Cancer is cool (837 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.63 on 11 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Al <revenge_of_the_killer_dustbin.at.hotmail.com> (View user info) at 2004-01-12 13:02:17 EST
It seems to me that God has really been venting out his frustration in this last century. He has pounded us with A.I.D.S, Heart disease and reality T.V, just to name a few, and I for one am sick of it. Don't all these tortures seem a bit much? Sure we ate a couple of apples and callously slaughtered his son, but the way he tortures us, it is as if we cucumber-raped his younger sister while implying that he enjoyed performing oral sex on his mother (and i'm not even going to start on his son's ubersite posts).
Then there came the creme-de-la-creme of diseases. Cancer. Now this is one pissed off disease. Look at all the stuff that gives you cancer; smoking, deodrant, hormone replacement therapy, making eye contact with women, kryptonite and even sunlight. It is like god took all the things we love, and made it deadly (On the plus side, masturbation seems to have evaded his omniscient grasp...for now) This thing appears everywhere we love, breasts, testicles, lungs...nobodys errogenous zones are safe! I can just picture cancer, strutting around the body, in its leather trousers, with guitar slung around its shoulder. That cocky son of a bitch.
In fact, I can just picture him jamming around with Jimi Hendrix and God in heaven, waiting for the chance to ruin some poor innocent fucker's shit. That miserable bastard.
------------------------
God: Hey cancer, some guy blasphemed my name when i caused him to nail his hand to the wall yesterday. I want you to go for the testes.
Cancer: Yes! Any day when i do the testes is a good day.
God: Well...not for the sucker that gets it!
Cancer: What if they won the lottery on the same day?? You don't need a penis to win the lottery!
God: Damn...
Cancer: *cancer: 1, god: 0, Cancer: 1, God: 0
God: I can hear you. Just because I am omnicient doesn't mean i dont have feelings.
Cancer: You just sent 30,000 people to hell for looking at you funny.
God: Well it is true! They had the devil's look in their eyes!
Cancer: That is because you gave them Down's Syndrome!
God: Argh! E.S.A.D!
Hendrix: Shut up and pass the crackpipe man!
-------------------------
Wow. In light of this conversation, which i just extracted from my rectum, cancer is now cool. I guess all you sufferers will just have to catch another disease. I've heard good things about yellow fever.
User Reviews
Submitted by BonesForBucks (user info) at 2004-02-29 20:45:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Cancer: You just sent 30,000 people to hell for looking at you funny.
God: Well it is true! They had the devil's look in their eyes!
Cancer: That is because you gave them Down's Syndrome!
Nice balls. T-shirt Hell worthy.
Submitted by Scott_James (user info) at 2004-02-17 02:51:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Hehehe, it's taken me a while to lighten up on the cancer thing after it decimated by family a few years back but it still made me laugh.
Submitted by kgbpasha (user info) at 2004-01-12 16:18:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
GayRod Roddey ex-announcer for good ol' Bob Barker
died of cancer. Breast and Colon Cancer. How the fuck
does that happen? Straight up homo.
Cancer....too cool for school.
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2004-01-12 15:57:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
http://www.ubersite.com/cgi-bin/message_get.cgi?message=1065378545878925842
Submitted by MickGinny (user info) at 2004-01-12 14:11:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
funny.
Submitted by JoeAverage (user info) at 2004-01-12 14:07:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This was funny and anyone who can't laugh at stuff will probably get cancer and die because they internalize too much. <----- That was a fucking joke, unless you're a moron (which many ubers are).
Submitted by KoolMang (user info) at 2004-01-12 14:05:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I think also, for women, cancer is a double-whammy. My friend was tested for ovarian cancer, out of "preventative measures", forced to go get tested by her mom. She said it hurt very badly, and she told the doctors to stop, and they didn't. She ended up not having cancer. And I'm sure you probably can imagine what they did to her, with the speculum and rods and stuff. That is, to this day, I will be complete when I murder her mother. In that sense, cancer is a double-whammy for women because of the screening methods involved.
Submitted by youarsoghey (user info) at 2004-01-12 13:51:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by carpathianslits (user info) at 2004-01-12 13:47:07 (#)
Ranking: -2
Yes it was funny..no doubt u shuld b a comedian or something, but leave the cancer subject alone dude, so many people die of it and affects all the people left behind. NO i am not some soppy fucker who goes "hey dude leave off the dolphin safe tuna....it saves fish", but i happen to know someone very close to me who died after years of struggling with the disease and i can tell u it aint a laughing matter.
__________________________________
Lighten up, asshole. It wasn't worth a -2. You, on the other hand...
Submitted by carpathianslits (user info) at 2004-01-12 13:47:07 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Yes it was funny..no doubt u shuld b a comedian or something, but leave the cancer subject alone dude, so many people die of it and affects all the people left behind. NO i am not some soppy fucker who goes "hey dude leave off the dolphin safe tuna....it saves fish", but i happen to know someone very close to me who died after years of struggling with the disease and i can tell u it aint a laughing matter.
Submitted by KoolMang (user info) at 2004-01-12 13:05:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Heh this was funny, and too true. If God is real, then he's responsible for everything bad.
Submitted by reallybored (user info) at 2004-01-12 13:04:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Sure we ate a couple of apples and callously slaughtered his son, but the way he tortures us, it is as if we cucumber-raped his younger sister while implying that he enjoyed performing oral sex on his mother (and i'm not even going to start on his son's ubersite posts).
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Even thought i know multiple people with cancer and the title is mad fucked up, the above line made up for it. Pure greatness.