A Helpful Guide for the Single, Lonely Female; plus the truth about manly men; also photographic documentation of the world's manliest man, said libidinous specimen being - me. (1956 hits)
Category: HumorRating: 1.83 on 45 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by DrStrangeDhruv <bigdhruv.at.hotmail.com> (View user info) at 2004-01-09 12:43:42 EST
This is a guide designed exclusively for that demographic of single, lonely females who no longer wish to retain their unhitched status. Care has been taken to ensure the user-friendliness of this simple guide, and you will probably find it both helpful and easy to remember.
First, let me separate a piece of myth from reality. Most females believe that the single man is a chauvinistic, insensitive being without a care for the female psyche and sensitive nature. This is not true at all. Men are just as sensitive, as soft and as caring as females. They have just as much need for sensitive qualities in a female as females do in a male.
So, in order to be a good, accessible girlfriend, and get a loving, doting and caring boyfriend, you must have these qualities:
Happy-go-lucky outlook,
Understanding nature,
Generous disposition,
Easygoing attitude,
Brave demeanour,
Open behaviour,
Old-fashioned morals,
Big-hearted love, and
Sensibility.
And you must also have an inherent love for:
Tenderness,
Independence,
Governance,
Helpfulness,
Tact,
Assurance,
Suaveness, and
Stability.
In short, you must have H.U.G.E.B.O.O.B.S. and T.I.G.H.T.A.S.S.
Bear these in mind and you will find a sensitive, emotional and compassionate man in no time.
User Reviews
Submitted by firefly (user info) at 2004-06-16 11:16:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
you are the best.
Submitted by Melany (user info) at 2004-04-16 20:06:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Haha, brilliant!
Submitted by mystiamoon (user info) at 2004-04-13 20:33:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This is beyond humor greatness
Submitted by drstrangedhruv (user info) at 2004-01-10 16:04:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Don't make me touch myself, Lisa. I actually have a Photoshop coming up very very soon featuring you in it, so please stay online for like another 10 minutes or so.
Submitted by Lisa (user info) at 2004-01-10 15:46:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Holy shit, this dude is fucking hilarious, how could I not have noticed this earlier? Post more.
Submitted by drstrangedhruv (user info) at 2004-01-10 15:29:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Why thanks Quartermain, from the dispenser of several entertaining gems that speckle these blue-white pages of Ubersite, that comment is heartwarming.
Submitted by Quartermain (user info) at 2004-01-10 15:16:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This post and your replies to the reviews made me laugh like a bastard.
Submitted by drstrangedhruv (user info) at 2004-01-10 15:16:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Indeed it is Lisa. Thank you for the compliment, and if what I saw earlier on, a picture of a hot girl in some sort of beauty pageant outfit (?), was you, then I can indeed hit your well-shaped, most likely T.I.G.H.T. ass back with the same physical appraisal. What do you think of anal?
Submitted by Lisa (user info) at 2004-01-10 14:44:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Funny. Is that your face? You're hot.
Submitted by drstrangedhruv (user info) at 2004-01-10 14:32:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Indian, squattie, of no religious persuasion.
Submitted by squattail (user info) at 2004-01-10 08:31:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
You are Jewish?????????
Submitted by drstrangedhruv (user info) at 2004-01-10 07:57:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
A-ha I knew this moment was to come! The sanctity of the perfect 2 was certain to be violated sooner or later. It is like a large round pimple on a 13-year-old's forehead, waiting to be bursted by an undersexed adolescent jerk-off.
Submitted by sublime (user info) at 2004-01-10 00:29:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
fucking rating ruiners.
Submitted by russizm (user info) at 2004-01-09 23:14:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
that.
was awesome.
Submitted by Random Joe at 2004-01-09 20:46:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Christ (user info) at 2004-01-09 17:17:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by hidden101 (user info) at 2004-01-09 16:53:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
good stuff.
Submitted by Jaineix (user info) at 2004-01-09 16:50:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Good Lord, this was funny!!!
Submitted by quack (user info) at 2004-01-09 16:16:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"lock up your daughters.jpeg"
hehe.
Submitted by The.Masked.Assailant (user info) at 2004-01-09 15:31:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
you had me at H.U.G.E.B.O.O.B.S.
Submitted by drstrangedhruv (user info) at 2004-01-09 14:57:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Momanlad you goddamn pedant! Yet au contraire my once colonial relation, for in another light the interpretation may read as the woman having a love for her own independence, but a penchant for Uncle Sam-ing it up for others. Voyez?
LisaCat, the disappointment I feel in the pelvic regions is catastrophic! Surely you jest. Don't tell me that that firm straight jaw and my (de facto, very much in real life) muscular build do not get you all hot and bothered, thinking, "Ooh! and Aah! I simply must meet up with this paragon of masculine hardihood, this encapsulation of all that large, crude, calloused, arousing and of satirically large penis size! And whilst at it, why not invite some of my several, liberal-minded other lesbian and bisexual friends to join in the canoodling of this manly demi-god of manly manliness. Yes, urrghh.. ooh that feels so good, that's the spot right there, Kristen -" Crap, forgive me, my mental woolgathering took on one too many castles in the sky. Really, I'm sorry... although I still know you want me, you woman on legs, you.
And SpikeGoddess as well! A-ha, this post is becoming into a playground for the hot flirty womenz, the sexy and the bothered, the single and the willing, all screaming chorally for my ambrosial, V-shaped, centerfold body.
I am starting to touch myself now.
Submitted by SammySam (user info) at 2004-01-09 14:46:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I dont see what the big suprise was. The whole time I was reading that stuff I was thinking "no thats not important", you had me fearing that you were a complete and utter pussy. Then you pulled it all back together to whats really important. Nice.
Submitted by SpikeGoddess (user info) at 2004-01-09 14:39:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Look out, Christ is coming.
