Religious Comedy Goldmine (1527 hits)
Category: PoliticsRating: 1.09 on 25 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Ingsoc (View user info) at 2004-01-04 17:26:18 EST
Holy Christ. Look what I stumbled upon in my net wanderings.
http://objective.jesussave.us/godlyflag.html
This is a serious proposal for a change of the American flag. Forgive me if I sound like an ignorant pagan, but isn't that a little much? It's one thing to add another bar of "pure, Heavenly white" to the flag, but isn't the GOD thing pushing it? Sure, somewhere it says the States are a nation under God, with liberty, et cetera. But what's the deal here? Do these people possess some kind of psychological disorder? Sooner or later they've got to realise that there's more than one way of doing things, and that changing the nation's flag won't get rid of economic stagnation, or terrorists bringing bombs onto crowded buses, or a nuclear apocalypse brought on by ex-Soviet fanatics placing neutron bombs in hotdog carts in Manhattan. Okay, the last one's never happened... but you never know what you're capable of until you try.
But continuing with the site in question- it goes on in other areas talking long-windedly about many issues which I do not understand. So instead I immersed myself in the "4 Kidz" section, hearing wonderful testimony from Lambuel and Hopsiah the Kanga-Jew on what to do if I run into an atheist. Apparently I should find a parent or pastor immediately. Hm.
Professor Giraffenstein has some questionable science to present. My friend had the audacity to question his credentials, and I was foolish enough to follow suit. But we were singing a different tune after visiting the children's artwork section- http://objective.jesussave.us/kidzart.html
Where else on the Internet can one view such gracious images as Jesus Christ high-fiving a pirate? Hi-larious AND inspirational! I'm half-tempted to change me plunderin' ways. Oh, and no visit to the site can be complete without visiting their Mall Mission page- http://objective.jesussave.us/mallmission.html- apparently, Charles Darwin, Karl Marx, Sigmund Freud and Santa Claus are all Secularist bastards hynotising us all with Hallmark ornaments and Orange Julii.
Hopefully the Youth Rock Ministry in conjunction with the Anti-Triclavianists can save my wicked soul before I'm doomed to an eternity of flipping burgers in Satan's kingdom of the forsaken. But MY favourite book of the Bible will always be the one where Jesus swallows the puzzle piece and the man in the yellow hat has to take him to the hospital. Ah, Peter Griffin, you're the best false messiah money can buy.
I love this picture. One can only hope that it's authentic.
User Reviews
Submitted by dudette (user info) at 2004-08-13 00:57:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Jesus Saves
Passes to Moses...
SCORES!!!
Submitted by filthychinaman (user info) at 2004-08-13 00:48:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
jesus chwist
Submitted by seansdementia (user info) at 2004-02-13 11:10:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
shay you suck... he isnt changing the flag so why -1 the post? yep damn skippy. your a retard. +2 cause this post made me aware of this shitty idea
Submitted by Shay (user info) at 2004-02-13 11:01:50 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
That is fucking gay, they need to leave the flag alone..
Submitted by Insanethemind (user info) at 2004-01-04 20:57:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by quack (user info) at 2004-01-04 20:29:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
i just think that flags funny cause it makes us look like our nation = god to the ingorant onlooker. that is, instead of under god. funny shit, but i say no changes.
Submitted by Quartermain (user info) at 2004-01-04 20:29:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Even I think this is too much. Its got a very Children of the Corn feel to it.
**Atheists are often very grumpy and bitter** http://www.ubersite.com/m/20432
Submitted by SammySam (user info) at 2004-01-04 19:33:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
its shit like that that makes me realize how much I hate people. Yea yea yea you wanna believe in god go for it, more power to ya. But you fuck with my shit and I'll kick you square in the nuts.
Submitted by squattail (user info) at 2004-01-04 19:05:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
If it is based on the presumption that God exists, there would be no need for the 4 outcomes, there would only be 2: one for non believers of a god that does exist, and one for believers of a god that exists. There would be no outcomes of a God that doesn't exist. This table is not just ment for Christians, at best it could be used to reinforce their belief. The table is for people who based their thoughts on logic, which the whole argument cannot be based on. The Christian's entire argument for a God that exists is: You can't prove he DOESN'T EXIST. And since non-believers cannot prove this, they argue: Well, you haven't shown any real proof he DOES exist, and so it is deadlocked. So then it all just comes down to the individual. A christian believes their own beliefs because that is their mind, it is what they have programmed into their own mind, and therefore they cannot see things as an Atheist would. The same thing for the Atheist, vice-versa. Either way, you can prove God exists or doesn't exist, either way you will be dead in less than a hundred years and it won't matter to you.
Submitted by Slovin (user info) at 2004-01-04 18:54:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
The Game Theory is based on the presupposition that God exists. If you don't believe he does in the first place, then the table means nothing.
You could make a similar table about a large purple dragon that will only eat nonbelievers. That does not prove the purple dragon's existence.
