Accomodate her (4217 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 0.41 on 18 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Ed Dee<cchero.at.hotmail.com> (View user info) at 2004-01-14 00:37:12 EST
Picture this; a woman catches your eye from across the room at a mutual friend's party. You have to force yourself not to stare at her face. You notice nothing else but the most beautiful face you have ever set your eyes upon. She notices you. You suddenly feel ashamed and humbled by such an angel-like presence, that you look away, but quickly find yourself looking again. She did not move her eyes from you, and like a magical force of wonder, you are drawn together, it seems that neither of you have control over your movements as she seems to float closer to you, and you know instantly that this is the woman that you want to spend the rest of your life with. Instantly you have all the right words, because it seems that she makes you feel more and more perfect with each passing moment. It was meant to be, and after what seems like hours and was in actuality weeks, you are together.
When you find someone that you truly love, you know instantly that what you have been yearning and aching for has finally come full circle. You realize that everything has a harmony, and she is your balance. You see clearer, things taste better, and air seems to have a sweet aroma and reminisce of her perfume everywhere you go. You notice every detail of your true love; this is how you can differentiate between a night full of lust and a life full of romance.
You have invented new ways to love, instead of flowers; you meticulously assembled a rose from your heart, with only a needle, thread, and fine silk. Instead of dinner for two, you brought lunch to her workplace, ate on the park benches outside of the building on a cool spring day, and wisped her away to take the rest of the day off. You took her to the house where she grew up, and surprised her by asking the new owner's permission to allow them to swing in her old childhood swing for hours.
You are absolutely consumed by this woman. After the perfect day, you ask her to marry you. She barely manages to get out a whimpering "yes" before bursting into tears of joy.
Playfully, you've gotten close to each other, and intimate. You've pushed the boundaries beyond sex by tactfully manipulating every inch of her body and rather than sell yourself short with the short road to sex, you've learned to master the art and power of a caressing touch on the nape of her neck or the warm breath on the insides of her legs. You've expended every corner of her body into absolute bliss, and yet, managed to keep your love sacred. Your bodies pulsate with sexual energy just by being close to one another, and sex seems so unnecessary.
Picture this, tonight is your wedding night. You've been saving yourself for her, and she has been saving herself for you. After two years of incredible love, you know you are ready to spend the rest of your life with her. The wedding was picture perfect, plucked right from the pages of a fairy tale. It couldn't have been more perfect.
Your wedding night is a night that will always be remembered for the rest of your life. After you reach your destination, and slowly unravel onto the bed, arms intertwined, you touch her nose, and tell her, "I have a wonderful surprise for you". Her eyes rounded out with excitement, and as you turn off all the lights. In complete darkness all she can hear is a zipper from your suitcase open, and a ruffled bag. She giggles as she hears some more movement but cannot determine what exactly is going on. You beam with excitement, and say "Well Bitch, are you gonna let me eat it or what"
User Reviews
Submitted by Razor (user info) at 2004-02-26 11:06:58 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
Brevity is the soul of wit.
Submitted by kai070169 (user info) at 2004-02-26 10:58:02 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Boring post
Submitted by The_taste_of_Monkeys (user info) at 2004-01-26 11:31:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Yes, i thought it would have some sort of twist at the end, nicely executed. Id give that an 8.9
Submitted by cchero (user info) at 2004-01-14 22:30:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
This could be KoolMang's protective headgear
Submitted by Random Joe at 2004-01-14 20:50:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Great work!
Submitted by cchero (user info) at 2004-01-14 20:25:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Jeez quit with the fag pics
Submitted by Random Joe at 2004-01-14 17:04:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
It's been done.
http://www.ubersite.com/cgi-bin/message_get_attach.cgi/LT052_60.jpg?message=107399733969598142&part=1
Submitted by Mac (user info) at 2004-01-14 16:54:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Not too shabby. There was a lot of build up, with a quick punch line. Almost too quick. It was funny none the less, and the picture was great.
Submitted by Yes (user info) at 2004-01-14 15:53:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
...not for use on a pooper.
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2004-01-14 12:41:48 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
-2 because I read all that sappy stuff and thought, "blah".
+1 because you redeemed yourself by having it be a joke.
Had it been a funny joke you may have received a positive rating.
Submitted by GodChicken (user info) at 2004-01-14 12:40:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by cchero (user info) at 2004-01-14 12:30:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Yep - It's true
Submitted by DrunkMonk (user info) at 2004-01-14 09:50:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
That man has a penis on his chin.
Submitted by dakingisdead (user info) at 2004-01-14 01:28:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
hahahahaaaaaaahhhh
you'se a nutty boy
Submitted by cchero (user info) at 2004-01-14 01:05:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
It's called reading, the letters make up the words, and the words form sentances. The picture is worth a thousand words. Doesn't that kid look like Jim Levinstein from American Pie? This friends is the Acommodator. Type it in any search engine and let the good times roll.
Runners up were the following:
Testicle Vibrator
12" Kong dong
and the dildo double header
Submitted by Flacco (user info) at 2004-01-14 00:51:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
i'm not sure what's going on, but holy crap
if i wasn't at work i would've laughed my ass off.
Ah, fuck it. i'll do it anyway
AAAAAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHA
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2004-01-14 00:46:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
im sorry, I dunno what the fucks going on here. can someone explain it to me?
Submitted by quack (user info) at 2004-01-14 00:44:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
classic