Adventures in beer getting. (923 hits)
Category: HumorRating: 1.85 on 21 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by El Fucking Guapo (View user info) at 2003-12-29 14:15:31 EST
So last night, after going home from work i get home to find that my brother, as usual, drank the last of my beer. this, of course, is not surprising in the least, merely mildly annoying as it would be nice to get home from work and relax on the couch with a nice cold beer. so i get the master beer swiper to pony up some cash for some more beer and head out to the store. fuck it, i could use some cigarettes anyway.
so i hop in the car and head out to the store, rocking out to some bad religion. out the gate, turn right, headed down Amesbury. ignore the guy looking at me like i'm nuts because i'm singing along at the top of my lungs when i hit the stop sign. turn right on university, left into parking lot. or at least, i try to go left, then some psychotic dipshit coming from the other dirction cuts me off. oh well, must be in a hurry. nah, this is Dallas, he's probably just some inbred freak. man i hate being right. so after waiting for this dude to crawl out of the passenger seat so i can park, i head inside and grab my beer. so i'm standing in line next to the guy who almost fell out of the passenger seat. he's buying an 18 pack of bud light. as i figured, by looks i could tell that my inbred redneck theory is holding up, greasy hair, big old ballcap and a goatee. and overalls. oh, and he left his wallet in the car. so the clerk rings me up, i pay and i'm leaving and apparently, as i had been home for a little while before striking out in search of beer, i had a uh, well.........lets just say a rather doobious* aroma about me.
so as i grab my 12 of tecate and my smokes, he mentions something rather LOUDLY along the lines of "Damn, someone's hittin the killer shit!", to which i chuckled and walked by. as i hit the door he said "Aw, you ain't gotta hide it! You should talk to my boy out there".
Yeah.....i'm gonna go chat up some random shitkicker about things that are less than kosher. Riiiiiiiiight. So i'm in the car and JimBob comes out and taps on my window. i briefly considered just backing out with him standing there, but the odds of damage to my car dissuaded me. i could've cared less if i'd ran over his foot, or hit him in the groin with my side mirror. so i roll it down and he says "Hey man, you got anything? like, even a roach?". I said "No man, i don't carry that shit on me, especially if i'm driving."
"Awww, man. Hey, you should come to the Fare with us!" (the Fare being a particularly skanky all nude, byob strip club. that happens to be a block from my apartment.)
"Nope, sorry man, gotta work tomorrow"
"You sure you ain't got a roach? Nothing? We'll give ya a few bucks for a joint."
"Nope, i told you it's at home"
"Damn"
"Ok, well have fun guys."
"Awwwwww, yeeeeeah, you know we will!" *high fives his buddy over the roof of the car*
".......yeah.........."
More Bad Religion. Turn right on University. Left on Amesbury, ignore the dicks that honk at me like I shouldn't be turning there. Singing....left into the broken exit gate, thank god too, i hate having to go all the way around anyway.
ahhhh, survived another foray out into that looney bin i like to call.........
outside.
*ahahaha, get it DOOBious? i slay me......
User Reviews
Submitted by El_Guapo (user info) at 2003-12-30 11:26:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
indoor of course. all the good shit to get here is either indoor or canadian.
i tried to grow one once. i had a party and some dickhead poured beer in it.
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2003-12-30 10:59:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
indoor or outdoor?
I have often stood on the porch of my grandfather's farm and thought of what he could accomplish if he would just redirect his efforts. Fuck the oil fields Opa, plant a few of these and we can all retire.
Submitted by El_Guapo (user info) at 2003-12-30 10:49:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"Submitted by loki (user info) at 2003-12-29 16:53:31 (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm shocked at this obvious endorsement of illegal activities - shocked I tell you shocked!"
hypothetically, loki, you should see this shit! it would make your weed look like glam's weed!
hypothetically of course.
Submitted by Christ (user info) at 2003-12-29 20:59:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
http://www.ubersite.com/m/21705
Aww yeah
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2003-12-29 16:53:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm shocked at this obvious endorsement of illegal activities - shocked I tell you shocked!
Submitted by antluvdog (user info) at 2003-12-29 16:27:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
You rock dude.
