Britney Spears in Fifteen Years (2460 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1 on 17 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Beau <Party03> (View user info) at 2004-01-07 23:25:30 EST
"Hi, I'm Britney, and I'm a has been." She said.
"Hi, Britney." The group relied.
It was fifteen years after the height of her career. Britney remembered with longing days of poking Justin Timberlake in the back seat of his limo, smoking out with the best that Holywood had to offer, waking up in some random fans Econo-van, and denying it all at the next press confrence saying that she's still a good girl.
By surrounding herself with yes-men, and adoring fans she grew to believe that she actually had talent (stupid bitch). She stopped worrying about her body and her looks thinking that if Cher could still be a celebrity then she would have no problem staying rich and famous.
Then it happened. It started out one day when she woke up to run to the bathroom and loose the previous evening's dinner. The doctor confirmed her worse fear. Britney was infact knocked up. She tried for monthes to contact the father but she was never able to narrow down the one donor out of the entire sperm milkshake floating around in her uterus due to countless nights of porn style orgies.
At first the public was ammused by it. Some thought that it was a beautiful woman carrying a beautiful creature inside of her, while the rest thought the whore got what she deserved. Britney was determined to continue on with her career though. She sheilded herself from the fact that her fan base shrank in proportion to her belly growing. After all, those sports bras, and belly shirts just didn't work for her anymore.
Then came the killer. The Silicone in her chest decided to relocate itself in the night while she slept. Britney stumbled into the bathroom and noticed in the mirror that she had one lump in the side of her neck, and another one on her left shoulder.
Britney rushed over to the plastic surgeon to get the lumps removed. She was turned away though when the doctor told her that it would be too risky with the lump right next to her jugular.
She fought through it though. Briteny took up wearing baggy clothes to hide the unsightly lumps, and asked Milli Vanilli to hook her up with their dubbing people so she could record some music that actually sounded descent.
It worked for a little while. Her popularity stabilized. However, she wasn't able to get her fan base back. In a desperate move, she turned to fetish porn. Britney made amazing money in the industry. One could not imagine how much a four boobed, pregnant chick with nothing to lose could make in the porn industry. Her first movie was titled "Britney Get's Speared: Oops She Really Did Do it Again." The movie was a smash hit in the underground porn scene selling an amazing 100 copies (hey that's pretty good for a movie that legally doesn't exist).
Alas, all good things must come to an end. Eventually she gave birth to the child. The doctors were amazed at how easily the child slid out of her, until they remebered it was Britney Spears, and they'd probably have no problem dislodging a bowling ball from her. Her son was named Justin Robert Allen Patrick Felix Spears after all of his father's.
After the birth Britney still didn't lose the weight from the pregnancy. This caused her to be fired from the porn industry. Loosing her job in the porn industry made her slip into a depression so great that all she did was eat.
One day she got a visit from her former lover, Madonna. Saddened by Britney's state, Madonna refered her to "Has Beens Annonymous." A group of other washed up has beens that have no other value to the world. Her seat was right in between Gary Coleman, Vanilla Ice.
Britney's doing well now. She still has four boobs, and she is still failry hefty, but she actually turned out to be a good mother. Britney and Vanilla Ice are currently working on their sixth child.
http://www.ubersite.com/m/22413
User Reviews
Submitted by DJMattB241 (user info) at 2004-01-21 22:26:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
i saw this! why the hell didnt i rate it?
im so confused.
good post!
Submitted by Wickedriser (user info) at 2004-01-21 11:31:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
eh.. it was ...okay.. the spelling killed it for me though.
Submitted by YankeeHater (user info) at 2004-01-08 13:09:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
OK so the line about the bowling ball was pretty funny.
The only that stupid wench will be doing in fifteen years is hosting Celebrity Mole: Sri Lanka with an all-star cast, including Melissa Rivers, the Olsen Twins, Jonathan Lipnicki, Clay Aiken(he's the gay guy from American Idol right?), one of Micheal Jackson's kids, and maybe Maddox.
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2004-01-08 11:36:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This is disturbing on so many levels.
+2 because - no picture whew
Submitted by Phinch (user info) at 2004-01-08 11:34:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
i liked the silicone relocation part.
Submitted by Deisangua (user info) at 2004-01-08 07:32:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Meh. +1 because Britney Spears sucks ass.
Submitted by esso_merda (user info) at 2004-01-08 02:08:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
She should do fetish fatty porn.
Submitted by Quartermain (user info) at 2004-01-08 01:55:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Seems almost karmic that Britney Spears and Vanilla Ice would end up together. I figure either him or M.C. Hammer
Submitted by Party03 (user info) at 2004-01-08 01:29:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Maybe they could, and maybe they couldn't. They're the doctors, not me.
Submitted by bob (user info) at 2004-01-08 01:20:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
couldnt they just pop the boobs so that they arent so bulbous?
Submitted by Party03 (user info) at 2004-01-08 01:05:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Hey, it's my story, and I can deform the bitch however I want to.
Submitted by ess2s2 (user info) at 2004-01-08 00:11:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Hmm, like someone else said, the story went sour with the boob thing.
Submitted by Party03 (user info) at 2004-01-08 00:08:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by dakingisdead (user info) at 2004-01-07 23:34:49 (#)
Ranking: 2
you bitch !!!
Did I steal the title you were going to take?
Submitted by Confusion (user info) at 2004-01-07 23:41:50 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
Britney Spears' initial is BS, just like this post.
Submitted by dakingisdead (user info) at 2004-01-07 23:34:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
you bitch !!!
Submitted by wardy (user info) at 2004-01-07 23:32:50 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
it was good until the boob thing. nice try.
Submitted by Sideburns (user info) at 2004-01-07 23:28:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
wow, this was awesome.