I saw the news today, oy vey! (VERY LONG...like...7 MS Word pages long) (1222 hits)
Category: Quotes & StoriesRating: 1.25 on 8 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Ben (View user info) at 2004-01-11 20:02:51 EST
The quiet Oaksen community was peacefully nestled in its euphoric state of ignorance. Harsh words were never spoken, it never rained, the sun always shined, and it was always a comfortable 73.2º Fahrenheit. The residents all knew one another, and were always on a first name basis. There were never any losers, and there was always an apple pie cooling on a windowsill. Every morning, the jubilant and proud anthem of the United Amerates would wake you from your pre-programmed dream of Utopia.
Guy looked through the small window over his worktable. He watched his two daughters running joyfully around in circles. Their screams blended in hypnotically with those of the early summer cicadas. The younger one was chasing the older child in what seemed like a perfect rhythm, back and forth, to and fro. The younger one's hair was parted with a bow that matched the blue dress her mother had bought for her at the beginning of the summer. The older daughter was wearing a blue, corduroy, jumpsuit. Guy's heart nearly burst with the love he felt for his two daughters. He was going to drive over to the local Birthing Center and pick up his wife with his newborn baby son. He had forgotten all about the raging war between the United Amerates, and their newly sworn enemy, the Eastern Confederation.
Guy was still in his shed, hunched silently over his worktable, when the Eastern Confederation had decided to launch its metal cones of destruction at the United Amerates. He was building a crib for his newborn boy. While his swift, nimble fingers were busily working on the locking mechanism for the side of the crib, he thought about how much he loved his family, how happy he had been when his first son was born a week ago, and how beautiful his wife was. He looked up to the sky just in time to catch a bright, green, threatening streak approach the quiet community. In an instant Oaksen and everything within thirty miles was gone.
The dappled fungus cloud stretched high into the green sky, the horizon becoming a reddish blur of heat and nothingness. The quiet community was no more. The sole survivor, Guy Odnaj, lay under a heap of rubble and burning wreckage. It would be three days before he would regain consciousness.
The quiet ticking of the Radio-Active-Ionizers stirred Guy from his solitude of disruptive and burning dreams. He watched with crusty eyes as the men in space-suits cleaned up the remainder of the nuclear mess, and packed up their RAI's into the government issue Humvy. The car pulled off and left Guy alone in the rubble that the construction crews would soon begin to move out and recycle into the building materials for the community that would be built in Oaksen's absence. After all, life did have to go on.
Guy shook off the rubble and dust and set on his way to determine that he wasn't dreaming. In his daze, he walked by the homes of former friends, and knocked on their doors, expecting a friendly greeting. He walked up and down what used to be Cirque Street, the street on which his home used to exist. He walked past the remains of Titan Park, past the melted statue of The Fates, and turned onto the main path of the park. It was littered with the remains of a long gone happiness. Guy looked down at a book that hadn't been ruined by the death-shower. He began to read to a page that had been opened up at random by the wind:
"When the dusk was gathering and Iping was just beginning to peep timorously forth again upon the shattered wreckage of its Bank Holiday, a short, thickset man in a shabby silk hat was marching painfully through the twilight..."
A sudden noise made Guy stiffen. He had not seen one soul in all of Oaksen as he was exploring, and feared that he may have been the only survivor. He looked up to see two men in space-suits looking at a large sheet of paper. They began to talk in hushed voices as they walked slowly his way. Guy waited patiently and silently, but just as they approached him, and he opened his mouth to speak, they walked off again, completely ignoring his presence. Guy was bewildered as he began to run after them.
"Brothers! Please! Stop! You must explain why I'm here! Please! Where is everyone else!? Brothers, I beg of you to help me! Please!!!"
The men continued to walk through the park, past the plaque dedicated to Asclepius, and past Guy, who had run ahead to stop them.
Guy was turning circles to make the men acknowledge his presence, he yelled, he screamed, he grabbed a hold of one of the men, only to realize that his grip had failed him and he fell face first to the burnt earth. After what seemed like a half-hour of throat-paining yelling, the men finally stopped. Guy was a bit stupefied from all the yelling, and it took him a second or two to realize that they were staring directly at him. He started rambling, his words spilling from his mouth as if he ate them too quickly and was regurgitating them, the men listened for a couple of seconds, gave a nod to one another, and pulled a sign out of a suitcase one of them produced from their suit. The sign was planted directly on the spot that Guy was standing on. He hadn't moved. The sign went right through him, almost as if he had never been separated from it and it was an extension of his body. The men walked a ways off to admire their work. After appearing content, they walked off into the distance.
Guy didn't understand what had happened. No one could hear him, or if they could, they didn't care, and he wasn't able to keep a hold of the man. And now, there was a sign IN him. He pulled his body out to get a better look at his newly amputated "limb." In large, red, architectural font, it read:
Coming Soon...
Sharmain Hills
POWER TO THE UNITED AMERATES
Guy was even more confused when he looked down at his body, and couldn't find a scratch. He went to a nearby bench to rest, and fell right through. He was so startled by this that he fell into a panicked state of rage. He ran screaming through Oaksen. Flashbacks of his life shot at his mind like silver bullets. He ran straight through the remainder of a wall of his house, past the shattered and twisted bedroom mirror and collapsed on the floor near it.
Something wasn't right. He walked back up to the mirror. He began to wipe off the dust to be able to see himself, but the more he tried to wipe, the less he succeeded. He slowly realized that there was no dust on the mirror, and he was staring at his non-existent reflection. He was a shade.
