Bum's are funny (1488 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 0.5 on 7 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by John Doe <national_panel_beating.at.yahoo.com> (View user info) at 2004-01-14 01:45:50 EST
If confronted by a bum on the street, you have several options. These options vary on the type of bum. In this blurb of stuff, I will attempt to classify the multiple bum's and an interesting response to their question. Please feel free to respond with your own bum species and resolutions.
Bum A: The one that shakes the cup and looks at you forlornly, asking for spare change.
Answer = These bum's have given up trying and you can't help but pity them. Unfortunatly, quitters never win, so dont give them money. Steel your nerves and keep walking.
Answer = Another interesting thing to do, and this only works in strange cities, is ask them where something is, like a barber shop perhaps, and give them a little change. Sound's corny, but you both get something, like selling a cupon on ebay.
Bum B: This bum will try to sell you a newspaper, and he will be convincing. Usually the newspaper contains POUNDS of weed, or something similar. That is the convincing part, to an idiot.
Answer = This bum is a jerk and should be ignored, chances are he will cling to you and follow you, so what you should do is head for the nearest bus station, board the next bus, and forget him.
Bum C: This guy has a wife in the hospital, and needs money for bills, or money to get to his house, where he keeps all his money, perhaps in a shoebox, or even a shoe.
Answer = If he want's to get to his "house" chances are he is going to say he has a shot transmission in his car or something similar, and that he has 60 bucks or so, and needs 80 to get it fixed, so could you help him out. Kindly say you dont have any money to spare, but point him to the greyhound station and tell him he can get a bus ticket for 20 bucks.
Answer = If he has a wife in the hospital, there is not much you can do but say sorry as far as I know, if you think of something, respond please
Bum D: One of my favorites, and a popular one amoung bums as well, gas money. You just need a little change so you can get your car home.
Answer = Difficult, if your a jerk then tell them you throw your change on the sidewalk because you don't like carrying it, and that you threw about seventy cents worth back there and that your sorry.
Bum E: Crazy bums. And I mean crazy. These guyz tell you that you owe them money, they will dance in the street to the invisible music, and other crazy stuff.
Answer = Laugh at the poor victem of this bum's attention. If that victem happens to you, I suggest you act blind, dumb, and deaf.
Bum F: Bums that do stuff. Here in Columbus we have a rapping bum. The rapping bum has trash can drums and stuff and we students support his rapping. He even has his own website.
Answer = Give this enterprising bum money, he has a sense of humor and self-depreciation, both good personal qualities, so he can't be all bad.
Bum G: Sad bums with signs. Often, "I won't lie, I need a drink", or "Will humiliate self for $$$"
Answer= Ignorance is bliss, and if you didn't see that bum, you can ignore societies deep flaws in bliss, but if you saw him, shrug and hold out empty hands, or give him money, your choice.
Funniest answer to any bum, but only to be given to a non-violent/crazy looking one, and only to be done drunk- give him an application to McDonalds
Disclaimer- This is a work of humor, and is not necessarily meant to actually be done.
User Reviews
Submitted by Genko (user info) at 2006-09-27 22:20:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Slopster53 (user info) at 2004-01-14 14:20:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I normally give the sign bums my money, at least they are creative.
Submitted by dakingisdead (user info) at 2004-01-14 03:15:43 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
boring. sorry but I fell asleep and only woke up when my head went thud on the desk.
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2004-01-14 02:45:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Hey squattail, we got our own post! Granted, it sucks, but you gotta start somewhere. Scroll down,
its towards the bottom of the front page.
Submitted by squattail (user info) at 2004-01-14 02:36:09 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
You've got it wrong. HOBOS are funny, always bumming rides off trains and always offering to work for food, then eating your food and jumping on a train and never actually doing any work.
Bums are just unfortunate victims of society.
Submitted by esso_merda (user info) at 2004-01-14 02:10:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
"Bum C: This guy has a wife in the hospital, and needs money for bills, or money to get to his house, where he keeps all his money, perhaps in a shoebox, or even a shoe.
Answer = If he want's to get to his "house" chances are he is going to say he has a shot transmission in his car or something similar, and that he has 60 bucks or so, and needs 80 to get it fixed, so could you help him out. Kindly say you dont have any money to spare, but point him to the greyhound station and tell him he can get a bus ticket for 20 bucks.
Answer = If he has a wife in the hospital, there is not much you can do but say sorry as far as I know, if you think of something, respond please"
I will ask them why she is in the hospital. If they have a well thought out diagnosis, 25 cents for thinking
Bums make me sad. Except for the bums on the Embarcadero in San Francisco. They make me laugh. Watch out for the Bush Man!
Submitted by KoolMang (user info) at 2004-01-14 01:50:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Bums are just plain sad.