The Great Fall of '03 or "why I don't curl anymore." (630 hits)
Category: SportsRating: 1.6 on 7 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by RUDE <ska_itsnotjustpunkwithtrumpets.at.hotmail.com> (View user info) at 2004-01-12 11:13:27 EST
When you think Canada usually three things come to mind kickass beer, perpetual winter and hockey. I am not physically fIt per say... so I took up a much less strenuous sporting hobby, Curling.
For those of you not familiar with curling essentially Its kinda like darts but on a painful sheet of ice and there are brooms. Oh, and alcohol. I say its like darts because there's a big bulls eye on both ends of a long sheet of ice and the point of the game is to get your "rock" on the center called the button. of course it is much more complex than that. Each team has 4 players a lead, a first, a second and a skip. Each person throws two rocks which are just that, big circular slabs of granite that weigh about 40 pounds or so and still manage to gracefully slide down a long sheet of ice. each team throws its rocks in an attempt to get the most points by having their rocks closer to the button than the other team. Essentially what it boIls down to is 8 guys with brooms, most of whom are thoroughly buzzed if not straight out drunk slidIng large rocks down a sheet of ice. I know sounds stupid but if you ever watch a curling game you notice alot of middle aged men who can extend and flex themselves in incredibly odd manners.
Enough of the explanation lets get to my story.
TIME 5:45 pm on a really cold day in December
PLACE: curlIng rink In Edmonton.
The game had just begun. I had thrown my rocks and was now sweeping. Our resident pole (that's a polish guy.) had thrown his rock and it was slow so I was now sweeping so furIously I had no concept of time or space. All energy was directed Into the broom. Our skip was screaming like there was no tomorrow.
"HARD!!!" he screamed "HARD!!!"
"Was I not sweeping hard enough? were the vibrations echoing through my body knocking my fillings loose not good enough for hiIm?" these were my thoughts before it happened. MY concentratIon was on other places than the ice at that Instant. Suddenly a guard rock came Into my field of view. I had no choice, I had to move. For those of you who do not know curlers wear a pIece of plastic over the sole of one shoe that allows you to slide quite niIcely on the ice as long as you don't put your weight on It.
"Oh shit" I realized. I had no choice but to take the weight off my left shoe and attempt to step over. I suddenly realized my lapse of judgment.
Suddenly my foot came out from under me and in a great flailing of legs and arms and a flying of brooms I toppled hard onto the ice. not only touching the rock I attempted to avoId but kicking the polish guys rock straight through the center of the "house".
Again for those of you who do not know, curlers are ice nazi's so I was less worried about my personal health having just fallen on several large granite rocks and more about what I had done to the ice. I attempted to regain some semblance of composure as I lay there fully splayed on the ice. I looked around at my teammates falling over themselves laughIng hysterically and then rose from the ice to see what I had done.
"Holy Shit! look what I did to the ice!" There were many dents with a semblance to bullet holes and one large one where in a last vain attempt to stop myself from falling, I had gouged the end of the broom into the ice. Everyone around couldn't stop laughing for the rest of the game and I had a throbbing headache which caused me to fall a couple more times to the continued delight of my team. Needless to say, we lost.
And that's why I don't curl anymore.
User Reviews
Submitted by UltraJesus5000 (user info) at 2004-01-17 19:20:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
curling is the greatest game ever
Submitted by skatastrophy (user info) at 2004-01-12 14:27:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
ok i admit its not very strenous and it involves sweeping but BEER AND ROCKS those are defining characteristics of manlyness
Submitted by xLisaCatx (user info) at 2004-01-12 14:00:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
It sounds like shuffleboard on ice. Hahaha.
Submitted by quack (user info) at 2004-01-12 13:26:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
curling is suuuch a manly sport.. err.. wait.
Submitted by reallybored (user info) at 2004-01-12 12:46:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I wouldnt have curled mainly because its the most sissy sport ever. Fucking figure skating is more bad-ass. But hey, to each his own.
Submitted by Goldeneyes (user info) at 2004-01-12 11:40:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 for explaining curling to me
Submitted by skatastrophy (user info) at 2004-01-12 11:30:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
if you find any capital i's where tehre shouldnt be any its beacuse my spell check changed all my i's to capitals in some orgy of drunken "find/changery"