Submitted by El_Guapo (user info) at 2003-12-29 16:27:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Alan - hell yeah, that would be kickass. we'll tear this town a new one!
i hung out with stanton about a week and a half ago
http://www.ubersite.com/m/21089
good times. havent' heard from him since though.
Submitted by txyankee (user info) at 2003-12-29 16:13:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
i have to agree on you with clubhouse, next time im in dallas me you and streetpunk will check it out.
-Alan
Submitted by Goldneyes (user info) at 2003-12-29 15:53:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
hmm, looks like I need to go to Texas and visit some strip clubs. I really want to see a icky one like they have on the cop shows all the time. I have a couple friends that used to dance up here, that's the only reason I've been to the two I've been to. I really dont understand what all the fuss is about, they arent that bad!
Stanton and I usually e-mail all day, and keep each other from being bored. I though he was coming back to work on Friday, but I havent heard from him since he left early on Wednesday. If you get a hold of him, tell him he's in big trouble!
oh, oh, and you'd be so proud of me, I smoked nugs for the first time last week! I'm starting to be not such a good little girl!
Submitted by LaNa (user info) at 2003-12-29 15:50:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"Awwwwww, yeeeeeah, you know we will!" *high fives his buddy over the roof of the car*
----
Man... they sound HOT! I wonder if they're single...
*dreaming*
~LaNa :)
Submitted by El_Guapo (user info) at 2003-12-29 15:50:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
actually that part of town is pretty nice, it's just the Fare that's skanky. a little bit further south and east towards skillman is kinda crappy hood though.
the fare is probably far skankier than you remember, it's all nude and byob now haha. the clubhouse is much nicer.
Submitted by txyankee (user info) at 2003-12-29 15:44:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
ah the Fair, that brings back memories of dolar drinks till 7 during the week. a fine and upscale gentlemans establishment(ha ha)
hey guapo, you live in a pretty crappy part of town. I think i met those two guys you were talking about. texas has some of the weirdest people(it cuz of the heat i think)
funny story though, and i think you had some pot as well
-Alan
Submitted by sublime (user info) at 2003-12-29 15:36:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
no ones mentioned it yet, Bad Religion fucking rocks, I can live off of the grey race. (gray? grey? whats the difference)
Submitted by El_Guapo (user info) at 2003-12-29 15:11:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
PMJ - exactly! freakin weirdos i tell ya.....
Amy - nope i haven't talked to him in about a week and a half or so, i was gonna email him and see what up. he has no internet at home and cant' really screw around at work right now as far as i know.
only the all nude strip clubs are byob, the one by my house is rather skanky but tehre is another one that's owned by Pantera that's pretty nice.
Submitted by Jambo at 2003-12-29 14:48:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Beer buying adventures. Thats a great ice breaker when you first get to the party.
Submitted by Goldneyes (user info) at 2003-12-29 14:45:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Hey Collin! Have you heard from Stanton? I think he poofed.
y'all really have byob strip clubs down there? thats different. The only ones I've been to up here are all classy and stuff. NOTHING like they seem on tv!
Submitted by potatomanjack (user info) at 2003-12-29 14:43:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Ahmen to the Celine Dion non-mentionation.
Why do some people (most often stupid ones) feel that they are some way bonded with you if you both smoke pot or engage in similar type behavior?
"Just because we both enjoy the recreational use of soft drugs does in no way make me like or want to spend time with you. Now give me my fucking cheeseburger!"
Submitted by jinx (user info) at 2003-12-29 14:38:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"rocking out to some bad religion"
muy bien el guapo.
me - doing that thing from 3 amigos when they cross
each arm across their waist , turn their head to the right and THRUST!
Submitted by sublime (user info) at 2003-12-29 14:36:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
please don't mention celine dion.
Submitted by El_Guapo (user info) at 2003-12-29 14:34:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"Marge: I know we didn't ask for this, Homer, but doesn't the Bible
say, "Whatsoever you do to the least of my brothers, that you
do unto me...?"
Homer: Yes, but doesn't the Bible also say, "Thou shalt not take
moochers into thy hut?"
The Otto Show"
ahh, i could see us now, driving down the road with me singing like an amputee at the top of my lungs, and you furiously banging your head. if that's not a picture of heaven, i don't know what is!
Submitted by Kristen (user info) at 2003-12-29 14:22:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Yay! You sing in your car! I headbang in mine. Even to Celine Dion music.