The Time I Accidentally Kicked Bruce Lee’s Ass (679 hits)
Category: HumorRating: 0.66 on 6 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by angrykoz.at.suckit.com (View user info) at 2003-12-31 11:07:21 EST
It was a Saturday night ritual, me and four friends headed to the local watering hole to grab a few beers and take in some eye candy. We were all sophomores in college at the time and we always ended up at the same place, nothing to exciting, we knew everyone there pretty much and the bartenders knew what we were going to order before we even asked, it was a nice place to go a feel right at home. The atmosphere was always good and there never seemed to be any trouble, especially with us, we were good drunks, we were quiet drunks --- we were basically drunk drunks.
One night in particular we once again headed down to the same place and proceeded to partake in the same drinking ritual. Beer after beer went down and I was feeling good, after a few hours I was definitely not in any shape walk straight line or fight for that matter. Besides I was with my friends who the hell was I going to get in an argument with and even if I did I am sure that it would get broken up in this place, after all the tips I have left for the staff in this place I have surly paid someone's tuition for a semester that works here.
We were all pretty smashed and as it happens it was turn to buy a round for my buddies, as I went to get up I pushed my chair back and nudged a guy, it knocked him a little off balance and he spilled a little beer on himself -ooops. No big deal it was just a little bit on his shirt and after all, what the fuck has he doing standing 6 inches behind me - that stupid fuck!!! I got up and apologized to him and went on my way as I got about 3 or 4 steps away I get "Watch where your going asshole?" I stopped dead in my tracks and turned around "What?" I said - I should of just ignored him and kept going but I was pretty loaded and feeling pretty confident that I could handle the situation. I walked back up to him and gave him a polite "FUCK YOU!!" to his face and told him that he was the jackass who was standing directly behind and that I told him I was sorry "It was an accident you FUCK get over it!" It was about this time his friends and mine started to realize what was going on and everyone stood up. All the attention in the bar then shifted to me and the asshole I accidentally bumped into --- why does this shit have to happen to me???!!!! I didn't want to fight anyone, especially over this, I was having a good time tonight and now all of the sudden shit has gotten out of control. Everyone around us started to back up in anticipation of what was going to happen, I looked the guy up and down and I figured I had a decent shot at kicking this guys ass and coming out as the hero - FUCK IT I'M DRUNK, WHAT HAVE I GOT TO LOSE?
I squared off on the guy and got ready for the battle to ensue, it was just about then I realized how drunk I was when I made a quick glance around the room I lost my balance and stumbled - I have now realized I am fucked, completely fucked! I figured I had about 2 more seconds to make a move and hopefully get a good quick blow to the face in before the guy completely destroys me. I started to sike myself up to make my move. All of the sudden the guy went into some "Crouching Tiger, Stupid Fuck" stance and let out some "cat in heat sound" - MREEEEOOOAOOO I stopped dead in my tracks and gave a solid "WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT?" He then went on the brag about his martial arts skills - WHO GIVES A FLYING FUCK?? Besides, I am skilled in the fine art of drinking and I am ready to demonstrate my skills as well.
I was completely off guard when he made his move, I was standing there looking perplexed, trying to figure out what the fuck a black belt in "twizknocko" or whatever the fuck it was meant, when he came flying across the room like a fucking retard. I made a half ass attempt to block his "karate kid flying crane technique" and basically fell on the floor. It was then the gods came to rescue me; as I lay on the floor Mr. Meagie (sp) landed atop a chair, slid across the floor, spun around and almost landed on his head - this fucker really does have skills! When he landed he ended up knocking the wind out of himself and couldn't get back up, he lay on the floor crying like a little bitch trying to inhale. I got up brushed myself off and gave a witty "That's what you get bitch!" to the amusement of my friends. The bartenders rushed over and snatched the guy up and whisked him and his friends out the door.
To this day I am still referred to as "the guy that kicked Bruce Lee's ass" when I am introduced by my friends.
User Reviews
Submitted by Heimdallsman (user info) at 2003-12-31 16:52:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
HHAHAHAHA!
-1 for drunken antics, +2 for someone reaping what they sow.
--HeimdallsMan
Submitted by Snypavat (user info) at 2003-12-31 16:30:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
+2 if you would have pissed on him
Submitted by quack (user info) at 2003-12-31 12:33:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
miagi
Submitted by WillZone (user info) at 2003-12-31 11:38:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
this guy really kicked his own ass.
Submitted by William_Q_Percy (user info) at 2003-12-31 11:24:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
At least you apologized.. he should've dropped it.
Submitted by Deisangua (user info) at 2003-12-31 11:19:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Worth Reading (+0)