At the same moment as he realized his revenance, he was blinded by a hatred for the United Amerates. His body seemed to be lifted off of the ground because of his overwhelming urge to destroy the bigots that ran the government. THEY had done this to him. THEY had destroyed his life. THEY were the ones that lived in underground chambers, safe from harm. THEY were the ones that would experience Guy's furious wrath.
The elderly Council-Man was slowly puffing at a cigar. He flipped a switch on the side of his over-sized chair and the fireplace to his right shot flame into the chute that ran up to the surface of the earth. He heavily exhaled the noxious blue fumes of his cigar. He knew he was safe three hundred meters below the surface of the earth. He was oblivious to the fighting going on directly above him, the death, the chaos, and the destruction that his decision had caused. He put out the butt of his cigar.
The elderly gentleman stood up to stretch his tired and arthritic limbs. The cracking sensation in his back and knuckles was painful, but gratifying. Pain was of no real matter for this elderly gentleman. He had served in the Third World War as an infantry commander. His troupe fought the last battle of the war. It was because of them that the World had split into two super powers: the United Amerates, and the Eastern Confederation.
He clearly remembered every detail of the day he led his men into the final European Fort. It was a night attack and the poor volunteer soldiers that were hired last-minute to defend the Fort were no match for the merciless troops of this man. He smiled as he remembered the screams of the poor civilian troops as his men ransacked and destroyed the Fort, inch by inch, piece by piece.
During the entire period of time that the Council-Man was reminiscing, an unseen force was creeping slowly up behind him.
Guy had been careful not to make a noise when he crawled through the fire chute, especially when he was surprised by the sudden burst of flames that shot up when the old man got cold. Guy's wild fury led him straight to the "home" of the Main Council-Man. This was the man responsible for killing his family, for killing three-quarters of a million people, and for starting a war that could rage for years and years.
Guy was standing directly behind this despicable old man while he was cracking his knuckles. Every time the bone snapped and rubbed against the withered cartilage Guy winced. The old man turned around and went back to his seat, walking through Guy in the process. Guy waited for the old man to get comfortable in his chair before unleashing the fury of a million people upon this elderly veteran.
The old man finally settled down. As the old man as he started to doze off Guy patiently looked around the small room that he lived in. After staring at a Medal of Honor nailed to the wall, Guy noticed a very old, very yellowed photograph in the corner of the room. He came closer to it to be better able to inspect its contents.
Two smiling faces stared at him through the diminishing glaze of the photograph of their wedding. Guy recognized one of them as a much younger version of the Council-Man, the other person was a beautiful young woman that resembled Guy's wife in almost perfect detail.
Guy jumped back from the photograph as if it was poisoned. He took another look at the elderly gentleman. The man was gently snoring. He no longer looked so terrible and disgusting as when Guy had first set eyes on him. He now looked like a sad, lonely old man. Guy had no idea where the man's wife had gone, but he knew she was no longer with him; the elderly gentleman was missing the wedding band that would have gone around his finger.
Guy knew he couldn't bring himself to do what he had originally intended. He felt a strange compassion for the elderly man. He felt almost sorry for him.
Guy realized that he and the old man were slightly similar. They were both forced to exist as lonely entities, no one was there to keep either of them company, and they both lost their wives. Guy stared at the wrinkled and pruned gentleman. He crawled back up the chute, leaving the old man oblivious to the fact that anyone had ever even been in his chamber.
When Guy reached the surface, he had nothing left to do but sit down on the charred earth and watch the dust cloud settle down on the earth and burnt vegetation. He figured he would spend all of eternity watching the earth rebuild itself. He felt himself become content with this.
Just as Guy made this decision, he was distracted by a gleaming object in the air above him. He knelt down instinctively, expecting it to be another cone of destruction.
After staying hunched for several minutes, Guy realized that the light wasn't a threat to him. He looked up at it. It began to surround him in a warm glow. Guy was completely surrounded by the light, when he began to sense the strange warmth. Guy was swallowed by the light. He disappeared without a trace.
User Reviews
Submitted by STIXS (user info) at 2004-07-01 17:49:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
UPDATE: Working on a new story; taking all constructive criticism from ratings into account.
Submitted by INSERT_COOL_NAME_HERE (user info) at 2004-01-14 21:09:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I was too lazy to read it, but it was long so I'll give you the benefit of the doubt and believe you're smart. ...Yeah.
Submitted by STIXS (user info) at 2004-01-12 18:11:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
thanks...the constructive criticism really means a lot to me
Submitted by hendrixjrr (user info) at 2004-01-12 09:40:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
That was a pretty good story. Like iddqd said, description is slightly more than putting a couple adjectives in front of a word. Try to play around with different ways of describing something.
Jason
Submitted by iddqd (user info) at 2004-01-11 22:25:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
nice introduction to a story. you could expand this into a good novella or short story. your use of description is good,but could do with a little more sophistication. im glad you put so much effort into this, it was worth it. thanks for the story
Submitted by STIXS (user info) at 2004-01-11 20:21:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
yeah...sorry about the lack of ¶'s....when i copied and pasted...it went to hell...sorry
Submitted by dragonninja (user info) at 2004-01-11 20:17:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Paragraphs.
Submitted by STIXS (user info) at 2004-01-11 20:04:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I'm REALLY sorry about the length...btw