Fuck France(Longish) (1756 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 0.56 on 14 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Francois <francois_cgi.at.hotmail.com> (View user info) at 2004-01-08 14:27:30 EST
There I was, ready for a new adventure, unknowing of everything, apprehensive and young.
This was three years ago. I was finishing university. The last thing that remained before getting my diploma was a stage in France. Two weeks before, I was hired to code visual basic for a company near Paris. The duration of the adventure was 8 months, almost a year of FREEDOM. No parents, no bounds, no rules. Chicks, French chicks and champagne!!! Well, the stage was in Champagne area which is 90Km east of Paris. They had promised me my own apartment, a good salary and lots of challenges. You all have to agree with me, the perspective was like paradise.
Paris lived up to its expectations. It IS a wonderful city. Museums, very beautiful woman and the food Is awesome. I had planned a one week vacation in the city of romance before going to champagne to start work. I met a couple of guys there, we visited le louvre, la tour Eiffel, la loire. Well, you get the drift. One night, we went to a store and bought 6 bottles of wine. We then walked around Paris drinking and singing like morons. We ended up beside La senne, drunk and comatose.
I finally had to go to work. The nightmare hence begins.
When I arrived in Champagne, the train wasn't going in the direction I HAD to go. So I unloaded my 500 pound suit cases from the train, alone because nobody cared helping me, and called a taxi. Yes, a taxi. That wasn't mentioned in the brochure. Anyways, 50 dollars later, I was there. It's a pity I don't have the pictures digitalized because you would have instantly understood how RAPED I felt.
It was a Sunday afternoon. All around there was nothing else then prairies. Not your good old vineyard prairies, shitty prairies. No cows, no corn, no raisin, just big ass snails walking all over the place. You had to watch your steps no to squish one and hear them cry to death. So I dragged my sorry ass to the front desk and knocked. But of course, it was closed. I inhaled deeply and looked around. Here's the description of the premises.
It kinda looked like a trailer park with fortified windows. There was a big ... no, a HUGE factory making so much noise I thought I was in hell. The front desk wasn't that bad, an old, one floor building. Everything was painted ORANGE. At that point, I missed my little apartment in Montreal. I then heard footsteps behind me: "Hey, bonjour!" I turned around and there he was, the guy I was replacing. He was supposed to leave the next day for Montreal. He then explained he had to show me around because nobody was here. This is when I knew something was wrong. He helped me bring my suitcases to my room. The room was located above the factory. It was like a college dormitory. The Kitchen was awfully dirty. The oven wasn't working, one of the two refrigerators was broken, there were no plates, forks or knives, one picnic table, 4 plastic chairs and one TV without cable. And anyway, who can watch these stupid programs the French make? There wasn't even a couch. My colleague then explained that we were the only two for the stage. No one else was coming. My first dream flushed, no chicks. I then started to think that this guy wanted my shorts and isolated proximity wasn't going to help me a lot. We went to the food mart and he showed me "downtown".
Fuck me beautiful, that was no downtown. One ATM, 5 houses, one general store and a little 4 tables bar.
"Think, think, think. I'll just work, shut up, grab my paycheck and spend it all in Paris getting myself hammered and banging French chicks, to hell with this hole".
Later that afternoon, after a nap, I started searching for the phone, in the kitchen maybe? No phone. In the living room? No Phone. In the toilet (DIRTY HOLES), no phone! I then asked where the hell the freaking-fucking phone was. You'll notice that at that point, I'm starting to get pretty pissed. My colleague tells me I have to make a 5 KM walk down the highway. There is a payphone there and I will be able to make a call. Never mind this, it's 3PM, I'm going to sleep. Oh and, did I mention that, earlier, I had made soup. After eating half of it, I decided to keep the other half in the fridge. What was I THINKING? The Fridge literally died on me. Kaput, gone, exploded. Black smoke from behind and tata. So the morning after a sleepless night (remember, on top of a HUGE factory making noises from hell) I go to work.
