The Bowflex! (1093 hits)
Category: HumorRating: 1.94 on 22 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by <yogimus.at.hotmail.com> (View user info) at 2003-12-25 02:10:51 EST
Our squadron bought us 15 Bow-flex machines as an early Christmas gift. Seemed like a good idea, since most of our exercise equipment was fairly ancient. Think bikes with no front wheels on kickstands. That was as high tech as we got. Now we have bow flexes! We were stoked. I never worked out seriously in my life, yet I was happy as a skunk in a perfume shop. We put the thing together, and took turns playing with it.
One thing I would like to bring up about the Bow-flex. The thing looks like a miniaturized siege engine from medieval Europe. This was the first thing that came to mind when I saw it on TV, and now that I have seen it, I was sure this machine held extreme destructive potential.
Working out started getting old. It was time for me to plant the seed...
"Hey guys, I wonder how far that thing could fling a cinderblock?"
that seed sprouted in a millisecond. We had the bowflex in the parking lot in 2 minutes flat, and we even found a cinderblock from somewhere. We constructed a sling out of a donated (read: stolen) workshirt, and tried to lob the cinderblock. Hooked it to the bars, pulled back, and fired.
The bow flex fired as planned. Well, not EXACTLY as planned. The cinderblock was too heavy. We smashed it, and decided to use a smaller piece. Pulled back, and let er rip again. Seemed like a good plan, the cinderblock flew like an eagle. Straight and true. Well, this kept us busy for the next hour or so. See who could send the block the furthest. I decided to go get lunch, and left the airmen alone with the bow-flex.
Now you would figure people that run around with guns and bombs for a living could be trusted with a bow-flex-a-pult right? WRONG. Middle of lunch my phone rings. It was one of the airmen calling me, sounding panicked. I rush over to see what happened. Apparently brainchild wanted a live target, so they talked someone into putting on their vest and helmet, and tried to see if he could "field" the cinderblock.
I don't know why. I don't care why. I don't even care. I ask them in a very pissed off manner "WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED???" The brave one, the leader of the pack as it were, explained. Dumbass volunteered to be a moving target, and was doing pretty hot. The gunnery team was getting competitive, because they were looking like fools. Eventually they scored a direct hit and snapped target boy's knee. (dislocated actually)
We wrote the incident down as an exercise related injury. A word of advice to all bow-flex users: Do not leave idiots unattended around exercise equipment.
User Reviews
Submitted by William_Q_Percy (user info) at 2004-03-24 12:43:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
awesome
Submitted by Yogimus (user info) at 2003-12-26 01:34:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
50 feet or so.
Submitted by distressedjester (user info) at 2003-12-26 00:28:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
that was awesome.
how far do you think that shit flew?
Submitted by the_holloway (user info) at 2003-12-25 22:28:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
heh. once i lured a friend near the bow and used the wire cutters. swear to god the resistance was enough to hit him in the junk and make him cry. it was damn funny.
Submitted by bob (user info) at 2003-12-25 22:01:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
yogimus: probably in your case but in the comercials they have 2 guys in the army talking about how they need to be fit and the bowflex does it yada yada yada.
Submitted by Yogimus (user info) at 2003-12-25 20:56:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
so the military actually uses bowflexs.
holy shit, an infomercial telling the truth. what?
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Probably worked the other way around. Squadron saw the infomertial and thought it would be a good idea.
Submitted by Acarnis (user info) at 2003-12-25 16:57:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
You guys made a freakin' trebuchet out of a strength-building machine...classic.
Submitted by CobraCommander (user info) at 2003-12-25 15:33:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Resistance...becomes power...becomes endurance...
Submitted by Sunny (user info) at 2003-12-25 15:25:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
AAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
That's the best.
+2 for bow-flex related shenanigans.
Submitted by Cassiopeia (user info) at 2003-12-25 15:09:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
haha... i get a kick out of this because i am an A1C and I can picture me and a bunch of my friends in a parking lot doing something stupid like that....
Submitted by bargled (user info) at 2003-12-25 12:58:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Oooh lookie what Santa is pulling out of his sack:
a +2!
Submitted by bob (user info) at 2003-12-25 12:52:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
so the military actually uses bowflexs.
holy shit, an infomercial telling the truth. what?
Submitted by Jaineix (user info) at 2003-12-25 11:10:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Great story.
Submitted by MickGinny (user info) at 2003-12-25 10:57:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
merry christmas yogi.
Submitted by El_Guapo (user info) at 2003-12-25 09:44:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
hahahahah, to obad you didn't take pictures.
Submitted by jimbobjoe (user info) at 2003-12-25 07:33:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I don't read all that many posts that make me luagh out loud, this one did.
Submitted by Falconer (user info) at 2003-12-25 07:05:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Excellent.
Submitted by Beer_bong (user info) at 2003-12-25 03:44:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Reading that made me cringe.
Submitted by Yogimus (user info) at 2003-12-25 02:28:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
http://www.ubersite.com/m/19131
http://www.ubersite.com/m/20873
http://www.ubersite.com/m/20959
http://www.ubersite.com/m/21388
http://www.ubersite.com/m/21463
^some more military related crap. If you guys care.^
Submitted by Yogimus (user info) at 2003-12-25 02:22:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
We flung many other things as well. I mean look at the fucker. what the hell else are they good for?
Submitted by Heimdall at 2003-12-25 02:17:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
note to idiots: don't use a bowflex machine to fling cinder blocks
Submitted by Robert_of_Duluth (user info) at 2003-12-25 02:17:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Damn, one more way of getting rid of terrorists