The Two Men (Note for assbackwards homophobic rating-happy pygmydicks: this post has no homosexual slant, save your shit for your next Klan meeting.) (566 hits)
Category: HumorRating: 1.29 on 17 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by DrStrangeDhruv <bigdhruv.at.hotmail.com> (View user info) at 2004-01-07 08:16:48 EST
He was lying there silently. His lips were very slightly parted. His eyes were closed, and his nostrils seemed unusually flared. The skin on his face looked plastic, somehow sallow and translucent, like a pregnant woman in her last months. I couldn't hear his breath, or his heartbeats, because he was neither breathing very much nor was his heart beating vigorously. He was on his deathbed.
I remembered how, long ago, when we were both young, both children in the same neighborhood, we used to play. He would chase me around benches in the small green park, and I would chase him back, and we would laugh and laugh. But I remembered, with a smile as I looked at his old face and wispy grey hairs, how I always laughed the most. Because in every game of Tag, or Chor-Police, or Hopping Tag, or Langdi we used to play, the game would always end with me slapping him hard on the back and shouting, "You're it!" He'd never caught me a single time, and had never once shouted "You're it" back. Fun times, I reflected with a frail smile, fun, fun times.
I remembered our youth together, two young and boisterous teenagers chasing girls whenever we got the chance, and how we would sneakily smoke behind the trees in the park, and drinking ganna with him at the roadside stall. Ah, fun times indeed. And then the two of us as adults, struggling to make money, struggling with our jobs, struggling with our social lives - always struggling. But inexplicably nice, the two of us struggling together. And then the families - I met Sheila and he met Neha. And our children - and then our grandchildren. They never got along, strangely, the grandchildren. But him and me, we were the best of friends, through every chapter of our lives.
And now, here he was on his deathbed, pale, yellow and about to die at any moment. His lips opened a little more. I saw his chalky eyelids flicker. The slits of his eyes grew wider. He whispered something, hoarsely. I leant forward. He mouthed it again. I couldn't hear him. I leaned closer. Suddenly I saw his arm move swiftly under the sheets and behind me. He slapped me hard on the back, and shouted hoarsely, "YOU'RE it!"
User Reviews
Submitted by Istaros (user info) at 2004-01-08 12:51:12 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
gay
Submitted by DrunkMonk (user info) at 2004-01-08 12:48:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Perplexd (user info) at 2004-01-08 12:40:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
good
Submitted by drstrangedhruv (user info) at 2004-01-08 09:35:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by cheesedick (user info) at 2004-01-07 09:13:57 (#)
Ranking: -2
Suddenly I saw his arm move swiftly under the sheets and behind me. He slapped me hard on the buttocks, and shouted hoarsely, "OOOOOH HELLO SAILOR!"
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HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Hafta give it to ya, cheesedick, that was ace. By the way, I'm tempted to insult you, you know, call you cocksucker or something mid-sentence, but damn if just saying your username isn't enough.
Submitted by Random Joe at 2004-01-07 13:12:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Ohh, my son doesn't stand a chance! The whole world has gone gay!
-- Homer Simpson
Homer's Phobia
Submitted by Quartermain (user info) at 2004-01-07 11:46:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I've heard this joke before, but if its done right it's always pretty funny.
Submitted by Phinch (user info) at 2004-01-07 11:36:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
the title is hilarious too.
Submitted by Phinch (user info) at 2004-01-07 11:35:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
i liked this. made me laugh.
Submitted by ess2s2 (user info) at 2004-01-07 10:37:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
This is very good. If it were longer it would have been great.
Submitted by SpikeGoddess (user info) at 2004-01-07 10:25:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Well done.
We're a little pre-occupied with death here on Uber this am, aren't we?
SpikeGoddess
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2004-01-07 09:15:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by cheesedick (user info) at 2004-01-07 09:13:57 (#)
Ranking: -2
Suddenly I saw his arm move swiftly under the sheets and behind me. He slapped me hard on the buttocks, and shouted hoarsely, "OOOOOH HELLO SAILOR!"
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AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAAH
::breath::
AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH
Submitted by cheesedick (user info) at 2004-01-07 09:13:57 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Suddenly I saw his arm move swiftly under the sheets and behind me. He slapped me hard on the buttocks, and shouted hoarsely, "OOOOOH HELLO SAILOR!"
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2004-01-07 09:13:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
AAHAHAH Im a pygmydick! Woooooooooooo!
Submitted by whataefag (user info) at 2004-01-07 09:12:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"The skin on his face looked plastic, somehow sallow and translucent, like a pregnant woman in her last months."
That is nothing short of brilliance. You should develop this more ... it could be a really long story and would make an interesting one if you could sustain this level of intelligent writing. The only thing I don't like is the modern saying, "good times" or "fun times" or whichever it was. I don't think a dying man would be saying that as an afterthought.
Submitted by hendrixjrr (user info) at 2004-01-07 09:04:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Pleasantly predictable.
Submitted by Insanethemind (user info) at 2004-01-07 08:47:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
good story, good title.
Submitted by drstrangedhruv (user info) at 2004-01-07 08:17:50 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Damn, I'm sorry about the title, Method, I just read your new review on the previous post. This -2 is for me!