How to Play Strip Poker (5915 hits)
Category: Humor -> Dirty HumorRating: 1 on 16 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by William Q Percy <p_gibbons.at.initech.com> (View user info) at 2003-12-30 18:48:02 EST
Tonight, I had a plan. Unfortunately this plan would be shattered into a thousand tiny pieces with many short, irritated phone calls.
With my girlfriend out of town for the last few days, I decided to go ahead and make plans for tonight with my friend who has been working in Switzerland for the last 8 months, as the Christmas holidays is probably the last time I can see him before next July. I was supposed to go over to his place tonight for a rousing game or two of Texas Hold 'Em with the guys... my girlfriend had other ideas. She apparently made concrete plans in her head, with which I whole-heartedly agreed to while in said head, to go see the new Lord of the Rings with her.
Much like Jonuka's Computer, she is the voice of reason in my life. I do have to work tomorrow and I won't even be getting to his place until late. Logically, I SHOULD see the movie. Damn. Although I am pissed off that I made retarded plans, and that now I have to back out of and look extremely flaky, I am never one to back off on an opportunity. You see, part of the stipulation is that we get to hang out afterwards, and after spending an entire holiday weekend apart, well, you can paint that picture yourselves... On top of that I was supposed to drink a little tonight, smoke a little aromatic Mark Twain from my pipe, and most importantly, I was supposed to play some fucking POKER!
You see, once I get an idea in my head, I won't back down until I get it.
As such, I told my girlfriend that for ripping me away from my personal committments at the last minute, she would have to agree to compensating me in the freshly let down poker department of my male psyche.
"Play poker with you tonight? How? There's only two of us!"
"Oh, there are 'ways'"
"Oh, OK."
In my head I am thinking, I can't believe this is fucking going to work. I am talking my girlfriend into a game of strip poker without either one of us drinking a drop first. Damn, I am getting good at this little seduction bit.
SO, I share with you, fellow Überer's, MY personal rules for strip poker. I developed them just for tonight, and I hope all of you may experience the same joy that I will.
Enjoy
WQP
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Über-Strip Poker
This game consists of three different rounds, intended for play by two. You need a standard deck of cards, and whipped cream/chocolate sauce/body topping of your choice.
Round One - Get Naked
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In this round, the goal is to be the last one still sporting clothes. You will play 5-Card Stud (deal 5 cards, no draws, wilds are your choice, ante is ONE article of clothing). Losing hand loses their ante. First one fully naked loses.
No matter, because you both have to get naked now anyways!
Have fun with this round.. tease away!
Round Two - Get Naked ... AGAIN!
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This round, the goal is to be dressed the most! You get a set number of turns (say 10-20), playing the same game as above. However, the winning hand gets to choose a region of the body where the topping is to be applied, the losing hand now has to remove the edible garment with their mouth and tounge!! WOO WOO!!
Round Three - Standoff
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This round is the most difficult. Same game as above, except the winning hand picks a sexual favour which the losing hand has to fulfill. No intercourse, though! The challenge is to see who can hold out the longest without practically begging to fuck! The first person to win a hand and name the sexual act as actual sex is the loser. The winner gets to call the starting position.
Have fun!!
User Reviews
Submitted by podium (user info) at 2005-03-23 19:23:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Ah...strip poker...nothing like seeing titties and ass of your closest girlfriends and watching their nipples get hard as they try to cover up, then watching them get so drunk they actually think about fucking you.
Submitted by KingFreakingKong (user info) at 2004-01-27 21:53:12 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Stupid.
Submitted by Death_Metal_Dude (user info) at 2004-01-02 03:32:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Who the hell is Danielle, and why is she attempting to use my name?
Submitted by William_Q_Percy (user info) at 2003-12-31 10:39:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Kristen (user info) at 2003-12-30 19:22:00 (#)
Ranking: 2
I want to give you a negative for reminding me that I AM ALL ALONE and have NO ONE TO PLAY STRIP POKER WITH...
But it was good, so I can't. Bah.
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Yeah well, I should give you a -2 for reminding 90% of the people here that they would gladly volunteer their 'services' for a deserving game with you. :)
Submitted by Bob_Dole (user info) at 2003-12-31 08:46:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
lol, good shit.
Submitted by Death_Metal_Dude <danielle> at 2003-12-31 02:34:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
yeah
Submitted by Quartermain (user info) at 2003-12-31 00:23:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I agree with Kristen, this served to remind me what a sad and lonely man I actually am.
But at the same time reminded of times when I have played strip poker(and won, even)
Ketchup is nasty though. I'd go for chocolate sauce or honey.
Submitted by volklcess (user info) at 2003-12-30 19:34:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm afraid if we used ketchup the cannibal in us all might come out.
Submitted by gtashorty (user info) at 2003-12-30 19:26:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
i've played something similar. It got interesting. There was more than 2 players though.
Submitted by Kristen (user info) at 2003-12-30 19:24:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I think I speak for both GodChicken and I when I say...
In version #1...
Could the body topping be...
KETCHUP?
Submitted by volklcess (user info) at 2003-12-30 19:23:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Aw Kristen - I'll play strip poker with you. Not to be a weirdo or anything...but just so you don't feel lonely. :-)
Phoenix
Submitted by Kristen (user info) at 2003-12-30 19:22:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I want to give you a negative for reminding me that I AM ALL ALONE and have NO ONE TO PLAY STRIP POKER WITH...
But it was good, so I can't. Bah.
Submitted by Cassiopeia (user info) at 2003-12-30 19:18:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
standoff would DEFINITELY be the round i loose... once my boyfriend gets me going, WHOA! watch out!!
Submitted by volklcess (user info) at 2003-12-30 19:16:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
What in the world is your problem?
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Submitted by Conditions_apply (user info) at 2003-12-30 19:11:34 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
god u people are nerds is this all u think about...fuck u from every australian...u probly never even played u faggot
Submitted by volklcess (user info) at 2003-12-30 18:55:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
You're relationship with your girlfriend sounds exactly like the one I have with my boyfriend. Made me laugh.
+2 because Poker kicks ass. Hold 'em is cool, but I myself, find that I am best at 7-card stud. Must be that whole Nevada-native thing.
Good post.
Phoenix