Submitted by squattail (user info) at 2004-01-04 18:27:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I like this:
http://objective.jesussave.us/gametheory.html
All this shit that supposedly 'proves' God exists, or at least it proves that believing in God is good for you. When you actually look at the table though, you can see it doesn't prove anything. It says that if God doesn't exist and you believe, you have -1. If he doesn't exist and you don't believe, you have +1. Yet if he DOES exist and you believe you will gain an infinity. And if he DOES exist and you dont believe you have LOST an infinity. An infinity plus one and take on is also infinity (FUCK I HATE THESE PEOPLE) so either way you can't lose.
I like how these people can only add and subtract. This is how it should be done, like betting odds. The athiest doesn't believe in God, he sees the odds of a God existing as infinity/one. Therefore, if he is wrong, and that infinity/one comes out against his favour (which is wouldn't), then he loses an infinity. But then again, he only bet one (in not believing), only an infinity to one shot, so he is willing to take that risk to get -infinity if there is an infinity:1 shot. He sees there is no way god exists, so on the off chance he does, he is willing to lose an infinity.
Oh well, it makes sense to me, maybe I haven't expressed it properly, but either way, these peopl are faggots. You don't add up your betting odds, you dont say 1:10 on a dollar bet will give you 1 minus 10 dollars if you lose, leaving you with -$9. If you lose, you will merely lose the dollar you bet, nothing more. SO FUCK THEM. I hope they like the religious drawing I sent them.
Submitted by jimbobjoe (user info) at 2004-01-04 18:27:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This makes up for everything by the way. EVERYTHING.
http://www.ubersite.com/m/14225
especially the 1984 ref.
Submitted by sublime (user info) at 2004-01-04 18:26:44 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
that site is satire.
Submitted by Falconer (user info) at 2004-01-04 18:25:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
You see, there are some crybabies out there -- religious types mostly
-- who might be offended. If you are one of them, I advise you to
turn off your set now. C'mon, I dare you. Bock-bock-bock-bock-bock!
Chicken!
-- Homer Simpson
Treehouse of Horror III
-----------------------------------------
BEST HOMER QUOTE EVER.
Submitted by jimbobjoe (user info) at 2004-01-04 18:25:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Hey man, I wouldn't be too dissapointed if I were you, it doesn't seem that
anyone else has noticed yet... those people are retards - the Christians, not
the ones that haven't noticed... yeah, ummm, yeah... or something.
Submitted by Falconer (user info) at 2004-01-04 18:23:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Hospiah the kanga-jew. Fucking priceless.
A+
Submitted by Ingsoc (user info) at 2004-01-04 18:15:04 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
The extra hyphen really fucked up that link (http://objective.jesussave.us/mallmission.html-)
Here is the correct link- http://objective.jesussave.us/mallmission.html
Submitted by Ingsoc (user info) at 2004-01-04 18:10:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
It has? Fuck, FUCK.
I really should check this shit out. I got the link from a friend of mine who introduced me to Maddox... ergo, he would have access to Bored At Work...
It's full circle!
Submitted by bargled (user info) at 2004-01-04 18:10:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
If you find an Atheist in your neighborhood,
TELL A PARENT OR PASTOR RIGHT AWAY!
You may be moved to try and witness to
these poor lost souls yourself, however
AVOID TALKING TO THEM!
Atheists are often very grumpy and bitter and will lash out at children or they may even try to trick you into neglecting God's Word.
Very advanced witnessing techniques are needed for these grouches. Let the adults handle them.
Submitted by jimbobjoe (user info) at 2004-01-04 18:05:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
You only get a +1 as this has been done before. I believe it is also linked
on Bored At Work, but I can't remember for sure and am too lazy to go look.
What the fuck does it say on the side of the motorsickle?
Anyone?
These people are truly amusing. I like the evolution is wrong because people don't
look like monkeys and don't eat bananas sometimes. Great work on proving evolution
to be a huge fallacy!!!! Oh, you didn't note the sarcasm in that last comment. It was
sarcastic.
Submitted by squattail (user info) at 2004-01-04 18:00:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
WTF? The lamb is supposed to represent the faggot who makes the site, anyway, I have submitted my own child drawing now, so fuck that faggot. Hopefully it will be accepted.
Submitted by hidden101 (user info) at 2004-01-04 17:54:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
i--
.......
i'm speechless.
Submitted by ess2s2 (user info) at 2004-01-04 17:40:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Is that a baby lamb riding bitch with Jesus?
I call shenanigans on that picture, it's too symbolic with the baby lamb to be drawn by a kid.
Submitted by squattail (user info) at 2004-01-04 17:34:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I am going to send these faggots a KIDZ KORNER picture of my own.
Submitted by squattail (user info) at 2004-01-04 17:32:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Holy shit, those people who run that site would have to be inbred to be that religious. GA-HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAW.