My contribution to natural selection (550 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1 on 1 review (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by mrceltic.at.msn.com (View user info) at 2004-01-07 12:47:11 EST
Despite all the pissing and moaning from the masses I rather enjoy winter; I like hockey, skiing, and I enjoy the endless opportunity to hear tales of people losing a battle with the weather. Old women falling down, out of control school buses, the occasional vagrant freezing to death, all good fun. This year I got the best present a young man like myself could receive; the chance to witness a tragedy up-close and personal, nice!! Allow me to spin you a tale.
First my car; all men fear it, all women want to be seen in it, that's right it is the mighty Hyundai Accent, wait, Accent Gsi (a moment to gather yourselves). I loathe this car, it exists as a constant reminder of my pre-marriage life, before I traded my VW GTI for wedding flowers and wicker storage boxes for my marital home. My disatisfaction with the Accent is almost complete, although it's fantastic in the snow and it's this performance that brings me to the meat of my story.
During one of the winters largest storms my Accent needed a tune-up, it's dropped off at the dealership, I await my customer shuttle pick-up at home. After many hours of snowfall the shuttle arrives complete with driver and the sales manager. During our trip back I vented my disatisfaction with the car to little or no response. 'It is good in the snow though' I mention, "Well that's something isn't it." quips sales manager Sam (Wassam Biglonglastname). 'Ya, damn near makes it worth the money I pay.' "That's good." says Sam.
After a treacherous cross town trip we arrive at Airport Hyundai, I leave my travel companions behind and head for the service department, pick up my keys and make my way outside. Outside I discover that some chimp has parked my car IN a snowbank, the only snowbank, well done. I climb confidently into the car and begin to attempt to extract myself and my car from our icy tomb.
Slowly accelerate in first, try second, maybe third? Reverse, now quick into second. Nothing, no movement at all. I head back to the service department with nothing but contempt for the useless piece of crap I drive, can't even get out of a snowbank, request some help from the lads to push me out when quicker than a virgins first handjob appears the guy who sold me the car, "I'll get it out for you" offers Habib BiglonglastnamenotthesameasWassams. No problem, I just want the car out. Habib makes his way to the car, climbs in and runs through the same trials I did moments before. I can see Habibs eyes from my sheltered doorway, an idea, and what a stroke of genius it was. Habib floors it, stomps on the accelerator and gives it all the 98 hp engine can take. I take about 20 feet worth of steps back and curse the fact that I don't have my pockets full of kitty litter, all this situation needs is a bit of traction. Habib had my car pointed at the cement wall of the service department, about 10 feet away. The world was 2" of snow away from being smarter for his loss.
Sadly nobody died that day, my car was not destroyed in a fiery crash, Habib wasn't even paralyzed for life. I felt cheated, I still do.
User Reviews
Submitted by wardy (user info) at 2004-01-07 12:59:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
it's times like this that makes one wish they had an rpg and unlimited ammunition... unlucky dude, but on the bright side we're probably bombing the hell out of habib's home country.