Dating Rules For Men [Courtesy of iddqd] (801 hits)
Category: RomanceRating: 1.33 on 10 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by audjgirl (View user info) at 2004-01-08 09:09:52 EST
::Australian Accent::
Aye, there he is, mate...A beautiful specimen. We're going to approach this heterosexual male, but not just yet. First, a few fun facts:
1. The male of the human species has a few favorite past times-most of which have to do with bodily functions...Farting, Burping, Peeing, Pooping, and Cumming.
2. The male is almost always colorblind. He sees navy blue as black, purple as blue, and pink as red. He has no titles for certain colors like fuschia, peach, or mauve.
3. The males are hunter-gatherers. A trip to the mall/grocery store/auto dealer is almost certain death without a list of items to purchase.
4. Unless told, the male will not pick up his piles, take a shower, shave, or cook non-mircrowaveable food.
Ah, see, we can tell this one is a male because of the mismatched hat and coat. See-he couldn't find an appropriately colored hat, so he chose the staple black. However, he has managed to match his shirts and coat. Hmmm. We'll have to go in for a closer look.
Eureka! It is a man! If only we could turn this around for the audience to see. This male is in the restrooms. The males pee standing up. Again if only we could turn this around! What you all can't see is that this restroom has four urinals, and there are now two males relieveing themselves. They will not stand together though. They stand one urinal apart, and will not chat or look at each other as the female species will do without even thinking.
What a beaut! The male has just forgotten to wash his hands and has walked out of the restroom. Oh my! We are watching something spectacular now! The male has spotted a female. She is much smaller than him. The males will normally only pick a female they can dominate.
He approaches her...Oh! We can hear the conversation. If only we could understand what the male was saying.
"Uh...Um...Hiiii-ello..."
This must be the MATING CALL!
Oh! Oh! She, too, has heard his call, but turns only to see his mismatched hat and coat. She begins to walk away.
He is going to try again!
"Can-Could I Uh Uh Uh Yeah Hi Have-Um Your Uhhhh BOOBS?!"
She runs....
Spectacular! We almost got to see him mate with someone.
User Reviews
Submitted by Nepa (user info) at 2004-01-08 14:15:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
LOL! I love the mating-call. So true, so true.
Submitted by reallybored (user info) at 2004-01-08 11:02:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I hate that picture of me. I dont look good in hats.
Submitted by Natophelia (user info) at 2004-01-08 09:59:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Reminds me of the movie The Mating Habits of the Earthbound Human.
Submitted by Insanethemind (user info) at 2004-01-08 09:55:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by QueenAshlee (user info) at 2004-01-08 09:25:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This was pretty damned funny.
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2004-01-08 09:22:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Gah, I forgot I was supposed to be nice to you. Besides, this is better than my shit post for iddqd.
Submitted by audjgirl (user info) at 2004-01-08 09:19:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
he didn't post it on iddqd's page...that was the only place i looked. thanks though. glad you enjoyed it.
Submitted by Ainkara (user info) at 2004-01-08 09:19:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Post was good. Imagining Steve Irwin doing it all, even funnier. Man that guy's an idiot. That stuff with his son was funny though. =)
Submitted by Deisangua (user info) at 2004-01-08 09:18:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Heh...the Croc Hunter tone was cool.
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2004-01-08 09:17:16 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
You get a big fat resounding -2.
Why, you ask?
Because you got beat out by someone on this post.
http://www.ubersite.com/m/22439
Sorry, those are the rules.