Look, mommy, that girl fell. (976 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.67 on 28 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Hadley (View user info) at 2004-01-10 23:36:45 EST
Toong tukkah toong tukka toong tukka toong (Tarzan jungle music)
We find our hero deep in the heart of suburbia, fighting off the SUVs and Jay-Z pumping BMWs. Our hero in this case, is me.
I'm on my way to Evolution, the town's gym. Well, one of seventeen on Mill St. But I belong to this one. I can hear the tacky late 90's dance music from the parking lot as I step into the blustery 22 degree air. And yes, I have my running top on and shorts, because who the hell thought that I couldn't "drive- thru" the gym? "I'll have 45 minutes on the treadmill and 3 reps on the ab and thigh machines." "Thanks pull up to the next window."
Commence, extreme humiliation:
Hopping on the hamster wheel, I plug in my ear phones... I'm feeling pretty fit, pretty cool, with my Go Go's blaring in my ear. If you haven't jogged to "Our Lips Are Sealed," then you are missing out. Look left, scan, scan, scan. No one. Look right, scan, scan, AHA. I've never seen a man this good looking. I've seen him before, as he works at the mountain where I always go boarding. We always make eye contact, but never talk. And I had no idea whatsoever he lived around here. So,in my now hyperaware state, I put the treadmill on "rugged terrain", 6 mph speed, and, with a new, cocky pep in my step, jogged on.
Suddenly my foot hits the side of the track. You know, the part that isn't moving. At this point, I should have figured that nothing good has ever, or will ever happen to me when I need it, so I should not have been even remotely surprised as I fell. My head flew forward, to hit the front of the treadmill, then bounced back, pinball-esqe, to thud onto the floor; the machine was still running. The last thing I saw was Mr. Imtoofinetolegallyexist laughing histerically, 20 lb. weights in hand.
My CD player had popped open upon hitting the floor conveniently tilted to display my music selection du jour to the entire, hard-bodied row of bench pressers behind me. Everyone could see that I had been rocking out to the Go Go's, everyone could see my brigt orange spandex, and everyone could see the light that indicated "rugged terrain."
The laughter that ensued was akin to the laughter one hears on BET stand up comedy night. That deep, hearty chuckle. Those bitchy, behind the hand snickers. The snort immediately following "the accident." Oh,how those fuckers enjoyed seeing my pain and embarrassment. I laid on the ground, legs hurled over the side of the treadmill for about three solid minutes. How could I get up after that? How could I stand the jeers and taunts coming in my direction, you ask? Well, let me just tell you...
I bravely took to my feet. I walked over to the locker room area, passing the guy that I had been trying to impress. Not four steps away from safety, I tripped over a medicine ball.
Bring me your weak, your tired, your mortally humiliated.
The laughter, great scott, man, the laughter.
Now, please. Just imagine...
-Hadley
Coordination.
User Reviews
Submitted by Thunderflakes (user info) at 2005-05-27 09:14:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This is your best post. Or funniest anyway.
Submitted by youarsoghey (user info) at 2004-04-17 21:25:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2004-01-19 00:28:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Hadley... I have no clue if you're going to check your old posts for new messages, but here's one!
Wait, what did I want to say?
I forget.
Submitted by Sounsexy00 (user info) at 2004-01-13 00:16:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Had-lee.
but I hear many a variation, trust me. I'm not too picky, I think they are all right, right?
I would have fallen again had I struck a pose, as that was my fate for the day.
-Had.lee.
thud.
Submitted by smokymtcsw (user info) at 2004-01-12 10:19:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Good post. The best thing to do if something similar happens again is spring to your feet immediately and put your hands in the air with your legs in the post olympic "stuck the landing" pose. It is pretty sweet and it shows you can laugh at yourself (not that I have ever tripped and fallen down, I am much too coordinated for that myself).
Submitted by Kristen (user info) at 2004-01-12 00:58:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
How do you say your name? Had-lee? Hade-lee? Had-lay?
The suspense is killing me!
Submitted by dakingisdead (user info) at 2004-01-11 22:56:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Today started of real suckhole. A work colleague I like was found dead in Johannesburg and we missed out on picking up a $500 million contract we were 'sure' of getting.
If it wasn't for these things and being all serious at work I would have fallen off my chair laughing having read this.
hahahahahaha my day is much better. thank you hadley
John Cooper Clark has a great poem about body builders. The line i love refers to them 'wanking off to wanted weight'.
See if you can find it and make a present to Mr. Imtoofinetolegallyexist.
hahahahaha that would pop his bubble.
