi's illegitimate son.
Submitted by reallybored (user info) at 2003-12-23 21:11:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I have a feeling this is going to be the best Xmas I've ever had.
This will also be the best Valentine's Day I've ever had. All because of you :)
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Oh god, i think im gonna be sick.
Love...bah humbug!
Submitted by Falconer (user info) at 2003-12-23 20:55:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Other people's misery entertains me. Continue.
Submitted by ruin (user info) at 2003-12-23 20:53:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
i love americans...
they remind me with stories like this that no matter how fucked up my own country (england) get's at least i don't live in america...
Submitted by Nicole3 (user info) at 2003-12-23 20:47:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Shit.
Submitted by cellar_door (user info) at 2003-12-23 19:34:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Clockwork (user info) at 2003-12-23 19:22:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
rock on
Submitted by LadyPlural (user info) at 2003-12-23 19:22:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
ive had occasions like #1 before... good times. ho[e your christmas this year is as good as the ones on this list were bad. or something. valentines day sucks. despair.com has some wonderful 'bittersweets' that say fun things like 'up yer dosage' 'it faded' and other fun stuff. in fact, http://www.despair.com/bittersweets.html
Submitted by Death_Metal_Dude (user info) at 2003-12-23 18:24:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Shit, and I thought that one Christmas where my dad lost his business, thereby severly restricting the household income, where I got a few crap ass science-y presents from some museum gift shop was a fucked-up holiday...
Submitted by Tom (user info) at 2003-12-23 18:07:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Rizzo, would you like to celebrate Christmas at my house this year? We're all a bunch of partiers, we are.
Submitted by antluvdog (user info) at 2003-12-23 16:51:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Raimee (user info) at 2003-12-23 15:52:32 (#)
Ranking: 2
People always think of the bad xmasses they have.
What about the fun ones?
Hopefully you will like Christmas this year. :):):):):):):):)
=============================================================
I have a feeling this is going to be the best Xmas I've ever had.
This will also be the best Valentine's Day I've ever had. All because of you :)
Submitted by Y3D (user info) at 2003-12-23 16:37:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I think you should see this post:
http://www.ubersite.com/m/21333
Submitted by MickGinny (user info) at 2003-12-23 16:11:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
dude, were you going to the city to look for yogi?
Submitted by Mothyham (user info) at 2003-12-23 16:06:23 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
dude, kill yourself.
you are completely worthless
Submitted by Raimee (user info) at 2003-12-23 15:52:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
People always think of the bad xmasses they have.
What about the fun ones?
Hopefully you will like Christmas this year. :):):):):):):):)
Submitted by PeopleAreStrange (user info) at 2003-12-23 15:05:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
That's fucked up. I don't have much to compare that with. Well, that's not strictly true but bad times in my life didn't congregate around Christmas. The only thing I can think of to share was when I nearly set my bed on fire Christmas Eve because I'd left the electric blanket on and woke up to it smoldering underneath me.
Got into big fucking trouble for ruining the mattress - lucky I didn't get burnt.
Submitted by Insanethemind (user info) at 2003-12-23 14:52:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Glad to hear you are doing so well. I wish you and Jo nothing but the BEST!
check out my Übercon recap, when you get the chance : http://www.ubersite.com/m/21324
insane
Submitted by Quartermain (user info) at 2003-12-23 14:47:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Damn. Hopefully you and Raimee will be able to lay some of those ghosts to rest this Christmas.
As for Valentine's Day, I hate that too. Ever since I was five, I've been getting pissed on on Valentine's Day. Screw Hallowe'en, Valentine's Day is the true Satanic holiday.
Submitted by antluvdog (user info) at 2003-12-23 14:35:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Fabish (user info) at 2003-12-23 14:07:32 (#)
Ranking: 2
That's awesome. Post another one about Valentines Day when it rolls around.
============================================================
The only holiday I hate more than Xmas is Valentine's Day. I can't WAIT to post about that one.
Submitted by antluvdog (user info) at 2003-12-23 14:35:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by txyankee (user info) at 2003-12-23 12:22:14 (#)
Ranking: 2
Damn rizzo, The only thing bad I can remeber is my mom getting me a pink bike, because I wanted
one so bad she figured it wouldn't matter.
was i wrong.
-Alan
and if you want I can rub out that girl from the millineum
====================================================================
One Xmas my mom almost forced me into getting a pink scooter instead of a silver one because the pink one was cheaper. She even had these two Harley Davidson bikers come in and tell me how cool the pink one was. All over $10. Can you imagine if I had gotten that pink scooter?
Submitted by antluvdog (user info) at 2003-12-23 14:32:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Great, Insane. This Xmas is going to be a LOT better than these fucked-up ones.
Submitted by Insanethemind (user info) at 2003-12-23 14:18:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
plus fucking 2!
how ya doing rizzo?
Submitted by hendrixjrr (user info) at 2003-12-23 14:17:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"It was not like he ever said, 'Oh, I hate Christmas,'" said a teenage neighbor who goes to school with Berrick. "Never."
Submitted by Fabish (user info) at 2003-12-23 14:07:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
That's awesome. Post another one about Valentines Day when it rolls around.