SpikeGoddess
Submitted by Deisangua (user info) at 2004-01-09 14:38:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by momanlad (user info) at 2004-01-09 14:30:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
So this girl must have a love of independence as well as a hearty appetite for governance!! A girl with a duplcitous personailty such as this will surely be a pyscho-bitch. Conversations would ensue as follows:
Girl "i want to be free, i want be a suffragette"
Boy "Do what fuckin likes, long as my bleedin dinner is on'tut table at 5 sharp"
Girl "Ooooh, i love it when you get imperial with me"
Conversations to that effect have been known to destroy and relationship. This renders your typology ineffective.
Toot toot
Submitted by Goldeneyes (user info) at 2004-01-09 14:22:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 for the post (although I'm personally a fan of small boob'd women)
And an honorable mention +2 for this quote from below:
Submitted by sublime
"i'd be the perfect woman if i didn't have a penis. "
Submitted by xLisaCatx (user info) at 2004-01-09 14:21:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Hmmmm...
Nope. Sorry.
You should've put in a voice bubble "Look at my Mahhhscles" - like the Governator would say.
Submitted by drstrangedhruv (user info) at 2004-01-09 13:45:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Hah. I didn't quite imply that, but... yeah. Har har peener!
Submitted by KoolMang (user info) at 2004-01-09 13:31:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I know what you mean...damn those British! I really think Americans adopted the British way, and the British just stopped imperialism because they were afraid of being American.
Submitted by drstrangedhruv (user info) at 2004-01-09 13:26:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
An excellent critique, KoolMang! Dhyanyavad in poora sincerity.
In reality I speak like your regular curse laden educated ass fingering schmuck; for the rest of the population I cannot speak since we have this sophomoric, half-cunted Indianized version of English where a particular brand of subjunctive verb is allowed to be coupled with another in direct precedence, whereas in the Queen's English this would of course be the literary equivalent of shoving a carrot up the bunghole of an emaciated horse in an attempt to feed it. At any rate, the reason I speak in such a Thomas Hardy-an rubric of parlance to you in particular, is because of your epic, life-altering, asshole-contracting depictment of the human condition in your "Har Har Peener" post, viz. http://www.ubersite.com/m/21603, which ruled so much that I immediately assumed the dialect of a poet singing a paean of praise for a higher being, a supernatural One who knows and sees more. That, O KoolMang, is the reason. Congratulations on getting your G2 license.
Submitted by KoolMang (user info) at 2004-01-09 13:09:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
The G2 is a type of driver's license in the Canadian Province of Ontario. It starts as a G1, which means you have to have mommy sitting beside you, and the G2 means you don't have to have mommy sitting beside you. It's a big deal because the NEW copy of the license, the card itself, came in the mail, and it's nice and shiny. I like new stuff, don't you?
I think you're one of the best Ubersite posters. You seem to have this type of way of speaking when talking to me. It's like you're an author or something. Do they speak just like you in India, or is it just the smart people? Nevertheless, your words always crack a smile when I read 'em.
Submitted by LacyFace16 (user info) at 2004-01-09 13:04:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
hysterical! nice job.
i'll have to write that down so my search for that sensitive man comes to an end sooner than later.
Submitted by drstrangedhruv (user info) at 2004-01-09 13:04:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Thank you, thank you! I am at this instant masturbating with joy at your positive appraisals of my assbackwards post, as I'm sure many of you are vigorously handling your respective genitalia whilst drooling over the attached picture. Bait your hooks, gentlemen! Beat the bishop! Dibs on the backstroke roulette! It's squirty time!
Submitted by sublime (user info) at 2004-01-09 13:00:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
i'd be the perfect woman if i didn't have a penis.
Submitted by drstrangedhruv (user info) at 2004-01-09 12:59:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
G2? The camera? Some species of obscure Americana like 'filibuster' and 'stonewall' which us overseas philistines cannot grasp? Pray enlighten, KoolMang, ye of the hallowed 'Har Har Peener' post (best post on Ubersite).
Kristen, despair not about the amplitude of your jobblies, in lieu of chestal protuberance you have that kink banging cushion soft Jessica Alba doll face, which, accompanied with big tits or not, I am sure several men would give their right asscheek to lay a "one" on.
Submitted by MisterCeltic (user info) at 2004-01-09 12:59:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Thanks for letting the ladies know what we really need, a great service to all men. MMMMM TIGHTASS!
Submitted by Phinch (user info) at 2004-01-09 12:56:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 for the pic.
reminds me of barts action figure.
Submitted by AlwaysAnEagle (user info) at 2004-01-09 12:56:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Best. Title. Ever.
Submitted by SpikeGoddess (user info) at 2004-01-09 12:56:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Thanks for the tips. I suspected this all along.
SpikeGoddess
Submitted by Perplexd (user info) at 2004-01-09 12:55:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
dope picture
Submitted by EatMeCompletely (user info) at 2004-01-09 12:53:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This is the funniest thing that I have seen today, but it will probably be up for an award at the end of the month.
Submitted by potatomanjack (user info) at 2004-01-09 12:53:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Nice caption. The T.I.G.H.T.A.S.S. concept is quite accurate, however, I'm personally not the biggest fan of the H.U.G.E.B.O.O.B.S. as being neccessary per se.
Whatever though, great post.
Submitted by KoolMang (user info) at 2004-01-09 12:48:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Lol good post, Doc. I just got my friggin' G2 in the mail!
Submitted by Kristen (user info) at 2004-01-09 12:48:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No boobs=ME
Thanks a lot.
Actually, this made me laugh. Very funny!
Submitted by drstrangedhruv (user info) at 2004-01-09 12:45:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
LisaCat, are you seriously rethinking your lifestyle choice, or what?