Doug (2434 hits)
Category: NoneRating: -1.23 on 18 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by <Master.at.13.cc> (View user info) at 2004-01-02 16:34:02 EST
Everyone remembers watching that show Doug on Nickelodeon, if not then they got pissed off when their kids spent time watching it. The other day I was brushing my teeth, and I was thinking about how much of a suckass pussy Doug and his friends are. Here's my analysis of his idiot friends, all of whom need to jump into a trash compactor.
Douglas Yansee Funnie: Fat piece of trash with a creative last name... or so the creators thought before Warner Brothers bought the show.... Needs to move back to bloatsburg. Doug is bald and spends all his time at home with his dog Porkchop, drawing Quail Man comics.
Quail Man: Doug's fictitious super-hero version of himself. He wears a belt on his head, his shit stained underwear on the outside, and a pussy red cape. He has the power to stare someone down (and in the process this red shit shoots out of his eyes), aka the Quail-Eye. Alas; evil murderous villians who want to take over the world suddenly see the light and succome to Quail Man's super quail powers. Instead of kicking ass like a regular super hero would, he looks at people. If he could blow shit up or could spit acid or cool stuff like that, he'd still be a pussy, but at least he could defend himself.
Mosquito (Skeeter) Valentine: Annoying blue shit who thinks hes the coolest person in Bluffington. One night he and doug were bored on a rainy day, and after a quick game of you show me yours and ill show you mine, they washed the jizz off their hands and wrote a comic book together. Doug was of course Quail Man, and Skeeter was "SILVER SKEETER" (que super hero music). Silver skeeter can skateboard around on his rocket powered skateboard, block the sun by stretching his body an infinate number of times the size it normally is. Skeeter constantly goes around saying annoying crap like "Hey Doug. Honk Honk!" He litterly makes a car horn sound whenever he greets Doug. If I ever saw him in public, I'd kick him in the crotch. Honk Honk eh? POW!
Judy Funnie: Doug's sister. Drama queen who thinks that she has a lot of friends because she goes to an advanced high school for performing arts. Famous for having a collection of bricks and books. She reads like an asshole... flipping through books and calling them read.
Pork Chop: This dog needs to be put to sleep. He's got one hell of a dog house. First of all, its an igloo... interesting because it would easily melt and/or give him hypothermia because he lives there every day. The dogs fucking spoiled as hell... hes got a TV, kitchen, doorbell, hell, even a bathroom. The sad thing is he's better than Doug at baseball.
Patty Mayonese: Doug's crush. When she walks in a room, suddenly light flashes everywhere. She's good at sports (she was the school quarterback in one episode), smart in school, and the most popular. Doug liked her from the first day he moved to Bluffington. One day he handcuffed her to himself, and almost put the moves on her, but didn't because hes a fucking pussy and dropped the key down a vent. Just as well... she's secretly a man.
Chalky Studabaker: Everything Patty is, except his skin is green, and he has about 700 trophies and not the slightest bit attractive. He's the captian/quarterback/linebacker/everything else on the football team. Everyone else is a failure in his father's eyes, because he obviously can't produce offspring that aren't as perfect as him. One time he cheated off of Doug's test, and he broke down in tears when he told his dad that he had to miss the "BIG GAME" because he had to redo the test. "But dad I was so busy practicing football and winning these awards that I didn't have time to study!!" Woops, no one cares. Go die Chalky, you will never amount to anything.
Roger Klotz: The school bully, but quite a pussy considering how he owns the school. He's been in the same grade for 3 years... which makes him as old as a freshman but he's still in elementry school. One time when he was fighting Doug (he called Doug out when Doug was running in the hallway and bumped into him, then he put the fear of God into Doug by saying "Well... Funnie... it uh... looks like im gonna have to uh... er... cream yah.... nneerrr... grunt"), he ran home crying because Doug thought he was Quail Man again and gave him the quail eye. With Roger gone, Doug walked home proudly, but on the way he tripped over a crack in the sidewalk and broke his nose.
Fentruck: Foreign exchange student. Speaks pretty damn good English for a "Yackastonian." Too bad his accent not only reveals that he's a fraud, but that hes balless and just wants to get it on with Mr. Bone, who he lives with.
