Fare well, warrior. (441 hits)
Category: HumorRating: 2 on 8 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by <yogimus.at.hotmail.com> (View user info) at 2003-12-25 00:53:35 EST
One of my old friends got orders to get away from us, and this was his last 3 day tour. Anyone who knows anything about the way things are done in the military will immediately realize what this means. 3 days of pranks and abuse directed at the departing individual. Out of love.
Day one started in a fairly normal fashion. We wanted him to fall into a false sense of security. This guy is one of the nicest NCO-s I have seen. He has been in for 20 some odd years, and he has more than done his share. This also made him wily as a fox... which made our master plan difficult.
He was working night shift. He usually wakes up around 530, to take a shower. This was our chance. We go to his room, but the bastard locked it. He also took the master keys, so his room was out. Damn. Oh well. Guess sneaky was out, let's go with brute force. Took a bucket of water, filled it with ice, and sloshed it over the shower door. One manly scream later, we ran out giggling like school girls. The first volley of the war was fired.
Nothing beats a pissed off hairy fatman running after you, beet red from rage. Thank god his heart couldn't take prolonged pursuit. We laughed about it, he came on shift, and I went to bed.
Next day I wake up to find my uniform up on the flagpole. Bastard. Did I mention it froze solid over night? Well, it did. Yep, one BDU blouse frozen solid up on the flagpole. Serves me right for leaving it out. The counter attack was an effective one. It had style. It had pizzazz. It had me standing in front of the furnace drying my uniform for a good hour. How the hell would I top this?
Day 2... Direct attacks have been proven ineffective. Time to go commando. We wake him up and tell him he had a phone call from one of his troops. Fabricated lie, but an effective one. Once he has been effectively distracted I sneak into his room and soak his toothbrush in hot sauce, carefully place it back in the holder, and sneak right back out. The trap was set. I nonchalantly walk into the bathroom right after him and take up position at one of the urinals. He starts brushing his teeth and sprays spit all over the mirror. Success.
Day 3... I am woken up with a fire extinguisher in my bed. Not liquid, but the dry chemical kind. That shit was cold, and stuck to me like fucking glue. I had to shower for like an hour to get that crap off. The water would not wash it off, it just turned it into putty. I had to scrub every square inch. Half way through my shower, a shitload of ice water hit me in the chest. Not coo. I felt like I was going to die. The water was followed by the bucket, which nailed me in the head. This was an uncalled for escalation. A double attack in one day. My retribution must be devastating.
We had 3 days worth of shredder paper. Nice crosscut confetti, no piece bigger then a speck of dust. Took his bag of clothes, took the shredder paper, and combined them, shaking profusely to insure even coverage. Took his beret and colored the headband on it with a grease pencil. Completely forgetting that it was travel in day. Poor bastard had to travel in with paper shredding all over himself. I considered myself victorious. Until I got home and saw what was in MY bag. But I will leave that up to your imagination.
User Reviews
Submitted by Natophelia (user info) at 2004-01-07 17:36:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Phinchy-pooh is so sweet!
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http://www.ubersite.com/m/20833
Submitted by Phinch (user info) at 2004-01-07 17:24:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
yay for nat finding good stuff.
Submitted by Natophelia (user info) at 2004-01-07 17:19:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
hahahahahaaaaa crazy fuckers
I missed a load of stuff on here over the holidays.
Submitted by angrykoz (user info) at 2003-12-30 21:00:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
good shit!!
Submitted by FATMANTPK (user info) at 2003-12-25 01:38:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Hoo-ahh, damn funny.
I miss the military lifestyle, damnit.
Submitted by esso_merda (user info) at 2003-12-25 01:01:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"Now, Ben, superheroes that pray together, stay together."
Joe Young, "Orgazmo"
Submitted by crazypenguin787 (user info) at 2003-12-25 01:00:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
It's always better when the pranking is not one sided. You guys rock.
Submitted by bargled (user info) at 2003-12-25 01:00:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Ooooh lookie what Santa is pulling out of his bag:
a +2 for a jolly good read!