Coming in the office, the manager greets me: "Hello, nice to have you here. Oh yeah, I forgot to tell you last time we spoke, instead of 1000 dollars a week, we are going to pay you 200 dollars a week. We had a budget cut", says he with a smirk on his face. The bastard had this all planned. The trip from champagne to Paris alone was 100 dollars, I then had to pay for my food and my shitty room, student + France to Montreal + stage = poor student in his mind. At that point, losing my stage and possibly the chance of getting my diploma was the last thing I had in mind. I wanted to kick his French ass to Irak. The only answer I could come up with was a big smile and: "Fuck you and your pussy ass country, fuck the French, I am going home right now". The smile on his face vanished and before he could say anything, I called a taxi and was gone to Rome to spend all the rest of my money.
I hate France but GOD do they make good food.
P.S The day I was back to Canada was September 11th 2001.
User Reviews
Submitted by DaJerk (user info) at 2004-10-11 19:15:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Look on the bright side man , at least it wasn't Texas ... LOL
Submitted by Pieter <pieterke.at.hotmails.com> at 2004-10-02 05:44:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I live in Belgium, right nextdoor these french bastards. I've worked for a french company for 3 months. Why only 3 months ? Well those frogs never do what the promise. For example: not once I've received a correct paycheck. Every time it was 400 € short.
To keep it short : Never trust a frog !!
Submitted by darxide <darxide.at.e-milio.com> at 2004-07-07 14:01:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
LOL man.
Submitted by ashmo (user info) at 2004-02-17 11:20:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
mmk so my second language is french thanks
from the sound of it you have issues with the french....
im sorry for your lose we are cool people man
salut!
Submitted by domenad (user info) at 2004-01-26 22:42:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
That's an understatement. The worst, absolutley worst country on the face of the earth, definitely FRANCE. Undoubtedly the weakest, most shiftless land of scumbags ever. They've been getting their asses kicked for about 1000 years now, since William the Conquerer.
Submitted by Zeccs (user info) at 2004-01-26 22:26:04 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Wanted to kick his French ass to Irak, you say?
Submitted by fingerbang (user info) at 2004-01-08 17:26:01 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
France sucks but canada sucks worse. zamboni ey?
Submitted by SpikeGoddess (user info) at 2004-01-08 17:18:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I make no claims when it comes to spelling, my dear. I couldn't spell in English for the better part of my life, and I'm sure you speak far better french than I do. That kind of insult just doesn't insult me. Good try, though.
How can you get pissed off at an obviously lame attempt to accuse you of wearing blue cheese underwear?
Didn't your Mommy teach you to play nicely in the sandbox?
SpikeGoddess
Submitted by kgbpasha (user info) at 2004-01-08 15:14:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Suck a duck, indeed.
Good post.
Submitted by rating_wrecker (user info) at 2004-01-08 15:10:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I missed a flight out of Charles de Gaulle due to those lazy bastards protesting pension reforms last spring. Couldn't get a taxi (as they were all booked a day before, WTF!), no trains were running, and buses were driving around passengerless. The ignorant prick at the airline ticketing booth made me nearly lose it, he straightened out when I cursed him to his face.
Submitted by gbusman (user info) at 2004-01-08 15:08:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"Fuck you and your pussy ass country."
priceless.
-Bus
Submitted by Azriel (user info) at 2004-01-08 14:51:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Thanks Spike for pointing this out to me. I am trying towards perfection. Do you speak french? thought not : "Tu porte les sous-ventements fabriques du fromage bleu." Takes an S after a TU in french. Tu portes. Now, when you'll be able to spell as well as I do both in French and English I will start to consider your constructive criticism. But until then, suck a duck!
And yes .. I got my diploma. It turned out pretty good actually :)
Submitted by SpikeGoddess (user info) at 2004-01-08 14:40:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I'm so damned glad you're from Canada because America has enough losers who can't spell "La Seine" and "Iraq".
Tu porte les sous-ventements fabriques du fromage bleu.
SpikeGoddess
Submitted by Kim <atyahoo> at 2004-01-08 14:39:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
did you end up getting your diploma?