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2003-12-23 14:06:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
That's awesome Alan.
"He said running over the lawn ornaments is fun,"
Submitted by Ingsoc (user info) at 2003-12-23 14:02:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Holy Christ.
Merry fucking Christmas, indeed!
Submitted by jinx (user info) at 2003-12-23 13:51:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
worst holidays...ever.
On the 21st you should go into the high school bomb shelter (there's one in every town) and don't come out till Jan 3rd.
Submitted by txyankee (user info) at 2003-12-23 13:51:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
hey rizzo, this will make you feel better. I almost thought it was you at first
http://story.news.yahoo.com/news?tmpl=story&cid=355&ncid=355&e=1&u=/kr/20031223/lo_krnewyork/bahhumbugstingsonli
-Alan
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2003-12-23 13:20:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
damn just damn
eagles suck
Submitted by FATMANTPK (user info) at 2003-12-23 13:11:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Damn!
Submitted by judah1134 (user info) at 2003-12-23 13:07:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Christmas magnifies everything by 10. If you are happy, your going to be really happy. If you are sad, your going to be majorly depressed.
Submitted by El_Guapo (user info) at 2003-12-23 13:05:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
shit, i probably shouldn't have gotten you that toy train this year..........haha.
best christmas moment ever: 14 year old me opening the last present my stepdad got me that year. little did i know that was a little joke from him. my grandparents, and 2 aunts and uncles and cousings were gathered around, all eyes on me.
it was a box of fucking condoms*! i turned beet red, and walked out of the room. i then climbed out of my window and got stoned at the creek behind my house. i came back all stoned and my whole family was freaking out thinking i had just taken off. thank god my grandparents had no idea what it was.
*long story on that one.
Submitted by milkman <prorcpunit> at 2003-12-23 13:01:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
haha that was great +2 for never having a good christmas and not killing yourself
Submitted by Sunny (user info) at 2003-12-23 12:55:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Jeez man.
Do you...like...need a hug or something?
Submitted by bargled (user info) at 2003-12-23 12:55:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Bob_Dole (user info) at 2003-12-23 12:54:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
that blows. i mean, utrla blows. consider a different holiday? try reading hebrew- if it seems interesting, you may be on to something there.
Submitted by DarthAwesome (user info) at 2003-12-23 12:49:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
But I hope that Rizzos Christmas is a better one this year.
Submitted by DarthAwesome (user info) at 2003-12-23 12:48:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
And another time I got a Tonka DirtMover and I dug a hole to China. I'm actually making up all these storys to compensate for the boringness of my current break.
Submitted by DarthAwesome (user info) at 2003-12-23 12:47:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
And another time when I recieved an AK-47 as a gift I had to defend my home from a huge alien invasion. My leg got vaporized but my dog figured out how to use the destroyed alien technology to regrow a new one for me.
Submitted by DarthAwesome (user info) at 2003-12-23 12:42:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
One Christmas break I tried to comit suicide with gasoline, I just passed out and got a really bad headache and a severe case of frostbite. My toes hurt for days.
Submitted by IndianOcean (user info) at 2003-12-23 12:36:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
JESUS FUCKIN Christ........... and her i thought i had problem... fuck me..
Submitted by the_holloway (user info) at 2003-12-23 12:26:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
i wonder what happens to this guy on april fools day
Submitted by Luther (user info) at 2003-12-23 12:24:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Whoa. Shit and I thought my life sucked. I'm sorry, dude. Hope this one is better...
Submitted by Smurfsalot (user info) at 2003-12-23 12:23:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Forgot to rate it... hope i didn't blow a rating!
Submitted by Smurfsalot (user info) at 2003-12-23 12:23:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Deck the halls with bales of holly
falalalaaaalalalala
Submitted by txyankee (user info) at 2003-12-23 12:22:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Damn rizzo, The only thing bad I can remeber is my mom getting me a pink bike, because I wanted
one so bad she figured it wouldn't matter.
was i wrong.
-Alan
and if you want I can rub out that girl from the millineum
Submitted by ess2s2 (user info) at 2003-12-23 12:21:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Wow. I mean, wow.
Submitted by tuesdaydelay (user info) at 2003-12-23 12:20:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Lies or not, it made for good reading. Truth? Then you've had an unfortunate existence so far sir.
Submitted by spedmonkey (user info) at 2003-12-23 12:12:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
shit dude
Submitted by the_holloway (user info) at 2003-12-23 12:12:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
THIS IS MY FIRST POSITIVE COMMENT
youre lucky.
i commend you if these were true. if not, damn good lies.
and to add to things to ruin other peoples christmas-
you can always take the motion-deer and mate them. its a good time for all
peace
the_holloway
Submitted by reallybored (user info) at 2003-12-23 12:03:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Holy Fucking Shit.
Submitted by jordanna (user info) at 2003-12-23 12:02:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Shit.
I hate Christmas too. For similar(ish) reasons.
We should un-celebrate the holiday together.
If you want, we can steal presents, piss all over peoples white snow, set houses on fire with their own stupid fairy fucking lights....etcetera
wadda ya say??