Mr. Bone: Shitty vice principal. He's got about 10 things up his ass at any given moment, or so it seems. Once he and Mrs. Wingo's class started a school-wide newscast, but Mr. Bone took over it because he thought he was being a badass. Roger sucked [up to] him and became the co-ancor. Then when Roger gave him Pink Underwear as a gift, they swapped tongues for 15 minutes straight while the camera was rolling.
Bebe Bluff: The richest girl in school. She once held a no-boys-allowed party where she invited every girl in her grade (which was only like 8), and Doug and Skeeter tried breaking in so they could gang bang them all, but unfortanutely they fell off the roof of the 7 story mansion and landed on their pricks. Her father owns all of Bluffington, but its too bad his daughter's butt ugly.
That's all the characters I can think of. Obviously the creators of this show were on more than just pain killers when they wrote up the cast.
Don't watch "Doug".
User Reviews
Submitted by RECTALUCIFERI at 2004-08-13 21:37:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Loved the Mr. Bone(r) description! And you're damn right about that Fentruck retard!
Submitted by NorthwInd <quazar_shuffler.at.yahoo.com> at 2004-03-15 18:25:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
LOL! Sooooooooooo funny!
Submitted by Random Joe at 2004-01-26 17:03:47 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2004-01-02 18:22:05 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by QueenAshlee (user info) at 2004-01-02 17:28:48 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Where do you people find the time to do these in-depth analyses of bullshit that absolutely nobody gives a fuck about? Christ, but do I wish I had that sort of time on my hands.
Submitted by Zeccs (user info) at 2004-01-02 17:19:51 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
This makes no sense... it insenses me.
Submitted by txyankee (user info) at 2004-01-02 17:14:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
see there's the problem master, 10 years ago, most of us weren't kids either
-alan
Submitted by youarsoghey (user info) at 2004-01-02 17:02:41 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Holy mother of Christ.
Can we start a petition to limit the size of bad posts to 300,000 words? This one clearly goes well beyond that.
Submitted by finkboy21 (user info) at 2004-01-02 16:50:59 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Doug OwNz you Jo0b N0oB
Submitted by Kristen (user info) at 2004-01-02 16:49:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Hey. I don't feel like choking, I did that yeeeeeeesterday.
Did people really not ever watch this? I was all about it when I was a kid. I still remember the theme song and everything.
Quailman. Hahahaha.
Submitted by Master13 (user info) at 2004-01-02 16:46:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Actually the show is like 10 years old... I watched it when I was a child. I hope you all choke.
Submitted by Kristen (user info) at 2004-01-02 16:44:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Doooo da doo dooo dooo doooo Doooo da doo da doo.
Doooo da doo dooo dooo doooo Doooo da doo da doo.
Dooo da doo da doo doo DOO DOO!
I liked Porkchop but always thought Patty Mayonnaise was retarded.
Submitted by Jeriko2k3 (user info) at 2004-01-02 16:44:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I wanted to give you a negative, but I read the whole thing. You need to get outside more.
Submitted by ShadowKLLr (user info) at 2004-01-02 16:43:31 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
it's succumb...not succome you ass
Submitted by fingerbang (user info) at 2004-01-02 16:43:31 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
damnit that was long, i didn't even read it cause its about some stupid nickelodeon cartoon that sucks balls. you must be canadian or a hippy to write something as stupid as this. I hate you for it.
Submitted by BillsSBChamps (user info) at 2004-01-02 16:41:58 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
You did this why?
Submitted by Mr-Boo (user info) at 2004-01-02 16:41:30 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Well congratulations, this proves once and for all that you are a complete loser. Anybody who knows this much about a single cartoon and it's 'cast' must be very low in the food chain. Better watch your ass, I think my goldfish is getting hungry.
Submitted by jinx (user info) at 2004-01-02 16:39:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I am concerned that you have done a complete character analysis of a cartoon show from Nickelodeon that has a target audience of 5-11 year olds.
Porkchop was pretty annoying though.....so I've heard....from a friend.