Presidential Candidate, Or Jedi Master? (916 hits)
Category: HumorRating: 1.36 on 15 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Ed Dee<cchero.at.hotmail.com> (View user info) at 2004-01-12 01:34:38 EST
When I first laid eyes on Presidential Candidate, Dick Gephardt, I knew something was up. It was one of those gut feelings deep in the pit of your stomach where you go "I've seen this guy before". Did I work with this guy before, have I met him at some ultra-cool(Note: Sarcasm Ahead) uber convention? No, holy shit, it's YODA!
Yes, instantly I recognized him to be the 800 year old green frog-like jedi who appeared in the real life documentary, Star Wars. In a human mask of course, but there's no fooling me.
Just his quote to CNN.COM alone gives this away -
"Time to personally take a different direction it is, hmmm, a look at the country's challenge from a different perspective I will have, yes and take on this president and republican party from a different vantage point I will."
Now you know that's some Yoda Pimpin shit he would say.
Now think about it, really take some time on this one. Having a Jedi Master for prez is much better than say, having the terminator or a little black kid from Different Strokes. What are they going to get done? Absolutely nothing. But Yoda? Yoda would use the force to raise North Korea up out of the water then drop it from 1000 feet. All the evil henchman under Darth Kim Chong Il would fall. Then, there would be a great standoff, Yoda would hop around with a lightsaber and cut off Kim Chong's Fingers. Kim Chong would answer with his deadly spinning korean fans, yoda would use the jedi speed to dodge these, and in a climatic yoda spin flip move, finally chop off his head. Yoda would then declare Afghanastan the next Dagobah. Starting with a Jedi Pimp training/hunting spree. Mac and all the other Jedi Pimps would crush the afghani oppressors in a huge aircraft dogfight over the afghan mountains. Yoda would pilot through the caves of Afghanistan chasing down Osama Darth Laden. Yoda, dodging incoming fire from Sand Troopers, would then fire two missiles right up the tailpipe of Bin Laden's star cruiser and blow his ass to smithereens.
Victory has it's rewards, and he would be pimping with much higher standards than Monica Lewinsky, he'd be working like the hilton sisters or better yet someone his size like the Olsen twins.
After spreading some Yoda sperm, he would jedi-BITCH-slap France, and rule eternal.
The US Army/Airforce/Navy would no longer be needed, can you say HUGE Tax breaks? All he would have to do is make a few phone calls to Mark Hamill, Samual Jackson, and a few other Jedi's to enforce the green.
Think about it - 800 years old, little...green...different
I knew he wasn't really dead
User Reviews
Submitted by cchero (user info) at 2004-02-08 10:42:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I agree, people are starting to catch on
Submitted by Dlove (user info) at 2004-02-02 14:40:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Hehe, ED DEE. Looks like someone with half a mind and a little research power could figure out something Uber users have been wanting to know.
Submitted by lordofthepost (user info) at 2004-01-29 01:35:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Dlove -I've got a ways to go - but I'm learning
Submitted by Dlove (user info) at 2004-01-28 15:24:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 for the Photoshop efforts young padawan.
Submitted by Mac (user info) at 2004-01-12 14:03:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 for Jedi Pimp reference!
Submitted by Perplexd (user info) at 2004-01-12 12:22:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
fucking awesome!!!!
Submitted by Nepa (user info) at 2004-01-12 12:14:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
This might be the first time I'd ever wished that I was an american citizen :-) I'd definetely vote for Yoda!
Submitted by reallybored (user info) at 2004-01-12 10:20:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Excellent!
Submitted by cchero (user info) at 2004-01-12 08:47:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
cchero stood for something back in college, used it as email, then it just stuck through my screen names..
Submitted by cchero (user info) at 2004-01-12 08:46:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Quack and friends - Thanks for the input!
To all you non-believers out there, just look at a picture of him, watch... slowly you will begin to see those ears, beady eyes, and facial expressions and believe
Submitted by squattail (user info) at 2004-01-12 04:24:24 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
What?
Submitted by dakingisdead (user info) at 2004-01-12 04:18:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
may the force be with him.
Submitted by Cicciro (user info) at 2004-01-12 02:04:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Where did you get the name cchero?
Submitted by bargled (user info) at 2004-01-12 01:54:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
He's got my vote if he gets in a lightsabre duel between Lieberman.
Submitted by quack (user info) at 2004-01-12 01:43:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
nice pics, much better