Why it's bad to be a good friend (639 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.62 on 15 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by fuckoff.at.hotmail.com (View user info) at 2004-01-07 14:53:40 EST
Myself and a few of my friends were sitting around my house drinking when this girl stops by and asks us if we want to go to her party. Of course we decide to pack up our little get together and head on down the girls party. When we first walk in I received one of the most unpleasant surprises of my life, standing before me was a 400 lb brute of what I think was a woman. The only thoughts going through my head were escape plans. Then the hostess said the magic words, "You guys can drink anything want, it's free, we have jungle juice and beer."
I glance around the first room of the house and see only members of the brutes' tribe, with the exception of the hostess. I give my friends the, what do you think look and receive the, whatever shrug. Onward we go, towards the free beer, might as well have a few before we head back. My friends and I are in a no mans land party, not a single other guy around, most likely the others ran after sighting bigfoot, but the words free and beer kept us going, tonight good things would occur for some and unspeakable things for others.
Walking into the kitchen I see an angel among beasts, wait there's two, maybe thr...no just two. But what a sight, with the lesser than okay surrounding their beauty radiated. A reason to stay and enjoy the free beer was what I have found, sacrifices would have to be made but I now have a goal.
I get a beer and start walking around talking to whomever that wants to talk. Of course I find myself next the brute. Start making general conversation with her and another one of her friends, which isn't all that bad. Then out of nowhere the brute starts to dance with me, what was I suppose to do, I couldn't run, I HAD to dance. Lucky her friend joins in and the three of us start dancing, all the while I'm looking for a way out, and I find it. My good buddy Clay walks bye and as he does I reach out grasp his arm and yank him over telling him to dance with the girls while I go get another beer. Of course I didn't leave him much choice, but that's what friends are for.
Quickly to the kitchen I went before he had a chance to come up with an excuse. As I round the corner I see my friend Shaun talking to one of the angels. I walk over and join the conversation in time to hear they are talking about condoms and where guys keep them. My drunken ass pulls out my wallet takes out a condom while saying I keep one right here. As I say this she turns to look at me just as the condom falls out of my hand to her feet.
The angel, "Are you offering something?"
Me, "Only if you're accepting"
Angel, "We'll see"
Fuck what the hell did I just do, might as well go back and dance with the fat chick. I head back to where I had left my friend dancing. When I walk in I hear him talking the fat chick, the conversation going something like this.
Fat chick, "She likes you too"
Clay, "But I don't know how to tell her I like her"
Fat chick, "I can set both of you up, but you have to set me up with one of your friends."
Clay, "Okay, I will get one my friends to hook up with you"
Fuck, no fucking way, I ran back to the kitchen and tried to rejoin the conversation I left. Clay went over to my buddy Dave who was drunker than drunk and begins he search for grenade sitter.
Clay, "Man, I need some help"
Dave, "You alright man, you need to go back to the house"
Clay, "No man, I'm trying to hook up with this girl, but her friend will not let her, unless you mess around with her."
Dave, "Um, okay, who's the girl"
Clay, "I think she just wants to give you a blowjob or something"
Dave, "Well that's cool, who is she"
Clay, "I just need for you to take one for the team"
Dave, "Alright Clay, but who is she"
Clay slowly gestures towards the brute while talking about how she just wants to mess around. Eventually he persuades him to jump on the grenade for the benefit of the "team."
As the night dwindles down, everyone starts to leave the party, just before the girl who I threw a condom at leaves she comes over and says the most unexpected thing, so you walking me back to the dorm. Without a second thought we left to walk back to the dorm. Clay left to go back to my house with the brutes' friends. Shaun walked back to my house alone. Dave went upstairs to fulfill the request of his close friend.
The aftermath
Clay has the worse sex of his life, after which the girl admits to being a lesbian.
Dave only intended to let the brute give him a blowjob, but she had other things planned, let me just say, Dave is unable to move a 400 lb girl especially once she is on top of him.
Me, well I had a good night.
Shaun, well he probable masturbated in the bathroom while Clay screwed the lesbian
User Reviews
Submitted by fingerbang (user info) at 2004-01-08 11:40:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by cuntlicker (user info) at 2004-01-08 01:37:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by GreaterThanBest (user info) at 2004-01-07 20:13:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Hope you don't mind but I'm going to borrow that condom trick
Submitted by Jambo at 2004-01-07 19:28:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I think we all learned a great trick:
By dropping a condom at a girls feet, you will see for sure, if its a green light, or a red light.
I love learning new tricks.
Submitted by Random Joe at 2004-01-07 19:02:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Great fucking story
Submitted by rickscales (user info) at 2004-01-07 16:12:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I don't know why it's bad to be a good friend after reading your post though :(
You sound like you have good friends. I wish mine weren't all BACKSTABBING JERKS.
Submitted by Slopster53 (user info) at 2004-01-07 16:04:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Typical drinking post, +2 for the recap
Submitted by AlwaysAnEagle (user info) at 2004-01-07 15:54:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
The "Wingman" song from the beer commercial is playing in my head.
Submitted by GreaterThanBest (user info) at 2004-01-07 15:53:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
One hell of a party
Submitted by Perplexd (user info) at 2004-01-07 15:32:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
hahaha
Submitted by Phinch (user info) at 2004-01-07 15:17:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
all hail the wingman.
Submitted by LacyFace16 (user info) at 2004-01-07 15:10:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
hilarious. way to take one for the team! that's true friendship!
Submitted by GodChicken (user info) at 2004-01-07 15:06:10 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
meh.
Submitted by Deisangua (user info) at 2004-01-07 15:05:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Meh. Moderately entertaining.
Submitted by schmeltzy (user info) at 2004-01-07 15:03:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Lol great story, i love fat chicks, and they love me.