Jesus II : The Vengeance (695 hits)
Category: HumorRating: -0.66 on 4 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by <akillingchicken.at.aol.com> (View user info) at 2004-01-16 01:10:10 EST
Behold: the birth of an Ubersite poster.
Sitting in class the other day when my mind wandered. Somehow, Math just wasn't holding
my interest.
This Quarter-Japanese girl was. A Twenty-First century fox. Holy shit, she has these little freckles around her nose. BAM.
Then the little vixen crossed her legs, so my mind drifted again.
A tale was born in the perverted inner sanctum of my mind.
So Jesus is up in that bitch pleasuring a squirmy little seraph when He realizes that He doesn't LOVE humanity. He fuckin' HATES 'em, with thier fornication and thier sodomy.He's had e-fucking-nough of this shit.
So he shoves the Angel aside and says, " Aight, Crew, Lissen UP! I'ma gonna turn alla water in
Hoover Dam inta sizzlin-muthafuckin'-acid an' TRASH Oregon!"
All His Jew Crew's giving JC mad props, and Bob Marley lets the LORD take a mad bong-rip .
So all of Oregon's melting under a towering tsunami of searing acid, and two Angelettes are grabbing onto Jesus' legs, Conan-style,when a figure rises from the twisted wreckage.
Jesus recognized the silhouette's dark shades immediately.
" So, if it isn't my arch-nemesis, STEVIE WONDER! "
" Been a long time, Jesus. A long, long time ."
Jesus sneered. " Cut the pleasantries. Let's finish what we began 35 years ago ."
" Bring it, SKINNY BOY!!! "
Enraged, Jesus charges with the Lance of Longinus.
Stevie Wonder nimbly dodges aside.
" WONDER OMEGA STRIKE !"
Stevie rips off his glasses, letting loose the super-powered eye beams contained behind his shades.
" NOW YOU KNOW WHY I WEAR 'EM, BITCH! "
About then class was over, and I vowed to post it on Uber.
User Reviews
Submitted by fingerbang (user info) at 2004-01-16 20:28:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
sweet sassy molassy
Submitted by esso_merda (user info) at 2004-01-16 20:00:18 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
BAM...(-2)
Submitted by cf7 at 2004-01-16 13:48:53 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
crap!!
Submitted by hendrixjrr (user info) at 2004-01-16 09:54:19 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Only read up to the part about the Japanese girl before I went blind. I hope this turns out right.