Submitted by esso_merda (user info) at 2004-01-11 18:42:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Damn. Those days can be rough, but hey, they are fodder for great stories such as this.
Submitted by Sounsexy00 (user info) at 2004-01-11 14:10:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
haha you ae everything I thought you woud be, and so so much more.
-Hadley
hot stuff.
Submitted by AlwaysAnEagle (user info) at 2004-01-11 10:07:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"Toong tukkah toong tukka toong tukka toong" Ahahahahah!
This was great! Hope you're recovering, both physically and ego-wise...
Submitted by chipolatte (user info) at 2004-01-11 04:07:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
http://www.ubersite.com/m/22724
Look at this, love.
Submitted by Sounsexy00 (user info) at 2004-01-11 03:46:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
no one reads my posts. i fear this may indicate my unworthiness. yipes.
-Hadley
3:45 AM
Submitted by chipolatte (user info) at 2004-01-11 03:10:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
michelle's story made me laaaugh
Submitted by KingFreakingKong (user info) at 2004-01-11 02:27:47 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Don't you hate pants?
Submitted by Sounsexy00 (user info) at 2004-01-11 02:10:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Chipolatte~
you're my favorite ;)
Holy hell, Michelle! that's ridiculous. me and Joan Jett are friends though, you have my vote. If I was that mexican who cleaned your car, I would have made a lewd comment too, because cool chicks like us are hard to find. word.
-Hadley
Ebonics.
Submitted by chipolatte (user info) at 2004-01-11 02:01:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Eh, if that guy was worth something, he would have rushed over and immediately offered to help you. Fuck 'im.
Oh, and I love you.
Submitted by Jambo at 2004-01-11 01:38:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Left foot....Right foot.
Most of us dont just laugh. We point and laugh. It gets the attention of others. "HEY! LOOK! AAAAHHHAHA!" It works quite well actually.
Submitted by blujnbbyqn (user info) at 2004-01-11 01:24:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Damn funny shit. I now have another reason for why not to work out.
I sympathize with you on the Go-Go's being out for all to see. Maybe this will help.
I took my jeep to the car wash and stupidly left my Joan Jett cd in the stereo with the volume waaaay up. I'm watching as the kid gets in to move it into line. He turns the key and Joan is screaming "Whoa Baby You're a Nag!" His head whips back like he's been punched. The car door was open so everyone heard the blast from the past and saw his reaction. Everyone inside with me saw as he turned, looked for me in the window and shouted out either a curse on my eyes or an invitation to perform some lewd act on his penis(my spanish is rusty and I could really only read his lips). Inside the crowd had a good laugh at my expense as I sat in shame. Outside the employees had a grand time laughing and giving him unmerciful shit.
Needless to say, I do not go to that car wash anymore.
michelle
Submitted by squattail (user info) at 2004-01-11 00:40:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Yeah, steroids are cool. It is like, you look all buff and get all the women, but then it is useless anyway because you have the women now but your dick is the size of a jelly bean.
Submitted by quack (user info) at 2004-01-11 00:37:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
also, im slowly starting to go to the gym on a more regular basis. i have a certain 'gym guru' friend who is convinced i have to beef up. since we all need to look like ripped football linebackers and all. its tough to get there when you're struck by random fits of laziness, but i manage. but i should probably just use steroids, theyre cool, right?
Submitted by Sounsexy00 (user info) at 2004-01-11 00:23:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Thanks C!
At least I know that I can come here, and not be judged. er...
-Hadley
and one.
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2004-01-11 00:06:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Hadley, this story is so freakin funny.
It's also humbling... I need to work out. Damn my lazy-ass.
C
Submitted by squattail (user info) at 2004-01-10 23:56:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
It should be called chuck a fat gym
Submitted by quack (user info) at 2004-01-10 23:55:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
haha, ive actually done something very similar to that before...
evolution is a funny name for a gym, too. like you're evolving into some sort of higher life form or something?
Submitted by Otter (user info) at 2004-01-10 23:49:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I've had days like that. Carry on and go fourth into the world, mind the things that'll trip you up.
Submitted by cunning_lingo <tufbrotha_t.at.yahoo.com> at 2004-01-10 23:49:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
holy flying shit that's funny
Submitted by squattail (user info) at 2004-01-10 23:45:18 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Toong tukkah toong tukka toong tukka toong (Tarzan jungle music)
Fuck you
Submitted by DarthAwesome (user info) at 2004-01-10 23:45:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
tsk tsk tsk